Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (22 page)

“Ethan,” I said hoarsely.  “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“I don’t care right now.  I only care about you. 
Please, Maddie.”  His eyes pleaded with mine.

He stood up then, walked across the hall, and I heard him start
to close doors.  He closed Lillie’s door quietly, and I heard him close
the privacy door to the nursery.  Then he appeared in the doorway of our
bedchamber across the hall and stared at me, beckoning me to come to him
silently.  My breathing became labored while I debated what to do, when he
walked back to me in the sitting room and pulled my arm to join him.  I
stood up and let him tug my hand, following him into the bedchamber.  Once
we were inside, he closed the door to the hall and turned the key to lock the
door.

I knew what he wanted to do, what we both wanted to do.  My
body was crying yes, but my brain was saying no.  “But,” I
protested.  “You’re still married to Elizabeth.”

“I’m also technically married to you,” he said.  He began
kissing me again.  “I was married to you first.  You’re my first wife,
the only wife I’ll ever want.”  More kissing.  He began unbuttoning
my dress between kisses.

Maybe it was because he had been crying so desperately…maybe it
was because we had shared these rooms before as husband and wife….maybe it was
because we had been apart for so long, but I found I could not resist him any
longer, nor did I want to.  I remembered being in this bed with him,
memories of our marital lovemaking in the past.  He was mine first, by
golly, and I was going to take him while I still could, while he still wanted
me, for as long as that may be.  Besides, I wanted to take away his pain,
if only for a little while.

He knew the moment I had decided to consent in my heart. 
He began kissing me passionately again while his hands pulled down the dress he
had already unbuttoned.  He took the pins out of my hair and let the curls
cascade down.  I reached down and unlaced my leather boots and slid those
off while Ethan slid off his own boots.  Then he unbuttoned the thin shirt
I had on, tossed that on the floor, and then untied my crinoline and helped me
take that off.  Next I helped him untie the corset strings and shimmied
that off.  Before he could take off my chemise, I started undressing him.

“My turn,” I whispered, smiling.  He had been fully dressed
due to going into town that morning but had already taken off his outer coat
before coming upstairs.  I unclasped his chain from his pocket watch and
laid that on the nearby settee.  Then I unbuttoned his waistcoat and
untied his stock, discarding them on the floor.  I unbuttoned his white
linen shirt, pulled that over his head to expose his knitted under-shirt, which
I also eased over his head.  I paused to caress his bare chest, admiring
his muscles acquired from hard work.  I traced a scar on his left lower
abdomen that he got after falling off a horse as a young man.  I ran my
hands over his chest and midriff, and he closed his eyes.  I kissed his
midriff while he ran his fingers through my hair and over my bare arms. 
We both had cold chills.  My hands shook with desire and anticipation.

Next, I unfastened his braces and unbuttoned his trousers and
eased those off, leaving only his socks, as he also had no underwear on. 
I couldn’t help but stare; it had been so long since I’d seen him
unclothed.  He slipped his socks off while I started taking off one of my
garters.   He motioned for me to sit down on the settee so he could
take the other garter off, and then he slowly rolled down my stockings to
reveal my pale legs and feet.  He kissed both my feet softly.

His mouth found mine and then he slowly took off my chemise to
reveal my breasts, which he paused to look at and then drew his mouth to one of
them.  I took a quick intake of breath, closed my eyes, and leaned back
against the settee.  “Ethan,” I whispered longingly.  He abruptly
picked me up, kissing my mouth again, and carried me to the bed, relinquished
the bedding hastily, and placed me gently on top of crisp white sheets that
we’d purchased on our honeymoon.  He joined me and sidled his body up next
to mine, lying on his side, me on my back.

We paused for a moment to look into each other’s eyes. 
“Maddie…I love you so,” he whispered.

“I love you, too, Ethan,” I whispered, caressing his
chest.  “Oh, how I adore you.”

“I had forgotten how beautiful you were, underneath all that
clothing,” he said.  “How is it possible I could forget that?”

His lips kissed mine again passionately, and he moaned
softly.  His hands trailed from my neck, to my chest, and down to my
breasts.  I ran my fingers through his hair with one hand, while the other
hand explored his torso and his loin.  It felt so wonderful to be intimate
with him again.  It had been so long ago that we did this.  I reveled
in feeling his skin against mine.  I could feel his groin against my thigh,
and my kisses intensified at his arousal. 

His tongue trailed down my chin, down my neck, down to my bosom
again, and I moaned softly with sheer pleasure.  I arched my back to draw
him closer and squeezed his shoulder.  His hand moved down to caress my
inner legs, and I bent my knee up to invite him further.  His knowing
hands touched and caressed me in places that haven’t been touched that way in
so long, and I arched again, gasped, and he brought his lips back up to mine
again feverishly.  He moved on top of me, and our passion ignited further
as his manhood entered me.

“Oh, Ethan,” I whispered, taking quick breaths between kisses,
enjoying the rapturous feeling of him inside me.  He knew just when to
enter to give us both the most pleasure.  It had been practiced many times
during our year of marriage, and he had not forgotten.  Our passion
reached heights beyond any I could remember experiencing before. 

When it was all over, we both collapsed but stayed together, him
on top of me.  He felt heavy, but wonderful.  I was so happy and
content; I wanted to stay there with him forever.

He tried to move off of me, but I stopped him and whispered,
“Not yet.  I’m enjoying this.”  It had been too long since I had felt
him inside me, too long since we were touching skin to skin.  I hugged him
tightly against me, breathed in his scent, and kissed his neck.

The curtains whipped wildly at the windows, and outside the
cicadas and birds chirped loudly in the afternoon sun.  Thankfully, Lillie
was still asleep. 

“Your skin is so soft,” he said quietly, rising up slightly to
face me.  “And the scent of your hair intoxicates me.”  He caressed
my hair as he spoke.

I smiled.  “I rinsed it with lavender water just this
morning.”

After a few minutes, he rolled off of me and lay beside
me.  We looked into each other’s eyes, still touching, still caressing
each other, not wanting to be apart just yet.  I intertwined my legs with
his.

“I love you,” he said.  Tears were forming in his eyes, and
I felt like he was thinking about his pain again, so I kissed him in an effort
to make him forget, and caressed his soft beard.

“I love you, too,” I said.  I then nestled down against him
with my head on his chest, and he continued caressing my arms.  We
lingered in bed for quite a while, enjoying the closeness of each other, not
talking, just being together.

Before I knew it, he started caressing me all over again, and we
started the whole thing all over.  Our second time was every bit as sweet
as the first, but this time was achieved more slowly and less urgently.

This time after we finished, Ethan got up and poured us a glass
of water from the pitcher on the wash stand in the corner.  He handed one
to me.  I sat up and took it, propping up the pillows and leaning against
the headboard.  He joined me, and we sat close to each other.  The
water felt good going down my parched throat, even if it was warm. 

Lillie made a noise, and Ethan got up and opened her door
quietly to look in.  He smiled at her.  He left the door open for a
breeze, and came back and joined me on the bed.  “She’s still sleeping,”
he said.

We didn’t say anything for a while, just sat close, each in our
own thoughts.  As much as I had enjoyed all of our love-making, I had to
wonder what would happen after this.  What was it that upset him so to
make him weep, so much that he couldn’t talk about it yet?  I felt a dread
at learning what that was.  But I knew eventually he’d have to tell me.

“Ethan, whatever it is, I am here for you.  Let me share
your pain.  Let me help you, if I can.”

He wouldn’t look at me, but he took my hand in his and kissed
it.  I leaned over to sit my empty glass down on the floor, and he did the
same with his.  Once again I snuggled close to him, and he wrapped his arm
around me, resting his chin against my head.  He kissed my head, smelled
my hair and sighed quietly.  I knew he was trying to get up the nerve to
say something, anything.

Finally, he blurted out, “Elizabeth is with child.”

Never in a hundred years would I have guessed that Ethan was
going to say that.  Elizabeth was with child?  His child?  Oh,
God.  And we just had relations…twice.  I felt like I’d been slapped
in the face.  I couldn’t have been more shocked.

Ethan turned my face up to look at his.  “I don’t regret a
minute of this,” he said.  “I meant what I said.  I love you, and
you’re still my wife, in my eyes.  The only one I’ll ever want.”  He
closed his eyes and kissed me on the forehead.  “Please don’t hate me,” he
whispered.

I was in shock.  I couldn’t speak yet.  I tried, but
no words would form on my lips.  What could I say?  He’d married her,
they’d had relations, and now she was going to have his baby.  Even though
they only had relations one time, it was enough to produce a baby.  She
was carrying Ethan’s child.  I should’ve recognized the signs that morning
when she was pale and said she was nauseous or the morning she was in the
stables with the horses, when she had also looked pale. 

But she had been bleeding after she fell off the horse. 
Maybe…

“Doc examined Elizabeth after she fell off the horse because she
had been bleeding.  That’s how he discovered she was with child.  The
baby is all right, but she has to stay recumbent for several weeks or she might
lose it.”  He let me absorb that, and then he said, “She also needs to
avoid stress.”

“How far along?” I choked out hoarsely.

“It would have to be about five weeks.  I only had
relations with her one time, the night of our wedding.”  He still held my
hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.  With his other hand, he
wiped his face.  “You can be sure that I will never have any other babies
with her because I will never have relations with her again,” he said,
bitterly.

It still didn’t matter, if she had one child or ten.  She
was still having
his
baby.  A part of him would always be with her,
in that child.  He had forgotten about me long enough to spread his seed
in another field.  In essence, he had been unfaithful to me.  I knew
all of this already, and I had forgiven him for marrying her, but it hurt now
more than ever because there was evidence of their union in the form of this
baby.  I would never be able to forget, as long as that child was
alive.  Would I be able to forgive him for fathering her baby?

“I’m so sorry, Maddie.  This whole ordeal is all my
fault.  I should’ve never married her.”

I felt tears coming to my eyes but held them back.  I let
go of Ethan’s hand and left the bed to retrieve my clothing.  Suddenly I
felt too vulnerable and too intimate with him when I didn’t have a right to be
anymore. 

I glanced at him from time to time, and he was watching me with
sorrowful eyes.  When I was completely dressed, I came back and sat on the
side of the bed, facing away from him.  “What will you do, Ethan?”

I felt his arms slide around my shoulders and across my chest,
and he just held me.  “I don’t know,” he said softly.  “I had all
these hopes and dreams that included you and Lillie.  I never expected
this to happen.”  He kissed the back of my head.  “We were always
supposed to be together, you and me.”

I tried to be mature about all of this, but I had already lost
him once and didn’t want to lose him again.  What could I do or say to
convince him to choose me?  I didn’t think I could bear losing him. 
Then there was sweet Lillie to consider…I longed to be the one who took care of
her…who woke up to her babbling in the morning, who rocked her to sleep every
night, before consummating love with my husband. 
I
wanted to be
the one who had more of his babies. 

I couldn’t stand the thought of that damned Elizabeth getting to
stay with Ethan and not me.  Suddenly, I was angry.  I didn’t want to
be coddled any more.  Just the fact that he didn’t know what he was going
to do made me even angrier.  If he really thought we were meant to be
together, then he was supposed to say that he would still send Elizabeth to
Catherine’s to have her baby because he wanted
me
to be his wife, like
he’d been saying since I came back home, like he promised me…because he wanted
to spend the rest of his life with me, not her.  The fact that he didn’t
know what to do spoke volumes.  He
did
care about her – more than
just a little – if he was contemplating staying with her.