Whatever It Takes (5 page)

I pushed out the doors and gulped in the cool night air.  Now what?  We were in the city, I didn’t have my own car and I didn’t want to bother Diane to drive all the way out here to pick my ass up.  Realizing my only choice, I reached into my purse and pulled out my prescription anxiety medication.  I really hated taking them but this was an emergency.  There was no way I was getting home without taking one of these.  I swallowed the pill, thankful it was small enough to get down without any water, then reached back into my purse for my pack of cigarettes.  I was working on quitting, and was down to only a few a day but I would smoke one now before making my way home to give the medicine time to take effect.  As I smoked, I walked, just up two blocks up to the more busy road where cabs were more likely to be .  On my own out here, I was still distressed but the streets were emptier than the gallery had been.  Much less of a chance of someone I didn’t know trying to strike up a conversation with me.  When I made it to the intersection I dropped my cigarette and smashed it out with my black heel.  The medicine had started working and I was feeling much calmer now.  I flagged down a taxi and got in the back.  Medicine or not, this was going to be difficult.  I told the driver where to take me and then squeezed my eyes shut.  I kept them closed the entire forty-five minute ride home.

About thirty minutes after I arrived back at my apartment there was a banging on my door.  I didn’t need to ask who it was.  I knew it was Gavin.  Not five minutes into my cab ride he started blowing up my cell phone with calls.  I ignored him three times before I shut the damned thing off.

I waited, sitting on my couch, still in the dark grey sweater dress and tights I had worn to the gallery and debated on answering.

“Emma, please, if you’re in there, open the door,” Gavin demanded, banging once again.  I really didn’t want to hash this out tonight but it was late and I also didn’t want my neighbors disturbed. 

I unlocked the door and stepped aside to let him in. 

“Where the hell did you go?  Jesus, Emma, I was worried sick!”  He stripped off his black jacket and threw it on a chair and loosened his grey and black tie. 

“Really?  You didn’t seem that worried about me when your attention was on that other woman!”  I snapped back.

“I know, and I’m sorry, Emma.  I’ll explain all that but you just fucking left?  I had no idea where you were or how you’d gotten there.  You at least could have picked up your phone to let me know you were safe!”

“I had to get out of there.  You promised me you wouldn’t leave me on my own tonight and you left me for fifteen fucking minutes, Gavin!  I panicked and I... I had to get out of there.”

He walked over to me and embraced me in a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” he said.  “I wasn’t thinking about how uncomfortable you must have been.  I was an asshole and I am very sorry.”

“Who was that woman?” I asked.

He sighed and pulled me over to sit down on the sofa so that we were facing each other. 

“That was Lisa.”

“Your ex-girlfriend?”  I asked.  I suddenly felt sick again.  He had spoken of her after we had been dating about a month and we each felt brave enough to ask about past relationships.  He had mentioned Lisa briefly, telling me she was his college girlfriend but they had broken up right before they graduated.  He didn’t make her seem like that big of a deal.

“Yes.  I haven’t seen her in a while and I was surprised to bump into her there.”

“You left me alone at that gallery to catch up with your ex-girlfriend?” 

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and coughed.  Gavin was nervous.  Gavin didn’t get nervous and it made me even more antsy.

“I haven’t told you the entire truth behind my relationship with Lisa,” he started to explain.  “I had planned on telling you eventually but it’s not  something I like to talk about.  I don’t know if it’s just too difficult or too embarrassing, but whatever it is, I didn’t tell you the whole story and now I think I need to.”

“Okay,” I said.  “Tell me.”

He took a deep breath before he started again.  “Lisa and I were engaged when she broke up with me.”

I pulled back from him to retreat to the far end of the couch but he grabbed my hand.  

“No, wait, please let me explain.”  He started rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb like he always did now when he could tell I was getting distressed.  It calmed me a bit but I still felt like a bundle of nerves.

“Lisa and I dated our junior and senior year of college and on her birthday, two months before graduation, I proposed to her and she said yes.  I loved her and we were at that age when a lot of people got engaged and so I thought it was right.  The engagement only lasted a month before she gave me the ring back and broke it off with me.  She said just didn’t love me anymore and that we’d grown apart.  That she could see how her entire life would play out if we ended up married and she needed a life more exciting than that.  She broke up with me and I was crushed, Emma.  She was the first girl I really loved and she broke my heart.”

I felt sorry for him then, really I did, and I moved back closer to him and cuddled into his side.

“I’m sorry that happened to you but why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged and said, “I guess I was embarrassed.  I don’t know any man that takes rejection well and I certainly don’t.  It’s hard for a guy to admit that his heart’s been broken.”

I could understand that I guess, but that didn’t excuse him from leaving me alone tonight. 

“So tonight was?” I prompted.

“Tonight was me confronting her about something I found out a while after we had broken up.  It turns out that before she broke off our engagement she had started seeing someone else.  Tonight was the first time I’ve seen her since discovering the truth and I had to say something to her.  My wounded ego wouldn’t let me stay quiet any longer.  Anyhow, it’s a pitiful excuse for leaving you and I am very sorry, Emma.  Can you forgive me?”

Before I could answer that I needed to know one thing. 

“Do you still love her?”

“What?” he asked, pulling me away from his side so that he could look at my face.  “No!  Emma, God, no, I don’t love her anymore.  I haven’t for a long time.  She was right when she said what she did about what it would be like if we were married.  Lisa and I are so much alike it’s scary.  People used to call her the female version of me and while that was easy it was incredibly boring.  I thank God all the time that at least she came to her senses and had the nerve to break it off when I couldn’t.”

I believed him and I told him so.  I also apologized to him about leaving and making him worry.  He forgave me and we kissed and then he moved to leave telling me we both needed to sleep.  He had work in the morning and I had class.  I couldn’t let him leave though.  Not yet.   I had something more to say.

“Wait, Gavin,” I said, grabbing his wrist this time to keep him seated.  “Before you go, I think we need to consider the fact that this isn’t going to work out.  Maybe we should break it off before it gets to be too difficult for either one of us.”

His face grew worried and his eyes narrowed at me.

“What the hell are you talking about? No, Emma.  I told you, I am not in love with Lisa anymore.  I’m crazy about you, why would you even think of doing this?”

“This isn’t about Lisa, Gavin, it’s about me.” I tucked my hair behind my ears and turned my gaze to my lap.  “What I did tonight, leaving you like that.  I shouldn’t have done that but I can’t help the way I am and you deserve better.  You deserve a woman who won’t have a total meltdown when you leave her alone in a room with other people.  Someone who won’t panic at the thought of not paying a bill as soon as it arrives in the mail.  You should be with someone who’s stronger and more put together than I am, Gavin.”

“Hey,” he said lifting my chin and then cupping my face in his hands.  “First of all, you are strong and there is nothing wrong with how you’re put together.  Nothing you have done has ever made me question our relationship or made me rethink about how I feel about you.  So, you have a few quirks, who the hell doesn’t?  If I had been at that gallery tonight with someone else and I had left her alone to talk to Lisa she could have thrown a fit and made a scene.  No one is perfect Emma, and besides, there’s a mighty long list of shit you deal with when it comes to putting up with me.”

I shook my head at that.  That wasn’t true.  Other than having a gorgeous ex- fiance who broke his heart, the man was damn near perfect.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Like homosexual tendencies towards artistic knowledge,” he joked. 

I laughed with him and he pulled me into his lap so that I was straddling him.  He smoothed back my hair and and cupped his hands gently around my neck, using his thumbs to stroke my jawline. 

“Don’t try scaring me away Emma,” he told me.  “I’m way too fond of you now to let you go so easily.  In fact,” he paused for a moment.  “I love you.”

It was the first time he said it and I thought my heart would burst.  I was more than overwhelmed with my feelings for him and I said the only thing I could think of to respond to that.

“I love you, too, Gavin.”

He gave me a lazy smile that showed relief on his face and I leaned in to kiss him.  Not a sweet and gentle kiss but a hard and passionate full blown lip-lock.  We both opened our mouths and our tongues danced together. 

Like everything else in life, I liked to be in control when it came to sex and Gavin sat beneath me, his hands resting gently at my hips, while my mouth ravaged his.  This wasn’t our first time together but it was the first time Gavin had said he loved me and my need for him was hot and intense. 

I could feel the bulge in his pants growing beneath me as I grinded my hips against him, but he kept his hands in place, allowing me to go at my own pace.  We continued kissing, breaking contact with our lips only to nip and suck at each other’s necks.  When I shoved my fingers into his hair to yank his head back and lick his neck from Adam’s apple up to his chin, he groaned deeply and the ache between my legs became unbearable.

I pushed away from him to lift my dress over my head and remove my bra.  Tossing the black lace aside, I pulled him back to me.  He closed his mouth over one of my nipples and I moaned his name, throwing my head back.  As he worked my breasts with his hands and mouth, I pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.  I felt him shiver when I ran my nails down his hard, defined chest. 

When I stood to remove my tights and panties, Gavin undressed himself and I had to take a second to admire this glorious man who loved me.  There was nothing more attractive than Gavin naked on my couch, his cock ready and waiting for me, and his eyes bright with desire.  Before I could return to his lap he leaned forward and ran his hands down my sides and around to rest them on my rear. 

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered and then pulled me to sit astride him once again.

Before I took him inside me, I moved to let the length of his shaft slide between my legs. 

“Fuck, Emma.”  His words made me crazy.  Crazy with power; crazy with desire.  I repositioned myself and we both groaned in unison as he sank deliciously into me.

I rode him slowly and gently at first.  As we made love with our bodies, we spoke of our love for each other between gasps and groans.  If I could hear only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be Gavin moaning that he loved me.

Soon his hands were tight at my waist and I could feel my own orgasm begging to be released.  I took his hand and moved it to where we were joined.  He moved his thumb in small circles until I came and screamed his name in release.  He followed soon after, digging his fingers into my hips and thrusting up into me. 

Collapsing against his chest, I sighed happily, the doubts and fears I had about our relationship completely forgotten.

7

Present Day

I woke up later that morning with a stiff neck and a pounding headache.  As I stirred, I felt two strong arms tighten around me.  Apparently some time after I had passed out, Gavin moved us so that he was lying on his back, still on the couch, and I was on top of him, my cheek pressed firmly into his chest.  I positioned my hands on either sides of his hips and pushed myself off of him, kneeling between his legs while I stretched and worked the kinks out of my neck.

“Good morning,” he said to me.  His eyes were bloodshot and puffy from lack of sleep.  I also noticed that he had an angry welt on his left cheek.  I felt guilty.

“Morning,” I croaked and then winced.  My throat was raw from the screaming I’d done hours earlier.  I reached my hand down and tilted his face away from me so I could get a better look at the damage I’d done.  “I’ll put a spoon in the freezer for a few hours.  The cold should help with the welt.”

I rose from the couch and Gavin mashed his eyes with the heels of his palms.

“Please, don’t do that,” he said.

“Do what?”  I asked, picking up the glass of juice from the coffee table that had been forgotten about the night before.  It left a ring on the glass.  I was going to have to get that later.