Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (35 page)

I had my morning ritual of spewing, which I didn’t mind as much
this time, knowing the reason was most likely because I was carrying Ethan’s
child.  I dressed myself and changed Lillie, as I had a little extra
clothing of hers here already, and we headed downstairs to the parlor to check
on Ethan.  He was already up, fully dressed, sitting on the sofa with a
steaming cup of coffee in his hand, talking to Jonas.  I was somewhat
disappointed that I didn’t get to see him with only his shirt and trousers on,
or wake him up gently, as I had done on occasions when we were married.  I
remember those rare times when he had no chores to perform in the early
morning, and we would linger in bed together, loving each other, taking our
time.  I had to stop thinking about such things.

When Lillie and I entered the room, both gentlemen stood up and
told us “good morning.”  Jonas excused himself from the room, and Ethan
took a squealing Lillie from my arms.  She was always happy to see her
dada. 

“How are you this morning?  Feeling any better?” Ethan asked
me.

“A little,” I said, feigning a smile. 

Before I had a chance to say anything else, Catherine called us
into the dining room for some hot oatmeal.  She and Ginny had actually
walked out across the muddy courtyard to the kitchen house to make oatmeal and
coffee.  We ate and talked about the storm.  It was still cloudy and
a little windy, but the rain had stopped.  Jonas said several big tree
branches had fallen, one of them on top of the newly repaired stables. 
Thankfully, none of the horses were harmed.  The roof would have to be
repaired again, and would take a lot of man-power getting the big trunk
off.  Ethan vowed to help, even offering to bring Jake and Zeke over as
soon as it was feasible.

After breakfast, Ethan went outside to check the condition of the
drive and the road.  I followed him to the porch, with Lillie, who twirled
around playfully.  It was pretty muddy out; I didn’t see him getting the
carriage out any time soon. 

“I’m going to take Blackfoot and ride home for the day, see if any
repairs need to be done over there.  Do you mind keeping Lillie for the
whole day?”

“Of course I don’t mind.  What about the carriage?”

“I’ll ride back over here late in the afternoon and see how the
road is then, if it’s drivable or not.”

Before he left, he took my hand in his and lowered his
voice.  “I just want you to know I don’t regret anything from last
night.  I know we shouldn’t…be intimate that way at all, but I couldn’t
resist staying away from you any longer.  I hope you’re not disappointed
in me.”

“Not at all, Ethan.  It was very…pleasing.”  I smiled.

He brought my hand up to his lips.  “I don’t feel like I’m
being unfaithful to Elizabeth.  You must know I don’t love her. 
Rather, I feel like I’ve been unfaithful to you, and everything feels
wrong.  I’m miserable without you.”

“Oh, Ethan.”  I wanted to kiss him, but we were on the porch
and anyone could see us.  It wouldn’t be proper.

“If it weren’t for the baby…” he trailed off.

For just a split second, I thought he meant my baby, but then I
realized he didn’t know about that baby yet and that he was referring to
Elizabeth’s baby.  “I know,” I said.  If it weren’t for Elizabeth’s
baby, he’d be in my arms every night.  He’d be comforting me during the
storms of life, holding me close, feeling every breath, anticipating the new
life inside of me.  I felt tears well up in my eyes.  They seemed to
come easier with my confinement.  Now I understood why I had been moody
lately.  Everything took on a different light.  In spite of knowing I
couldn’t be with Ethan like I wanted to, I had a part of him with me all the
time…growing inside of me.  I was determined to enjoy it the best way I
could.

The road stayed muddy for two more days, and so Ethan would come
to check on Lillie and the roads twice a day on horseback, but he left Lillie
with me overnight, while he went back to Wellington.  He couldn’t take her
back and forth on horseback; it would’ve been too dangerous, for she might have
fallen off.  He talked about bringing up a little boat, coming from the
river, but he knew Lillie was enjoying her visit with me, and so he let her
stay till the carriage could be driven out.  Lillie did enjoy her nights
with me, and Ethan would spend time with us at supper and linger for a bit after
to play with her and read to her.  I was going to miss all of this when
the roads dried up.

The first day he came back, he brought three extra sheets for my
bed as well as Catherine and Ginny.  That was such a nice gesture. 
Zeke and Jake also returned with him to help Jonas and William move the big
heavy tree branch that had fallen onto the stables.  They used rope to
help move it off.  It would take a lot of work to get all of that cut up,
but we could use it for firewood this winter.  Jonas told Ethan he could
have some of it since he and the brothers had come over to help him move it.

On the third day after the storm, late in the afternoon, Ethan was
finally able to pull the carriage out of the ruts it had dug itself into when
the rains came.  I had to say goodbye to Lillie until the next day. 
It was a long, lonely night.  I almost wished for another storm.

The next morning, I looked for Catherine, feeling the need to
talk.  I found her in the kitchen preparing breakfast, and I so helped
her.  I went out to the chicken coop to collect some eggs.  Dawn had
just broken, and the air was thick and warm.  It was going to be a
blistering hot, sultry August day.  Once I returned to the kitchen, I
proceeded to talk to her about Ethan.

“Catherine, I’ve done a terrible thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I kissed Ethan…the night of the storm.  Oh, God, it felt
wonderful, but it was wrong.  He’s married to another.”  I rubbed my
hands together nervously.

Catherine stopped preparing food and turned to look at me across
the long preparation table.  She walked around to my side of the table,
and pulled me by the arm out into the hall, and we sat down on the
staircase.  “Madeline, you were married to him first.  It’s
understandable.”  She put her hand on top of mine and squeezed it. 

“There’s more.”  I drew a deep breath.  “Something like
that happened two months ago when I was living at Wellington Cross.  I had
already gotten most of my memory back, and I had been rocking Lillie to sleep
in our bedchambers – the ones up on the third floor where we lived after we
wed.”  I paused, looking down at my hands.

“Go on,” she encouraged.

“He came in and found us, and he was distraught.  That was
the day Elizabeth fell off the horse.  At the time, I couldn’t imagine
what would upset him so.  He actually cried, Catherine.  I’ve never
seen him cry, except when little Godfrey died.  We ended up having
relations that afternoon.”

“Oh.  Again, that’s understandable.  You both love each
other very much, that’s obvious, and you’d been apart for a whole year. 
You wanted a homecoming of sorts…the best kind of homecoming, and he wanted
comfort.  That was the day he found out Elizabeth was with child,
correct?”  I nodded.  “He must have known he would have to make a
hard decision, and he so wanted to choose you, Madeline.  I know he
did.  But knowing Ethan, he felt responsible for the child, am I right?”

I nodded.  “But now,” I said, almost whispering.  “I
think
I
am with child.”

I looked at Catherine then, whose eyes widened.  “You do?”

“Yes.  I…I’ve been heaving lately.  At first it was only
in the mornings, but now it’s also during the day, at different times, and into
the evening, and I have missed two cycles.  I know these symptoms. 
They’re the same ones I had when I was carrying Lillie.”

“Oh, my.  Another child…”  She was thoughtful and quiet
for a moment.  “Have you told Ethan?”

“No.  I have no idea how he will take it.  He has
already decided to stay with Elizabeth because of
her
baby.  What
will he do for
my
baby?  How will he take care of us?”

“Well, before you tell Ethan, you should get checked out by a
doctor.  Isn’t there one nearby?”

I nodded.  “Doc Parsons, yes.  I suppose I could send
for him.  I’ve been so worried, Catherine, since the realization hit
me.  I don’t want to ruin Ethan’s good standing in the community or with
his family.  Perhaps I should just move away until the baby is born. 
Would you come with me?”

“Now, hold on.  You’re talking nonsense.  No one’s going
anywhere.  I just got here, and I’m very happy to be here, thank you very
much.  And you shouldn’t be traveling or upsetting yourself in your
condition, if indeed you are with child.  This is a very critical part of
the confinement.  You need to put your mind at ease, or else you may put
your baby in danger.  You could lose it.”

She was right, of course.  The last thing I wanted was to
lose this baby.  I wanted to cherish it because it was bred out of my and
Ethan’s love for each other.  “You’re right.  I apologize,” I said.

“Besides, it’s too dangerous out there for two women and a child
alone.  We’d have no safe place to go.”

“Of course.”  Catherine was very sensible.  “You don’t
think Ethan would try and take the baby from me, do you?  He already has
Lillie with him.”

“I honestly don’t think so.  He kept Lillie because she was
used to living there in her home, right?”  I nodded.  “And truth be
told, he was probably afraid of losing her, like he’d lost you for a whole
year.  He was protecting himself.”

I hadn’t thought of that before.  “You could be right. 
That makes sense.  So will he be afraid of losing our unborn baby then?”

Catherine didn’t know.  She leaned over and gave me a
hug.  “Now, no more worrying, and we’ll send for the doctor today, all
right?”

I nodded, and then wiped fresh tears.  “Thank you.  I’m so
glad I have someone to talk with about this.”

“I’m happy to be here for you.”

Later that day, Doc Parsons, who had been on his way to check on
Elizabeth at Wellington Cross, confirmed what I had suspected:  I was with
child.  He estimated my date of confinement to be ending around the middle
of March.  He swore to secrecy, and for the time being, I would keep it a
secret between myself, Doc Parsons, and Catherine.  Then when I began to
show signs of something growing down there, I would have to tell Ethan. 
Meanwhile, I began to wonder if I had a boy or a girl growing inside of me,
what it would look like, what characteristics would be like me and what would
be like Ethan.  It felt wonderful to have a piece of Ethan that I was now
carrying around with me.  Wonderful, and yet, I again missed the comfort
and care he had given me when I was carrying Lillie.  It wasn’t fair that
Elizabeth was getting his care now, instead of me.  I longed for his love
and affection more than ever.

The next week was a busy one.  The piano was brought over in
a carriage by Ethan, Jake and Zeke.  Jonas and William helped them once
they got it over here.  They’d had to remove the legs to fit it through
the doors and for ease of transportation.  They set it up in the parlor in
a corner by a window overlooking the river.  There were tall trees on this
side of the house, so it would perhaps be cool enough to play in here in the
afternoons even in the heat of summer, with the window open to allow river
breezes in.

I thanked Ethan for his generosity and told him to also thank
Clarissa and Edward.  It was a wonderful thing, even if it was only on
loan.  They told me I was welcome to keep it as long as I agreed to play
for them from time to time.  I told Ethan I’d be happy to play for him any
time he wanted to hear me.  Music made me happy, cleansed my soul, lifted
my spirits when I was feeling down, and helped me celebrate when I was
elated.  Besides, I had some new pupils to teach.

I celebrated that evening after supper by playing everything I
could remember how to play.  I kept playing long after everyone else had
turned in for bed.  I ended by playing the soft music by Beethoven that
reminded me of kissing Ethan…on this very piano bench.  It seemed like
such a long time ago.  It made me miss him all the more.  I had
always enjoyed playing the piano, but it always meant more to me with Ethan
around.  He’d enjoyed watching me play almost as much as I enjoyed
playing.

We had corn all throughout the summer, but especially in
August.  Late in the month, Jonas, William, and Sambo harvested ripe ears
of corn and saved a few for our own use, stored some in the root cellar, and
the majority was taken to market to sell.  Catherine and I helped with the
picking while Ginny played with Lillie close by.  It was very tiring, and
we all were exhausted in the evenings.  We also had a few grapes that were
very good, but not enough to do much with except eat by hand.  Certainly
not enough to sell at the market or make into wine.  Perhaps there’d be
more next year.

We also had apples on our apple tree that were ripening.  It
was over between the river and the small family garden.  Lillie and I were
out there collecting some apples one afternoon when Lillie suddenly started
screaming.  I ran over to her to see what was wrong, and she pointed to
her arm, saying “bee”.  I guessed that a bee stung her.  She started
crying then, and pointed at a bee she saw flying by, swatting at it.  I
picked her up quickly and took her away from the tree and the bees, which
looked like yellow jackets.  I looked around for someone working
outside.  William was over in the stables, fixing a horse’s shoe.