Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (43 page)

“About that night…”

Unfortunately, I was interrupted by Elizabeth.  “Ethan, there
you are,” she said.  She was walking towards us with William. 
“Madeline,” she acknowledged me with a sickly sweet smile.  I was
disappointed.  I had hoped Elizabeth would stay with her friends long
enough for me to talk with Ethan for a bit.  I supposed William followed
her in preparation to defend me if needed.  Unfortunately, our conversation
ended, and I left the plantation with William shortly thereafter.

A couple of weeks later, I decided to tell Ethan the truth. 
I kept thinking about what Jonas told me, that Ethan had a right to know, to
decide for himself what to do.  At the very least, Ethan deserved to know
the truth so that he could be involved in his child’s life at least partially,
the same way I was involved in Lillie’s life partially.  I realized that
if I didn’t tell him the truth, this child would be deprived of an inheritance,
especially if it were a boy.  It seemed selfish of me.  Besides, I
didn’t think I could lie by writing down anyone else’s name as being the baby’s
father on the birth record, nor did I want to leave it blank.

So when Clarissa dropped Lillie off a week before Christmas, I
asked her to have Ethan come back to get Lillie in the late afternoon, as I
needed to talk with him.  She agreed to tell him.  She along with
Catherine and Ginny had Sambo take them by carriage into the marketplace to do
some shopping for Christmas.  I declined going with them, since I wasn’t
feeling in the Christmas mood, and I wanted to be there to talk with Ethan
later.  I had to stay focused on what I was going to say and how I was
going to say it.

The day was spent inside doing chores.  There wasn’t much to
do in the garden anymore since it had turned cold and the days were
shorter.  I did try to take Lillie for a walk every day for some fresh
air, weather permitting.  We were dusting the master study when Lillie
suddenly squealed with delight.  I looked out the window to see Ethan’s
carriage in the drive and Ethan walking up to the carriage-front porch. 

I greeted him at the door.  “Hello, Ethan,” I said, smiling
tentatively.  He instantly took my breath.  His beard was longer than
usual, as was his hair, and his eyes had dark circles under them, but he was
still devastatingly handsome in his rugged state. 

“Madeline,” he greeted me, not returning my smile, not even taking
my hand to kiss for a proper greeting.  It was an awkward moment.  I
felt deflated, but I hoped to change his mood very soon.

Lillie tugged on the legs of his trousers, saying, “Dada,
dada.”  He smiled at her and picked her up, giving her a big kiss on the
cheek.  She giggled and wiped her face.  His beard must have tickled
her when he kissed her.  How I wished I could get tickled by those
whiskers again.

“How’s my girl?” he asked her.  She said something
non-intelligible, and we both laughed.  It felt good to laugh with him. 
“Mother said you wanted to speak to me,” he said, looking at me again, still
holding Lillie.  His smile had disappeared.

“Yes.  Shall we go into the parlor?”

He followed me back to the parlor where the piano was.  I sat
down on the sofa, and Ethan sat down on a nearby chair, putting Lillie on the
floor.  She toddled over to the piano and began playing random keys
softly.

“How are you, Madeline?  You look like you’ve lost weight
again.  Is your…baby…is everything all right?”

It was true; I had lost some weight, except for the baby bump,
which had gotten larger.  I worried so much over not wanting to marry
William and over lying to Ethan that I didn’t eat well enough or sleep well
enough.  I was also still having those dreams almost every night, despite
William giving me chamomile tea before going to bed and making me a dream
catcher of my own.  “We’re fine, though I have not been eating or sleeping
as well as I should.”

“Why?  Aren’t you happy?”

Of course I wasn’t happy.  How could I be, when I couldn’t be
with the one I loved?  Couldn’t stop thinking about him or longing to be
with him, wanting to share my confinement with him, share the baby’s progress
with him. 

“No,” I said softly.  “Not at all.  I…I have something I
feel I should tell you…something I should have told you months ago.”  It
was time to tell him the truth about the baby being his.  I began feeling
anxious, and my heart beat faster.  This seemed to cause the baby to stir,
and I felt it move.  “Oh,” I said, putting my hand over my lower abdomen. 

“Are you all right?” Ethan asked.

“I just felt the baby move,” I said.  I looked at him
intently.  “Feel,” I said.  I stood up and walked over in front of
Ethan and took his hand and placed it on my abdomen where the baby was
moving.  I was not wearing a crinoline today, so he would’ve been able to
feel the baby easy enough.

“Madeline, I shouldn’t,” he objected.  He tried to move his
hand away, but I placed it back on there during another movement across my
abdomen.  He looked at my abdomen and then at me.

“I remember Lillie doing that,” he said, softly, letting his hand
drop away from my abdomen.  “That must feel weird to you.” 

I nodded.  “Weird and wonderful.”  I braced myself, sat
down in the chair right next to Ethan and then whispered, “Ethan…it’s yours.”

“What?” he said, his eyes quick on mine. 

“The baby is yours, not William’s,” I said.

“But…how do you know?”

“Because I never had relations with William, or anyone else except
for you.”

“You mean you lied to me?  Why?  How could you…how could
you do that?” 

“I was ambushed at the harvest ball by Elizabeth.  What could
I say in front of all those people?  You’re married to her.  I didn’t
want you to be embarrassed in your own home.”

“You could have told the truth.  Everyone knew you and I were
married before.  You could have at least told me the truth down by the
river.”  He was understandably angry.  “What did William think of
what you said, about the baby being his?  Are you really planning to marry
him?”

“It was his idea…he volunteered to marry me and lie about the baby
being his.”

“Oh, I see now.  He’s fallen in love with you and talked you
into marrying him and deceiving me.”

“No, it made sense to me.  We did this for you, Ethan…to save
your reputation.  Everyone would call you a philanderer.  No one
would want to do business with you.  You might even lose friends. 
Besides, how could I tell you I was having your child when you were already
married to Elizabeth and expecting another child with her?  You gave me up
to be with her because of that child.  I didn’t think I had the right to
force you into choosing me instead, abandoning that child, just because I was
also with child.  It was wrong of me to lie, and it broke my heart to do
so, but I did it for you.”

He stood up and started pacing the room, running his hands
nervously through his hair.  Lillie was still playing softly on the piano,
occasionally playing a note or two loudly, to draw attention to her.  I
smiled at her briefly and then continued to watch Ethan pace.

“I know there’s nothing you can do for this baby, Ethan.  I
just wanted you to know.  It’s been killing me, lying to you.  I can
still marry William.”

He paused and glared at me and then went back to pacing. 
Lillie started banging on the piano loudly, and Ethan shouted, “Lillie, please
stop!”  Her lower lip puckered, and he immediately apologized and went
over and picked her up.  He held her while continuing to pace.  “How
am I supposed to live, knowing you have my baby over here, taking care of it
without me?  Am I supposed to just let William pretend to be the
father?  You’ve really got me in a tight spot.”

“Me?  You were the one who wanted to have relations with me
that day back in June, after finding out your precious Elizabeth was having your
baby,” I spat back. 

He went ghostly white.  “I didn’t mean it that way,” he
said.  He stopped pacing and looked at me, his face softened.  “I
told you I didn’t regret that, and I never will.  Even though it has
resulted with…unexpected circumstances.” 

“I don’t regret it either, Ethan,” I said softly.  “I have a
precious life inside of me now that is part of you.  I cherish this. 
Since I cannot be with you, then this is the next best thing…having your
child.  No one but us need know that you’re the father, if that is what
you wish.  You have your reputation to consider.  Mine has already
gone with the wind.  I care not.”

He put Lillie down on the floor.  “I don’t know if I can live
like that.”

I felt another tug on my belly.  “Oh, the baby’s moving again,”
I said.

Ethan came over and knelt in front of me, putting his hand on my
abdomen again.  I could feel his warm hand through my clothing.  He
looked up at me and smiled for the first time since he arrived.  His eyes
became watery.  “My baby?” he asked.

I nodded.  “
Our
baby,” I said, smiling back at
him. 

He caressed my cheek and placed a light kiss there, tickling my
face with his whiskers, making me giggle.  “I must go now,” he said. 
“I have much to consider.”

He picked Lillie up to leave, and then turned to me again. 
“Please, eat more and try to get some rest…for our baby.  Maybe you’ll
rest easier, now that you’ve told me the truth.”  He smiled faintly. 
“I’ll come back tomorrow, and we’ll talk more.”

The next day, Ethan came at dinner time with Lillie and stayed the
whole afternoon with us.  It was an unusually warm December day, so after
eating, we took a stroll outside.  Ethan wanted to talk in seclusion, so
we walked around the new wheat fields to the woods, over near what used to be
the slaves quarters.  We pushed Lillie in the carriage, which Ethan had
brought with him.  He still insisted that I wear a cape and bonnet, even
though it wasn’t that cold outside.

As we walked, we talked.  Ethan had a lot of questions.

“What is your date of confinement?”

“Sometime in March, most likely the second week.”

“Have you seen Doc Parsons?”

“Yes.  He confirmed the baby back in August, and he has come
by to see me once a month since then.”

“Is the baby growing normally?”

“Yes, as far as he can tell.”

“You need to eat better, Madeline.  You’re eating for
two.  Will you promise me to eat better, or do I have to come over here
and spoon-feed you myself?”  We both smiled at his teasing. 

“Yes, I promise to eat better.”

“Have you had any more heaving?”

“No, not since October.”

“Are you getting plenty of rest?  Are you taking naps? 
You should nap when Lillie takes a nap.”

“Sometimes I do, not always.  I’ll try and do better with that,”
I promised.

He reached for my hand and held it as we walked further.  I
looked at him and smiled, my heart thumping inside.  I knew then that I
had made the right decision by telling him.  I didn’t know what our future
held, but as long as he was holding my hand, I knew he had forgiven me for
lying to him.  I wouldn’t worry about any of it for now.  I would
cherish this time we had together, this closeness.

“Don’t do any strenuous work.  You’re not, are you?”

“No, William saw to that…”  I drifted off, not completing
that train of thought.  I looked away from him.

“That’s good,” he said.  “Madeline…”  He stopped walking
and turned me to face him.  “I understand why you lied to me.  I’m
not happy about it, and what you lied about troubled my heart, but I do
understand.  I thank you for being more concerned about me than you are
about yourself.  That touches me…that you’d go through all of this for
me.  That you would raise a child with another man who was not the child’s
father.”

“I’d do anything for you, Ethan.”

“You really don’t love him?”

“No, I really don’t.  I have never loved another man but
you,” I said softly, my eyes boring into his, begging him to see the truth in
them.

He must have, for he drew himself towards me and kissed me softly
on the lips.  My heart went crazy inside, and the baby started
kicking.  He must have felt it, for he bent down to place a light kiss on
my lower belly where the baby lay inside.  He straightened up again and
kissed my lips again, which I returned fervently, and we wrapped our arms
around each other tightly, everything else forgotten for a moment, everything
but our sweet love for each other.

Lillie squealed out abruptly, causing us to come back to
reality.  “Go!” she said loudly.  She was protesting that we had
stopped pushing the carriage.

“Okay, Lillie,” Ethan said.  “Give us a minute, will
you?”  He grinned at me.  He held onto one of my hands and with his
other hand caressed my face, seemingly mesmerized by every inch of it.  He
gazed intently into my eyes.  “I love you so, Maddie,” he whispered. 
“And I love that you are carrying my baby inside of you.”  He glanced at
Lillie.  “Another one.”