Whatever He Wants (36 page)

 
     
“James, get off.”

 
     
She thought he would argue with her but he
complied. James stood and pulled up his pants. He then retrieved her clothes,
handed them to her and held out is hand to help her up.

 
     
Noelle took the offered hand warily,
then
turned her back to him as she redressed and tried to
get herself in a decent enough order to face her employees and any other
customers that came through.

 
     
“For the record, I didn’t come here for
that, Noelle. I promise you I didn’t.”

 
     
Remembering how torn up he’d been on his
arrival she decided not to call his bluff. After all, he could have very well
been telling the truth. “Oh? Then why did you come?”

 
     
“I needed to see you.”

 
     
She squeezed the bridge of her nose as she
gathered her thoughts. “James, I understand that you’re having a tough time at
whatever it is you’re going through, but I hope you don’t make it a habit of
coming over to see me just because you feel like it.” Taking a deep breath she
turned to face him. When she turned around, she gasped at the sight of his
face. He looked like he’d aged ten years, his eyes were still bloodshot from
crying and he was a general mess, not the put-together man he usually
projected. She wished she hadn’t been so harsh in her delivery but it had to be
said. With the state he’d left her heart in, she couldn’t risk letting him in
again.

 
     
“I know. You’re far more generous than
most people would have been under the circumstances. You were the one good
thing in my life but I was too busy tilting at windmills to see it. Noelle, up
until a few days I set out on a quest to win you back not taking into
consideration how you might feel. Even with all that happened in the last
several months, I was selfish where you were concerned. I know you’re involved
with Paul and I promise, I won’t say anything to him about this, but I believed
you were mine and I felt I was entitled to you. But that was me still being an
asshole.”

 
     
Noelle felt kind of guilty that James
still believed something was going on between her and Paul besides friendship.
“But Paul and I—”

 
     
“No, you don’t have to explain. I’m not
owed an explanation but I own you one. You see, I loved—I love you and I was
too proud and arrogant to realize it when I had you. I should have told you
when I had the chance to make you mine for real, not just as a mistress but as
my friend, my lover and my partner. But I blew it and now I have to accept
we’ll probably never be together. I don’t deserve you after the way I treated
you. I can’t apologize enough for my behavior but I just want to clear
something up for the record. I was never ashamed to be seen in public with you,
Noelle. I was ashamed of myself.”  He walked across the office until he
stood in front of her. “I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished, Noelle. And if
you ever need me, you call me anytime, morning, noon or night.” James leaned
forward and gave gentle peck on her cheek before walking out the door and also,
as she suspected, out of her life.

 
     
This was what she’d wanted, but she never
expected it to hurt this bad.

 
     
“I’m so glad to see you here, James. I
didn’t think you’d come. Word is you’ve been
laying
low lately. Eleanor greeted him with a kiss on both sides of his cheek.

 
     
“It’s hard to turn down an invitation for
the children’s hospital. This is one of the charities I donate to and actually
care about. Besides, you’re now on the board so I’m also here to support a
friend.”

 
     
Eleanor beamed. “Well, I’m glad you’ve
decided to come. What’s with the dark suit? You look like you’re dressed for a
funeral.”

 
     
“Actually, I’m heading to one after I
leave, so I can’t stay long.”

 
     
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Was it someone close to
you?”

 
     
“No actually. I’m not going to pay
respects. Basically I’ll be laying some demons to rest.”

 
     
Eleanor raised a brow. “Care to
elaborate?”

 
     
“I could but we’d be here all day.
Besides, I don’t want to take the focus away from your event.”

 
     
“Well if you need to talk about it, you
know I’m here for you.”

 
     
"I appreciate it, Eleanor. But I’d
much rather hear about how things are going with the restructuring.”

 
     
“Oh, you know how it is. Daddy had
employed all these stodgy old men who have been with the companies for years.
They don’t like taking orders from a woman, nor do they like the idea of me
trying to take the business into the twenty-first century. And by the way, I’ve
been meaning to call you so we can set up an appointment to go over some
business propositions I thought you’d be interested in.” She seemed to thrive
in her new role at Harrington’s and they were both proud at what she’d
accomplished in such a short period. Her company was by no means out of
trouble, but James believed Grace was full of sound and innovative ideas that
would eventually turn the company around for the better.

 
     
“No problem. Set something up through my
EA and we’ll make it happen.”

 
     
She raised a dark red brow. “So you’ve
finally found a competent assistant?”

 
     
James chuckled, taking no offense in her
question. “Yes, I finally found someone. Sally is as efficient as they come. As
for me
laying
low, I’ve been out of the country quite
a bit for the last few months. I was in Japan for two weeks and in Australia
for a month. From there I went to Germany and then finished up in Brazil. It’s
a lot of traveling but the distraction has been welcome.”

 
     
She touched his hand. “And how have you
been doing besides working yourself in an early grave?”

 
     
“I’m getting by.” Four months had passed
since his last visit to Noelle’s bakery. To keep himself from breaking his
promise to Noelle, James had immersed himself into his work, going into the
office shortly after dawn and leaving close to midnight. The only time he
wasn’t working was when he was at the gym or the rare occasions he’d have lunch
with Eleanor.

 
     
 
While many of their meet-ups entailed him
consulting her on her business ventures, most times they got together simply
because they enjoyed each other’s company. He could talk to her without feeling
judged, she made him laugh and she was easy to be around. James never would
have imagined he and Eleanor would turn out to be such good friends.

 
     
James had done a lot of soul-searching and
reevaluating his life lately. He was thirty-nine and had more money than he’d
be able to spend in several lifetimes, but had no one to share it with. He was
deeply regretful about how focused he’d been on his quest for the perfect life
he’d had little time to cultivate real friendships. He couldn’t count on the
business associates and country club acquaintances to be there for him if he
ever truly needed help. And he only had himself to blame. Hurt by his past,
James refused to let anyone in and now all he had were material things.

 
     
Running a large conglomerate and traveling
around the world no longer held the glamour he once imagined it did. And at the
end of the night when he lied in bed, he was lonely. The thought of taking
another mistress was distasteful to him. He’d sold the penthouse, unable to
bear the memories of Noelle. James couldn’t imagine being with anyone else
after experiencing real love.

 
     
More and more he considered taking a page
out of his brother’s book and walking away from it all. The old man was dead.
Sheldon Beaumont Alexander was someone he’d likened to the boogeyman as a
child, and someone far worse when he was older. Now that he was gone, James
wasn’t sure how he felt. The news of Sheldon’s death was in the papers, where
it was also announced the family would have a small private ceremony, so he was
surprised when David had called and invited him. It was the first time he’d
heard from his brother since their confrontation four months ago. James didn’t
read more into the invite than what it really was:  a chance to say his
last “fuck you” to a man who was hopefully now roasting in Hell.

 
     
“Well, I hope you realize there’s more to
life than work,” Eleanor patted him on the arm.

 
     
“Says the lady who’s
been burning the candle on both ends lately.”

 
     
“Harrington’s requires every hour of my
devotion I can give it, or else those stodgy old fogies will run it to the
ground. Your organization, however, is thriving; therefore it wouldn’t hurt if
you took a little time off.”

 
     
“To be frank, I’ve been thinking about
that a lot lately. I may consider going on vacation, a real one with no laptop
or cell phone.
Just me, the ocean and a strong drink.”

 
     
“That sounds delightful. But don’t just
consider it, do it. Oh, there it is. If you’ll excuse me for a moment James, it
looks like the cupcake tower is here. Since some of the kids will be here for
this event and I thought it would be a nice touch. I ordered it from that place
that did the art gallery event.” Eleanor breezed away without realizing the
effect her last words had on him.

 
     
Hearing Noelle might possibly be at this
event sent his heart racing. He’d vowed to stay away but he wasn’t sure how
he’d react if he came face to face with her again.

 
     
Suddenly, needing air, James headed
outside. All he could think of was Noelle. She might be here and he couldn’t
trust himself not to do something foolish around her. Once outside he leaned
against the wall and took a deep breath. Just the mere thought of her sent his
body into overdrive. He remembered the last time they were together, how
beautiful she’d looked, her scent and her taste. His cock stirred and his arms
ached to hold her within them again.

 
     
When James felt he’d gotten himself under
control, he headed back inside and nearly ran into Noelle. She was heading
outside flanked by two teenagers, whom he assumed worked at the bakery. When
she spotted him, her steps faltered but she continued walking. For a second, he
thought she’d walk past him but instead, she stopped when she was next to him.

 
     
“You two can go to the van. I’ll be there
in a second. And if you turn on the radio make sure it’s not too loud.” She
handed keys to the closest kid and waited for them to leave before turning to
James. “Hi.”

 
     
She looked incredible. Even with the
barest amount of makeup she had the type of fresh-faced beauty that came
naturally, which no amount of money could replicate. “How are you, Noelle?”

 
     
“I can’t complain. Business has been
ridiculous lately. I never would have thought the bakery would take off the way
it has. How have you been?”

 
     
“Existing.”
He
realized it was a vague answer but he didn’t know of any other way to put it.
Without her he couldn’t really call what he was doing living. But he wouldn’t
tell her that. It would more than likely cause her embarrassment.

 
     
She shuffled from side to side and bit her
bottom lip before speaking.
“James, um.
I’m actually
glad I ran into you.”

 
     
“You are?” He couldn’t hide his surprise
even if he tried.

 
     
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and
I’ve been so angry with you, holding on to the hurt of that year we had
together. I’ve come to a few realizations and yes, you were a jerk, but I
played a big part of that.”

 
     
“What are you saying, Noelle? How could
you possibly be responsible for my asshole behavior? None of it was your fault.
And I can
apologize
you to a million times but it will
never be sufficient for what I did to you.”

 
     
She shrugged. “But sorry isn’t going to
change anything. I can accept your apology and move on with my life but it
doesn’t absolve me of my role in the entire debacle. I went into that whole
arrangement thinking I could change you, fooling myself that we could have
something more. You see, I…I think I fell in love with you almost immediately,
James. And I used that love as an excuse for allowing you to treat me so
shabbily.”