What to Expect the First Year (103 page)

As is true with almost every developmental milestone, pushing pulling up is only likely to delay it—babies need to know that their own pace is the right pace (and it is!). You can encourage your baby to try to pull up by putting a favorite toy in a place where she has to stand to get to it, and by giving her frequent opportunities to pull up to standing in your lap (she'll build her leg muscles and her confidence). Otherwise, all you need to do is sit back and wait for her to stand—in her own good time.

“My son fell and chipped one of his front teeth. Should I take him to the dentist?”

Since those cute little pearly whites will fall out someday anyway to make room for permanent teeth, a small chip in a baby tooth is usually nothing to worry about—and pretty common, considering the number of tumbles the typical fledgling toddler takes in the course of a day. Still, it's a good idea to make sure you're not dealing with anything that's more than cosmetic. First, do a quick check of the tooth. If there seem to be any sharp edges, give the doctor or dentist a call when you have a chance. The dentist may want to smooth out the edge. If your baby seems to be in any pain (even days later), if the tooth appears to have shifted positions or become infected (swollen gums can tip you off to this), or if you see a pink spot in the center of the chipped tooth, let the doctor or dentist know right away. An injury to the nerve, if left untreated, can damage the permanent tooth that is already forming in your baby's mouth. Either way, try to smile—chances are there will be plenty more bumps for your baby on the road to walking.

“The pediatrician just told me that my son has dropped from the 90th to the 50th percentile in height. She said not to worry, but it seems like such a big drop.”

There's much more to a baby's growth than percentages on a chart—and that's why pediatricians look beyond the numbers when assessing a little one's progress. Are both height and weight curves keeping pace fairly closely? Is baby passing developmental mileposts (sitting, pulling up, for example) at about the right time? Is he active and alert? Eating and sleeping normally (for him)? Does he appear happy? Does he seem to interact well with his parents? Are his hair and skin healthy looking? It sounds like the doctor is completely satisfied with the way your baby's growth and development are adding up, even with the apparent dip he's taken on the chart.

Most of the time what appears to be a sudden growth shift is just the result of a miscalculation—one made at this last visit or at a previous one. Babies are usually measured while they're lying down, and wriggling can easily mess with the results. When a child graduates to upright measurement, he may
actually appear to lose an inch or so in height because his bones settle a little when he stands (plus, getting a toddler to stand up straight and stand still for a precise reading isn't easy).

Another common reason for such a growth shift at this time is that a baby who was born on the large side or who grew quickly at first is just slowing down as he moves closer to his genetically predestined size. If neither parent is tall, you shouldn't expect your son to stay in the 90th percentile—chances are that's not nature's plan for him. Height, however, isn't inherited through a single gene. So a child with a 6-foot father and a 5-foot mother may reach adulthood at the same height as one or the other (or taller or shorter than either), but he's more likely to end up somewhere in between. On average, however, each generation is a bit taller than the previous one.

Unless you have some reason (other than this drop in height) to believe that something's amiss with your son's growth and development, take your cues from the doctor. If you do have a nagging concern, ask for more reassurance.

“My baby seems to want to eat all the time. How much snacking is good for him?”

The snacks are attacking? That's okay. Snacks in moderation play an important supporting role to those three daily squares. Here's why:

Snacks are a learning experience.
How does baby eat at mealtimes? Often, spoon-fed from a bowl. How does he munch away at snack time? By picking up a piece of banana or cracker or a puff with his pudgy fingers and maneuvering it to and into his mouth all by himself—no small feat, considering how tiny his mouth is and how primitive his coordination.

Snacks fill a void.
Babies have small stomachs that fill quickly and empty quickly, which means they can't go long stretches between feeds. Enter, snacks—which keep that tiny tank filled and blood sugar level, and, as solids become the mainstay of your baby's diet, nutritional gaps covered.

Snacks give baby a break.
Play is a baby's work, and just as adults do, babies need breaks during their workday. A snack provides a breather—a chance to chill with some cheese and crackers before going back on the job.

Snacks make for better sleep.
Blood sugar can dip during a (hopefully) long night's sleep—and that can actually prevent a baby from sleeping as long as he should. The right snack, built into the bedtime routine, can help a little one settle down faster and stay settled longer. The right snack before a nap can do the same—while helping your little one wake up feeling more energetic and less cranky.

Snacks provide oral gratification.
Babies are very orally oriented—everything they pick up goes right to the mouth, and that's only natural. Snacking gives them a welcome chance to put things in their mouths without having them fished right out by a disapproving parent.

Snacks smooth the way for weaning … eventually.
Thinking ahead to weaning—whether from a bottle at a year, or sometime after that from the breast? Getting in the snack habit now will help your little one make that large developmental leap later, with fewer hitches (a bedtime snack can supplement a bedtime feed now, supplant it later).

Aim for one snack in the morning, one in the afternoon, and (if you think baby needs it—not all do) one before bed. You can build that last snack of the day right into the bedtime routine as long as it's scheduled before tooth-brushing time.

“We've left our baby with a sitter before, and it never seemed to bother her. But now she makes a terrible fuss every time we start walking out the door.”

Separation anxiety affects most babies and toddlers, some more than others, and many … a lot. Which means that when it comes to being separated from their parents, absence doesn't just make the heart grow fonder, it makes the wails grow louder.

Though it may seem like your little one's regressing—after all, your coming and going never bothered her much before—separation anxiety is, in fact, a sign that she's maturing. First, she's becoming more independent, but with strings attached … to you. As she ventures off to explore the world on two feet (or on her hands and knees), she takes comfort in knowing that you're just a toddle away should she need you. When she separates from you (as when she leaves your side to explore the other side of the playroom, or the playground), it's on her own terms. When you separate from her (as when you leave her with a babysitter for a movie and dinner), it's not. You're the one who's leaving, she's the one who's being left—and that opens the door to separation anxiety.

Second, she's now able to comprehend the complex (for a baby) concept of object permanence—that when someone or something isn't visible, it still exists. When she was younger and you left, she didn't miss you—out of her sight meant you were off her mind. Now when you're out of sight, you're still very much on her mind—which means she can miss you. And because she hasn't yet grasped the even more complicated concept of time, she has no idea when, or even if, you're coming back. Enter more anxiety.

Improved memory—another sign of growing maturity—also plays a role. Your baby recalls what it means when you put on your coat and say “Bye-bye” to her. She's now able to anticipate that you will be gone for some indefinite length of time when you walk out the door. A baby who hasn't been left often with a babysitter (and seen her parents return often) may also wonder whether you'll ever return. Enter still more anxiety.

While some babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as 7 months, it usually peaks between 11 and 18 months for most. But, as with everything in child development, the timing of separation anxiety varies from tot to tot. Some little ones never experience it at all, while some start sweating separations much later, around 3 or 4 years of age. For some it lasts just a few months—for others it continues for years, sometimes continuously, sometimes on and off. Certain life stresses, such as moving, a new sibling, a new babysitter, or even tension at home can trigger a first episode of separation anxiety or a brand new bout of it … or just step it up.

Separation anxiety most commonly strikes when you leave your child in someone else's hands—when you're heading off to work, going out for the evening, or dropping your baby off at daycare. But it can also happen at night when you put your baby to bed
(see next question). No matter what the trigger, the symptoms are the same: She'll cling to you for dear life (with superhuman baby strength that makes those arms and sticky fingers particularly difficult to pry off), cry and scream inconsolably, and resist all attempts by anyone to calm her down. In short, she'll try every trick in the baby book to keep you from walking out the door. All of which will leave you feeling guilty and stressed out over leaving her—and maybe even have you thinking twice about leaving again.

But as unsettling as it is for you (and as it appears to be for her), separation anxiety is a normal part of your baby's development—as normal (if not quite as inevitable) as learning to walk and talk. Helping her weather separations well now will help her handle them better later on (especially when the separations become ever more challenging … say, being left for the first time at preschool).

To minimize baby's anxiety and yours, follow these steps before stepping out:

• Choose a sitter who can take it. Make sure you're leaving your baby with a babysitter who isn't only qualified, reliable, and experienced, but can be counted on to respond with patience and understanding, no matter how hysterical your little one becomes once the door closes behind you. Gauge your baby's comfort level with a new sitter by leaving them alone together for just short periods at first—say, an hour or so—before staying out longer.