When It's Love (13 page)

“I’m sorry, Nicholas,” Rachel said. “I can’t take that kind of risk. Not when it comes to Charlotte.”

And especially not when it came to her own heart...

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

During the walk back to her grandmother’s place, Rachel kept telling herself that she’d done exactly what she’d needed to do. After all, Charlotte’s well-being came before everything. And if Nicholas couldn’t see that, then it was even
more
obvious that they couldn’t be together.

But that had been obvious from the moment he’d arrived, hadn't it? Yes, they'd had a connection, but it had always been a connection with an expiration date. Even last night, she’d gone into it with her eyes open, knowing that Nicholas would be leaving today. Making love with him had been about saying good-bye, not about the beginning of forever. And she’d been sure that Nicholas would eventually accept that, too, even if he kept wanting to talk about the future.

When she walked into Gram’s house, she found her daughter in the kitchen, along with Paige and Grams. Charlotte jumped up when she saw her, giving her a big hug.

“What happened?” Rachel said when she saw the small bandage on her daughter's knee.

“I was dancing. Doing spins.”

“It’s nothing serious,” Paige reassured her. “Just a skinned knee. You were very brave, weren't you, Charlotte?”

“She always is,” Rachel said with a smile, one that wobbled a little. “The bravest little girl in the world.”

Paige took a closer look at her. “Are you okay, Rachel? It’s really not that bad of a scratch. I’d have called you if it had been serious.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s Nicholas.”

“What about Nicholas, Mommy?”

Rachel did her best to smile again, even though inside she was absolutely falling to pieces. She’d been hoping that if she didn’t mention Nicholas in front of Charlotte, her daughter would come to terms more quickly with the idea of him going away. Now that she'd accidentally blown it, they were probably in for some tears. From both of them...

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said as she knelt down to her daughter's level, “but Nicholas has to go away.”

“But I don’t want him to,” Charlotte insisted.

“I know you don't”—
and neither do I
—“but...”

When her voice started to break, Paige gently reached out to take her niece’s hand. “We need to leave for school now so that you're not late. Especially when you have finger-painting first thing today and I know how much you love it.”

Thankfully, Paige's reminder of finger-painting helped Charlotte temporarily forget about Nicholas leaving. After Rachel gave her daughter a hug and a kiss good-bye, Grams sat down at the kitchen table and gestured for Rachel to do the same.

“What’s all this about Nicholas? Did you and he have a fight?”

Rachel stared at her grandmother in disbelief. “You make it sound like we’re a couple.”

“Aren't you?”

“No,” she said, but it felt like a lie. “Well, maybe it felt like we had started to become one after we...” She paused a beat, before deciding to spill everything. “After we slept together.”

Her grandmother smiled. “I guessed that part. We would have been blind not to see the sparks between the two of you the other night at dinner.”

She should have known Grams wouldn’t be surprised, let alone shocked. After all, she’d been the one who had talked Rachel into coming back home to Walker Island after Guy left. Her grandmother had always been so good at dealing with the ever-changing love lives of her five granddaughters.

“So is that it?” Grams asked. “You slept with him and you think you made a mistake?”

Rachel shook her head. Sleeping with Nicholas couldn't ever be a mistake. Not when it had been the most beautiful night of her life.

“Then what?” Grams prompted. “You know you can share this with me, darling. Tell me what’s wrong and why you look so sad.”

“I was all prepared for him to leave, but then he told me that he wanted us to go with him.” The words couldn't come fast enough now that she was finally letting them spill out. “He had this crazy scheme in his head that I would give up my job, homeschool Charlotte, and we’d go with him to wherever the next adventure is.”

“And you’re angry at him for that?”

“He just expects that everything will work out, and it clearly always has for him. But that’s not the way the real world works. Not for me anyway.”

Grams reached out to take her hand. “You have a beautiful daughter and a family that loves you. Has it really all worked out so badly?”

“No, of course not. I love Charlotte. I love all of you, too. You know that. But when he asked me to go with him this morning, it felt like he was trying to coax me up some cliff face with promises of what might lie ahead, even though there aren't any safety ropes to catch us if something happens. It felt like he was asking me to throw our whole lives away for the sake of some unknown adventures that might, or might not, work out.”

“Perhaps,” Grams gently suggested, “he didn’t see it like that. Maybe he thought he was offering you more. Maybe he thought he was helping to make not only his own dreams come true, but yours, too.” That stopped Rachel in her tracks for a long moment, especially when Grams asked, “Are you telling me there wasn’t a part of you that was tempted?”

Of course there had been. At least until she'd started worrying about all the things that might go wrong…

“You sound almost like you’re on his side, Grams.”

“I’m on your side. Always.” Grams reached for her hand. “When you were a little girl, you got into so many scrapes because you were utterly fearless. After your mother died, I know you often used adventure as a way to escape—and that perhaps you went a little too far sometimes—but before that, you used to climb anything, run anywhere and dive into anything just for
fun
. Simply because you
loved
the adventure of it all. More than any of the rest of us, you loved experiencing new things and testing your limits to see all the amazing things you were capable of achieving.”

“Maybe,” Rachel said slowly as she tried to let everything her grandmother was saying sink in, “that was because I didn’t know enough about the consequences back then.”

“Or maybe,” Grams countered, “it was because you knew the joy you'd feel was more than worth taking the risk?” She smiled as she remembered. “Practically every time the school called, it was the nurse saying you’d bumped your head or skinned your knees again. It’s a wonder that you still had knees by the end of it all. But when I’d arrive to collect you, you’d be sitting in the nurse’s office with a smile on your face, ready to tell me all about what you’d tried to do and how you were going to get it right next time.”

At the mention of skinned knees, Rachel thought about the fall Charlotte had taken while twirling around and around at the dance studio. When she had seen the bandage, her heart had briefly jumped into her mouth. She’d been so worried about her little girl. Yet, Charlotte had seemed perfectly happy, hadn’t she? As if she expected to fall sometimes while having fun, and that it was okay, just as long as she always got right back up and tried again.

“I know you’re worried about taking Charlotte away from the island, and obviously, I want to see as much of you both as I can, but I also want my girls to have the kind of lives they truly deserve. Charlotte is as fearless as you were, Rachel. You know that. You've always known it. Don’t you want her to grow up being confident about enjoying life to the fullest?”

“Of course I do,” Rachel said, “but I wish—” She shook her head. “I know I can't protect her from everything, especially not a broken heart, no matter how much I wish I could.”

“You know how dangerous everything is, darling, but you seem to have forgotten about how joyous and beautiful it all is, as well. You once told me when you were a teenager that it's worth risking falling to get to the top of a cliff.” Grams squeezed Rachel's hand tight. “That's just as true now as it was back then. And I can promise you that when Charlotte lands that spin she was practicing, it will be worth even more to her because she fell a few times along the way.”

“But taking a chance on leaving with Nicholas isn’t just about learning a dance move,” Rachel pointed out.

“No, it has the potential to be much more than that. And as a dancer, you can imagine I don’t say that very often. Now,” Grams said with a kiss to her forehead, “I think both of us could do with a nice, hot cup of coffee.”

Was Grams right? Had Rachel let herself become so scared of the potential consequences of life that she wouldn’t let herself enjoy the things that mattered? Of course, all she had to do was look at how much more alive she’d felt this week to know the answer. Every time Nicholas had persuaded her to take a risk, she had felt more and more like the real her.

Yet even so, could she really do this?

When her grandmother brought her over a mug of steaming coffee, instead of taking a sip, she said, “I want so badly to believe things will always work out, but look at what happened with Guy. And with Mom.”

“I know Guy hurt you, but once you learned exactly what he was—or rather,
wasn't—
made of, don't you think that both you and Charlotte were better off without him?” After Rachel nodded, Grams said, “And what happened to your mother was a terrible tragedy, but do you think for one moment that she would have wanted you to pull back and not live your life because of it? You’ve become such a strong, independent woman and a wonderful mother without Guy. Now, you just need to let yourself take a few risks so that you can learn what truly makes you happy.”

“But this isn’t just about me, it's about Charlotte, too.”

“And we both know that going off on adventures around the world would be a dream come true for her, just as I know that you will do a wonderful job of bringing her up, no matter where you are. The question is, what do
you
want?” Grams held her gaze. “Do you love Nicholas? Would this be a dream come true for you, too?”

Yes, it would.
Rachel knew without having to look very hard that traveling around the world with Nicholas and Charlotte would be everything she’d ever wanted. She could see how it might work, but...

“I’m scared, Grams.”

“Being scared is good,” Ava said with a smile. “Stopping because you’re scared is not. When I persuaded you to come back to the island after Guy disappeared, it wasn’t so that you could hide away from the world. It was so that you could build up your strength to fly out there again. And you know that we’ll always be here to catch you and Charlotte if you should ever fall. That’s what family is for.”

“Thank you so much, Grams,” Rachel said as she threw her arms around her grandmother's shoulders. “You're the best! Now I need to go find Nicholas.”

“I'm very glad to hear it,” Grams said, looking as pleased as she ever had. “Although you might have to hurry. His film crew came to collect some of his things a little while ago, and I think they were heading down to the harbor.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Rachel sprinted out of the house. Her home was closer than the docks, meaning that her car was too, but was it close enough? But there was no time for her to calculate everything carefully. Not now.

Not where Nicholas was concerned.

She dashed toward her house, deciding that the car would be fastest. At least the way she was going to drive today, it would be. Running up the sidewalk, she narrowly avoided crashing into a couple of tourists taking in the sights, then took a shortcut down a small alleyway and hopped over a low wall. A dog barked at her, and Rachel ran faster, getting back out onto the street. She hadn’t done anything like this since she used to run home from school as a kid.

She skidded to a halt across the street from her house. For once, the street was busy, cars coming one after another. She tried to be patient, waiting at the curbside, but then she shook her head. “There isn’t any time.”

And there wasn’t. Every second she spent waiting for the perfectly safe time to cross, the film crew would be getting closer to the docks with Nicholas. She couldn't stand the thought of him leaving thinking that she didn't care—or that she wasn't ready to change her whole life for him.

All along, he'd opened up his heart, and his life, to her. Now that she was finally ready to do the same, she prayed she wasn't too late.

When was the next ferry due to leave? The big car ferries departed every hour, but the smaller passenger boats that tied up on the jetties often went more often than that. She needed to hurry!

Rachel checked her watch, took a breath and then stepped out into the traffic. “Sorry, sorry!” she called out as horns blared, but she kept moving. As she pulled open her garage door, she wished she owned a sports car that would get her there in half the time than the Kia could. Maybe a motorcycle. That would let her easily cut through the small town’s traffic, wouldn't it?

She pulled out into the street, then took her car up to the speed limit and past it as she pulled around a couple of cyclists on the narrow island road, cutting back in quickly to avoid oncoming traffic.

“Everything will be okay,” Rachel said to herself, trying to calm down, working to convince herself that she would get there before Nicholas left. Things would work out, the way he always said they did. She would
make
them work out!

Could she call Hanna and get her to persuade Joel to stop the ferry, given that he owned the company? It was worth a try—anything was at this point—so she used the voice-activated dialing on her cell phone. Unfortunately, she only got through to voice mail. “Hi, Hanna, it’s Rachel. Listen, if you get this in the next few minutes, I need Joel to delay the next ferry off the island for as long as possible. I’ll explain later, but it’s important. You know I wouldn’t ask otherwise. Love you, bye!”

Rachel hung up and concentrated on driving. The roads on Walker Island weren’t designed for high-speed driving. They were meant for meandering along while looking at the sights. Nicholas had reminded her of that when he’d walked with her earlier, making her slow down enough to notice the beauty all around her again.