What My Eyes Can't See (15 page)

With the TV still on, I grabbed the bottle and started dragging my feet towards my bedroom. “Fuck it, I’m going to bed,” I mumbled to myself and plopped down onto my bed. Then my cell phone rang. I usually screen my calls, but this time I answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” I said in a drunken slur.

“It’s your mom. Is Sacaria with you?”

“No Mom, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I could hear tears in her voice. I became instantly sober for a few minutes.

“No baby, Davona is dead! Oh my Father in heaven. She’s dead, baby she’s gone. She had been struggling with her addiction over the past few months, but she was still trying. She didn’t deserve this. That man killed her! I know he did! She was found hanging in her bedroom with a note. She was trying and making plans. The devil did not have her. Baby, can you tell Sacaria for me please? If she needs to talk, please bring her by tomorrow, okay?”

“Say no more, Mom, I will take care of it. I’m on my way!”

“No baby, there is nothing that you can do now. Just tell Sacaria and be there for her.”

“I need to be there for you too. I’m concerned for your safety, Mom.”

“I’m fine, boy, God is watching over me. I just need to rest. Take care of Sacaria for me.”

“Okay Mom, go lay down and we will come by tomorrow to take care of you. And Mom, it’s not your fault. You tried, but it’s all in God’s plan.”

“I love you too, son. I taught you well.”

“Yes you did; night, Mom. Try to sleep now.”

“Fuck!” You have got to be kidding me. Sacaria is not going to be okay with this. If it ain’t one thing, it’s another. The last time something tragic happened to Davona, Sacaria closed herself off from the world and wouldn’t talk, even to me. First, the baby drama and now Davona is dead—murdered even? Oh hell nah, I need to get with my boys in on this situation, because I’m more than worried about Sacaria now. I know that fool wasn’t crazy enough to go after her too. Sacaria is a fighter though. He could never take her down without a fight. I need to find my baby, but I can’t do this tonight. My mind says go, but my body won’t let me. Not to mention, I have exhausted all of means of finding her thus far. I ca’t do anything else, until I hear word from one of my boys.

I sat up on the edge of my bed and drank the last of the Effin. Then, I laid down on my back staring at the ceiling, when hell froze over and two tears fell from my eyes.

As if those two incidents weren’t enough, Taleena calls me, out of the blue.

“Hello,’ I said in a dry tone.

“Hey boo, it’s been a while. You alone?” Taleena asked.

“Yeah, why blood? What do you want?”

“Damn, it’s like that Shay? I thought we was cool. I forgave you for firing me,” Taleena said, as if I owed her something. “I knew you was just trying to please that young bitch.”

“Blood, da fuck you want? I’m not in the mood, Taleena, for real,” I warned her. “What, are you broke? You need some money—”

“No, it ain’t nothing like that. I just wanted to see yo ass, damn.”

“See me for what?” I was truthfully puzzled. What made Taleena think that we had such a bond that I would miss her and want to see her? I don’t send mixed messages. I was sure to pay her for her services, every time that I dealt with her. In fact, she was on my payroll officially.
Employer—employee, bitch; nothing more or nothing less.
What’s so hard about that, I don’t understand?

“Why are you tripping? I thought you said that Sacaria wasn’t home.”

“Fa sho, she ain’t here right now that is. What the fuck that gotta do with you, though?”

“I just thought we was cool.”

“We was when you was working for me. I’m a boss, not your friend.”
I’m too tired for and wounded to be dealing with this.

I don’t even remember saying bye, before I hung up the phone. I just had too much going on to entertain Taleena and her shenanigans. She knew damn well that seeing her was the last thing on my mind. I knew she wanted this dope dick, but I had stopped giving it to her when I got with Sacaria. She was probably lonely and plotting, and I couldn’t care less. Taleena ain’t no spring chicken; she still looked damn good, but being damn near forty didn’t put her on my list of future wives. I’m half her age. I just liked to see her sexy ass working around my house wearing skimpy clothes, bending over in front of me, and shit.

At what seemed like first thing in the morning, I rolled over with one eye open and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. A million missed calls from Taleena, one missed call from Jasmine and no calls from Sacaria. All of sudden I felt a sadness in the pit of my stomach. Anxiety kicked in when I suddenly remembered the news about Davona and realized that Sacaria hadn’t called me back. I lifted the empty bottle of Effin that sat on the nightstand beside and tried to get the very last drop out of it. I wish I could go back to when I felt nothing about everything, twenty-four and some more. These emotions are draining and I don’t think I can deal with them on a sober head.

I really don’t feel like getting up, but still, I gotta put my ear to the streets. Somebody knows something about Davona and you know folks can't hold water. First, I tried to call Sacaria one more time, but still no answer. With disappointment and worry in my heart, I went on to the next item on the agenda. I listened to Jasmine’s voicemail saying that she came by and called, but no answer. Damn! I sure didn’t intend to miss that visit. It was probably for the best, since Sacaria wouldn’t have been here with me. I chalked it up to her game playing and sent her a text message, letting her know I planned to swing by her crib later. I can go holler at my dudes and swing past her house on the way to Moms.

I sure wish Taleena was here to cook for me right now. I’m hanging over a little from last night and I know she would get me up and running with one of her delicious breakfast entrées. I looked pitiful standing here in front of the refrigerator, holding the door open, looking at the same food as if it’s going to get up and cook itself. I’m too drained to be slaving over the stove, so fast food will have to do. I can’t stand fast food, but it will have to suffice; otherwise, I’m going to die if I don’t eat something soon.

I swung by to drop the lowdown on Q’Mari and Todd. They hadn’t heard anything, but they immediately started asking a few key people in the hood, who could low-key get information back in the shortest amount of time possible. Not sure if it was just me, but my connection with Todd and Q’Mari felt different, especially with Q’Mari. I didn't want to stir up anything at atime like this, but I was tempted. The realization that my relationship with Sacaria had unintentionally put a strain on our friendship had crept up on me. Maybe I need to have a sit down and clear the air, but this sit down would have to wait.

I thanked Todd and Q’Mari for always keeping one hundred percent solid with me over the years. They just stood there, looking at each other as if I had just told them I had two days to live. I dapped both of them, then cut.

I pushed on over to my Mom’s house. When I pulled up to Mom’s, she was standing outside talking to her next door neighbor. A feeling of relief swept over me when I saw her up and about. I knew that my mom was strong in her faith, but I wasn’t sure how hard she took the news about Davona. Mom spent a lot of time and energy caring for and mentoring Davona, so she had to be feeling some type of way right now.

I knew Moms was expecting to see Sacaria and me right now, so this visit is going to be a little awkward, especially since I will have to lie and say that Sacaria is at home sick. Mom might want to drive over to nurse Sacaria herself. Regardless, I can’t let on to the truth about our current situation. I don’t need her to be disappointed and frustrated with me today. She has enough going on already.

I waited in the car until Mom finished talking, before I approached her, just in case my presence caused a sudden release of emotion. I didn’t want her breaking down in front of the neighbor.

When Mom saw me, she cut her conversation short, so I jumped out of the car and greeted her. “Hi Mom,” I said, hugging her tight.

“Hey son,” she said softly.

“Hi, Mrs. Alison,” I said to the neighbor.

Mrs. Alison turned back, looking over the top of her glasses and said, “Hi baby, I ain’t seen you in so long. You sure have grown up to be a very handsome young man. Stop by and get one my pecan pies when you get the chance, okay baby?”

“Yes ma’am.”
I hate pecan pie,
I thought to myself.

Mom popped me on the hand. “If only Mrs. Alison remembered how much of a little demon you’ve been over the years,” she said, and laughed. “Remember when you and your friends raided her plum tree and she tried to give y’all a spanking, but y’all just ran around her in circles laughing?”

I knew that Mom was being so chatty to keep her spirits up. “So… how are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, baby. God has his plan. After I prayed, I read the scriptures and rested. I woke up with a lighter heart. The pastor plans to put a very nice ceremony on for Davona, if Sacaria does not object. I trust God and as long as I do, everything will be okay. Speaking of things being okay, where is Sacaria? How is she doing?”

“She’s not feeling good this morning. She took Davona’s death kind of hard, but she sends her love and promised to come by soon. I tried to bring her out, Mom, I really did. There was just no budging her.”

“Do you want me to go take care of her? Wait, did you break that girl’s heart, Shayvon? I know—”

Damn twenty questions.
“No Mom, she’s at home resting,” I said, on the verge of losing my patience. I could see that Mom wasn't buying my lie. Her eyes rolled over me as if she was searching for clues.

“Okay... if you say so,” Mom said, as I followed her through the house and into the kitchen.

I don’t know what’s going on, but I had been a master at lying to her, or so I thought, but today was different. It was as if she could see right through me and my lie, but I kept my composure.

“Well, I’m glad that you’re feeling better and back to your usual self.” I shook my head and smiled at the thought of her thinking that she could stare the truth out of me.

Mom and I sat at the kitchen table and chatted for a while. She warmed up some leftover meat loaf and mashed potatoes from the night before and we ate. That fast food was about to run right through me and I needed a solid, home-cooked meal. Mom never let me down with her cooking. She always put her foot in everything she cooked. Before I knew it, I was smacking and licking my fingers. Mom usually complained about my rude table manners, but this time, she didn’t say a word.

I talked to Mom some more about Jasmine and brought her up to speed on that situation, except the part about Sacaria of course. Mom kept it one hundred with me about everything. She didn’t hesitate to tell me that she wouldn't be thrilled about me having some random baby momma. She preferred me to be married, but that she would embrace the baby with love, just the same. Even though I already knew that she would feel that way, it was still cool to have confirmation.

“Not to change the subject, but have you talked to your cousin lately?” Mom asked.

“Which one?”

“You know which one I’m talking about. Life is too short, Shayvon. You need to call that girl and repair your relationship with her.”

“I’m not fucking… I mean, I am not messing with that girl, Mom. She know she was wrong. Why I gotta be the bigger person all the damn time?”

“You stop talking like that in my house, boy! That is the way I tried to raise you, yet you still don’t adhere to it,” Mom was giving me her mean, “I should kick yo’ ass” look from across the table.

“When the time is right, we will talk again. Remember how God has a plan for everything?”

“Don’t you use God’s name in vain in my house! My patience is running thin with you right now, Shayvon. After everything that has happened, I would think that you would try to take advantage of still being able to make amends with your cousin,” Mom said, and wiped a tear from her eye. “I finally started talking to my sister, and she says that Kesha is a new mom. You have a baby cousin. She sent some pictures, but I cannot remember where I put them.”

“Word? Cuzzo done messed around and had a baby?”

“Yeah, a little boy named Tyreek, Tyrel, Tyrone, or something like that. I can’t remember these darn names y’all young folk come up with these days.”

“I want to see him. Where did you have the pictures last, Mom?”

“Oh, I don’t know Shay, but if I run past them, I will make sure you get one. I didn’t have a chance even get a look at ‘em myself.”

“Oh, okay, don’t forget to look though, Mom. I gotta see this lil dude. Who da baby daddy? I know Kesh didn’t get married, did she?”

“Not yet, she’s engaged to the baby’s father. The baby’s godmother supposedly lives out here.”

“Oh fa real? I might just call Kesh then to see what’s up. She still in L.A.?”

“Yeah, you do that. Don’t block your blessing by being hard, Shayvon,” Mom warned. “I think she was out here recently. I’m not sure if she’s still out here.”

“Crazy ass Kesh… finally kept a man in the room more than five minutes without somebody getting killed. Hot damn. ” I laughed. “Well a’ight Mom, love you. Gotta go. I will check on you later.”

Mom was right. I did need to fix things with my cousin. I wasn’t ready to swallow my pride just yet and be the bigger person though. Kesha let one of her fuck boy boyfriends steal from me. Family first, right? Well, Kesh decided to ride with this man to the end. She lied to everybody to save this man from my wrath. She wasn’t even supposed to have that nigga in my car that she begged me to borrow. She told me that she was doing a girls’ night out, but ended up with this nigga in my shit and my Rolex missing. She knows that I don’t call the po-po for shit, so they probably pawned it and split the money.

After Mom and I talked, I went straight to Jasmine’s. The entire ride there, I kept calling Sacaria, and leaving voicemail messages.
Enough is enough; it’s time for her to come home.

“What up with blood?”