What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (30 page)

For someone who seemed like she wasn’t the jealous type based on earlier conversations we’d had, she sure seemed bat-shit crazy jealous at the moment.

“Why the mother fuck were you hugging her?” she asked, her voice still that scary hiss.

“I already told you. She and Nick are fighting. Nick’s apparently angry that she came to visit me, but she couldn’t stand that I wasn’t returning her calls, so she figured the only way to get me to talk to her was to show up on my doorstep.”   

“That must have thrown a little wrench in your plans for me yesterday. Did you fuck her before you came looking for me last night?”

“Jesus, Lindsay.” The fact that she even had to ask me that question after all we’d been through cut through my heart like a knife. She was obviously furious with me, and I didn’t know how to fix it. “No. No, I did not fuck Julianne last night or this morning or in the last goddamn week. The last time I was with her was before I even met you.
The first time. That night in Arizona. And you know what? I haven’t fucked anybody else since that night with you.”

Hand jobs didn’t technically count as sex, right?

I saw her relenting.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That she was here?”

She nodded.

“I was so focused on getting you to talk to me that I kind of forgot she was here.”

“So you’re in love with this girl for the last who the fuck knows how many years and suddenly you flip a switch and you’re on the Lindsay train? I’m not buying the shit you’re selling, Travis.”

I did the only thing I could think of. I crashed my lips down on hers and kissed her until we were both panting.

“I’m sorry, Lindsay,” I mumbled against her lips. I pulled back. “God, it feels like all I do is apologize. But I will apologize to you forever if that’s what it takes for you to trust me.”

“I need you to prove to me that you are trustworthy. I don’t know you well enough yet.”

“I’ll do anything,” I said.

“You can start by being honest with me now.”

“I am being honest with you.”

She gazed up into my eyes. “I don’t want to fight with you. I had a shitty day at work and I came over to see you and walked in only to find you wrapped around another woman. Travis, I’m not by nature a jealous person, but I wanted to kick that bitch’s ass when I walked in on that shit.”

“Not necessary. It didn’t look good, and I get that. But all I have thought about for the last twenty-four hours is you. Shit, all I’ve thought about since I met you is you.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “Not her. I didn’t even remember that
she was here.”

She looked up at me. “I think I need a break. I need a night away from you to get my head on straight.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”

“You confuse me, Travis. I am all over the place. I can’t think clearly when we’re together. I feel like I just give in to every little thing you ask me for because you’ve somehow gained this control over me.”

TJ twitched to life at her words. I loved every second of having control over her, but what she didn’t know was how much control she had over me, too. So I told her.

“Listen to me, Rhodes. It’s the exact same way for me. I lose all sense when you’re near me. Just the smell of you is enough to drive a man insane. I have never felt this way before, and as much as I love the power you hold over me, it terrifies the hell out of me.”

She gazed up at me, unrelenting.

“Tell me what I can do to make this better.”

She shrugged and looked away. “Nothing.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” I hissed.

Her eyes met mine again with a touch of surprise at my tone. “I am not lying.” She was indignant.

I nodded. “Yes, you are. You looked away before you said ‘nothing.’”

“Fine. You can’t do anything. It’s something I have to figure out. I like letting you take control over me. I like feeling confused if it’s because you’re jumbling my thoughts. I like just being with you. And apparently my jealous tiger comes out when I see you hugging other girls, so cut that shit out.”

“Done.
What else?”

She thought for a moment, and I interrupted her thinking. Something she’d said had cut me the deepest, and I needed to clarify it. “Can I ask you a question?”

She nodded curiously.

“When you asked how you’re supposed to trust me, did you mean that? Or was it your anger talking?”

“Maybe both. I don’t know that much about you, Travis. We’re in the early stages of getting to know one another, and it takes me a long time to build trust.”

“I get that. But please don’t say that you don’t trust me, because that hurts. If I haven’t earned your trust after we’ve gotten to know each other better, then we have a problem. Is there anything else I can do to make this better?”

“Get the blonde out of here and then take me to your bed and fuck me.”

Jesus.

“Deal.” I lifted her off the ground so that she was cradled in my arms. I felt like a beast of a man holding my petite woman in my arms. I carried her all the way to my apartment, and Jules was standing near the doorway with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. Her brows rose when she saw us. She looked surprised that I was walking in the door with Lindsay curled around me.

“Julianne, this is Lindsay. Lindsay, meet Julianne.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lindsay said, one hand wrapped around my neck as she stuck the other one out. Jules shook it.

“You, too,” she echoed. “Bye, Trav. I’m heading out.”

“Bye. Safe travels.”

I glanced over at Dan, and he nodded at me. I walked through the apartment with Lindsay in my arms, figuring Dan would take care of seeing Julianne out. I had bigger fish to fry at that moment, and I was fairly certain that the woman wrapped around me wouldn’t appreciate my goodbye hug with Jules after what she’d walked in on a few minutes earlier.

Close call. Julianne had nearly ruined a very important piece of the puzzle that my life had become, but I wouldn’t let her. Nothing would ruin what I was starting with Lindsay. Together, we were much too strong and powerful to be broken.

And that was my guiding thought as I stripped her out of her clothes and threw her on the bed. She writhed under me and I let out a low growl, looking at her beautiful body ready for me to feast on.

I ripped my clothes off except for my boxers and threw them on the floor, climbing up the bed and hovering over her as my lips found hers and my tongue twisted against hers in a wicked show of passion. I saw fireworks exploding before my eyes as she took over every one of my senses.

This was going to be fast and hard, and I was trying to savor every second of her body under mine.

The feel of her was pure bliss, and the smell of her was that same citrusy smell like I just been in the summer sun on a picnic. I gazed down at her, really seeing her full, perfect beauty as I could hear her gentle moans beneath me, turning me on in ways I never knew I could be turned on.

I lavished attention to her breasts, and my hand slowly trailed down her belly, down further to her core. She bowed up toward me as I thrust a finger inside, and her hand found my erection through my boxers, stroking me in the same rhythm that I was using to pump in and out of her. As usual, I knew that I wasn’t going to last very long with her. She just did it for me. She nearly made me come just
from a simple look, never mind when she actually touched me.

“You’re so fucking wet,” I hissed in her ear, kissing her neck and gently biting her earlobe.

“For you,” she gasped. My mouth on hers was almost violent as I kissed her unrelentingly, taking everything I could as I gave her everything I had, making sure that she knew that she was the only woman in my life.

Her feet found the top of my boxers, and she slowly dragged them down my legs and off of me using only her feet. That was the goddamn sexiest thing I had ever experienced. I growled low in my throat as I dragged my lips from hers and moved down her neck, her throat, and back up again. Her tongue slid against mine, licking as aggressively into my mouth as mine was into hers.

I stood up to remove my boxers, and she gazed at me with lust the entire time.

“You like what you see?” I teased once I was fully naked.

“Oh yeah,” she breathed. “I could stare you all day.”

The feeling was mutual, but my body’s response was instinctive.

I yanked her up from the bed, pulling her up into my arms. She wrapped her legs around me, and then I impaled her with my hardness.

I pushed into her and her head rolled back. Seeing her like that almost made me lose it. I pressed all the way in to the hilt, and then I pulled back, almost all the way out. She cried out with a sexy kitten moan, and then I pushed forward again, this time lingering inside of her, never wanting to leave that perfect place as I felt her walls gripping me to her.

She cried out as I grunted, both of us panting. She balanced herself by placing her hands on my shoulders as my hands found her ass, lifting her up and down as I moved in and out of her, her breasts bouncing flawlessly in front of my face.

The visual of her body moving as I drove in and out of her and the sounds escaping her lips as she built toward her climax was my undoing.

I tried to focus on baseball. That was my go-to to try to last longer. But with Lindsay, my old tried and true tricks to hold off my orgasm just didn’t work.

“Fuck, Lindsay,” I roared.

“Wait,” she cried. “Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

I couldn’t hold on any longer. I detonated up into her just as her body contracted around mine. She depleted every last drop I had in me, sapping my energy as she consumed every part of my being.

I collapsed on the bed, still buried deep inside of her as her head came to a rest on my chest. I clutched her against me. She grunted softly as I slowly pulled out, and we lay like that for minutes or hours or days; I wasn’t sure, but what I did know was that I would never get enough of this woman.

After we had both come down from our orgasm-induced highs, it was just about dinnertime. I invited Dan, but he had plans with Mel, so it was just Lindsay and me. “We don’t have much in the house. Want to go out to eat?” I asked, surveying the pantry and fridge.

“Sure,” she said. “Just something close. Whatever’s easy. I need to run home and get some work done tonight.”

“Skips? It’s a bar just down the street. Pretty good
food, and very cold beer.”

She grinned. “Perfect.”

We walked down to Skips and picked out a booth, sitting across from each other. Tracy walked over to the table. “Hey, you.” She grinned at me.

Lindsay glanced up at her, another spark of jealousy marring her beautiful eyes.

“What are you drinking?” Tracy asked Lindsay first. She ordered a Miller Lite. My kind of girl. “And the usual for you, T?”

I nodded.

“Be right back.”

Lindsay glared at me over her menu.

“What?” I asked, wondering what I had possibly done to be in trouble
again
.

“She was your date at the Sunset Cliffs event.” Her eyes narrowed.

“Yeah. Because I didn’t know anybody else in San Diego. She has become a good friend.”

“You seem to be friends with a lot of girls.”

I sighed. I didn’t like the jealous side of her that was suddenly showing itself, but I had to accept it as part of the rest of her perfect package.

“I guess.”

“Is there anything between you?” she asked.

I shifted uncomfortably. “There was the potential for something once. We had a sort of hook up one night. But that was it.”

“What is a sort of hook up?”

“Why don’t you just look at the menu and figure out what you want to eat?” I didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

“You said you hadn’t been with anybody since me.”

“Correction.
I said I hadn’t fucked anybody since you. And that is the truth.”

“So what happened between you two then?”

“We fooled around right after I moved here. But that was it. We agreed that neither of us wanted anything more.”

“So are you telling me you aren’t ready for a relationship?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m telling you that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with Tracy. With you, I am most definitely ready.”

“Why didn’t you want more with her?” she pressed.

I was starting to get frustrated with this conversation.

Tracy dropped off our drinks. “You kids know what you want to order?” she asked.

“I do. Lindsay?”

“I’ll just have whatever Travis orders,” she said.

I looked up at her in surprise. She always seemed so sure of everything she wanted, yet in this instance, she was handing the control over to me right after our conversation about control. She constantly confused the shit out of me.

“Two of the usual,” I said.