Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (40 page)

I wondered what he was thinking.  I was sure he was thinking
that after he forced me to leave this plantation, I had been so distraught that
I’d fallen into William’s arms one lonely night, and we had done the deed that
caused me to be confined.  I hoped he didn’t think I was secretly meeting
up with and kissing William in quiet corridors of the manor.  I had to
clear that up, at least. 

I looked at him, willing him to look at me.  “It’s not a
romance at all, Ethan.  I don’t love him.  I could never love anyone
as much as I love you…but I have to think about this child.” 

He looked into my eyes.  “I told you already that I
understand.”

“But I just wanted you to know.  I didn’t want you to think I
had been philandering around with William this whole time.”  I looked down
at my hands; preparing for another lie.  “It was just the one time, I
swear it,” I said, realizing those were the same words he’d said to me about
him and Elizabeth.

“Then I wish you every happiness,” he said, and then swiftly left
me standing there in the darkness of the trees alone.  I felt the breeze
of his departure all over me.

After Ethan left, I slowly made my way back up the hill. 
Halfway up, I saw William standing there waiting for me.  He was beside
the bench where I’d been sitting that first day I came back to this plantation,
where I had first seen Ethan again.  I remember how he’d hugged me so
tightly; he’d been so happy to see me.  Look how miserable we were
now.  As I reached the bench, I collapsed on it and started weeping. 
William sat down beside me and put his arm around me.  I turned and fell into
his arms, letting it all out.  It was the first time we’d ever really
touched, besides casual touches in passing.  His strong arms were
comforting.  I really didn’t want to be in his arms; I’d rather have been
in Ethan’s arms, but I knew that would never happen again.  I just needed
to be held, and William was available. 

I felt so awful at what I had done, at what couldn’t be done, and
at what I would be forced to do in the future.  I needed strength, and so
I took it from William.  I wrapped my arms around his back and continued
to cling to him and weep.  My head was against his chest, and I was
getting his brown dress coat wet with my tears.  I knew it must look odd
to any passersby to see us embracing this way and to hear me weeping, but I
didn’t care about social decorum at the moment.  Why shouldn’t a
bride-to-be be found in the arms of her betrothed?  Never mind that she
was crying.

When I felt William kiss the top of my head, I pulled my arms from
around him, looked at him briefly, and then sat straight again, looking down
towards the dark river in the distance.  I didn’t want him to think this
hugging was going to become a habit; I simply needed him at the moment. 
I’d have to make sure it didn’t happen again.  I wouldn’t want him to get
the wrong idea. 

I wiped my tears.  “I’m sorry, forgive me,” I said.

He withdrew his arm from around my back and produced a
handkerchief, which he handed to me.  I wiped my tears and blew my
nose. 

“He hates me now,” I said.

“Believe me, he doesn’t hate you.  He still loves you and I
suspect always will.”

“He must feel betrayed then.”

“And probably jealous…similar to how you feel about him living
with Elizabeth.  You deserve to be happy, Madeline.”

I regained my composure somewhat and took a deep breath and then
let it all out shakily.  He was right; I did want happiness, but didn’t
know if I would ever have it again.

“I’m pleased that you decided to marry me,” he said.  “When
did you make your decision?”

“When Elizabeth slapped me in front of everyone.”  I touched
my cheek, remembering the shock of it and the pain.  “I knew I had to make
a quick decision or things would get most unpleasant in a hurry.  I’m
sorry to catch you off guard like that.”

“No apology necessary.  I recovered from the shock fairly
quickly.  I hope you didn’t mind me joining you in the parlor.”

“Not at all; it was most appropriate.  It was comforting to
have you there beside me, for I thought I might faint.”

“I’m glad I could help.”  He touched my slapped cheek
lightly.  “Do you need something for your face?”

“No, she hurt my pride more than my face, but thank you.”

“What about something to drink or perhaps your wrap?  You
left that inside in your haste to follow Ethan.”

“A hot drink would be nice, and yes, I do feel cold, but I can go
inside with you.”

“Do you feel up to it?” he asked, helping me stand up.

A sudden wave of dizziness hit me, and I realized that getting
upset was upsetting my baby and my body.  “No, I don’t, actually,” I told
him, grabbing his arm.

He helped me to sit back down.  “Stay here and I’ll go get
you some hot tea and your wrap.  Do you want to wear my coat in the
meantime?”  He started pulling off his jacket before I could answer. 
“Here, put this on.  I’ll return shortly.”

He draped his coat over my shoulders and then went up the hill towards
the manor.  I felt better with the warmth of his coat, and leaned back to
rest against the cold bench.  I closed my eyes and tried not to picture
Ethan’s shocked face when I had first told everyone in the room that the baby
was William’s and that we were betrothed.  I’d never seen him look so
hurt.  I hated myself for hurting him.  Would he ever get over
it?  I opened my eyes and wiped them, trying to erase that memory.

“Madeline?”  It was Hannah and her husband, Henry, coming up
the hill towards me.  “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m fine.  Thank you for asking.”  I didn’t know
if she had heard I was confined and betrothed, but if she did, she didn’t
mention it. 

“It’s a beautiful evening for a stroll, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes…yes, it is,” I agreed.  It would be nice if I was only
out here for a casual stroll.  Hannah and Henry left me then, continuing
their leisurely walk up the hill.

William returned shortly with my mother’s white shawl and a cup of
hot tea.  I drank it slowly, savoring its warmth.  William sat back
down beside me.

“William?  Will you and Ethan still be friends after all of
this?  I had not given that much thought before now.  I’d hate for
your friendship to be severed.”  Could your husband-who-was be friends
with your husband-to-be?

“We’ll probably have to keep our distance for a while, but I think
in time, he’ll come around and be friendly again.  I hope so,
anyway.  He couldn’t be so selfish as to not wish you happiness,
Madeline.  After all, he does have Elizabeth.  You deserve to have
someone, too.”

I nodded, thinking about that.  Ethan had wished me every
happiness, but I doubted he really meant it.   Was he really happy,
after all, with Elizabeth? 

“In addition, he actually did have relations with Elizabeth,
whereas he only thinks you had relations with me, when in fact you
didn’t.  That has to count for something, help settle your mind a little.”
 

That was something I hadn’t thought of before.  “Thank you,”
I said quietly.  “It does.”

I finished my tea, and we headed back up to the manor.  As
soon as I came inside, Ginny and a young boy came over to me, bringing
Lillie. 

“Lillie!  How’s my precious girl?”  I handed William my
tea cup and took Lillie in my arms and hugged her tightly.  She squealed
with delight.

“She wanted to come down and say ‘goodnight’ to you,” Ginny said.

“Well, I’m glad you found me.”  It felt wonderful holding my
little girl…Ethan’s little girl…in my arms; it was comforting, even more than
William had been.  She was part of Ethan, and so I still had a part of him
that would always be with me, not only in our Lillie but in the baby I was
carrying inside.  Instead of thinking of all of this as an inconvenience
and a problem, I would forever be grateful for another part of Ethan to hold
close to me and to take care of.  I only wished I could share it with him
instead of lying about it.

I handed Lillie back to Ginny and looked around.  I didn’t
see Ethan or Elizabeth anywhere, for which I was glad.  I was ready to
leave.  Before leaving, however, I had to talk with more people who wanted
to congratulate me and William, including Clarissa. 

“Is it true, dear?  You’re going to marry Mr. Brown?” 
She looked concerned rather than happy.

“Yes, it’s true,” I said simply, not wanting to delve into any
details.  I feared she could see the deception in my eyes, but she gave me
a hug and wished me the best.  She also went into the study and brought
back a wrapped parcel of cotton thread for me to use, which I thanked her for.

On the carriage ride back to Magnolia Grove, Jonas asked me about
the rumors.  “Are you two betrothed?” he asked.  He and Catherine sat
across from William and me.

“Yes, we are,” I said.

“Well, let me congratulate you both,” he said, smiling, reaching
across to kiss me on the cheek and then to shake William’s hand.  “I had
no idea you two were keeping such secrets from me.  Did you know about
this Catherine?” he asked, looking at her.

“I had talked to Madeline about it, yes,” she said, smiling weakly
at me.  She was probably wondering when I had made my decision, just as
William had wondered. 

“I’m always the last to know.  When do you plan to wed?”

I looked at William uncomfortably, and he responded to the
question first.  “We have not decided the date as of yet.  Whatever
suits Madeline is fine with me,” he said diplomatically.  I smiled.

“Well, that’s wonderful news.  Perhaps we could have a double
wedding in June, hmm?”

“Uh, no,” I said quickly.  “It has to be before March. 
That’s when the baby is due.”

“Baby?  You’re having another baby, Madeline?”

Apparently he had not heard that part of the rumor.  “Yes, I
am.”

“Oh, my dear….”  He pulled both my hands up to his lips and
kissed them, as Sambo pulled the carriage into our long drive and stopped the
horses at the stables.  He jumped out of the carriage and helped me
out.  “Congratulations, sweetheart,” he said, kissing me on the
cheek.  His expression was somewhat concerned.

The next morning, I got up early and went down into the dining
room.  Jonas was already there alone, reading a newspaper.  He poured
me a cup of coffee, which he had already made.

“Madeline, is the baby really William’s?”  He’d been around
William too much; he was getting bold.

“Why would you ask that?”  I picked up the cup of coffee and tried
to act nonchalant.

“Because I know you and Ethan love each other very much, and I
know you stayed over there for a while before coming here.  You said the
baby was due in March…that would put your date of conception in June – the time
you were at Wellington Cross.”

I had a very astute brother.  He had figured out the
dates.  “Yes, but William also arrived here in June, if you will
recall.”  I was beating around the bush, not wanting to tell him the truth
but also not comfortable with lying to him.  Catherine knew the truth; it
seemed only appropriate that my brother did, as well, so they wouldn’t have to
keep secrets from one another.  Perhaps I should tell him.

“That’s true enough,” he said, “but you two didn’t know each other
and barely spoke for the first couple of months he was here.  I know you,
Madeline.  You would not have been intimate with someone you barely
knew.  And besides that, you have not looked at another man but Ethan
since we were kids.  It is Ethan’s, isn’t it?”  His eyes glared at me.

I took a deep breath.  “Yes, it is.  But he can’t know
the truth, Jonas, please don’t tell him.  William offered to marry me and
tell everyone it’s his child, to save Ethan’s reputation.  If it were
known that I was having Ethan’s child, Ethan would be called a philanderer, and
not only that, he would also not be able to live with the guilt of confining me
and yet not be able to take care of his baby.”

“Why don’t you let him decide for himself?  He loves you, and
even though Elizabeth is also having his child, you two also have Lillie
together.  That’s two versus one.  Don’t you think he might annul his
marriage to her and choose you over her if he knew the truth?”

“I honestly don’t know, but the whole reason he chose Elizabeth
over me in the first place was because she was having his child and he wanted
to take care of it.  He can’t have two wives, Ethan, and he won’t send
away that child simply to marry me; he wouldn’t do that.”

“Then why are you making him abandon his child that
you’re
carrying?”  It was a valid question, one I had not considered.  “Do
you realize how mad he will be if he were to find out your child is his and
that you lied to him?”

“Yes, I know he would be angry, but he’s angry anyway. 
There’s no decision that I could make that would make him happy.  We
didn’t plan for this baby; it just happened.”

“That’s why the Good Book says it’s better to marry first…before
consummating.”