What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (36 page)

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

She glanced up at me. “I wear contacts that I usually just sleep in. But I prefer my glasses when I’m reading.”

“Learning new things all the time, and that one wasn’t even from the ABC game.” I walked over to her and massaged her shoulders. She rotated her neck and moaned under my touch.

“That feels amazing,” she whimpered.

“Are you almost done?” I asked.

She flipped through her book. “Three more pages,” she said.

“You finish. I’ll go hang downstairs.”

“Thanks, Tiger,” she said. I kissed her forehead and left her to it.

She found me watching ESPN when she returned. I wasn’t really watching it; I had it on, but I was lost in thought. I wanted to be with her when I replied to Jules. I didn’t want any secrets from her, and I wanted her to know that she came first and that she could trust me.

“Good reading?” I asked.

“Fascinating. Nothing like Human Resources to put you right to sleep.”

“Is that the class you’re taking?”

She nodded. “All I can picture is Toby from
The Office
.”

I chuckled and motioned her to come over. She cuddled into my arms on the couch.

“ESPN?” she asked.

“It’s pretty much all I ever watch besides reruns of
Seinfeld
. I do catch the occasional rerun of
The Office
, too.”

“We’ll have to broaden your horizons.”

“What do you watch?”

“
The
Bachelor.
”

“Good luck getting me hooked on a reality show.”

She giggled. “Oh, I’ll get you hooked. Pen tried out for
Bachelor
one time.”

“I don’t know her well, but from what I do know, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“She’s a riot. She’s wild, but we always have so much fun together.”

“She was fiercely protective of you when I came by earlier.” I thought back to Pen barring me from the door.

“She’s a good friend. I’d do the same for her.”

“Do you want to go meet up with her?” I asked.

She shrugged. “What time is it?”

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and showed her the time: 9:30.

“Still fairly early,” she said.

“It might do us some good to get out of the house for awhile. How does a drink or two
sound?”

“Let’s do it.”

“Before we go, I need you to help me with something,” I said.

She glanced over at me with her eyebrows raised.

“Can I borrow your laptop?”

She nodded and went upstairs, coming back with her laptop in her arms a moment later. She handed it to me.

I opened it and pulled up my Gmail account, and then I clicked on Julianne’s email.

“I haven’t written Julianne back yet. I want you to type it for me.”

She looked at me, her eyebrows arched, as I handed her the laptop.

“I’ll dictate and you type,” I said.

“So I’m your dictator?” she giggled.

“Yes. You’re my penis crossed with a potato,” I deadpanned.

Her giggle turned into a loud laugh, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. Her joke really was stupid, but I could see why it made her laugh every time she told it.

When our ridiculous laughter wound down, I started “dictating” my email.

“Dear Julianne,” I started. She typed quickly, and I was amazed by her typing speed. I spoke at a normal pace, and she kept up with me. “First, let me explain something. I did not send that first reply. Please disregard it. Someone trying to sabotage what I have with Lindsay sent that to you, and it almost worked.”

She turned to face me. “It didn’t almost work.”

“You locked yourself in the bathroom.”

“True. I was pretty angry. Okay, continue.”

“Alright. New paragraph.” She clicked the enter key. “Thank you for your email. I need you to understand that I am in a new relationship with someone who has become everything to me. I am sorry that you are confused and feeling scared, but I can’t be there for you to pick up the pieces. You are wearing a ring on your left hand from the man of your dreams. Go home to him, love him, enjoy him. Turn to him when you’re feeling lonely. Because I’ve turned to someone in my own loneliness, and she provided me comfort, hope, and happiness.”

Lindsay glanced up from the screen at me, tears shining in her eyes.

“It’s the truth,” I whispered.

She nodded.

“Keep typing: She’s the answer to every question I’ve ever had. She is my light and my hope.” I wanted to tell Julianne that I loved Lindsay, but I hadn’t even told Lindsay that yet. And through an email to another woman wasn’t the way.

“I meant what I said when I told you that I had moved on. You will always be an important part of my life—”

She paused in her typing. She turned to me. “I can’t do this.”

“Please, let me finish.”

She nodded and turned back to the screen, so I continued talking. “—because of the history we share and because our families are close. But please understand this: It will take time before I’m ready to build our friendship back to what it once was. Thank you for everything you’ve given me. As much as it hurt, what happened between us prompted me to move to San Diego, and it set off a chain of events that led me to where I am now. I have no regrets. Regrets are a waste of time, anyway. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I hope that knowledge will help you to stop beating yourself up over what happened. Please give me time to gain some firm ground with Lindsay, because she needs to know that she’s my top priority. Maybe once that has happened, someday down the line, you and I could give our friendship another try. Travis”

“Send it?” she asked.

I nodded.

She clicked the button.
“Done. You should probably text her back, too.”

“Shit, I forgot about her text. Do you think I should call her to clarify what happened?”

“Up to you, Tiger. Thanks for what you said about me.”

“It’s all true, baby.”

“I like the part about being the answer to your questions. And the part about regrets.”

“Everything happens for a reason, I think. Everything happened so I would end up right here, right now.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek. Yet again, I felt the urge to say the words.
I LOVE YOU!
I yelled inside my head. But my mouth wasn’t ready yet.

“Do you have plans this weekend?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “Well, I tentatively told Pen I’d go out with a group of her work friends tomorrow night, but if you’ve got something you want to do, I’d rather cancel. I always feel like a third wheel with Pen’s friends.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to step on your plans.”

“I’m sure. We can tell her tonight. What are you thinking?”

My eyes twinkled mischievously. “I’m taking you somewhere.”

“Where?”

“Out of town.
It’s a surprise. But be ready for fun and excitement.”

Her eyes glittered back at me. “I love surprises. I can’t wait! When do we leave?”

“How’s after work tomorrow?”

She grinned. “What should I pack?”

“One dressy outfit, but otherwise, whatever casual stuff you would pack for a quick trip out of town.”

“Swimsuit?”

I thought about it. It would be too cold to swim outside in late February, but there might be a hot tub opportunity. And everyone knows that hot tubs lead to sex, so I wasn’t going to shoot down that particular opportunity. “Sure.”

“You’re being mysterious.”

I grinned and grabbed her knee right in her ticklish spot. She squealed as she swatted my hand away, making my smile widen even more.

I grabbed my cell phone as she cuddled in beside me and pulled up Julianne’s contact information. I stared at it for a moment, trying to decide if I should call or just take the easy way out and send a text.

I pressed the call button, opting for the in-person choice, my heart speeding up in my chest – not because I was going to talk to Julianne, but because I was a little anxious as to what might greet me when she answered. Her text had been clear; she couldn’t decide between her fiancé and me. I hoped she had meant that she couldn’t choose between the historical friendship we’d shared and the new love she had in her life, but what if she meant that she wanted to be with me? That she couldn’t choose between Nick and me? I thought she’d already made that decision, and now there was no turning back, because as much as it had been everything I’d ever wanted just a few weeks earlier, my priorities had completely changed the moment Lindsay stepped into my life.

It rang six times before sending me to voicemail. I glanced over at Lindsay nervously.
“Hey, Jules. I got your text, and you need to know that the email you received earlier today wasn’t from me. It was a set-up to try to break up Lindsay and me. I got your text, and I need you to know that there isn’t a choice to be made. Be happy with your fiancé and stop thinking about me. I sent you an email that says more, but please just give me some time to prove to Lindsay that you aren’t going to come between us. Okay?” I didn’t know how to end the call. We always ended by telling each other we loved each other. She had meant as a friend, and I had meant as more than friends, but regardless, we always said it. And now I wasn’t going to. Not because I didn’t still love Jules, because I did. I would always, always love her. But I wasn’t in love with her anymore. Not like I once was. Not since the second I had met Lindsay. “Anyway… bye.” I hung up, but that call showed me quite a bit about what I really felt.

She kissed my cheek. “Thank you.”

“Ready to go out for a drink?” I asked, changing the subject and not even acknowledging her thanks. She didn’t need to thank me for standing up and fighting for her. It was what I was born to do.

Lindsay headed upstairs to change her clothes, and she reappeared in jeans and a sexy, tight, white t-shirt a few minutes later. My mouth watered just looking at her. “You look… gorgeous,” I grinned.

“Is that where that nickname came from?” she asked on a smile.

We got into her car with me at the wheel. “Where are we headed?”

“Gaslamp,” she said, and I started heading that way.

We found a parking spot not far from the bar and headed in. Lindsay immediately found Pen and her group of friends, which wasn’t hard given her fiery red hair and even fierier personality lighting up the bar.

“Hey, Lindsay and Travis surfaced from the bedroom long enough to join us!” she shouted upon seeing us. Lindsay rolled her eyes and gave her a hug.

“Everyone, this is Travis. Travis, everyone,” Lindsay said.

Her group of friends consisted of three women (including her and Pen) and two guys. I was introduced to the other woman in their group, Abby, who dated Nathan, one of the guys. The other guy was Cole, and the longing way he looked at my woman told me he had feelings for her. I was immediately on guard, but I didn’t want to ruin Lindsay’s night with my jealousy after we had just gotten back on good terms after the email fiasco.

Lindsay requested a vodka and seven-up, so I headed to the bar to get our drink orders. As I made my way back with my Miller
Lite and her drink, I found a man that I didn’t recognize wrapped around her. Every insecurity I had came rushing to the surface as suddenly I understood the raging jealousy that poured out of her when she caught me wrapped in a hug with Julianne the day before.

I set our drinks down on the table, and I saw her trying to push the guy off of her, but he held on in his tight bear hug.

My temper got the best of me.

“Dude, get your fucking hands off of her,” I said, my voice a threatening hiss.

Pen looked at me with something between respect and horror on her face, only spurring me on.

The guy didn’t move. Lindsay’s back was to me, and I pushed the guy’s shoulder away from her. His eyes met mine, and he had the nerve to grin at me.

“I said get off of her,” I repeated, my voice hard and loud.

“Dude, chill,” the guy said to me, and Lindsay looked at me and rolled her eyes.

I got up in his face. Who the hell was this guy to tell me to chill? “Don’t fucking tell me to chill when you’re all over my girl.”

“I wasn’t all over her,” he said calmly, his
face a mocking smirk. “And your girl?” he asked, glancing over at Lindsay as his lips curled into a smile. “You marking your territory? Want to piss on my leg?”

I raised my brows at him and then pulled my arm back to punch the shit out of this guy’s face. Lindsay reacted quickly, holding me back.

“Travis, don’t.” Her voice broke through the rage I felt burning in my veins.

“Who the fuck does this guy think he is?”
I asked, my face hot as I geared up to fight for what was mine. Literally.