Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (21 page)

“Of course, Ethan.  I understand, and I have appreciated
your honesty with me about your relationship with her.  Of course, it was
natural for me to wonder about your feelings for her, if you really married her
just out of sympathy and to give Lillie a mother.  You must care about her
even a little, to have married her.”

“Only a little,” he said.  “But I don’t love her and never
did.  She simply comforted me when I was in a deep melancholy, over losing
you.  Once this is all over and we are joined again, I can show you the
depths of my love and erase any doubts.”

He let go of my hands, cupped my face in them, and kissed me
tenderly.  I knew then that I truly had forgiven him for marrying
Elizabeth.

“But where will I go, Ethan?  You can’t just throw me out!”

I was coming back inside from taking Lillie for a stroll when I
inadvertently overheard Elizabeth yelling at Ethan in the sitting room.  I
closed the carriage-front door quietly and walked by slowly, making eye contact
with Ethan briefly, who glanced my way.  I gave him a sympathetic look and
kept on walking.  He didn’t look too happy.  Elizabeth had her back
to me, thankfully.

I couldn’t hear Ethan’s low response, but I heard Elizabeth’s
shrill voice again.  “I don’t want to leave.  I like it here.  I
want to be with you.  I love you, Ethan.  Don’t you care about me at
all?”

I froze, my hand reaching down to take Lillie out of her baby
carriage, wondering how Ethan really would respond to that question.  Of
course, I still had nagging doubts, since he had married her.  My
curiosity got the better of me, and I cupped my ear towards the sitting room to
try and hear better.

His voice was quiet, but I heard his response.  “I care
about you, but I don’t love you.  I love Madeline.  I have loved her
for a very long time.  I’m sorry this is troubling for you, Liz, truly I
am.”  Ethan paused, and I heard Elizabeth sniffling.  “I was married
to Madeline first.  We have a child together.  She is Lillie’s
mother, and they deserve to be together.  We deserve to be together as a
family.  Do you understand?”

More sniffling.  “Yes, but where will I go?  I have no
family, no place else to go.”

“Mother told me you were welcome to go live with her sister,
Catherine.  She desperately needs help right now to keep her farm and in
the care of her daughter, Virginia.”

I was pleased with what Ethan said about me, and so I
smiled.  Not wanting to eavesdrop further, I took Lillie in my arms and
carried her upstairs.  Clarissa met us on the 2
^nd
floor and
took Lillie on up to the third floor for a nap.

 That afternoon, Lidia and I took a small surrey over to
Jonas’s and told him about needing a witness at the Court House soon.  He
said he could join us and was happy that Ethan and I would be married
again.  I found my birth record in the floorboards of the attic, where I
had hid it in a cigar box that had been left behind by one of the soldiers
during the war. 

Upon our return to Wellington Cross, I took Cinnabar to the
stables and noticed that Blackfoot’s stall was empty, as well as another horse
that Elizabeth usually rode, a tan horse named Sandy.  I wondered where
they had gone and if they were together.  Paranoia and jealousy swept
through me again briefly.  Lidia went off to the kitchen house.

As I was leaving the stables and walking towards the manor, I
heard a horse and carriage coming up the drive.  Sally and Jack came
running around the manor barking.  It was Doc Parsons, the country doctor,
followed by Zeke on a pale grey horse.  As the doctor pulled up close to
the stables, he ascended the carriage and greeted me.

“Madeline!  How nice to see you again.  It’s been a
long time,” he said, taking my hand and kissing it.  He had taken care of
me when I was confined with Lillie.

Dr. Wyatt Parsons was a short stocky man of maybe 50 with
greying hair and beard.  He was wearing a tattered black hat and a long
black Sac coat over a grey plaid waistcoat and dark trousers.  He picked
up his Medicine Chest.

“Yes, it has.  What brings you out here, Doc?” I asked.

“Apparently Miss Elizabeth has had an accident and fallen off
her horse.  Do you know where I might find her?”

“No, this is news to me.  I’ve just arrived myself.”

“I’ve been meaning to come out and see you, Madeline, since
you’ve had amnesia.  How have you been doing?”

“Oh, I’ve gotten it all back now, except for the accident that
caused me to lose my memory in the first place.  Other than that, I’m as
fit as a fiddle.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said, smiling.  “I’m sure you’ll
get that memory of the accident soon, as well.  Something will trigger
it.”

Ethan raced towards us on Blackfoot from over near the field of
lavender and sunflowers.

“I’ll take you to her, Doc,” Ethan said.  “Ride with me. 
You won’t reach her with a carriage.”  He looked at Zeke. “We’ll need you
to come, as well.”

The doctor mounted the horse behind Ethan, awkwardly holding
onto his Medicine Chest.  “I’ll tell you all about it later, Madeline,”
Ethan said to me as they rode off.

I was in the sitting room later, playing fun lively songs on the
piano for Lillie when Ethan came into the house through the carriage-front
door, holding Elizabeth in his arms.  She had her eyes closed, her hair a
tangled mess, and her dress was soiled with what looked dark red blood. 
Doc Parsons hurried in after them.  They came into the sitting room, and
Ethan carefully placed her on the sofa.

“Madeline, if you don’t mind, I need some privacy so I can
examine Miss Elizabeth.  She’s fallen off a horse and is complaining of
stomach pains.” Doc said.

“Of course,” I said.  I picked Lillie up and joined Ethan
in the hallway.  Ethan shut the door.  We went into the parlor, and
he told me how Elizabeth had gone out for a ride and had fallen off her horse
out on the other side of the vegetable garden.  She had been found lying
on the ground by Zeke, who had gone out to check on the vegetables.

“Like the doc said, she’s complaining of stomach pain, and she
has blood on her dress down here.”  He motioned down towards the private
area.  I had seen that much myself as he brought her in.  “She yelled
out in pain every time Doc touched her stomach.  He said she must have
some internal injuries somewhere.”

Clarissa came into the room, and Ethan relayed the story for
her.  As I listened to it again, for about half a second, I wondered if
Elizabeth hurt herself on purpose to get Ethan’s sympathy, the way she got his
attention after breaking her foot.  But I had seen blood, so surely she
wouldn’t hurt herself that badly just to get attention. 

 Lillie was starting to get fussy, so I took her upstairs
to the nursery on the third floor.  I changed her soiled stockinet, and
then picked her up and walked around, looking through the other rooms on this
floor.  I walked through the privacy door to the bedchamber, looking
longingly at the bed I had shared with Ethan.  I wandered out into the
hall and crossed over to the sitting room where Ethan and I used to sit and
have coffee in the mornings together at daybreak.  Fanny used to bring
that up on a tray with some scones or biscuits.  Fanny…I still didn’t
remember what happened to her on the day of the accident. 

There was an antique sofa in the sitting room, which was beige
with a rose-printed pattern, placed under a small side window.  A small
round table was beside the sofa, draped with a beige crocheted cover that
Clarissa had made as a wedding gift, topped with a rose-colored glass oil
lamp.  Against the wall near the hall door was a tattered trunk with a few
books stacked on top, including one of mine, “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane
Austen.  The walls were the same kind of wallpaper as the
bedchamber.  There were paintings of roses on the walls beside lacy white
curtains on the windows. 

I pulled back the lace of the bigger window that looked over the
river to find an etching in the glass with the initials EW + MW, written like a
math problem.  Ethan and I had etched that after we were first married,
using my wedding ring.  A door on the opposite side of the room led to
another smaller room, which was empty.  We had planned for that to be
Lillie’s room as she got older, and use the nursery for more babies as they
came along.  Eventually, if we had enough children, we had planned to use
this sitting room as a bedchamber, as well.  I looked forward to having
more babies with Ethan. 

I took Lillie back over to the nursery and sat in the rocker
with her, rocking and humming softly while she watched me, feeling a cool
breeze through the open window next to us.  The tall trees outside the
window provided a respite from the heat.  Lillie’s eyelids began to droop
and finally closed as she fell asleep.  I continued rocking slowly and
felt my own eyes close, enjoying her closeness and not wanting to leave her.

I wondered what was going on downstairs with Elizabeth.  I
hoped she was okay, but I couldn’t help but wonder if her accident would
somehow hinder her leaving soon and my impending re-marriage to Ethan. 
That was selfish of me, but still, I wanted nothing more than to stay in these
rooms as Ethan’s wife and Lillie’s mother.  I was ready to begin – again –
my life as Madeline Wellington, and I couldn’t bear the thought of anything
preventing that.

I continued to rock, eyes shut and half asleep, until I felt a rough
hand touch my face softly.  My eyes fluttered open.  It was
Ethan.  He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my brow.  I smiled
into his troubled amber eyes, which looked like they’d lost their usual warmth
and light.  He tried to smile, but it failed to reach his eyes.  He
looked down at Lillie and softly kissed her cheek.

“Is—” I started to speak, but Ethan put his finger to my lips to
quiet me.  He lifted Lillie from my arms and placed her in her bed, and
then took my hand and led me out into the hall and down to the sitting
room.  We opened the windows up to let in a breeze, leaving the door open
so it would stay cool in the room.

We sat down on the sofa together, and he took me in his
arms.  His glorious arms.  I wanted to stay there forever.  I
was happy to be in his arms in our bedchambers, and it made my soul
surge.  Yet at the same time, he seemed upset, and it troubled my soul to
see him that way.  I had the foreboding feeling that some bad news was
coming, from the look in his eyes and the way he was holding me now, like he
was holding onto me for dear life.

“What is it, Ethan?” I dared to whisper.  I felt him
tremble beneath my arms.   “Ethan?”

“I can’t talk about it yet,” he whispered.  “Just let me
hold you for a while.  Please?”

I nodded, and drew closer to him.  I felt him tremble
again, and realized he was crying.  I had never seen him cry like this
before, not since he lost his little brother Godfrey when we were young. 
He didn’t even cry about the war or about his bad dreams he often had.  I
tried to look at his face, but he wouldn’t let go of me.  So I just held
him and let him get it out, whatever it was he needed to get out.  I
didn’t know what else to do, how else to comfort him. 

I could only imagine what upset him so much to the point of
crying.  It had to be something to do with Elizabeth, I felt.  I
wondered if she had died.  If so, he must care about her more than a
little to be so upset.  I couldn’t imagine what else could be causing him
such heartache, but it saddened me.  I felt his pain in the pit of my
stomach.  After just finding each other after a year of being apart, we
were so happy, ready to begin again as husband and wife.  I hoped nothing
would get in the way of that.

After holding me a while, he let go, sighed, and wiped his
eyes.  “I’m so sorry, Maddie.”  His eyes were red, his face wet from
the tears.  I reached into my dress pocket and pulled out my embroidered
“MW” handkerchief to finish wiping off his tears.  I now remembered that
this handkerchief had been a gift from Ethan when we were married.  I had
three more of them in the top drawer of the chest across the hall.  I
slowly and meticulously dabbed his skin to rid it of his tears, the evidence of
his anguish.  All done, I lay the handkerchief the arm of the sofa and
smiled at him tentatively.

“You know, you can tell me anything, Ethan,” I encouraged.

“Not now.  I don’t want to think about anything right
now.  I only want to be with you.”

He smoothed my hair away from my face, rubbed his thumb across
my lower lip, and then kissed me with fervor and passion.  It was
unexpected.  It took my breath away. 

“Maddie…I want to love you so badly,” he gasped between kisses. 

I suddenly ached inside for him.  He kissed me desperately,
his strong arms pulling me hard against him.  Then he gently eased me back
against the couch and leaned over my bosom, still kissing me.  His arms
began to caress my arms and then my midriff.  I knew where this was
leading.  I’d been here before…with him.  The longing inside me was
about to burst, when he started gently caressing one of my breasts.  I
caught my breath and then let it out in a gasp.     

He stopped and looked at me.