Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (38 page)

On the other hand, I could not imagine sharing my bedchambers with
any man other than Ethan, whom I loved so deeply and who was the father of
Lillie and the new little bundle now resting in my belly.  How could I
share a bed with another man, no matter how caring, how accommodating, or how
attractive he was?  No matter how noble his actions were or what he would
be giving up in order to marry me.

There was also something to consider with William’s
occupation.  He was merely a tenant farmer.  Would we be allowed to
live in this manor house with Jonas and Catherine, who were soon to be married
themselves and also Ginny, or would we have to have a house of our own?  A
real house, not merely a tenant cabin.  I couldn’t imagine leaving this
home to live in some small one-room cabin with a man I didn’t love and a small
baby to take care of.  How long would that last before we got on each
other’s nerves?  Could William afford to build a real house?  What if
his only motive was to simply get a share of Jonas’ wealth by moving into the
manor house and laying claim to me?  I didn’t really know him all that
well, and yet, I didn’t believe he was deceiving me.  Jonas wasn’t all
that wealthy, after all, and the plantation would always be his and any
offspring he and Catherine produced.  It would never come to me, if
anything was to happen to Jonas, as homes traditionally were passed through the
firstborns and/or through males.

The next day, I pondered whether I should talk to Catherine about
it…seek another woman’s opinion.  I didn’t think William would mind if I
did so. 

She, of course, empathized with Ethan’s not being able to raise
his own child, but she agreed that William was correct in his assumptions about
Ethan worrying and tormenting himself when he couldn’t offer his own
solution.  She, however, had a plausible idea.

“How about if William tells Ethan what he’s going to do, that he
knows the child is Ethan’s, but he has asked you to marry him in order to save
Ethan’s reputation and to save him from feeling like he had to be obligated to
do something when he couldn’t?”

That seemed like a pretty good idea except that Ethan would not
stop worrying about me and the baby.  He would not stop being paranoid
about William and may not even trust him enough to allow him to raise his own
child for him.  Ethan would worry that the child would not know who his
real father was, and he or she would not inherit the wealth of the Wellingtons
– a thought that just occurred to me.  I told Catherine what I thought.

“You’re right.  He would want the child to have an
inheritance and to know he or she was part of the Wellington family.  If
it were a male, he could inherit Wellington Cross someday.  You have to
decide for yourself, Madeline.  I would love to be able to tell you the
right thing to do, but I don’t know what that is.  You have to decide what
is right for you and your baby and what would make you the happiest, but you
have to realize that even if you don’t marry William, you still can’t have
Ethan.  He’s married to Elizabeth.  Also, everyone will wonder who
the baby’s father is, whether you marry William or not.  Also, if you tell
them it’s William’s and then don’t marry him, they will wonder why.”

“So, in other words, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t?”

“Something like that, yes.  You have to decide if it’s worth
the deception to save Ethan’s reputation and sanity.  You also have to
consider what Ethan will think if you tell him you had relations with Mr. Brown
and became confined with his child, right after leaving Wellington Cross. 
How will he feel, thinking you jumped straight into the arms of another man
when you needed consoling, a stranger you had just met?  What did he do
when he needed consoling?  He came straight to you.  Could you live
with him thinking you betrayed him so quickly, thinking that you had kissed him
the night of the storm even after you were already supposedly confined by
another man’s child?”

My eyes started tearing up again.  This thinking and
analyzing was not doing me any good.  I was bound to hurt Ethan either way
I chose, whether I agreed to marry William or not.  Talking with Catherine
really helped me think about all aspects of the problem, but I still was not
any closer to an answer.  I decided not to think about it anymore for a
while.  I had another month or so before I started really showing. 
Then I’d be forced to make a decision because Ethan and everyone else would
know I was in confinement.

I told William as much that night after supper.  He was a
perfect gentleman about the whole thing.

“That’s fine, Madeline.  I told you to take your time. 
I’ll still be here, when you make a decision.  I’m not going anywhere.
 I’ll understand if you decide not to take me up on my offer, so don’t
feel guilty about that.  You think about what you want for yourself and
your baby.”

“Where would we live, William, if I did decide to accept your
proposal?  Here at the plantation?  In the cabin you’re going to
build?”

“Wherever you want, Madeline.  I’m at your beck and
call.  As long as Jonas and Catherine don’t mind, we could stay right here
in your family’s home.  Or if you’d prefer, perhaps I could build us a
home someplace close by, something bigger than a cabin.  I would never
subject you to living in a cabin.  Perhaps Jonas would allow me to build
something bigger than a cabin on this plantation.  I don’t want you to
have to worry about not having the things you’re used to, and you’ll also need
room for the baby.  I also realize you would want to still be close to
Ethan and especially Lillie.  Whatever you wish, I will do.”

“What about Lillie?  Are you accepting of me continuing to
take care of her?  Are you willing to help take care of two children who
are not your own?”

“I am.  I’m quite fond of little Lillie.  I’ve told you
before, I know what I’m getting into, and I’m willing to do it all for you and
Ethan.”

“What about your dreams of going to college and becoming a
doctor?”

“Perhaps someday I will be able to do that.  If not, I’ll
just keep studying herbs for my own amusement.”

It seemed he had thought everything through, and was even willing
to build a new bigger home if I wanted him to.  I didn’t think he could
afford to do that, though, and if Jonas was willing, I would prefer to stay
here in my family home, perhaps build on if necessary.  It was still
painful to think about, however…building a life without Ethan.

The night of the Harvest Ball was two weeks later, and I had
decided to allow William to escort me.  We were going in a group with
Jonas, Catherine, and Ginny – who was going to keep Lillie entertained.  I
thought that since I may decide to marry William, it would be a good idea for
folks to see us together.  I didn’t know how Ethan would react to me
arriving with William, but I thought he would be okay with it, since he had, in
fact, entrusted William enough to stay with me the whole night by ourselves
during the hunter’s moon hunting trip.  If I did decide to marry William,
Ethan would most likely blame himself for putting us together alone like he
did.  He would have insisted that Jonas had stayed instead.  I wondered
if it would hurt his friendship with William.

Sambo drove us over to Wellington Cross in Jonas’ big
carriage.  The plantation was bustling with activity.  Loads of
carriages were lined up along the long drive as well as over by the coach
house.  Horses were whinnying and people were laughing and talking. 
The house was beautifully lit in the darkness with lanterns on top of the brick
columns at the gate, and two more by the door, along with bright orange
pumpkins.  It was dusk, not quite dark yet.

As we approached the manor, I felt like a ghost walking into my
past…the happy life I’d had here with Ethan.  It didn’t feel right to have
William beside me now.  I had been both anticipating and dreading this
night.  I longed to see Ethan again, as I had not seen him much lately
since he was busy with the harvesting of cotton.  Yet I dreaded seeing him
for the mere fact that the baby was starting to show more.  I was thankful
for the crinoline, for surely no one would notice under all that.  I could
barely fit into the corset for the ball.  What Ethan may notice was my
growing bosom and waistline.  Other people who had not seen me in over a
year might not notice, but the last time I’d seen Ethan, I had just gained my
weight back that I’d lost with the heaving.  I was even bigger now, at
almost 5 months along.  Others in the family may notice, as well,
including Elizabeth.  I didn’t know how I would handle it if anyone asked
me about it, as I still had not made a decision as to what I was going to do or
how I was going to tell Ethan.  Hopefully, no one would deign to ask such
a personal question to an unmarried woman.

As we entered the manor, the hall had been cleared of all
furniture to allow room for dancing.  The sconces on the walls were lit
with candles all up and down the hall.  I heard musicians playing a lively
Irish folk song.  They were most likely gathered at the staircase landing
up above the dining room.  We meandered through the crowd of couples
dancing, with very little room due to the ladies’ hooped dresses, into the
dining room.  The dining table was filled with all manner of food to
enjoy.  Catherine and I had brought over some stew and apple dumplings,
and we placed them on the table, as well as extra dishes to use.  The
sideboard was filled with beverages and desserts, and William and I headed
there.  I had some tea while William got a shot of whiskey.   

Clarissa came into the dining room and greeted us.  “Oh,
Madeline!  Just look at you!”  She gave me a hug.  “You are
looking more beautiful every day.  That brother of yours must be taking
good care of you.” 

“Yes, and your sister, as well.  She has been a dear to me.”

Clarissa began fussing over my dress of satiny deep green, the
same one I had worn my last night here at this plantation, the one Ethan had
purchased on our honeymoon.  Ethan had always liked seeing me wear it,
saying it brought out the green in my eyes.  The Wellingtons had seen it
the last night I was here, but this time I was filling it out differently, my
breasts barely fitting in it.  I’d had to take the seams apart and add a
little more material, which I cut from a discreet panel in the yards of
material at the bottom of the dress.  I also wore the Wellington Cross
Celtic necklace.

Catherine came up to us, and the two sisters began conversing about
how lovely the house looked.  Ginny had already gone upstairs to entertain
Lillie.

William stayed close by me, and we ate a few samplings off the
table, with Catherine and Jonas close by.  My biggest dread of the night
came through the dining room door next…Elizabeth.  She was wearing a deep
apricot dress with lots of lace, and her bosom was bigger than mine, much to my
chagrin, but she was at least a month farther along than I.  My only
consolation was that her waistline was also growing.  She was greeted by a
few young women, who gushed over her and told her how pretty she looked. 
I realized she must have made quite a few friends already.  I’d had a few
friends growing up who lived on nearby plantations and farms, including Hannah,
but I had mostly trailed along behind Jonas and Ethan.  It saddened me
somewhat that I had not made more friends that I did, and that I no longer even
had the one I had pined for my whole life…Ethan.

He came through the door next, and his gaze found mine
instantly.  His eyes widened, and I began to dread that he would indeed
realize I was carrying a child inside me.  He looked devastatingly
handsome in a dark blue suit with long tails in the back, and a white cravat at
his neck.  His hair was slicked back, and his beard looked neatly
trimmed.  I found myself staring at him.

Elizabeth disrupted my staring when she sauntered over to our
group all proud and bosomy, and greeted her husband’s aunt Catherine, Jonas,
and then stopped in front of me.  “Hello, Madeline,” she sneered, and then
she looked at William.  “And who might you be?”

“Hello, Elizabeth,” I answered her.  “This is Mr. William
Brown.  He helps Jonas out on the plantation.”

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” William said, taking her hand and
kissing it politely.  I cringed.  I just couldn’t imagine anyone
wanting to touch her, not Ethan and not even William.  Yet, much as I
hated to admit it, she did look very pretty.  She was obviously
happy.  I envied that and hated her for it.  She took away my
happiness.

“So you’re the Mr. Brown I’ve heard so much about.  So nice
to meet you.”  She made her way to the table then and began eating while
conversing with some of the other ladies again.

Ethan greeted Jonas and Catherine, and then came to me. 
“Madeline, you look…”  His eyes looked me up and down admiringly and then
rested on my eyes.  “…ravishing,” he said quietly.  He picked up my
hand and kissed it slowly and softly.  I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying
the feel of his lips on my hand, his fingers touching mine.

He let go of my hand reluctantly and then greeted William. 
“Good to see you again, Will,” he said, shaking his hand.  He quietly
joined Elizabeth at the table of food.  He looked like he’d lost weight,
probably from all the work with the harvest.  He was too thin.

I ate some crab cakes and finished my tea.  Ethan moved to
the opposite side of the table, and glanced across the table at me more than
once.  William excused himself, as he and Jonas walked over to greet some
fellow farmers who’d just entered the room.