When the Elephants Dance (34 page)

T
HE FOLLOWING WEEK
, my mother was very excited. She said that Mrs. Parris, Matthew’s mother, and Mr. and Mrs. Bautista had requested appointments with her. By the way they requested these meetings, we knew that this could mean only one thing. They were interested in talking marriage.

My mother and father set their meetings with the two families on the same day, only an hour apart. Mrs. Parris came first. We should have waited in our bedroom; we should not have hid behind the mural screen in the next room.

Mrs. Parris was obviously there to represent her husband, who was away on business, and to propose marriage for Corazón. That’s how it was back then; the young men did not always have a say, as they do today. My parents asked her to sit, and she was offered tea and pandesal, the sweet milk bread that sometimes comes with a little sprinkling of sugar or cheese on top. They talked pleasantries for the first few minutes, and then Mrs. Parris put on her glasses and folded her hands on the table.

“As you know, Mirabelle, Manuel”—she nodded to each of my parents—“Matthew is interested in your daughter Corazón. This is a perfect match, I believe, since they are so alike.”

It always amazed me when people said that about the two of them. For I did not think they were so alike at all. Oh, I had thought so at first, but I had
come to realize that they looked alike only on the outside, with their light skin and golden brown hair; inside they were quite opposite. Matthew was like a beautiful eel, exotic but tricky to catch his true personality. Corazón was more like a white catfish. Pretty, and you always knew what she was up to, cleaning up my throwaways. She was interested in books and sophisticated music, the kind they play abroad, with no singing, just the violin, the piano, and such. Matthew was interested in himself and the women he could surround himself with.

“I of course told him I would be happy with either one of your daughters, they are both lovely. I even thought for a moment that he may be more suited for Anna, but …” She laid open her palm and shrugged. “Such is the way of the heart.”

I was watching Corazón from the corners of my eyes, and she clasped her hands together and closed her eyes. It made me wonder if she was just as eager to be apart from me. That was something I had never thought of. A tear rolled down her cheek, and I wondered if that would happen to me.

“How good for you,” I said to her, and she thanked me.

I thought I would die of impatience for the next hour as we waited for Mr. and Mrs. Bautista, I was so excited. This is it, I thought, now my life will begin. I was so happy to have already spoken with Mrs. Bautista. Corazón had not had that luxury, so the visit with Mrs. Parris had been more stressful for her.

Finally Mr. and Mrs. Bautista came, and to my surprise Corazón waited with me. They were more formal, more curt, with my parents. They did not exchange pleasantries. The Bautistas were not wealthy, but their family was descended from village chieftains, so that was where their attitude came from, but still, I had not remembered Mrs. Bautista that way. At my party she had been very sweet. But people are different when they come to bargain, just as at the market, you must wear your game face. So I was not alarmed.

“Well, Mirabelle, Manuel,” Mr. Bautista began. “As you know, we are very interested in a marriage between our only son, Jamie, and your daughter Corazón.”

My breath, which I had been holding, choked in my throat, and Corazón turned, pale as a ghost.

“There must be some mistake,” she whispered. “Anna, I never,” she pleaded to me.

She might as well have stabbed me in the chest with one of the big bolo knives we had hanging above our dining room table. Tears came down my face; they crept into my lips, hot and bitter. I thought back to when I had spoken to Jamie’s mother. I chided myself. I should have known, with Jamie’s mother. I
should have known when she asked me how long I had taken singing lessons and she said “very long,” she meant that if it took that long and I still hadn’t learned, I must be a really bad singer. How sweet her words had been, but I should have known how hard her eyes were.

Her interest was so engaging, as hypnotic as a snake, waiting for you to put your guard down, then stinging you with its venom. Her words were soft and encouraging to lure me in, but her thoughts were sharp as snake fangs. When she fixed my hair that night, she was thinking with embarrassment how her son could have fallen for such a sloppy creature. I later learned she was appalled at how I had come down the stairs on my own the night of our debutante party.

When she had complimented me on the dress I had ordered from New York, and asked if I had made the dress, she was seeing if I could sew for her son. When she had asked if I had cooked the delicious food, she merely wanted to know if I could cook at all. I chided and pitied myself. Yet even then I should have directed my hate toward that evil woman. But you can guess by now whom my hatred was directed at.

I looked over Corazón through hot tears, and her pleading face became distorted. “Shut up. If you had never come into my life, I would be a happy person by now,” I said, and walked out of the room.

She tried to follow me, but I locked the door to our room and told her to sleep with either one of her in-laws.

J
AMIE CAME THE
next morning. He told my parents he wanted to marry me and that if they did not give him permission, we would run away together. He declared what his mother had done was wrong, that he had specifically told her he wished to propose to me. Yet she had undermined his request and asked for Corazón instead. He stood outside my window and threw small rocks at Corazón’s wind chimes. It was awful to hear; the chimes would start their music with a small breeze, and then—
ping! plonk!
—Jamie’s rocks would halt the melody.

“Please, Anna. Speak to him,” Cora pleaded.

“He’s your intended, you have two. Do whatever you want with him,” I spat.

Jamie sent letters and asked Corazón to give them to me, but I always threw them away. I was beyond thinking anymore. The doors to my heart had shut. I had only hate inside me, complete hate. I felt as if my life were just a series of betrayals. So when Jamie, the one good thing, finally arrived, I was too hardened. Like a dried-up grape, nothing could bring back my sweetness. At
seventeen years old I had given up on the kinds of dreams that young girls cling to. It made me crazy that all I could think of, all my mind was capable of concluding, was the fact that if Corazón had never come into my life, I would never be this miserable.

After the fourth week, Jamie stopped coming. The next time I saw him was at a hayride arranged for the students. It was something that the church set up, and Ate Yu insisted I go. She said I was acting like a fool and that I should go. I went only because I grew tired of everyone trying to force me out of the house. Matthew arrived to gather Corazón, and I was somehow convinced to go with them. That was the final mistake.

As I sat in the carriage and watched them laugh and chatter about the future, I wanted to rip the smile of satisfaction from Corazón’s face. I wanted her to be as unhappy as I was. In my mind her questions concerning my welfare became insults. That was when the bad thought formed in my mind. If she really wanted to know how I was doing, I would let her feel firsthand.

Jamie came to the wagon ride. I am sure it was planned: he had flowers for me. His smiling face almost put tears in my eyes, but as I said, I was too far gone by then. I had become another creature altogether. I no longer had the innocent hate that two sisters have, one that later turns to love and fond old memories. I had cultivated an enduring sore, the kind that would go to the grave.

I let Jamie sit next to me, but there was no feeling left for him, and I could see by the brave smile he wore as he tried to engage me in conversation that he saw that, too.

As we sat there with the other young people beneath the canopy of clouds and moonbeams, I conceived a plan in my heart. When the wagon stopped, and we were allowed to stretch our legs and the picnic baskets were laid out for us, I fell behind and walked next to Matthew. He looked at me curiously.

“Still angry with Jamie?” he asked. “Have a heart, Anna.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes I long for someone more exciting.”

“I know what you mean,” he said with sincerity.

We walked in silence.

Matthew spoke again. “Well, I have always thought he was too weak for you.” Matthew had a deep fascination for me because I was the only girl he could never charm. He had fooled around with many girls, but I had never told Corazón this. I thought if she was that blind, then better she stay blind. Their wedding was set for August 30, in two months.

I returned to Jamie satisfied. I had planted the tiniest seed in Matthew’s brain, and that was all it took.

After that night, Matthew tried again and again to catch my attention. He
would tell jokes to Corazón, but all the while I could sense he was really telling them to me. One day I stayed home sick from school. I had asked Corazón to stay after school and gather my homework for me. Matthew came an hour early. I walked into the living room in a sleeveless summer dress. Unbeknownst to him, I had been preparing myself hours before.

“Oh, Matthew, I didn’t know you were here. Where is Corazón?”

“Oh, I don’t know, she doesn’t know how to be on time for an appointment. She has no sense.” He grinned.

W
E WOULD DO
that, dance around each other’s words. Always hinting. What of Jamie? Oh, I liked him enough, but looking back, I realize that I had been wanting something even more. Whenever I had thought of Jamie, I had thought of myself as the beloved daughter-in-law. I had pictured many ways I would be showered by love from his mother. Having her betray me that way erased all feelings I had for Jamie.

How could I marry him and be with yet another mother who did not want me? At least Matthew’s mother had even confessed that she had thought I would have been a better match for her son. The only woman who probably thought I was better than Corazón was the one she would inherit as a mother-in-law. You see how unfair it all was?

As I expected, it was easy to win Matthew away from Corazón. Do not think me immodest when I say that he practically leaped at the chance to get away from her. We took long walks together and talked about our futures. I told him how I wanted to travel the world, maybe even become a hostess on one of those cruise ships that were becoming so popular. He talked about how he wanted to move to America and become a movie star. We had a lot in common. I saw that Matthew could be a true friend. He held me in higher esteem than he did other women. It wasn’t long after that he simply started coming an hour earlier than his dates with Corazón, and the two of us had that much more time together.

One evening as Matthew and I returned home from one of our walks, I heard my aunts telling my mother about the two of us. How it was inappropriate for us to be seen walking and holding hands. They exaggerated, of course; we never held hands. How like my aunts to start a fire as soon as they saw the merest twigs to burn. Little did they know how much easier they made it for us. My mother said nothing to me when I strolled into the house with Matthew.

The next day was a different story. Somehow the entire neighborhood was
talking about us. How this person or that person had seen us in a secret embrace. How Matthew was fooling around with his bride-to-be’s sister. Such sweet talk for the gossips. I came up the steps and there was Matthew’s mother, my mother, and my aunts. Corazón greeted me at the door with a somber face. Tita Babelyn was sniffing; she had gotten a berating from my father before he went off to work and was still explaining her uninvolvement in the entire affair.

“I never said that to Aling Panchita. I merely said that Anna and Matthew are the best of friends. Why would I say such a thing?” she sniffed.

Matthew’s mother was staring at Tita Babelyn with the most disbelieving look. “You should be ashamed. Your own nieces. How could you start such rumors?”

Tita Babelyn began to sob. “What about Lulu? She has been talking also.”

“Oh, Babelyn, don’t involve me in this, huh? I am innocent. Why would I say such things about Anna and Matthew?” Tita Lulu raised her chin and looked away, pretending to straighten her skirt.

“Well, someone said something!” Mrs. Parris shouted. This woman had a strong voice. I tell you, it shook the wooden beams and made the cats scurry out from under the beds. “The whole village is talking about their affairs.”

I turned to Corazón then. She looked at me sadly. “Anna, please don’t do this,” she begged.

Better for her if she hadn’t said a word. How dared she beg me! She wanted all of it. Had she ever saved anything good for me? And here she was again, wanting only the good things. I clenched my hands into fists and looked at her. “You have heard what they say. It is already done. Everyone knows. Matthew’s mother is protecting me. You can have anyone you want. You already have Jamie’s mother.”

I remember her face and the shocked look she gave me. “What would I want with Jamie’s mother?” She was watching me carefully, the way one would a wild animal or a rabid dog. “What about Jamie?” she asked.

“You can have him, too!” I shouted.

M
RS
. P
ARRIS RESCINDED
the offer of marriage from Corazón, and at Matthew’s request, she asked for my hand in marriage instead. Of course, I said yes. I sealed all our fates, sentenced us all to misery. We were married and I moved out of that house. And do you know, Matthew became a good husband? And his mother, just as I had hoped, we became the best of friends. I hardly visited my family. I thought to myself how lucky, how lucky that I jumped at my only chance when I could. Sure, I did not love him, but I was
loved
. I had everything
Corazón had wanted. I had beaten her at every round, yet I felt nothing but a devastating emptiness inside.

Y
ES
, I
WAS
saddened a little when I heard that Jamie and Cora had gotten close in my absence, until finally he had offered for Corazón’s hand in marriage. But it was like hearing something in a long tunnel, very vague and distant. I did not realize then that it was my heart that had become hard and faraway. Still, I thought, how funny; even when I tried my best to hurt her, she always came out with what I wanted most. I was invited to the wedding but found some reason to be away at the time. I remember seeing them once by accident. Corazón’s belly was big with their baby. I was riding in our carriage, and Matthew had gone into a store. As I sat in the carriage, I saw Corazón and Jamie laughing outside with ice-cream cones in their hands. I remember how beautiful Corazón looked.