Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (36 page)

“Mr. Brown!  I think Lillie has been stung by a bee. 
What should I do?”

He quickly stopped what he was doing and came over to look at
Lillie.  I pointed to an area of redness on her arm that was starting to
swell up.  He happened to be chewing on some tobacco, and he leaned down
and spat a little tobacco juice onto the red spot and then rubbed it in. 
“That’ll help take away the stinging,” he explained.

“It will?” I asked, unbelieving. 

He nodded.  Sure enough, moments later, Lillie stopped
crying, and looked like she felt better.  I thanked William, who went back
to work on the horse shoe.  I took Lillie to find Catherine, who
surprisingly was sitting on the carriage-side porch talking to Jonas in the
cool shade.  I smiled.  Maybe those two would end up together yet.

Catherine told me to make a paste with baking soda and water and
put that on the sting, and let her sit quietly.  I did that, and we sat
together in the parlor by an open window, while I read to her, listening to the
cicadas in the trees outside.  She fell asleep on my lap, and I took a
nap, as well.  I’d been taking more naps since my confinement.  A
little while later, I felt a calloused hand on my cheek and opened my eyes to
Ethan’s wonderful smiling face.  He had arrived to pick up Lillie. 

“Hello, Mrs. Wellington,” he said quietly.  I blushed at the
use of his surname and smiled.  For a moment, I was just lost in his
eyes.  I came back to earth when I realized he didn’t belong to me
anymore, and I just sighed.

“Hello, Ethan.”  I relayed to him what had happened to Lillie
that afternoon.  His demeanor changed at the mention of William and how he
helped with the tobacco juice.  I thought he was envious again.  He
said he wished he could have been the one to help her.  He kissed Lillie’s
forehead, and then he surprised me by kissing my forehead, as well.  I
longed for more, much more.

Lillie awoke and smiled brightly at her dada, showing him her
arm.  It was sweet, hearing her jabber and telling him what she did all
day, as much as she could.  I could imagine this same scenario in a
different way, if we were still married…Ethan coming in from a day of working
in the fields or working in his study, finding us, and exchanging stories of
the day.  Perhaps he would have been the one to help Lillie’s bee sting
instead of William.

I felt sad once again when they both left, and yet I had to smile,
as I reminded myself that I still had a little bit of Ethan with me growing
inside and getting bigger every day.

After supper that evening, and another bout of heaving, I found
myself alone in the dining room, cleaning up, when William approached me.

“Pardon me, Miss Madeline, but I couldn’t help but notice that
you’ve been doing a fair amount of heaving lately.”

I almost dropped the plate I was holding.  I looked at him,
my eyes widened.  “I…I, well, yes.  I must have a germ or something,”
I said awkwardly.  Could he know I was with child?  Did he have any
experience with that sort of thing?  I didn’t even know if he’d been
married before.  He’d said he lost his family.  Did that include a
wife?

“I think you and I both know that’s not what it is,” his eyes
steadied on mine.  I swallowed and put the plate down on the table.

“Whatever do you mean?”  His insinuation made me
nervous. 

Instead of answering my question or elaborating any further, he
asked, “Would you care for a cup of tea made with ginger?  It would help
settle your stomach.” 

I didn’t know quite what to say, but he appeared to be offering
help, not accusations, and so I agreed to the tea.  He left the room and
came back shortly with a steaming cup of tea smelling of ginger and
honey.  I took the cup and saucer from him.

“I’ll handle the dishes tonight, Madeline.  You should go
rest and drink your tea.”

“All right.  Thank you, Mr. Brown.” 

“Madeline, we live and work together on this plantation, and your
brother and your former husband are close acquaintances of mine.   I
would appreciate it if you could drop the formalities while we’re here on the
plantation and call me by my Christian name.”

“I’ll take that into consideration.”  I was never sure how to
take his boldness.

I reluctantly let him clear away the table while I went into the
parlor where Jonas and Ginny were reading a book together.  William and
Catherine joined us a short while later.  I had finished the tea, and it
did help with the nausea a little, more than I’d expected.  I had not
tried ginger tea when I had been confined with Lillie. 

When William got up a couple of hours later to head over to the
bachelor’s quarters, I walked with him to the carriage-side porch.

“I wanted to thank you for the ginger tea.  It really
helped.  You must know a lot about herbal remedies.”

“Yes, ma’am.  I learned a lot about them when I was in the
war.  I served with a Native American who taught me a lot about herbs and
natural remedies, got me interested in it.  Fact is, if I had the money,
I’d go to William and Mary and study to be a doctor.”

“That would be wonderful…William.  I hope someday you are
able to do just that.”

“Thank you, Madeline,” he said, tipping his hat and heading over
to the bachelor’s quarters.

We had another storm in September when it rained for days, causing
some flooding around the plantations.  This time it came when Lillie was
at Wellington, and I couldn’t see her for a whole week.  I couldn’t go
over to Wellington – Catherine told me I shouldn’t ride on horseback in my
early confinement – and I didn’t want to see Elizabeth anyway.  We didn’t
have a boat either.  Thankfully, Ethan came over to Magnolia Grove every
day after the worst of the storm was over, riding on Blackfoot, to check on
us.  On one of those visits, he mentioned again that I’d lost a lot of
weight.  Yeah, I thought, heaving several times a day will do that to a
person.  I’ve often wondered how a baby could survive with all that
heaving, but then it had been the same way for Lillie, and she was a healthy
girl now.

We were alone in the parlor.  “You don’t look well,” he
said.  “Are you all right?”

I smiled; if he only knew.  “Yes, I’ll be fine.”  I’d be
fine in a few weeks, when the heaving stopped.

“I apologize,” he said, frowning.  “This is my fault.”

He couldn’t be more right.  I swallowed and said, “Yes, it
is.”

He looked shocked at my words.  He was speechless for a
moment, appearing to mull it over in his mind. 

“It’s true…if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this condition,
but there’s nothing you can do about it,” I said.  I hadn’t meant to say
that, but of course, he didn’t know the real meaning behind my words.  He
perhaps thought I meant that I was depressed enough to stop eating and thus
lost weight.

“I had no idea you were taking this so hard, Madeline.”  He
looked frustrated.  He ran his fingers through his hair.  “Look, I
can’t take care of everybody.  You’ve just got to learn to live with
this.  There’s no other choice,” he lashed out.

It was my turn to be shocked.  My jaw dropped, and I was
speechless.  I closed my mouth and looked away, feeling tears
forming.  Tears came easier during confinement.

“Madeline, I apologize,” he said, putting his hand on my
arm.  “I had yet another argument with Elizabeth this morning.  She
doesn’t take too kindly to me coming over here every day.  She said I have
seemed different ever since staying overnight here during the last storm. 
She even asked me if we’d had relations.  I know it’s not really any of
her concern, but I do have to try and get along with her.”

Although I didn’t want to hear about Elizabeth, it was nonetheless
pleasing to know that they had argued and that she was jealous.  I
remained silent.

“Perhaps it would be better if I didn’t come to see you anymore,”
he said.  “I can see this has been hard for you, and I understand.  I
don’t want it to adversely affect your health.”

“No, please, I…I need to see you,” I admitted.  I felt tears
developing again.  I knew he was right…it wasn’t good for me to see him
every day, but I couldn’t help it.  Ever since the night of the first
storm and being in his arms again, the need intensified, especially knowing
that I was carrying his child.  I felt like I needed to see him every day
for my sanity.  I needed reassurance.  I felt vulnerable being with
child and more emotional.

“Are you certain?” he asked.  “You’ve lost so much weight,
and you were thin to begin with.  I don’t wish to upset you further.”

I nodded.  “I’ll be fine.” 

He gently kissed my head.  He still had a worried expression
on his face.  I was sure he didn’t know what to make of my loss of weight
and my urgent desire to see him every day, but again, if he thought about it
long and hard, he could figure it out – the heaving, losing weight, being more
emotional.  He’d seen it all before, when I was carrying Lillie.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked.  

Yes
, I thought,
leave Elizabeth and come back to me
. 
Instead, I shook my head.  “Happy birthday, by the way,” I said.  I
had not forgotten about his birthday being on the fifteenth.

“Oh, you remembered.  Thank you,” he said, smiling.  “I
don’t feel like celebrating my birthday this year.  It doesn’t feel right,
without you being a part of it.  Mother is having a small gathering at the
manor this evening.  Do you remember those parties she always had for
me?” 

“Yes, I do.”  His mother had always celebrated his birthday
with a party of some sort, inviting all the local children, playing Pin the
Tail on the Donkey, Blind Man’s Bluff, and Charades.  As he got older, the
parties became more age-appropriate, and musicians and dancing were involved as
well as lots and lots of food in the richer days.

“I wish you could come,” he said, interrupting my memories. 

“Me, too,” I said, looking down.  

He ran his hand through his hair, as he did when he was nervous or
frustrated. 

“What is it, Ethan?  Is something else bothering you?”

“It’s nothing.”  He tried to dismiss the subject, but then
looked at me again earnestly.  “I…I had a dream from the war last night,
that’s all.”

After first coming back from the war, after we were married, he
would occasionally have nightmares of the war.  He said they were
horrible.  He felt like he was there again, hiding in the trees, shooting
where the smoke rose at dark blue trousers, smelling the stench of blood from
his comrades that didn’t make it.  He’d see the faces of boys and men he’d
shot, coming back to haunt him.  During the actual war, he’d recognized
one of those boys he’d shot as being one of the Murphy boys from down the
road.  Ethan had been shocked to see he’d turned Yankee, but the boy came
after him with a gun pointed at him, so he had to shoot him.  He now
haunted him in his dreams along with many others.

I had held him through the night when he’d had those dreams. 
We were often intimate after he calmed down, which was effective in taking his
mind off his dreams and the war. 

He had missed me last night.

“Oh, Ethan.  I’m so sorry.  How long has it been since
you had one of those dreams?”

“A while.  I had them a lot when you were missing, especially
after you first disappeared.  You were in those dreams.  I dreamed
that one of those Yankees found us that day in the grape arbor – the day I
proposed to you – and did terrible things to you before raising his gun to your
head.”

I closed my eyes, imaging how horrible that dream must’ve
been.  I took his hand and squeezed it.  “How awful.”

“Last night, I dreamed I was hiding and waiting on the enemy, and
you appeared in the foggy mist with countless Yankees behind you.  You
were smiling at me and didn’t realize they were behind you.  Before I
could react, I yelled for you to get down, but it was too late.  The
Yankees shot you right before my eyes.”

“Oh, Ethan, that’s terrible.  I’m sorry you’ve had such awful
nightmares.”  I risked a needed hug, which he accepted, and we just held
each other for a long moment.

“I fear for your safety constantly, Madeline,” he said.  I
could feel his warm breath in my hair.  “And I’d be too far away to do
anything about it.”  We released our embrace.

“I’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure him, looking at him again.
 “I’ve got two strapping men here to watch out for me,” I said, trying to
tease him.  When he didn’t smile, I said, “I appreciate your concern for
me, really I do.”  I raised my hand up to touch his cheek.  “I wish I
could’ve been there to make you forget your dream last night.”

His sadness and concern quickly dissipated, and his eyes burned
into mine, a reflection of my own intense desire.  “So do I,” he said
quietly.  I swallowed hard.  He blinked and came back to
himself.  “I apologize, but I must go,” he said, and he left the
plantation abruptly.

During that same month, the harvesting of corn was fully
completed, and Jonas, William and Sambo began prepping and planting winter
wheat in the fields where the corn had been.  It was after long days
working in the field that I noticed Jonas and Catherine were found talking
intimately and laughing on many occasions.  I even observed them kissing
more than once.  They both began talking to me separately about falling in
love with each other.  Jonas even asked me what I thought about him asking
her to marry him.  I was delighted for them both.  I envied their
happiness, but they deserved every bit of it.  Jonas would finally get a
family like he wanted, and Catherine deserved to be happy again, too, after
losing her husband.  They started making plans for a wedding the following
summer.