What to Expect the First Year (98 page)

“Our baby doesn't eat anything until she's smushed it, smashed it, and rubbed it into her hair. Shouldn't we at least try to teach her some table manners?”

Mind your baby's manners … or, make that, her lack of manners? Not surprising. A little one's mealtime MO is more about playing with food than it is about eating it—with at least as much ending up on her (and her clothes, her high chair, and the floor) than in her. That's because mealtimes are no longer just for filling your baby's tummy and her nutritional requirements—at least not as far as she's concerned—but are also about filling her need to explore and discover. As in the sandbox and the bathtub, baby's finding out about cause and effect, about textures, about temperature differences. When she squeezes yogurt in her fist, mashes sweet potatoes into the table, slings a glob of oatmeal from her high chair tray, rubs banana into her t-shirt, blows bubbles in her cup of water, and combs crumbled crackers through her hair, it may be a mess for you, but it's a learning experience for her.

Is your older baby even remotely ready to mind her p's and q's (and really, does it matter if her elbows are on the table, if those elbows are coated in cheese sauce anyway)? Probably not—she's at least a year away from having the developmental ability to self-feed neatly, to use a napkin for anything but peekaboo, or to gum her food with her mouth closed. Your best strategy at this point is to model the manners you'd like to one day (one fairly distant day) see her bring to the table, and occasionally point them out (“See, I put a napkin on my lap”). She'll master them eventually.

In the meantime, while you're waiting out the messy eating habits, your first impulse might be to take control—and take over feedings. While that strategy might result in neater mealtimes, it'll also result in a frustrated baby—one who doesn't get to flex her self-feeding muscles. Instead, there are plenty of ways you can minimize the mess at mealtime without squashing all the learning fun. Here's how:

Protect.
An ounce of protection is worth a pound of paper towels, and it's a lot more planet friendly. Use all the protective measures available to you: Put a splat mat under and around the base of the high chair or table, to be wiped down after the meal. Outfit baby
in a wipe-clean bib that covers her front and shoulders (a spill-catching pocket, which keeps the cereal and sweet potatoes from landing on her legs and the floor, is a plus). Roll baby's sleeves up past the elbow to keep them dry and relatively clean—or, room temperature permitting, dress baby only in a diaper and bib at feeding time.

Ration.
Place just a few bites in front of your baby at a time. Not only will she be overwhelmed with a whole meal at once, she's also more likely to fling half of it while munching on the other half. Add more food once she finishes her first portion.

Be proactive.
You don't want to inhibit your baby's experimentation, but you also don't want to make it too easy for her to play demolition dining room. So serve meals in a bowl, rather than a flat plate from which food can be pushed off easily—and preferably, use a bowl that attaches to the high chair tray with suction (she won't be able to fling her cereal across the kitchen like a Frisbee). Or serve up food directly on her high chair tray or the table. Use a sippy cup to minimize spills, and when using a lidless cup (something you should offer often so she becomes proficient in drinking from one) put just an ounce of liquid in it at a time.

Occupy.
Seems like the definition of pointless, but put a spoon in your baby's hand. True, she's likely to use it only to bang on the table (while she continues to use her other hand for food transport). Eventually (though not for some months to come), she'll get the idea of actually using it to eat with—and until then it may distract her from overturning her applesauce. Offering her a feeder full of banana or avocado is another way to keep her hands busy while you spoon-feed her.

Stay neutral.
Babies are natural-born performers. If you respond by laughing at high chair antics, you'll only encourage more of the same. Ditto for warnings to “stop that now!” Not only won't that curb the behavior, it'll probably step it up. The best policy: Don't comment on her lack of table manners, but do reward her with a round of applause when she takes a few neat bites.

Call a cease-fire.
When your baby spends more time playing with her food than eating it, it's meal over.

“My baby literally bangs his head repeatedly on the side of his crib every time we put him to sleep. It seems to calm him down, but it sounds painful to us!”

Remember when you used to rock your baby all night long (and often all day long, too)? That rhythmic rocking movement was your little one's ticket to calm back then, and it sounds like it still is now. Except that he's picked up the beat where you've left off and put his own twist on it—adding rhythmic head banging to the mix. Head banging (like head rolling, rocking, and bouncing, all of which are also common at this age—and more common among boys than girls) is a rhythmic ritual that may stress you out but actually relieves stress for your tiny rock-and-roller. Some babies bang only when they're falling asleep, while others bang when they're bored, overstimulated, in pain (from teething, for instance, or an ear infection), or when they are seeking attention (habits like head banging speak far louder than words at this point).

A little head banging is unlikely to hurt him—first, because his not yet
fully fused skull is built to take it, and second, because babies usually will use only as much force as they comfortably can handle (they're not in the head-banging game to hurt themselves). As with other rhythmic comfort habits, head banging usually stops without any parental intervention (many tots will abandon banging in a few weeks or months as they discover other ways to self-soothe, though some will continue well into the toddler years). And while you can't force your baby to give up one of these habits before he's ready—and in fact, the more attention you pay to banging, the more banging you'll get—the following tips may make it easier for both you and your baby to live with it:

• Answer that call for attention. Extra cuddles, hugs, and rocking (especially at bedtime) can help fill your baby's comfort coffers, minimizing his need to self-comfort with banging. Remember, though, that head banging is not necessarily a sign that you aren't keeping up with your baby's comfort needs—even the most well-comforted babies sometimes just need to try a little DIY.

• Rock out together. Add a beat to your baby's day—and he may not feel as compelled to beat himself up at night. Explore more acceptable (at least to you) rhythmic activities: rocking him in a glider or letting him rock himself in a baby rocker (or when he's ready, in a toddler rocking chair), letting him bang on a play keyboard or drum (or the classic spoon-on-pot), pushing him on a swing, dancing to lively music or playing pat-a-cake or other finger or hand games, especially to music. A baby movement class can also help him find his rhythm without knocking his noggin.

• Tune into triggers. Does he bang when he's overtired? Make sure he's getting the naps and nighttime sleep he needs, preferably on a consistent schedule that meets those needs. Does he bang when he's frustrated or overstimulated? Turn the beat around, diverting him to an activity that's less stressful, more chill. A change of venue may help distract him from banging during the day, especially if it's a transfer to a padded setting, say, to a play mat on the floor.

• Make time for wind-down. Brake gradually for naps and bedtime, giving your little ball of energy adequate opportunity to wind down, relax, and release stress before he hits the crib (and his head). Seek other routes to relaxation, such as a warm bath, soft lighting and music, quiet cuddles, massage with a lavender-scented lotion, hushed lullabies, and, of course, lots of gentle rocking in your arms.

• Head off any damage. If your baby rocks or bangs in his crib, minimize the risk to furniture and walls by setting the crib on a thick rug and removing the casters so the crib won't bounce across the floor. Place the crib as far from the wall or other furniture as possible. Remember to check the crib periodically for loose bolts, too, if your baby is a banger.

• Avoid haranguing about the banging. The less fuss you make over your baby's head banging or rocking or rolling, the less you'll see of these behaviors—and the sooner they'll stop for good. Intervene as needed, but hold the comments.

If your baby head bangs or body rocks a lot and it seems to be hurting him or interfering with daily activities, mention it to the doctor.

“When my baby is sleepy or cranky, she pulls on her hair. What's that about?”

Hair stroking or pulling is another way little ones can put stress relief into their own hands, allowing them to release tension when they're overtired, stressed, or just plain fighting the fussies. It's pretty common (that is, among babies who have enough hair to grab on to), is often accompanied by thumb sucking, and typically isn't anything that needs your attention—in fact, as is true with most comfort habits, the more attention you pay to it, the more you'll likely see of it. If your baby seems to tug her hair hard enough to pull it out, or if she's always so busy hair twirling that she's not putting her hands to other, more productive uses (like playing with toys or mastering new motor skills), it may be time to try a little gentle intervention. Offer her something else to tug on, like a long-haired stuffed animal, or divert her hands in a game of pat-a-cake or The Itsy-Bitsy Spider, or just gather her up in a soothing cuddle. Also try the tips in the previous answer, all of which can help her find alternative routes to relaxation and comfort.

“My baby has started biting us playfully—on the shoulder, the cheek, any soft, vulnerable area. At first we thought it was cute. Now we're beginning to worry that he's developing a bad habit—and besides, it hurts!”

Feeling a little bit like a human teething ring? It's only natural for your baby to want to test-drive new chompers on every possible surface, you included. But it's also natural for you to balk at being bitten—and to want to nip that nibbling in the bud, before it becomes a habit, a habit that's not likely to win him friends in the sandbox or score you points with the other parents at the play gym or daycare.

When babies bite, it starts off as playful and experimental—no harm, no foul intended. In fact, baby bites are always served up without malice. It won't be until your little one develops full-fledged empathy (well into the toddler years) that he'll have the slightest idea that he's hurting the ones he bites. After all, he's bitten down on teething rings, chomped on stuffed toys, and chewed on his crib rail, all without a single complaint. But it doesn't take long for a nibbler to notice that human reactions to biting make for interesting cause and effect, typically encouraging more cause (biting) in the pursuit of more effect (reaction). He finds the expression on mommy's face when he bites down on her shoulder funny, the startled look and mock “ouch!” from daddy hilarious, and the “Isn't that cute—he's biting me” from grandma a definite two-thumbs-up. Even an angry “ouch!” can reinforce the biting habit, because baby either finds it amusing or sees it as a challenge to his emerging sense of independence, or both.

The best response to a little nipper? Swiftly, calmly, and matter-of-factly remove the biter from the part he's biting, with a firm, no-nonsense “no biting.” You can add “biting hurts,” but don't preach on. Then quickly divert baby's attention with a song, a toy, or another distraction. Do this each time he bites and he will eventually get the message.

Does your baby bite when he's tired or wired, frustrated, hungry for attention, or just plain hungry? Avoid those common triggers (preempt with a nap, a wind-down, a change of activity, some quiet cuddles and comfort, or a snack), and you'll likely avoid at least some of the nibbles.

“For the last couple of weeks, my daughter has been blinking a lot. She doesn't seem to be in any discomfort, and she doesn't seem to have trouble seeing, but I can't help thinking that there's something wrong with her eyes.”

It's probably more likely that there's something right with her curiosity. Your baby scientist knows what the world looks like through open eyes, but what if she closes her eyes partially, or opens and shuts them quickly? So she experiments, and often keeps up the blinking until the novelty wears off. Squinting is another temporary habit that some babies cultivate, also for the change of view. But if the blinking or squinting isn't accompanied by other eye symptoms (a wandering eye, for instance, a sensitivity to normal—not uncomfortably bright—daylight, or red or teary eyes), there's nothing to worry about. Let her get the blinking out of her system (without calling attention to it), and she'll move on to another curious new habit before you know it. And of course, if she's blinking outside, it may be because of the sunlight—and that's a good reminder that baby eyes, like grown-up eyes, should always wear protective shades in the sun, haze, and glare.

If you're still concerned about your baby's blinking (or if you have any concerns about your baby's eyes), mention it to the doctor at the next visit.