Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (45 page)

“I love you so, Maddie,” he whispered.

“And I love you, Ethan.” 

He patted his chest.  “Come on, naptime,” he coaxed.

“Oh, all right,” I conceded.  I turned my body back to the
front, my legs between his again.  “Aren’t you cold without your
overcoat?  You’ll catch a cold.”

“Nonsense.  You keep me plenty warm.  Those kisses
warmed me up good.”  I laughed.  “Now, come on.  Close your
eyes,” he said.  He wrapped his arms around my waist again and rubbed my
lower abdomen where the baby was.

“Ethan, I’d rather just spend time with you than sleep.  I’ll
miss out on more time with you,” I said, turning my head towards him again.

“I’ll be here the whole time.  Come on, you want to make me
happy, don’t you?”  I nodded.  “Do it for me…for our baby.”

I sighed and leaned my head back against his chest, closing my
eyes.  I thought about how wonderful it was to be in his arms, when I
thought he’d never hold me again.  I laid my arms on top of his and held
his hands, interlocking our fingers.  He nestled his head against mine.
 I didn’t know if I could sleep, but I closed my eyes to at least try,
since it meant so much to him.  The air was cool but not too cold, and his
arms kept me warm.  All was quiet except for the chirp of a cardinal
nearby.

I must have dozed.  I awoke with a start, happy to still be
in Ethan’s arms.

“Hey, sleepyhead.  Did you enjoy your nap?” he asked
me.  I could feel his warm breath on my ear, and he kissed my ear softly.

“Mm.  I like waking up in your arms.”

“Me, too.”

“How long did I sleep?”

“Maybe an hour.  I dozed a little myself.  I haven’t
slept well lately, either.”

I picked up one of his hands and kissed it.  “Would you
rather go in the manor and take a real nap on a comfortable sofa in a warm
house?”  I turned my legs toward him and faced him again.

“No, not with…William…and the others there.  I’d rather have
you to myself, if you don’t mind.”

“All right.”  I lightly touched the dark circles under his
eyes.  “You know, you could put some chamomile tea leaves under here, and
it would help with the puffiness and dark circles,” I told him.

“Have you become the herbal specialist now, too?”  He
grinned.

“You need to get more sleep, as well, Ethan.  You won’t worry
more, will you, now that you know about the baby being yours?  The last
thing I wanted to do was give you more things to worry about.”

“I’ll get more sleep, I promise you.  I will actually worry
less, I suspect, now that I know you did not have relations with William. 
I’m glad you finally told me the truth.”

He gave me a nice kiss, warming up both of our lips, which had
gotten cold with our sleeping.  We talked some about the harvest.  He
said they worked from dawn to dusk picking cotton.  I told him about
Catherine and me helping to harvest the corn. 

“Madeline, you shouldn’t have done that in your state.”

“I didn’t over-exert, I promise.  Catherine wouldn’t let me.”

“Does Aunt Catherine know that I’m the father of your baby?”

“Yes, she does.  I told her long ago, when I was heaving a
lot.  Do you want to know when I realized I was with child?”  He
nodded.  “It was the night of the big storm, when you spent the night at
the house, when we were kissing.  I started getting nauseous, and I feared
I would spew all over you.  When I ran to find a place to expel my supper,
I realized I was with child.  Catherine told me we should send for the
doctor to be certain.  She has helped me out a lot.”

“I’m glad.”

We also talked about Thanksgiving and how much we missed each
other.  I told him that I’d played the piano and thought of him,
mourning. 

“I miss your playing,” he said.  “How about you play for me
once Lillie awakens.”

“All right, if you’re sure you wish to return to the manor house…if
you’re sure you can share me, if someone else should happen to also want to
hear me play.”

“I think I can risk it.”  He picked up one of my curls and
studied it, and then he smoothed the back of my hair.  I thought about how
much he liked kissing me after I played the piano, and I knew we wouldn’t be
able to with all the other people in the house, so I drew my lips to his, and
we kissed hungrily.  My hands roamed from his hair to his face, and to his
chest.

We stopped ourselves, caught our breath, and talked more…about the
weather, about the vegetable garden and how much work I’d helped Jonas with in
storing them in the root cellar, and we talked about what we’d been doing
during the day, now that harvest was over and winter was coming.  It felt like
we talked for hours.

Finally, we got back to a touchier subject…what we were going to
do.  “I don’t want to be parted from you,” Ethan said.  “Knowing what
you’ve done for me…and that you’re carrying my child…makes me love you even
more.  I only want to be with you.  I honestly don’t know what to
do.  There is still Elizabeth’s baby to consider.”

“I know,” I said sadly.  “You could still see this baby every
day, Ethan, if you bring Lillie over here every day.”

“I don’t know if that will be enough.  I want to be here for
everything.  It would be hard only seeing you and this baby for a short
time each day.”

“You understand it’s the same way for me with Lillie.  I want
so much to be there for her all the time.  It’s hard for me, not being
able to tuck her into bed every night, not being able to give her a bath or
comb her hair, not seeing her smiling face in the morning sunshine.”

“Yes, you are right.  This whole thing is so botched
up.  We should be together, the four of us, as a family.  And yet I
have another baby that I cannot neglect.  It will be sad, for I know I
will not love that baby as much as I love yours.  Elizabeth’s child will
have an unfair disadvantage.”

“And so, we have to remain separated, as we are now.  I will
have to marry William, for I do not wish to have our baby called a
bastard.  Everyone thinks it is William’s anyway; they would think it
highly scandalous for us not to marry, since we live on the same plantation.”

He tightened his jaw, at the mention of me marrying William. 
“I really wished you hadn’t told everyone it was William’s.  At least
everyone knows Lillie is yours.”

“There’s no mistaking who a baby’s mother is, since she carries it
inside her and then delivers it.”

“That is true enough, but I abhor the thought of William raising
my baby.”

“The same as I abhor Elizabeth raising my Lillie.”

He sighed.  “I suppose there is no other way.  You shall
have to marry William and pretend to be having his baby, while I take care of
Lillie and Elizabeth’s baby.  And we won’t get our happy ending. 
We’ll just have to be satisfied with seeing each other briefly in passing,
always longing for each other at balls and social gatherings, even at church.”

I nodded, feeling tears in my eyes again.  “Hold me,” I
begged, leaning my head against his chest, wrapping my arms around his
back.  He held me tightly, kissing my head, caressing my arms.  I
felt a safe haven in his arms and wished for the thousandth time we could just
be together.

Lillie woke up, sat up in her carriage, and looked at the two of
us.  “Hey,” she whispered.  I had to laugh, and we both greeted
her.  I got up and took her out of the carriage, and brought her back with
me to sit beside Ethan again.  We both adored her and cherished her. 
Soon, she would have to share that attention with two more babies.  For
now, we enjoyed it being just the three of us.

With Ethan’s help, I put my crinoline back on, and we went inside
the manor to the parlor, where I played the piano for Ethan and Lillie. 
As it happened, no one else ventured into the room while I played, much to our
delight.  I supposed they wanted to give us time alone.  I played
lively tunes to entertain Lillie, and I also played soft romantic songs for
Ethan, who ended up sitting on the bench beside me, watching my fingers. 

The day was drawing near sunset.  We all went to the kitchen
and brought back some apples and cheese for the three of us to eat, staying in
the parlor. 

“When will you wed?” Ethan asked me.

“I don’t know.  Sometime before March…maybe February.” 
I still didn’t like thinking about, let alone talk about, marrying William.

“Don’t think me rude, but I do not wish to attend…you need not
send me an invitation.”  I looked at him, and he was smirking.

“We’ll just have to live our lives as adulterers, always longing
for each other, praying for God’s forgiveness.”

“Yes, and I will pray in earnest that you don’t fall in love with
William.”

“And I shall do the same for you with Elizabeth.”

“Do you realize that the babies will be half-sisters?  Yours
and Elizabeth’s?  But they won’t ever know it, will they?”

“You’re right.  I hadn’t thought about that.  The baby
I’m carrying will also be Lillie’s sister, but we can’t tell her that, either,
can we?”

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply.  “It’s
so frustrating.”

“She will think they’re half-sisters, at least.”

We heard a door close nearby, and William appeared in the
doorway.  “Oh, pardon me.  I didn’t mean to intrude.”

He turned around to leave the room, but Ethan stopped him. 
“Will, wait.”  He stood up.  “I’ll be back in a moment,” he told me.

He went out into the hall with William and spoke to him
softly.  I couldn’t hear all that was being said, but I did hear Ethan
say, “If you ever hurt her or our baby, you’ll regret it.”

Ethan came back into the parlor a few moments later.  “Fog is
starting to roll in, and it’s getting close to sunset; I must take Lillie back
home,” he said. 

“Ethan, were you rude to William?” I chided him.

“Just setting things straight is all, some boundaries.  We
have an understanding.  I agreed to let him live so long as he doesn’t
hurt you or the baby.  No harm done.”  He smirked.

The moment I had been dreading all day came, and we had to say
goodbye to each other, for now.  I walked him to the carriage, noticing
that indeed the fog had rolled in.  It shrouded around us, looking
mysterious and foreboding.  I remembered the herbs, and before Ethan
loaded Lillie into the carriage, we walked back to the garden to pick some
herbs for him to take home, including some chamomile, which I urged him to put
under his eyes.  I also broke off a few branches of camellias for him to
give to Elizabeth.  He thanked me, again surprised at my kindness. 

“It’s the least I can do, seeing as how I’m in love with her
husband and spent the whole day with him.”

I didn’t want him to go.  I knew we wouldn’t get many more
moments like this again, days where we could spend the whole day
together.  Perhaps once in a while we’d be able to steal away again, but
who knew?  Thankfully, Jonas, Catherine, and William all understood how we
felt about each other, and perhaps, I suspected, even Clarissa.  But
Elizabeth was another story.  She wouldn’t allow it.  What could she
do, though, actually, to hurt me?  The only thing that would hurt me would
be if Ethan stopped seeing me or if my children were kept from me.  Just
like in my nightmares.

“I love you, Maddie…with all my heart and soul,” Ethan said,
drawing me from my thoughts.  He kissed me once more on the lips before
climbing up into the carriage.

“I love you, too, with every breath of my being.”

Before retiring to my bedchamber for the night, I went into
Jonas’s study to find a different book to read.  William came into the
room.

“Ethan told me that you are still going to marry me.”

“Yes, that is still the plan.”

“So you told him he was the baby’s father?”

“Yes.  I told him everything.”  I picked up “Sense and
Sensibility” and held it against me.  I needed to read a book with a happy
ending.

“He thanked me for my involvement and begged me to protect you,
but he threatened me if I ever hurt you or the baby.”

“Oh,” I said.  I let out a deep breath.  “He didn’t
offend you, did he?”

“Not at all.  I understand his position.  I would be the
same way.  He loves you very much.”

“Yes, and I love him very much.  We will have to placate
ourselves with loving each other from afar.”

Before falling asleep, while reading Jane Austen’s book, I thought
about the day, how wonderful it had been to be in Ethan’s arms again, kissing
his sweet lips again, spending time together, just when I thought we never
would again.  I thought about all the conversations we’d had and wished
there was a better solution for us to be together, but knew there was not
one.  I was so happy that he finally knew the truth, and not only that,
but he was happy that I was having another baby of his.  I felt like a
giant load had been removed from my back.  I was so relieved and more in
love with him than ever.