What Might Have Been (7 page)

Tanner nipped kisses all over her face. “Not when I can make love to you.”

Macy writhed, whimpering with each thrust. Her heart ached. Despite his proclamations, he would probably still walk away after just one weekend. Men acted impulsively all the time. What made her actions different?

She screamed her release as he brought her to climax Tears burned behind her eyes. God damn her choice in men. In the space of thirty-six hours, she’d fallen in love with him all over again. And where would she be when the weekend ended?

Heartbroken.

She needed to rebuild the walls surrounding her heart before she said something totally off the wall—like she loved him.

Well, hell.

Tanner panted to catch his breath. Macy’s body should come with a warning label. Each time he pegged her as more than he could ever want in a woman, she blew his mind again. Anal play had never factored into his ideas of pleasure, but with her at the helm, he loved it. He gazed down at her nude form curled up on his lap.

He didn’t consider himself a controlling male. Yes, he liked to be a manly man, but when she’d dictated the course of their lovemaking, he’d realised he liked it. He worked the slippery silk off his wrists and eased down onto the mattress. Giving her the power to control him turned him on and inside out. Pleasing her satisfied him as much as coming. Watching her glow during orgasm heightened his climax.

“Macy, babe?”

She shifted and sighed. “Hmmm?” She rubbed her cheek on his chest. “You wore me out.”

“What’s your dream house look like?”

“A white farmhouse with a big porch and a swing.”

Tanner blinked. She’d answered rather quickly, but honestly. He tugged the comforter over their bodies and cuddled her close. Her description, though vague, matched the image in his mind. He’d never considered a swing, and that minute detail added to his overall plan. “Let me build you that house.”

“On the north end of town?” Her sleepy voice muffled against his chest. “I always wanted to live on the north end of town.”

Tanner ran his fingers through the downy strands of her hair. He’d build the house wherever her heart desired. His eyelids drifted shut. “Babe, I’ll build you that house and we’ll live the happily-ever-after you deserve. I’ll marry you, Macy.”

“Uh-huh.” She stilled within his arms. Her breath fluttered over his chest.

Tanner fought off sleep long enough to murmur, “I love you, Macy.” When he drifted off, he basked in dreams of his life with her—the life he’d always wanted.

Chapter Seven

Macy cracked her eyes open. Still in the same hotel room. She froze for a moment. Still with Tanner. Day old whiskers dusted his neck and chin, giving him a rugged, outdoorsy look. Did he look like this every morning?

Bits of the earlier conversation filtered into her mind. He wanted to build her white farmhouse—with the swing. He wanted a life with her, to marry her. A large part of her heart yearned to stay with him. A remnant of insecurity threatened her happy feelings. He said he wanted to be with her, but hearts changed all the time. Happily-ever-afters only seemed to work in her books. Not in real life. What made him any different?

A song played in the pile of discarded clothing on the floor. Not a ringtone of hers. She rose up on one elbow and poked Tanner’s chest. “Does your phone always play
One Helluva Ride
when it rings?”

Tanner sighed and tugged her closer to him. His fingers splayed over her ass. “It does. Why?”

“You’re being paged.”

“Ignore it.” He nuzzled her breast, drawing her nipple into his mouth. “I’ve got better things to worry about.” As soon as the music stopped, it started back up again. Tanner groaned and released her breast. “Damn it.”

He sat up and fumbled on the floor for his phone. “Shit.” Tanner scrubbed a hand over his face. “Faith.”

Ice wrapped around Macy’s heart. So much for another round of cuddling or bondage before Kealie came by to get her ready for the reunion banquet. “She calls a lot?”

“Only when it suits her. It pisses me off.” Tanner scratched the back of his head with his long fingers. He stood and paced the room, buck naked. His brows knotted as he spoke into his phone. “Faith, that doesn’t matter.”

Not wanting to hear another word, Macy slipped out of bed and streaked into the bathroom. Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes.
No. I won’t let my emotions run away with me.
Most men didn’t get calls from ex-girlfriends unless the woman wanted money or to make trouble. In Faith’s case, either could apply.

She rinsed her toothbrush under the water and added the tartar-control paste. While she brushed, she tamped down her overactive imagination. Tomorrow, she’d fly to New York, sign her contract extension, and go on her book tour alone.

A sickening feeling niggled at her brain. Alone wouldn’t work forever. Not now that Tanner had invaded and conquered her fortifications.

Macy spat the foam into the sink and stared at her dishevelled reflection. Her hair hung in tangles around her face. The remnants of her makeup smeared under her eyes. She sucked in her cheeks and examined her body. No matter how much she held her breath, the slight paunch of her belly remained visible. She cursed her love of pasta and chocolate. A moment on the lips sure as hell meant a lifetime on the hips.

When she turned to examine her ass, Tanner crossed his arms in the doorway. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Damn it,” she screamed and grabbed the door to slam it shut. With a broad hand, he pinned the barrier in place.

“Macy, you’re beautiful just the way God made you.” He inched towards her, still naked as the day he came into the world. “It’s not every day I let a sexy woman bind my hands and take advantage of me. You’re special, and I meant it when I said I wanted forever with you.”

“Me?” She willed her heart rate to drop back into the normal range.

“You.” He smoothed both hands into her hair and drew her into his arms. “There are so many things I want to tell you.”

She rubbed her cheek on his chest, admiring the smooth play of muscles. “Like what?”

“Faith wants to get back together.”

Macy’s breath lodged in her throat. That was a bombshell she hadn’t seen coming. Her blood ran cold. “And you said?”
I fucked Macy Shibley. I’ve found my missing piece and have no use for you.
She snorted. She didn’t have the luck for that to happen.

“You can’t patch up eleven years of regret with five minutes of conversation and tears.” His voice, though low, was strong and sure. “Which is why I don’t want to lie to you. I’m not a man to keep secrets about my love life, and knowing Faith, she’d find a way to irritate the hell out of you until she got the dirt on us.”

“I see.” Maybe her luck had changed. Even so, why were they chatting in front of the bathroom mirror?

“I don’t think you do understand.”

She ducked under his arm and scurried to the main room. “I’m not comfortable having this conversation in the nude.” She grabbed a T-shirt from her suitcase and yanked it over her head.

“You have a beautiful body. I’d rather see you bare all the time.” Tanner rummaged through his pile of clothing on the floor. “You aren’t you married. Why?” He slid his jeans over his hips—sans boxer shorts. She fought the urge to drool.

 
“Once again, you change the conversation on a dime.” She fisted the hem of her shirt to keep from reaching for him. “No, I’m not married, but you’d know that if you saw my website.” No one had ever asked, and anyway relationships cramped her secluded style. “I don’t even have a cat, and I like cats.”

“You can have as many kitties as you’d like.” He strode across the room and swept her into his arms. “Macy, you flow through my veins.” He tipped her chin to gaze into her eyes. “I want you to live with me in the house of your dreams, like we talked about last night, with kitties, dogs…whatever you want.”

All her dreams, her deepest desires, glowed in his eyes. Still, too much remained unclear. “What about Faith?”

“She’s my ex and nothing more.”

Macy wriggled from his arms and shoved her hands into her hair. “Tanner, things are moving pretty damn fast. I’m not a relationship girl—”

“So? You said that last night, and I still don’t believe it.”

“Just because you say sweet lines and turn me on like no other man, doesn’t mean we have enough to start a life together.” Her breath caught in her throat. Fear paralysed her. “You don’t
know
me.”

“That’s why I want you to live with me. To show you we can do whatever we want. I’ll run CI while you write all those sexy stories in your head and use me for research.” He cocked his head. “I know you well enough to know you’re the woman for me.”

“Tanner.” She didn’t know whether to be happy or throw up. To give in to her innermost feelings or walk away.

“I love you, Macy.”

The air rushed out of her lungs. He’d used the L word—again. Last night hadn’t been a misunderstanding. Her stomach churned. “You can’t. It’s not possible.”
I want it to be true.

“You’re scared to admit it, but I think you love me, too.” Inch by inch, he crept towards her. The gaze in his eyes softened, pinning her to the spot. “When I saw you last night, it was like all the pieces of my life clicked into place and I saw my future.”

“Are you sure you don’t write romance?” It was all she could think to say to derail the lusty, loving words coming from his mouth.

“Huh?”

“That’s more beautiful than anything I’ve ever written.”
And damned dangerous if it’s true.

“Does that mean you’ll give me a chance? I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long.”

“I’m no good for you. I can’t stick around.” Feelings of inadequacy and failure invaded her senses. With Will, she’d devoted too much time to her writing and his jealousy had torn the relationship apart. Other men had wanted her fame for themselves. Some had just wanted money. What would be the case with Tanner?

“You are very good for me—supple, sexy and addictive.” Tanner cupped her cheek in one hand, enveloping her in his sheer size. His scent bombarded her.

“You’ve changed in so many ways. I want to fall into your arms and never let go, but I’ve got a life. I’m supposed to be in New York Monday morning to sign the contracts for my latest book and to start the publicity tour for
Kendall
.” She yearned to crawl into his safe embrace, to lose herself in his kiss. But she couldn’t.

“Then do it, sweetheart. Take all the time you like. I’ll wait on you.” He rested his forehead on hers, rubbing his nose along the bridge of her nose. “I love you.”

“Don’t talk that way.” She toyed with the whorl of hair between his pecs and blinked back tears. “You think you love me, but when you spend time alone with me, you’ll realise I’m not woman enough for you.”

“Is that what Will did?” Tension laced his voice. “The bastard couldn’t handle it? Or did he want money?”

“What?” She wasn’t sure if she’d spoken the question aloud or in her mind.

“Is he the reason you’re afraid? Because he wanted the spotlight and got pissed when you had it? He should’ve kept his God damned hands off you if he wasn’t man enough to—” Tanner threw his hands in the air. “The bastard makes me so angry. I’d never hurt you, but he’s like this giant fucking gorilla in the room. You want to bolt, to keep yourself isolated. I can’t win.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. Will had verbally assaulted her at every turn, saying she didn’t deserve to be semi-famous when he was a more important and exciting person. Deep in her heart, she knew Tanner wasn’t Will. But words of love weren’t enough to prove he cared for her as more than a tumble in the sheets. “I think you need to leave.”

“Macy?” Her name came out in a whisper. The vehemence in his eyes dimmed.

“You need to go.”
Even though I want you to stay.

“Will I see you tonight? I want to escort you to the banquet and have one more night with you.”

“I don’t know.” She placed both hands on his chest. His heartbeat throbbed against her palm. “I might not show up. I made my point yesterday afternoon and I’d like to end on a high note.”

“Don’t run away from your heart, sweet girl.”

Macy had opened her mouth to turn him down, when Kealie burst into the room. “You’d think those two couldn’t breathe without me.” Her dark eyes widened and both hands covered her mouth. Crimson infused her cheeks. “Oh! I’ll be right back.”

Tanner snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it on. “No, you stay here. I’ll leave.” He shoved his feet into his boots and grabbed his keys. “Think about what I said, Macy. I meant every word. Always will.”

Once Tanner had closed the hotel room door, Macy’s heart shredded into pieces. The warmth that had flooded her bones only hours before chilled to ice. Emptiness echoed in her soul.

What have I done?

His words settled in her mind.
Don’t run away from your heart…
She couldn’t run away from what wasn’t there. He held her heart in his grasp.

Solitude sucked ogre balls.

Kealie kicked his boxers with the toe of her boot and pleaded, “Tell me you fucked him within an inch of his life and you’re gonna run off to Paris, Vegas or somewhere sexy to get married.”

“I asked him to leave.”
I pushed away the first and only man I’ve ever loved.

“Well, shit.”

Tanner stopped in the hallway by the elevator and gritted his teeth. Thrown out like the trash! He stared at his blurred reflection in the chrome elevator doors. Pain burned through his heart. She had every right to give him the heave-ho. When she’d offered her heart in the past, he’d stomped on it with football cleats. Now the tables had turned. Or had they?

He leant back against the panelled wall.
No.
Something had swirled in her eyes when she’d turned him down. He felt it deep in his soul. She wanted to do as he said, to fall into him and succumb to the strength of his arms. But what held her back? Will Tuttle, jackass extraordinaire? The man needed his clock cleaned.