West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (7 page)

Anna tried to bounce the baby but
Jo reached for him. Part of Anna already felt like she had failed. Not even ten
minutes in the house and poor Thomas Jr. cried his beautiful eyes out.

Jo saw the concern in Anna’s face.
“You can’t do that to yourself every time something little goes wrong. This is
going to be a process.”

Jo slid the left strap of her dress
off her shoulder. She moved casually, even as she pulled her breast out in the
open. Anna found herself silently gasping and feeling uncomfortable looking at
another woman’s breast. Jo then brought the still crying Thomas Jr. to her
chest and in a matter of seconds, Thomas Jr. found Jo’s giving nipple and he
was latched on, suckling and silent.

“See?” Jo said. “Nothing to be
worried about. He’s just hungry.”

Anna nodded and touched her
stomach. She thought about things she swore she wouldn’t think about. About
being pregnant. About having a baby. About feeding the baby. But none of that
happened. And now she stood in the bedroom of a wet nurse that lived with Thomas.
To feed Thomas’s son.

Thomas Jr. looked content and
relaxed as he fed. His lips had been moving at a fast pace, but now continually
slowed until his eyes started to grow heavy and began to close. Finally, Jo
took Thomas Jr. away from her breast and put him on her shoulder. She clothed
herself and nodded to Anna and then Thomas Jr.

“Burp him,” Jo said.

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes you can. Do it.”

Anna took the baby for a second
time. She placed him on her shoulder and began to tap his back. Thomas Jr. was
very quiet and still relaxed.

“Hit him a little harder,” Jo said.

Anna couldn’t do it. She feared
hurting him.

Jo stood from the bed and came to
Anna. She took her hand and began to really pat the baby on the back.

“You won’t hurt him,” Jo said.
“Trust me. He’s tough, like his father.”

Anna continued to use the same
force and then Thomas Jr. finally let out a long belch. Both Anna and Jo
laughed out loud and Thomas Jr. began to cry again. Anna held Thomas Jr. and
rocked him again, but just as before, the gentle consoling wasn’t going to work
from Anna. She reluctantly handed the infant to Jo again. Jo hurried to swaddle
Thomas Jr. and in seconds, his eyes were shut.

“You have a gift,” Anna said. “A gift,
given by God.”

“Are you talking about my chest or
my heart?” Jo asked.

She had such a smile and conviction
about her that Anna laughed and touched her own face in amazement. Jo’s eyes
were so big and full of life. They matched the unbridled innocence of Thomas
Jr.

“I just don’t understand,” Anna
said.

“Understand what?” Jo asked.

Anna wasn’t sure if she should say
what she had to say. Sure, in the sense of reality, Anna was to marry Thomas.
Jo worked for Thomas, thus working for Anna. Jo understood her position in the
house and even with Anna. It should have all been clear and organized.

But it wasn’t.

“Why aren’t you and Thomas
together?” Anna asked. “It would just make such perfect sense...”

“Oh, now now,” Jo said and started
to wave a finger at her. “I have a job here.”

“But look at you, Jo,” Anna said.
“You’re so bright, so happy, so beautiful. Thomas Jr. takes to you so well.”

“I’m all he’s known,” Jo said.
“I’ve had my share of tragedy too, dear Anna. This is my job right now, nothing
more. I’ve stared deep into Thomas’s eyes and seen the way he looks back at me.
I assure you, you’re meant to marry that man. The way he came off the porch to
greet you, take that as something romantic, all things considered.”

Anna opened her mouth but Jo looked
down at Thomas Jr. and continued talking.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me for a
moment, I’m going to put Thomas Jr. down. Then we’ll enjoy a cup of tea, okay?”

“Okay,” Anna nodded.

Jo turned but stopped. She looked
back and smiled. “Not to put you on the spot, dear Anna, but you are making
dinner tonight, correct?”

“Dinner...?”

“It is your house now,” Jo said.
“It would be certainly a pleasure if I could have my job and nothing more.”

“Dinner,” Anna whispered, nodding.

“The way to Thomas’s heart besides
your beautiful looks, dear Anna, is through a warm meal. I’m sure you’ll do
just fine.”

Jo left from the room and Anna
stood by herself for a few minutes. She slowly crept out of the room and walked
the house, skipping the room she would begin to share with Thomas, working her
way to the kitchen. There she stood, comparing it to the kitchen at home. Well,
her old home. Not that kitchens were very different, but the setup had an
unique look and feel. Anna walked to the window and stood there, looking out to
the large fields. Far, far away she could see Thomas.

Working.

Suffering.

That alone was commendable and it
made Anna want to be the best woman in the world for him. A man that went
through what Thomas did but yet gets up for work, that’s a real man. A man who
could survive the pain and the loss, a man who could love again.

Anna just wanted to be that woman
standing there when it all came together for Thomas.

And she swore to herself she would.

She had something in her bag for
Thomas.

She would share his bed. She would
allow him to do anything he needed. If he needed to touch her, slowly and
gently at first, ease his way. If he wanted to wait a day, two, even a week
before actually getting married. Of course, there would be no playful touching
before that time, but even still, as far as Anna was concerned, the moment she
allowed Jo to bring her to Thomas’s home and property, that’s when her
commitment began.

With that buried in her mind, Anna
let out a long breath and smiled. She looked around the kitchen, gathering
ingredients for a good home cooked supper.

The more she cooked, the more
settled she felt. But one thought started to bother her. One that wouldn’t go
away.

When
would Thomas commit to her?

Chapter Eight

Thomas came inside just as Anna had
finished cooking. It was really a simple meal - chicken, potatoes, vegetables -
but it had the house smelling wonderful. Even Anna found herself hungry as she
cooked, something that rarely happened. She loved being in Thomas’s kitchen and
she loved that Thomas worked hard enough to provide such enjoyable ingredients.

When Thomas entered the kitchen,
Anna heard the thud of his boots and turned to see him again.

Sweaty and dirty, he looked
amazing.

His eyes were a little weary, but
his muscles were still strong, like pieces of iron tucked into his skin.

“Hello,” Anna said, hoping she
wouldn’t fall over this time.

Thomas was going to be her husband,
she’d have to learn to speak to him, right?

“Everything smells good,” Thomas
said. “I was going to talk to you about supper...”

“It’s okay,” Anna said. “Jo fed
Thomas Jr. and put him down for a nap.”

Thomas nodded. “Thank you.”

“I held Thomas Jr. for a minute,”
Anna said. “But he cried.”

Thomas’s face dropped. His eyes
diverted elsewhere, and Anna felt uncomfortable.

“It’s ready to be enjoyed,” Anna
said. With her hands on her hips, she forced a smile and then nodded to the meal.

“Good,” Thomas said. “I’m hungry.”

Anna then stared at Thomas,
wondering where the man in the letters was. This version of Thomas stood quiet
and reserved. Maybe Anna’s presence brought a new world of reality to him. But
one thing Anna knew for sure; the Thomas that wrote those letters admitted his
pain and was also willing to be open.

“If you want to sit, I’ll serve
everyone,” Anna said. “It’s no trouble.”

“Thank you, Anna,” Thomas said. He
stepped back and then hesitated. “I, uh, I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad
everything worked out, traveling and all. In a little while, I’ll show you the
room. Our room.”

Our
room.

Anna swallowed and prayed to the
heavens her cheeks didn’t blush right then. The last thing she wanted to do now
was appear as some bashful woman who would burn red at the thought or spoken
word of a bedroom, sleeping in a bed with Thomas, or more.

She nodded and said, “That sounds
lovely. Oh, I also have money for you.”

“Money for me?”

“Yes. From what you sent. There was
extra.”

“Extra? I told you to spend it.”

“Well, I spent what I needed, and
wanted. I won’t just spend money because it’s there.”

Thomas seemed surprised yet
satisfied. The sides of his lips started to curl a little as though he was going
to smile. He rubbed his face and nodded.

“Well, thank you, my Anna,” Thomas
said. “For being honest.”

Anna couldn’t find words to say as
Thomas slipped away.

My
Anna
, she thought to herself.
He
called me ‘my Anna’...

Anna served supper with a smile so
large on her face that it actually started to hurt. She ate but couldn’t keep
her eyes off Thomas, watching how fast he ate. How he helped himself to
seconds. How satisfied he looked with the meal and the cooking.

The same could be said about Jo,
who offered to take a small helping and leave the room. Both Anna and Thomas
insisted that she stay.

“Well, that was the best meal I’ve
had in this house,” Jo said.

“Oh?” Anna asked.

“I’m not quite the cook you are,”
Jo said. “Isn’t that right, Thomas?”

“The meal is almost too much,”
Thomas said.

“Did I waste food?” Anna asked.

“No, not at all,” Thomas said. “I
meant too much... in the sense that I’m not wealthy enough for this. This
should be served to the richest men and women in the state, not a farmer.”

Anna smiled and felt the urge to
weep almost overtake her. That’s all she ever wanted to hear, something so
small but so meaningful. To some, it was a comment, maybe a compliment. For
Anna, it was romantic.

“I’m going to go check on Thomas
Jr.,” Jo said, leaving Anna alone with Thomas.

“Thank you for making this,” Thomas
said.

“Expect the same every night,” Anna
said. “And morning. And afternoon.”

Thomas smiled and nodded. “I could
get spoiled on this kind of food.”

“No need to get spoiled,” Anna
said, “I won’t be going anywhere.”

The second the words fell from her
mouth. She felt her mouth turn dry as Thomas looked down at the empty plate.

It was probably the worst thing she
could have said right then.

I
won’t be going anywhere...

Anna felt her heart twist in pain wondering
how many times Thomas’s wife said the same thing to him. Of course nobody
thought about going anywhere, about dying. It’s inevitable for all... from man
to bird to plant. The first flower of spring will die during or right after
summer. The corn seed that becomes a magnificent stalk of corn will die. The
same for people. All who are born will die.

The conversation fell silent.

Anna stood and gathered her plate,
then Jo’s, and worked her way towards Thomas.

“Are you finished?” she asked.

“Yes,” Thomas said.

Anna reached for the plate and just
as her fingers were about to retrieve it, Thomas placed his hand on her wrist.

His grip was fierce, yet warm. The
fainting feeling came again but subsided when Thomas looked up at Anna.

“Just you being here makes me feel
more alive,” Thomas said. “I’m truly sorry if I can’t usher you in like the
beautiful bride you deserve to be.”

Anna put the plates she held on the
table and touched Thomas’s large hand gripping her wrist. Her hand shook with
nerves, but she didn’t care. She had been waiting for an honest moment like
this for how long now?

“This is the most I’ve felt needed
and appreciated,” Anna said. “Maybe ever in my life.”

“I’m sorry for that,” Thomas said.

“I’m not so much,” Anna said. “It
brought me where I wanted to be.”

Thomas smiled. “Your heart is quite
amazing, my Anna.”

“Yours is too, Thomas,” Anna said.

A moment passed in silence between
them before Thomas looked straight ahead and spoke again.

“Maybe someday I could tell you
about her,” he said.

Anna knew who
her
was. It felt a
little strange not knowing Thomas’s wife’s name, but she understood it. It was
something so deep and dark within Thomas that the secrecy of her name was a way
of holding onto her.

“I would like that,” Anna said.

Thomas opened his hand and the
moment ended.

Anna cleaned up, appreciating the
time alone to not just take care of the house but to tend to her own thoughts.
She realized she hadn’t had a moment to herself to really think since being on
the train from Massachusetts to Kansas.

When the night came and Jo fed
Thomas Jr. what everyone assumed and hoped would be his last feeding until the
early morning hours (Jo had told Anna that in the past two weeks, the infant
started sleeping through the entire night, which left Anna feeling proud for
some reason) Jo announced she would retire to her room. This once again left
Anna and Thomas alone. Thomas had since cleaned himself up and changed. He
smelled fresh and looked like a man from a dream. Anna could understand why
Mary did what she did with Jo and Thomas’s letters. Any woman would be the
luckiest woman in the world to be near him.

“I’ll show you our room,” Thomas
said.

Jo had put Anna’s suitcase outside
her door. Thomas lifted it and carried it to the room. When Anna stepped into
the room and looked around, she wondered if any of the storage contained
Thomas’s wife’s old clothing. The thought broke her heart and made her shiver
at the same time.