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Authors: G. P. Ching

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Doubts

They arrived at Dr. Silva's in silence, Malini clinging to Jacob as if he was a buoy in an ocean that threatened to gobble her up. Maybe she
was
drowning. She couldn't catch her breath. Her heart raced under her clammy skin, and her whole body trembled.

"It's okay, Malini." Jacob stroked her hair. "We're back. You're okay. Nothing is going to hurt you here."

Dr. Silva put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt but I think you'd better go. I told your father you'd be home by dinner."

She slid from Jacob's arms, waiting until the last moment to relinquish his fingers.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jacob asked.

"You can't, Jacob. I'm grounded from you, remember?" With short goodbyes to the rest of the team, she followed Dr. Silva to the door. Jacob trailed close behind. At the look of concern on his face, she said, "Don't worry. I can drive myself home. I'm fine."

Dr. Silva handed her a fifty-dollar bill. "Your wages."

"Are you sure?"

"We have to make this seem realistic.  Your father will know if I don't pay you."

"Yes, of course." Malini took the bill and slid it into her pocket, then walked toward her car parked in the driveway. She climbed behind the wheel and backed out onto Rural Route One. She drove into town on autopilot, allowing her brain to wander to a place of blank indifference. If she didn't think about anything, she could handle this.

But when she passed McNaulty's restaurant, visions of the Watcher, Auriel, chased away her numb peace. Auriel had been here last year. Watchers
could
come to Paris. They could be here right now.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, her knuckles turning white. She waited at Paris' only traffic light and wondered if she would ever feel safe again.

A knock on her window made her jump. Her foot slid from the brake and her car lurched forward before she was able to reposition herself. Dane stood at the window, his hands raised on either side of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry!" he said through the glass. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Things had changed since Dane had a run in with Auriel that almost cost him his life. They were friends now, and Malini was painfully aware that he was the only one in Paris who might understand what she was going through. She rolled down the window.

"Hey, Dane. What's up?'

"Nothing. I was just heading to McNaulty's to see if you and Jacob were there and saw you stopped at a green light. By the way, you just about hit the roof."

Malini pursed her lips and searched Dane's gray eyes. "I have to go home for dinner but there's something I want to talk to you about. Can you come by my house later? In like an hour?"

Dane placed both hands on the passenger side door and poked his head into her window. His face paled and his expression melted into apprehension. "Is this about what I think it's about?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there."

The light was green again. "Later, then," she said and shifted her attention to the road. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Jacob would be okay with her talking to Dane about what happened. But as she saw it, she didn't have a choice. Jacob wasn't allowed near her house and she had to talk to someone. If she held what she was feeling inside, she would explode. As it was, she wondered if she would ever sleep again.

* * * * *

"This is what I've been talking about, Malini. If you apply yourself, you could save enough money to cover your college living expenses. The tuition is only half the battle." Malini's father held up the fifty-dollar bill before rising from the table and adding it to a glass jar on the kitchen counter. He returned to the table looking proud. "I knew this break from Jacob would be beneficial for you."

Malini was incensed. "Daddy, Jacob was the reason I was able to get both jobs. His uncle owns Laudner's Flowers and he put in a good word for me with Dr. Silva. If anything, he's been a good influence. "

"A good influence? You think driving you across the country without our permission is a good influence?"

Malini raged internally at the lie they'd chosen to tell to cover their visit to Nod. It was the type of lie you thought you could tell once and be done with it, but she was beginning to think her father would never let go of this particular mistake.

"We've been over this. It was my idea. Jacob just went along. Besides, it was meant to be. If we'd never taken the trip we would've never found Lillian."

"Don't justify your mistakes with convenient coincidences, Malini. I don’t believe for a second Jacob wasn't the cause of your behavior. We didn't raise you to be so reckless."

Mrs. Gupta, who had remained silent up to this point, seemed to notice the tension at the table had reached critical proportions. "I will not allow this fighting at my table. It is disrespectful to me."

Malini and her father looked down at their plates. They finished their meal in the sort of silence that rattled through all of them as loudly as a scream.

She'd just finished clearing the table when the doorbell rang.

"Who the hell could that be?" her father said, moving toward the door. As Malini rinsed the plates and placed them in the dishwasher, she could hear the door swing open. Dane's voice cut through the room.

"Hi. You must be Mr. Gupta. I'm Dane. I go to school with Malini. I was wondering if she was home and, if so, if I could speak with her for a moment?"

Malini grinned at the ridiculous level of politeness. Dane was laying it on thick.

There was a pause, then her father seemed to find his voice. "Of course, Dane, it is a pleasure to meet you. Let me go get her."

The sound of Dane's feet echoing in the marble foyer raised Malini's spirits. She met her father as he entered the kitchen. He seemed pleased, probably because Dane wasn't Jacob. The thought made Malini roll her eyes.

"You have a visitor," her father said.

"Thanks," Malini murmured. She didn't make eye contact. She ducked around her father's body and met Dane in the foyer.

"Hey," she said. "Is it nice outside?"

"If you consider nice forty-four degrees and drizzling."

"Nice enough. Do you want to take a walk?"

"Sure."

Malini yelled behind her to her parents, her voice echoing through the two-story foyer. "I'm going for a walk."

"Okay," her mother called. Malini heard her father chide her mother for the approval but she lifted her North Face from the hook and exited the house before her mom could rescind her permission. She strode up the driveway, Dane trailing behind.

"Your dad seems nice," Dane said.

"He's being an ass-hat."

"Ooookay."

"Seriously, I've been grounded from Jacob since the end of October. He's my boyfriend, Dane. It's totally unfair."

At the end of the driveway, she slowed her pace.  The pebbles on the side of the road crunched under her feet. "So, was that what you wanted to talk to me about?" Dane asked.

"No." Malini looked over her shoulder at the row of suburban houses that included her own. They were alone. "There was a mission today. I went. I saw two Watchers just like Auriel. One almost killed me."

Dane doubled over, resting his hands on his knees. He took long deep breaths through his mouth like he'd just been clubbed in the stomach. "Are they coming here?"

"No. Dane, they're dead. Jacob killed one and Dr. Silva killed the other. But it had me. It was close and it didn't want to capture me. It wanted me dead."

Slowly, he stood up and started walking again. He'd pulled himself together but his face was still white as death against his black wool coat. "I have nightmares, Malini. Last year…I've thought about it a lot and it was like I couldn't make my own decisions while I was with Auriel."

"It was the tea, Dane. You were basically drugged. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know what she was."

"That's true but the scary part is, sometimes I miss it."

"Miss it? What the tea?"

"No....Yes." He mimicked balancing scales with his hands. "It wasn't the tea exactly. It was the way I felt powerful when I was with her. I felt like I could do anything. I could have anything I wanted. I felt really good about myself."

"And you don't now?"

"Not like that. Now, I feel normal. I know I can do things, be somebody, but I have to do it the hard way. College…" He shook his head.

"I know. I mean, I think I know what you are feeling. I stared evil in the face this morning. I'm not exactly focused on what I want to be when I grow up."

"It's not just that. I'm supposed to take over the family farm. Corn and soybeans—it's who we are. What the hell is the point of me going to college? I don't have a choice of what I'm going to be, anyway. When I was with Auriel, drinking her tea, I didn't care. I was ready to tell my dad he could shove it. Now? I care. I know what the farm means to him and I'm afraid that guilt is going to keep me here forever."

"Wow, Dane, I never realized you felt that way."

"Well, you're the first person I've actually told. I mean, it's not like I can tell just anyone about Auriel and everyone else in this town thinks I've got it made. We own the richest farm in Paris."

They'd reached the end of her cul de sac where a quaint neighborhood park nestled between the maple trees. She passed the slide and picnic table and sat down on one of two swings near the back. Dane sat in the other.

"I don't know what I am, Dane."

"You mean, like, you don't know what you're going to be? You could be anything Malini. You're the smartest person I know."

"No, that's not what I mean. Jacob was able to fight off Auriel and get you help because he's a Soulkeeper. He's genetically gifted to fight Watchers. Dr. Silva is his Helper —like a trainer or coach that helps him do his job."

"Well, that explains a lot."

"Yeah, I know we never talk about this outright, but I need to. See, I thought I was different, too. I could smell Auriel so Dr. Silva thought I might be some sort of Soulkeeper. But I've been experimenting for months and no one knows what I am. I was almost killed today because I'm playing at being a part of this when really, I'm just a regular person caught up in this nightmare. "

"Like me."

"Yes, like you. All I want to do is have a normal life. You said you have nightmares. I have nightmares, too. Today, I lived a major nightmare. I love Jacob, but this is too much."

Dane pushed against the dirt and swung on the swing a few times. "Do you ever wish you were a little kid again and your biggest worry was what your mom was going to make for lunch?"

Malini pushed off next to him, pumping her legs. Dane followed her lead. She pointed her toes toward the sky, like she used to do when she was a kid, as if she could stab a cloud with her toe and bring it down to earth. When she rose above the bar and the seat dropped abruptly, she laughed at the feeling and allowed herself to slump in her swing till it slowed. Dane dragged his feet and came to a stop next to her. He reached over and wrapped his gloved hand around hers on the chain.

"Malini, I don't know anything about being a Soulkeeper, but you are different. You're smart, and fun, and a hell of a good listener."

His eyes dwelled on hers. Malini shifted on her swing and pulled her hand from his grasp. "You're a good friend, too, Dane." She took a few steps toward the road. "We should head back. It's getting dark."

Dane retracted the hand that had held Malini's. He stood from his seat on the swing and followed her to the road. They walked back in silence, reaching her driveway just as the setting sun cast an orangey-purple glow across the horizon.

"Thanks, Dane, for being here for me. I guess the upside of all of this is we have each other. We may not be part of this war between the Soulkeepers and the Watchers, but we can help each other get through it."

"Amen to that, sister," Dane said with a smile.

Malini waved goodbye as he climbed into his car and pulled out of her driveway.

Chapter 6

Debriefing

 

After Malini left Dr. Silva's, Jacob returned to the parlor and sat down next to his mother. Gideon paced and the rest of the room was just as fidgety.

"What does it mean? What do you think they were doing above ground?" Lillian asked.

Jacob held up a hand. "The question is not what were they doing. The question is what had they done? The Watcher said it was done. It said none of us were a secret and the next flood would end the righteous."

"But what does it mean?" Mara asked. "The Watcher said it knew who we were. How can that be?"

"It could've been lying," Jacob offered.

"But what if it wasn't? What if I've been outed? I have to live there. I'm by myself. I'll be dead before you can say 'Beware of the Watcher'"

"I'm not sure what it means," Dr. Silva said. "It could be a lie but I don't think we can take that chance. I think you should stay here, Mara, until we know for sure."

"But what about your family?" Jacob asked.

"Don't have any worth mentioning. My parental units and I don't see eye to eye. They still live in Florida. We haven't spoken in over a year." She turned toward Dr. Silva. "I work as a nursing assistant. Do you think you can come up with some sort of excuse for me?"

"Consider it done. You can stay with Gideon and me until we figure this out. No Watcher would be bold enough to try for you here."

"How do we figure out the rest of it?" Mara asked.

"The rest of what?" Jacob asked.

"At the shelter, we found out the victim's name was Frank. Turns out he's not the first shelter patron to go missing. You should have seen the bulletin board. They've lost track of twenty-five in the last year," Mara explained.

"Shit, do you think Watchers took them all?"

"Maybe."

"But Frank was only the second found dead. Where are the rest of the bodies? Do you think they've taken them all to Nod?"

"We don't know Jacob, but it's suspicious. We need to talk to the Healer. Until then we'll watch the papers. They have to be getting help from this side, a leader of some sort, someone with influence. We'll watch for the signs."

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