What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (38 page)

He sat at his desk and I sat across from him. I felt like I was in the principal’s office and I’d misbehaved, but I was fucking furious with this guy after the stunt he pulled the day before.

He opened his mouth to start talking, but I interrupted him. “Read any interesting emails lately?”

He masked the flash of surprise well, but I had seen it nonetheless. “What are you talking about?”

“
Don’t fucking play dumb with me, Spencer. I know it was you.”

“What was me?”

So he was going to play this game.

“You went into my office, read my personal email, and responded,
BCCing Lindsay.”

He stared at me, but I knew the truth.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

If that’s how he wanted to play it, I couldn’t summon the energy to pull it out of him. What was done was done, and there was no going back to change that now.

So I decided to cut to the chase instead. “What is it that you’d like to say to me?”

“I just need to know the truth,” he said.

“About what?”

“You and Lindsay.”

“She told you the truth.” Why the fuck was he confronting me with this?

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Don’t do this to yourself, Spencer.”

“I keep going over it in my mind and I can’t figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

“Why she would choose you over me.”

Ouch. How was I supposed to respond to that? “That’s a question for her.”

“What’s your opinion?”

That I’m a better lover? That she has stronger feelings for me? That she is in love with me? None of those things were things he wanted to hear, and it wouldn’t make it better for him anyway.

Instead, I shrugged. “She can’t help what she feels.”

“But you and me, we were friends, Travis. That’s what I don’t get. How could you come in here and use me for my expertise and allow me to mentor you and then fuck my girlfriend?”

“It wasn’t like that. When we first got together, she wasn’t with you and I hadn’t met you. We both wanted something with no strings attached, and we didn’t even know each other’s names.”

“Like that’s supposed to make it better?”

“We both assumed it would just be that one night.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“It was.
Until we bumped into each other at the Sunset Cliffs event. I never thought I’d see her again. She never thought she’d see me again. But I hadn’t stopped thinking about her from the moment she left my apartment.”

“She stopped thinking about you long enough to get back together with me.”

I wanted to let that comment slide. He said it to hurt me, and he didn’t know the truth that she’d told me. I believed her when she said that she hadn’t slept with him after she had met me. I had to believe her, because if I didn’t, I would have a hard time bearing the pain of thinking about her with another man. It sent my jealousy into a burning rage, and I had to keep a lid on that. Especially in front of Spencer.

What’s that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?

Yeah, I had good intentions to keep a lid on it. But my morning without coffee and sex had led me in a different direction. I didn’t mean to be an asshole, but it sort of just came out.

“You weren’t
really
back together though, were you?”

His eyes narrowed.

“Yeah, Spencer. She told me that the two of you didn’t sleep together. So you can stop trying to make me think that you did.”

“Oh she did, did she? Did she tell you what we did do?”

“She told me everything.”

“So she told you that she wrapped her lips around my—”

I cut him off. “Stop.” I stood up and placed my palms on his desk. “I’m not listening to this bullshit from you.”

He stood, too, and mirrored my stance. “It’s not bullshit. You should ask her. Does she do that for you?” His voice was sinister.

I thought Spencer was supposed to be the nice guy.

Who knew that he could be such a fucking jackass when he wanted to be? They say that heartbreak will do crazy things to a person, but Spencer’s personality had completely changed overnight.

It made me fear what losing Lindsay could do to me.

I glared at him. “You really don’t want the answer to that question, do you?” I asked harshly.

He leveled his gaze at me and we both stood in tense silence for a moment. He had lost, and I really shouldn’t have been rubbing that in. But I wanted to wipe that smug look right off of his stupid face in that moment.

I broke the silence. “She does. And it’s the most amazing fucking thing I have ever felt in my life.”

His eyes widened with shock.

With that, I left his office and headed out the door to finally get the coffee that I needed. I realized my hands were shaking as I pressed the button for the elevator, and I took a few deep breaths to calm down after that encounter with Spencer.

I wasn’t a fighter. It just wasn’t my style. But when it came to Lindsay, I wanted to beat the fucking hell out of anybody who got in my way, and that included Spencer. I wanted to go back into his office and kick his ass into next week. Suddenly I felt the need for a beer or some scotch, not coffee.

I dialed Lindsay once I was in the car.

“Hey, Tiger,” she answered, her voice tired.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, wanting to tend to her first before I got into the real reason I had called.

“Shitty, but I just took some Advil and downed some coffee, so I’m doing a little better.”

“Spencer just cornered me,” I said without preamble.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, baby. What did he say?”

“Well, for starters, he let me know that you used your mouth to pleasure him when you got back together.”

“Shit,” she murmured. “Travis—”

I interrupted her. “Don’t.” I didn’t want to hear any more about that particular nugget. “He is playing dumb to the email thing.”

“It had to have been him.” Her voice sounded miserable.

“We both know that. He was a total dick and I wanted to punch his smug little face.”

“You didn’t, did you?”

“Would you care if I did?”

“Travis, of course I would care. I dated the guy for six months. He asked me to marry him. I don’t love him that way anymore, but I don’t want to see him hurt.”

I sighed as I pulled into a gas station. “I have to go.”

“Are we okay?”

“I guess.”

“Tiger, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t pull back from me. I will not let you fuck this up.” She repeated our pledge to each other.

“I have to go,” I repeated. I felt like shit. I didn’t want her to care about Spencer. I knew it was irrational, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. He had suddenly become a speck of shit in my life, and I wanted her to feel nothing for him. But if she didn’t want him hurt, that meant she cared. And knowing she cared, knowing what they did – regardless of the fact that it had happened when I wasn’t in the picture, when we had both assumed we’d never see each other again – was overwhelming my rational thoughts.

She was quiet on the other end.

“Bye,” I said, and I ended the call as I headed in to finally get my morning fuel.

I wasn’t sure why I did that. It wasn’t her fault that Spencer had suddenly become a big old douche bag, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on her. But I had, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I wanted her to know that Spencer was going to be a sore spot for me, just like Julianne was for her.

Fuck the fact that we both had pasts; I didn’t want to be understanding, and the more I thought about it, the madder I became. I understood her human nature not to want to see people hurt, but she said she didn’t love him that way anymore. She never said she didn’t love him at all anymore. This seemed like something we needed to talk more about, and we had a four and a half hour car ride in front of us that would give us plenty of time to explore the situation.

I chose the largest sized cup and sighed in utter frustration as I filled my cup with flavored cream and then poured the coffee on top of it. I chose a dark roast, hoping for more caffeine.

“You okay?” a woman’s voice asked.

I turned to look at the voice and found myself staring at a stunning beauty before me dressed in a spectacularly low cut dress. She was the type of woman that men stopped and stared at when she was walking down the street. Suddenly “Maneater” by Hall and Oates started playing through my mind.

“Doing great, thanks,” I said, flashing
her my signature smile that typically had women dropping their panties for me.

“You live around here?” she flicked her silky brunette hair behind her shoulder.

“I work a few blocks away. You?” I put the coffee pot back on its burner.

“I live just around the corner.” Her voice became husky. “I’d love to show you.”

Good Lord.

I wanted to see more than just where she lived.

But reality set in, and even though things were on shaky ground, someone else in my life came first.

“Love to, but it would probably piss off my girlfriend.” It was the first time I had referred to her as my “girlfriend”
to another person, and it felt good as it rolled off my tongue.

She smiled wickedly at me. “She doesn’t have to know.”

I pressed my lips together, the corners of my mouth curling up in a smile. “Sorry, baby. I’m not that guy. You have a nice day.”

I headed to the register and paid for my coffee, mentally patting myself on the back for a job well done, and then got in my car and drove back toward the office.

My day moved slowly. The coffee didn’t help my crankiness. I wasn’t sure if anything could, especially with the visual of Lindsay on her knees before Spencer running through my brain.

Dan came by at noon to see if I wanted to go to lunch, but I was brooding and I knew that I wouldn’t be good company, so I declined. And I sure as hell made certain that all of my email programs were closed before I popped down to Subway and took a sandwich to go, opting to eat at my desk with my office door closed.

I had a lot to do to get ready for a presentation that would take place at the end of the next week, and given that I would be out of town for the majority of the weekend, the extra time over lunch was needed.

I heard my phone buzz with a text just after I finished my lunch. It was from Lindsay.
 
Are we still on for this weekend?

I knew I had been short with her, but I never imagined she’d think our plans were in jeopardy.

Of course we’re still on. I’ll pick you up around 5:30.

K. Are you still angry?

I softened. I
was
angry, but not at her. I had to learn to direct my anger at the right people rather than taking it out on her
.
Not with you. We’ll have plenty of time to talk.

Finally 5:00 rolled around, and I ran out of the office right on time, careful to avoid Spencer’s office as I didn’t want another interaction with him before my big weekend with Lindsay.

I stopped home and packed my bag quickly, hoping I wasn’t forgetting anything. I printed my reservation confirmation, changed into shorts and a t-shirt, and then I headed over to Lindsay’s place.

I rang the bell and Lindsay answered it, a vision of gorgeousness standing before me. She was wearing a pink and black dress that stretched perfectly against her curves, and I ached to rip it off of her as my body reacted to first the visual image of her standing there and then her scent as her
delicious citrus aroma wafted to my nose.

She looked much, much better than she had that morning. In fact, she looked perfect. I would never have guessed that she was surviving on little sleep after throwing up from too much drinking the night before.

She eyed me warily, as if gauging my mood.

“God, I missed you today,” I murmured, pushing my way past her door into her entryway and yanking her body to mine. Her fingers thrust into my hair as she pulled my head down to meet hers. My forehead rested against hers for a moment, my eyes closed as I breathed in her familiar, comforting, sensual scent.

“I missed you, too,” she whispered. She tilted her chin up so her lips met mine, and I shoved my tongue past her lips. She moaned into me as her tongue met mine in a fast tango. This was my way of letting her know that we were going to be okay. Maybe we still had some talking to do and things to figure out, but together we would make it through.

I pulled my lips away from hers reluctantly and leaned my forehead back against hers again. “We’ll never make it to our destination if we keep this up.”

“Screw the destination.” Her voice was a low, husky murmur. “Kiss me like that again.”