What to Expect the First Year (47 page)

“Every time I try to put my sleeping baby down in her crib, she wakes up.”

She's finally asleep after what seems like hours of nursing on sore breasts, rocking in aching arms, lullabying in an increasingly hoarse voice. You edge cautiously to the crib, holding your breath and moving only the muscles that are absolutely necessary. Then, with a silent but fervent prayer, you lift her over the edge of the crib and begin the perilous descent to the mattress below. Finally, you release her, but a split second too soon. She's down—then she's up. Turning her head from side to side, sniffing and whimpering softly, then sobbing loudly. Ready to cry yourself, you pick her up and start all over.

If you're having trouble keeping a good baby down, wait 10 minutes until she's in a deep sleep in your arms, then try:

A high mattress.
You'll find it much easier to place your baby in her crib if you set the mattress at the highest possible level (at least 4 inches from the top of the rail). Just be sure to lower it by the time your baby is old enough to sit up. Or start out using a bassinet or cradle or a play yard with a bassinet insert, which may be easier to lift a baby into and out of.

Close quarters.
The longer the distance between the place where baby falls asleep and the place where you are going to put her down, the more opportunity for her to awaken on the way. So feed or rock her as close to the cradle or crib as possible.

A seat you can get out of.
Always feed or rock your baby in a chair or sofa that you can rise from smoothly, without disturbing her.

The right side.
Or the left. Feed or rock baby in whichever arm will allow you to put her in the crib most easily. If she falls asleep prematurely on the wrong arm, gently switch sides and rock or feed some more before attempting to put her down.

Constant contact.
When baby is comfortable and secure in your arms, suddenly being dropped into the open space of a mattress can be startling—and result in a rude awakening. So cradle baby all the way down, back first, easing your bottom hand out from under just before you reach the mattress. Maintain a hands-on pose for a few moments longer, gently patting if she starts to stir.

A lulling tune.
Hypnotize your baby to sleep with a traditional lullaby (she won't object if you're off-key or don't actually know all the words) or an improvised one with a monotonous beat (“aah, aah, ba-by, aah, aah, ba-by”) or with a few rounds of “shh.” Continue as you carry her to her crib, while you're putting her down, and for a few moments afterward. If she begins to toss, sing some more, until she's fully quieted.

A rock till she drops off to dreamland.
One of the benefits of a rockable cradle or bassinet—you can continue that soothing rocking once she's down for the count. Another option: a vibrating mattress pad designed to be slipped under the crib mattress that runs for a half hour or so—long enough, hopefully, for your sweet little one to fall deeply to sleep.

“I know babies are supposed to cry—but ever since we came home from the hospital with our baby, she's been crying. A lot.”

Most parents do a fair amount of high-fiving at the hospital—pretty certain that they scored the one baby on the block who hardly cries. But that's because few babies do a whole lot of crying in their first hours of life, when they're still catching up on their rest and recovering after delivery. Fast-forward a couple of days—usually right about the time that parents bring their bundle of joy home—and baby usually changes her tune. And that's not surprising. Crying is, after all, the only way infants have of communicating their needs and feelings—their very first baby talk. Your baby can't tell you that she's lonely, hungry, wet, tired, uncomfortable, too warm, too cold, or frustrated any other way. And though it may seem impossible now, you will soon be able (at least part of the time) to decode your baby's different cries and know what she's crying for (
click here
).

Some newborn crying, however, seems entirely unrelated to basic needs. In fact, 80 to 90 percent of all babies have daily crying sessions of 15 minutes to an hour that are not easily explained—or decoded. These periodic crying spells, like those associated with colic, a more severe and persistent form of unexplained crying, most often occur in the evening. It may be that this is the most hectic and stressful time of day in the home—everybody's tired, everybody's hungry (and mom's milk supply may be at its lowest level of the day), everybody's done, done, done and that goes for baby, too. Or it may be that after a busy day of taking in and processing all the sights, sounds, smells, and other stimuli in her environment, a baby just needs to unwind with a good cry. Crying for a few minutes may even help her nod off to sleep.

Hang in there. As your baby becomes a more effective communicator—and as you become more proficient at understanding her—she will cry less often, for shorter periods, and will be more easily comforted when she does cry. Meanwhile, even if your baby's crying doesn't seem to reach colicky proportions (and fingers crossed, it won't), the same strategies that help with colic may help restore calm—see the next question.

“I'm almost afraid to consider that our baby has colic—but with all this crying, I can't imagine what else it might be. How do I know for sure he's colicky?”

Call it colic, call it extreme crying … call it miserable. And, call it common, too, because if misery loves company, parents of colicky babies have quite a pity party going on. It's estimated that 1 in 5 babies have crying spells, usually beginning in late afternoon and sometimes lasting until bedtime, that are severe enough to be labeled colic. Colic differs from ordinary crying (see previous question) in that baby seems inconsolable, crying turns to screaming, and the ordeal lasts for 3 hours, sometimes much longer, occasionally nearly round-the-clock. Most often colicky periods recur daily, though some babies take an occasional night off.

Doctors usually diagnose colic based on the “rules of three”: at least 3 hours of crying, at least 3 days a week, lasting for at least 3 weeks—but of course, some babies are colic over-achievers, crying far more hours and days and weeks. The baby with a textbook case of colic pulls his knees up, clenches his fists, and generally moves his legs and arms more. He closes his eyes tightly or opens them wide, furrows his brow, even holds his breath briefly. Bowel activity increases, and he passes gas. Eating and sleeping are disrupted by the crying—baby frantically seeks a nipple only to reject it once sucking has begun, or dozes for a few moments only to wake up screaming. But few infants follow the textbook description exactly—different babies do colic differently, and sometimes the same babies do colic differently on different days.

Colic generally begins during the second or third week of life (later in preterm infants), and usually gets as bad as it's going to get by 6 weeks. Though colic may feel as though it will never end, it will typically start to taper off at 10 to 12 weeks (light at the end of the tunnel!). By 3 months (later in preterm babies), most colicky infants seem to be miraculously cured—with just a few continuing their problem crying through the fourth or fifth month or (shudder) beyond. The colic may stop suddenly—or end gradually, with some good and some bad days, until they are all good.

Though these daily screaming sessions, whether they're marathons or shorter sprints, are usually called “colic,” the word is really just a catchall term for problem crying—the problem being, there's no solution to it besides the passing of time. There isn't a clear definition of exactly what colic is or how (and if) it differs from other types of extreme crying. But when it comes down to it—do definitions and differences really matter when your baby's crying for hours on end, and you're powerless to calm him down? Realistically, probably … not so much.

What might help—at least a little—is to know that colic isn't your fault, or anyone else's fault. While the exact causes of colic remain a mystery, what experts do know is that it isn't the result of genetics, anything that happened during pregnancy or childbirth, or parenting skills (or lack of them, in case you're wondering). Here are some theories of what's behind all that crying:

Overload.
Newborns have a built-in mechanism for tuning out the sights and sounds around them, which allows them to eat and sleep without being disturbed by their environment. Near the end of the first month that mechanism disappears, leaving babies (and their brand new senses) more vulnerable to the stimuli in their surroundings. With so many sensations coming at them, some infants become overwhelmed, often (not surprisingly) at the end of the day. To release that stress, they cry—and cry and cry. Colic ends when the baby learns how to selectively filter out some environmental stimuli and in doing so, avoid a sensory overload. If you think this might be the cause of your baby's colic, the try-everything approach (rocking, bouncing, driving, swinging, singing) may actually make things worse. Instead, watch how your baby responds to certain stimuli and steer clear of the offending ones (if baby cries harder when you rub or massage him, limit that kind of touching during colic—instead, try wearing your baby or using a swing once he's old enough).

Immature digestion.
Digesting food is a pretty demanding job for a baby's brand new gastrointestinal system. As a result, food may pass through too quickly and not break down completely, resulting in pain when gas is passed. When gas seems to be pulling the colic trigger, there are medications that may help (see
box
). When it's the type of formula that might be the culprit, a change (in consultation with the pediatrician) to one that is more easily tolerated or digested may be in order. Much less likely, it could be something in a breastfeeding mom's diet that's triggering the colic. To find out if that's the case, you can try eliminating common offenders in your diet (caffeine, dairy, cabbage, broccoli) to see if that makes a difference over a couple of weeks.

The colic hold puts comforting pressure on a newborn's gassy tummy.

Reflux.
Research has found reflux may sometimes trigger the excessive crying of colic. Reflux irritates the esophagus (much like heartburn in an adult), causing discomfort and crying. If reflux seems to be the cause of the colic in
your baby, some of the treatment tips
here
may help.