What a Boy Needs (13 page)

"
Come on
,
pretty boy. Don
'
t tell me you
'
re afraid of messing up your nails?
"
For the first time in forever
,
she sort of smiles at me. And yeah
,
it might sound stupid
,
but I missed it.

"
Yeah
,
right.
Sebastian
'
s the one you have to worry about for stuff like that.
"
I step out of my Vans
,
pull off my socks and sit next to her. I roll my baggie shorts up so they
'
re above my knees and watch as Pris
'
s leg makes circles in the water.

After who knows how many circles
,
I get the balls to speak.
"
So
...
things have been kind of
weird for a while.
"

Priscilla actually laughs.
"
Weird? Yeah
,
you can say that. I think it has to do with the fact that I was in love with you
,
thought you might feel the same
,
almost kissed you
,
got my heart broken
,
thought I got over you
,
only to get broken again when I found out you
'
re leaving.
"

Oh
,
damn.
I start to choke. On what
,
I don
'
t know
,
but I
'
m coughing and trying to catch my breath like an idiot when I shouldn
'
t be surprised. This is
Pris
and she doesn
'
t hold back. But still
,
we
'
ve never talked about the
almost-
kiss at the beach house. She
'
s never said anything like this to me before and damn if it isn
'
t hot. Not that I should think that
,
but I do.

She starts to pound on my back.
"
Come on
,
pretty boy. Breathe. Let
'
s not pretend you didn
'
t know.
"

Once I
'
m able to stop acting like a psychopath
,
I look at her. Take in her slightly round face
,
plump lips
,
and for the first time in what feels like forever
,
I feel like she
'
s really looking at me too.
"
I thought you hated me now.
"

There
'
s a part of me who wants to be put out of my misery at my words. I thought you hated me now?
How needy can I sound? But there’s another part of me who needs to know
. Who might just be as needy as I
sound.
I
'
m not proud of that part. I actually want to lock it deep inside and forget it
'
s there
,
kind of like how my dad may have forgotten about me. Does he even know about me? Oh
,
that
'
s right. Mike said he didn
'
t want me.

Priscilla sighs. It
'
s crazy because she
'
s always so fierce. So strong that it makes me feel like crap that I may have dented her armor.

"
I think I did
...
do
...
no. I did
,
a little bit. I
'
m not going to pretend I
'
m not angry or hurt. But I
'
m also tired of it too
.
Bastian
'
s right. It shouldn
'
t be like this. I don
'
t want to fight with you anymore
,
Jaden.
"

"
We
'
re good at fighting.
"
I wink at her.

"
Oh
,
I know. I still think you
'
re in
idiota
,
but I
'
m tired of being mad at you
.
I'm tired
of being hurt.
"

"
Shit
,"
I groan
,
rubbing a hand over my face.
"
You
'
re the last person I want to hurt
,
Priscilla.
"

"
I know that.
"

More circles with her feet. They look wobbly through the water. I can
'
t help myself from thinking about how strong she is. Her leg looks unstable under the water
,
like it
'
s made of
Jell-o
or something
,
but this is part of Priscilla which means it
'
s sturdy
...
unbreakable. How kick ass is this girl? She
'
s probably the strongest person I know.

"
That doesn
'
t make it any less real though
,"
she says.
"
I guess it wasn
'
t
all your
fault
,
either. You can
'
t help how you feel
.
Or
don
'
t
feel
,
for that matter.
"

I do feel it. I shouldn
'
t
,
but I do.

"
No
,"
I shake my head.
"
It
'
s my fault. After we almost kissed last summer I kind of
...
I don
'
t know
,
freaked or something. I know it was the alcohol or whatever
,
but I could have handled it better
...
Should have handled it better.
"

It had been so crazy
,
standing behind that house with her. I
'
d found a way to wipe her tears. Neither of us spoke and then we were just heading toward each other. Like fucking beacons or something
,
we were pulled together. I got so close. I smelled her breath and felt its heat on my lips and then it was over. I realized what was going on and I
'
d pulled back.

And of course
,
the next day we blamed it on drinking. And the rest of the trip we got along like we had in forever
,
but yeah. Things changed when we got home. I realized how I
'
d almost screwed up and the next thing I knew
,
I kept pulling farther and farther way.

"
That doesn
'
t really matter
,
Jay. The fact is
,
I know when to let things go
,
and I have to. I
'
m moving on. I just want
...
"

For a minute I
'
m not sure if she drifted off or if I just stopped hearing. If somehow my hearing cut out when she said she
'
s moving on from me. I want to tell her that she can
'
t. She
'
s mine. In a way we
'
ve always belonged to each other. Since that hair pulling incident in kindergarten our lives have been so intertwined: Me
,
Priscilla
,
Bastian and Aspen
,
but now she
'
s moving on. And they
'
ve moved on. It
'
s like everyone is moving on—going toward something
,
and I keep slipping farther behind.
"
I don
'
t want to lose you
,"
I blurt out.

"
You
'
ll never lose us
,
Jay. What is it you guys always say? We
'
re a package deal or whatever? I just want to get back to what we were. I want to be cool
,
you
know? I don
'
t want to have to yell at you for eating my chips or to ignore you.
"

For some reason
,
I fight to find my voice. It
'
s like it
'
s locked in that piece of me I wanted to hide earlier. Everything feels all wrong
,
but I can
'
t say why. Instead
,
when I open my mouth
,
the words
,
"
They
'
re Cheetos. Not chips
,"
fall out.

Priscilla shakes her head.
"
Stupido
.
"

Does it make me a nutcase that I miss her calling me that?
"
Drama Queen.
"

She doesn
'
t reply so we sit there in silence
,
her feet dancing in the water. The sun is starting to go down now. Like a red
,
fireball
being
extinguished by the desert. Finally
,
I nudge her with my elbow.
"
So
,
a truce
,
huh?
"

"
Yeah
.
A
truce.
"
And then
,
"
I
'
m going to miss you when you go to Texas. I
really
want the next few days to be perfect.
"

I turn to look at her
;
a piece of her dark hair is now flying in the slight breeze
,
moving around like her legs are in the water. And man do I want to kiss her
and
touch her. Memorize her with my hands.
"
I
'
m going to miss you
,
too.
"

I can
'
t make myself tell her even if the next few days aren
'
t perfect
,
this moment is. 

"
So
,
who are you staying with in Texas?
"

"
My uncle.
He
'
s—
"

"
He helped you get the beater
,
right?
"

"
Yeah
.
"
I smile. Damn
,
I
'
m getting soft. I don
'
t even know why I
'
m smiling right now.
"
He owns a junkyard.
"
I shake my head
,
because
...
well
,
that sort of sounds ghetto. I
'
m talking to this gorgeous
,
rich girl with a
District Attorney
for a dad and I
'
m talking about going to live at a junkyard?

I don
'
t know what makes me do it—maybe it
'
s to change the subject or maybe it
'
s because it
'
s something I would have done before
,
without a thought
,
or maybe I just want an excuse to touch her
,
but something makes me grab her. My arms slip around her before I push off the concrete and throw us both in the water.