When the Elephants Dance (35 page)

Over the next three years Corazón wrote me often, though we lived only two miles away. I never invited her to my home, but she tried all the time to visit me. I always managed to grow sick or be too busy. My mother wrote me once or twice, usually to ask for money or jewelry but never to inquire about me. I never responded. She had some disease of the mind. It made her forget things. One moment she knew who she was and the next she did not recognize anyone. I felt nothing.

O
NE DAY
A
TE
Y
U
came to visit, and my heart danced when I let her in. I showed her our grand house. She stayed and chatted with my mother-in-law. Before it was time to go, she took me aside and said, “Anna, your mother not doing so well. Maybe you should visit. Your sister getting very big with baby.”

“I have been busy arranging my new home. I will visit as soon as I have time.”

She gave me a knowing look. “Things change, Anna. You should make amends before it is too late. Smooth any bad feelings. Be a family again.”

“Sure, Ate Yu,” I told her.

A few weeks later, Jamie himself came to knock on our door. Matthew answered and invited him in. I could tell that Jamie wanted a word with me alone, but my husband would not leave until my mother-in-law called him out of the room. She was fair like that.

As the two of us stood alone in the room, I watched Jamie’s sweet face. Did he notice our silk carpet at the entrance? Imported from India. What did he
think of our servant who led him into our
salas?
His voice held impatience for my wandering thoughts. “Anna, Corazón is having trouble with the baby. She started her labor pains this morning. She has been asking for you.”

His words jolted me. “Send for the midwife. I don’t know anything about delivering babies,” I said with alarm.

He paced angrily. “We have a midwife; your sister is asking for your presence.”

I turned and my mother-in-law was standing in the doorway. She said in a soft voice, “Anna dear, you should be with your sister.”

Just like that, so easy. She changed my mind. I chastised myself for thinking differently. “Of course,
Inay
, I will go immediately. I cannot promise to be of any help, but if you feel this strongly, then I shall go.”

A
S SOON AS
my sandals touched the first step of their house, my hair stood on end. I knew something was wrong. The air in the house, it seemed unmoved, oppressive. I could hear the wind chimes in the back room, and I went to see Corazón. I could hear her low moaning. My mother was there, hovering around the door like a ghost. When she saw me her eyes grew large and she ran from the room. “Janna, no!” she shouted. I shook my head and went in to see Corazón. The midwife walked out of the room to talk to Jamie; I could hear them speaking in hushed tones.

Corazón looked up from her daze. “Anna …” She managed a smile. “So good to see you. I have missed you. I am having trouble, sister.” Her words, as always, were too sweet for me to hear. I brushed them away, pretending to be concerned with her condition.

“What is wrong, Cora? Are you having twins?”

“The baby wants to come out sideways.” She tried to smile, but then her face bunched up and I could see her gripping the bedcovers with her fists. “The midwife has tried everything, but the baby will not turn. I am frightened.”

“Don’t be silly, the baby will be fine,” I said sincerely. I had forgotten for the moment it was Corazón. I saw only a lovely young woman lying there in much agony, trying to be brave. That was the one true time I saw her as I should have.

“It is not the baby I am worried about.” She shut her eyes tight again. Her breathing had become labored. It was then that I noticed the sheets were a deep red. As if she had been swimming in a red pool.

“Corazón,” I said, “let us call a real doctor.”

“Sister, there is not enough time. I tried and tried to have you come over
sooner. We have much to discuss. There is no time to call a doctor now. He cannot fix things between us.”

“What do you mean, between us?” I asked, watching the bed grow dark with blood. I thought she was fading. I could hear it in her voice, like a candlelight fading from no oxygen. I shouted for Jamie to get a doctor. He peered in the room quickly and then ran out. I watched through the windows as my mother and the midwife hurried after him. I thought how stupid not to have called one sooner. When I turned to speak with Corazón, she had fallen unconscious. I was in a panic. I tried to wake her, but her eyes stayed shut. I checked her breathing by watching the unsteady rise of her chest.

I felt a tension take over my entire body. I felt like an intruder. I paced the floor and noticed how sparse her house was and how dark. I felt a pang of sadness for her. What kind of man was Jamie that he couldn’t bring sunlight into his wife’s room? Couldn’t call a proper doctor? I felt another pang, this time of outrage for my sister. She was used to finer things. I went to the windows to open the shade and let the sun in. She was perspiring badly, and I got a cool towel and placed it over her head. The room was insufferably hot, like the night Janna had died so many years ago. It alarmed me. I felt as if the same energy were hovering around us, trying to claim her. “I shall read you a book,” I said loudly to the room.

I walked the entire house and found nothing. I hurried back and went to her bedside. I slowly placed my hand on her moving belly and worried over the baby.

“Cora,” I said sternly to her. “Cora, you will kill this baby if you don’t wake up.” I could feel my hair stand on end at the chill that permeated the room, though it was suffocatingly humid. I was not good in stressful situations, and I felt as if I would pull out my hair. In my desperation I pulled open drawers, looking for something to occupy me. Her rubies and pearls were tucked away neatly in blue and green velvet boxes. Never worn, I realized. Her silk undergarments were folded in perfect rows. In the last drawer I opened, something caught my eye. My name, ANNA, written in crooked letters on an envelope. I reached for the letter and realized it was wrapped in a ribbon. I undid the ribbon, and my breath became lodged in my throat. There were many letters attached, at least twenty. When I pushed one of her scarves away, my heart almost stopped. The drawer was filled with sets of letters tied in ribbons. Each stack had a year written on top. Twelve stacks, twelve years of letters, all addressed to me.

I reached out nervously and brought a stack to her bedside. “Cora, please.
Wake up.” I shook her. I even pried her eye open with my fingers. Her iris stared out at me, blank and dilated. “I shall read to you. Are you listening?”

I was so nervous, I fumbled with the first envelope until I ripped it open. It was dated the year after Janna died. We were only eight years old.
“Dear Sister,”
it began.
“Why do you hate me so? I have been here two months now and I try and try, but you only seem to hate me more. Are you not longing for a sister again? Do you not want the company as I? I shall make it my lifelong goal to win your friendship
.”

I glanced quickly at Cora and felt my face grow red with embarrassment. I read the next letter from the next stack. Two years later:
“Dear Sister, As you know, I enjoy making you angry. But not for reasons you think. I enjoy it because you make me feel as though I exist
.”

I skipped through all the letters. I thought, How crazy this girl is, wanting my attention so. But also I started to think, How sad that she had no one. How scary to come live with a new family.
“Dear Sister, How I wish I were as strong as you. When Papa grows angry you are as strong as an old tree. You make him move with your strength. In order for me to move him, I must cry. I understand how this must disgust you so to see such weakness. I shall strive to be as strong as you
.”

Five years later:
“Dear Sister, Mama told me I must give her half of my monthly allowance. I don’t care about the money. But I am extra glad you don’t care about it. Unfortunately you don’t care about me either
.” I looked at Cora sheepishly after that one.

The one that struck me the most was the night we had found out Jamie had gone against his parents and asked for my hand.
“Dear Sister, Jamie is the best match. You deserve him. He loves you very much. With all the girls wanting him, he has eyes only for you. Why can you not see this? I want to shake you sometimes. But I will support you no matter what your decision
.”

My stomach twisted at the memory of that time. I stood up and nervously put the letters away. I shoved them back in the drawer and studied my sister. She did not look good. She looked near death. I remembered Janna the night she had passed away, and I thought how Corazón’s skin looked that same sickly gray.

“I won’t let you take her!” I shouted to the room. I imagined myself standing between her and the bad energy that was creeping around us. I would not let death take her. “Cora, be strong.” I took her hand.

It terrified me that my sister might die. I had thought she would be around to hate forever. I never thought she would leave me. The doctor came bursting through our house, startling me and breaking our connection. He injected her
with something, and she came to slowly. We were ushered out of the room, and I went to pick flowers. I think I picked their rosebushes bare. My mind went over and over my new revelation.
She has been as lonely as I. We could have been lonely together. We could have been happy together. I shall make it my goal to make things right. I have a sister!

When the baby arrived, Jamie called me in. I placed the roses near the window and the sunlight, but not before I noticed the doctor give Jamie a sad look. My heart jumped. I went to sit beside Cora. She blinked at the brightness of the room. She seemed surprised to see me, almost nervous. I realized she was waiting for another one of my pranks or maybe my anger. I blushed in shame.

“I brought flowers for you,” I said, smiling.

“Thank you,” she said unsurely. “Did you see the baby?”

“He is beautiful. Like you, sister.” Her eyes welled at my words. I had never called her sister.

O
VER THE NEXT
few weeks I came to sit with her. But instead of gaining her strength, she seemed to wilt. As I was visiting one evening, I helped her to walk out onto the porch and see the sunset. I had decided the best way to breach our distance was to forget the past and start new.

“Cora, as soon as you are better we shall spend more time together,” I said.

She smiled and asked, “Have you ever wondered why I chose to live with this family instead of the many others that offered to adopt me?”

I shook my head and placed a cool rag to her brow. She was now always cold or feverish, no in between. “Conserve your strength,” I said. “No explanations necessary.”

“I chose this family first because I thought it was the right thing.
Inay
had just lost a daughter, and I had just lost a mother. But, in time, I began to see that nothing could ever change the damage Janna’s death had done to her.”

I went silent at the name of my dead twin. Corazón did not seem to notice. She did not falter in her words. She continued. “Papa was always busy, too busy to welcome me as a new daughter, too busy to help shake Mama’s sadness, or your sadness. I stayed even after I discovered that I had come to live in an empty house. I stayed because of you. I knew you needed someone just as I did. Mama wronged us both. She grieved over a dead child, when she had two who were alive and starving to be loved.”

“Cora, that is all in the past now. Let us not talk of it. Besides, I am willing to forgive you for all the hurts. It is done. Let us concentrate on building a new bond.”

Her eyes faded a little at my words. She squeezed my hand. “Oh, Anna. You still do not see,” she said sadly. “We don’t have much time.”

I fixed her dress. “We have the rest of our lives, silly.”

She struggled to stay present but fell asleep soon after. She tired easily, and I tucked the blankets around her. That was the last time I saw her alive. She had fallen into a coma and she died that night in her sleep. I left town for a while, visited friends. I told Matthew I had to be alone for a while. I tried to run away from the realization that I had lost something good, that I was truly alone, but when I returned home the sadness was there waiting for me. The pain was so acute that I slept for days, refusing to acknowledge her death. It broke my heart. I had found out too late that Cora was a worthy sister. It twisted my emotions. Regret again filled me, followed by bitterness. The life we could have had. I was truly alone now. “Why did you keep me so blind for so long?” I screamed at God.

I went to visit my mother after that. I had in me all the anger that I had directed toward Corazón all those years. I practiced what I would say, how she was selfish and had neglected everyone after Janna died. She kept all of us from grieving with her theatrics. She had chased Papa away and affected everyone’s life. Even Ate Yu, for when Ate Yu had fallen in love with a nice man, who wanted to marry her and take her away, Mama had begged her not to go. But most of all she had neglected Corazón and me. She was not fit enough to care for one child, yet she had adopted another. I wanted to spit these things to her feet. But when I arrived all I saw before me was a frail old woman with no memory of any of it.

T
HE LAWYERS LISTED
all of Corazón’s belongings, the two large houses she was to inherit on her twenty-first birthday, which was only two months away. The import/export business her mother had started and had multiplied three times over, so now they had nine big warehouses. All of her mother’s jewelry. Oh, I knew she was worth a lot, but she never acted as though she had anything. Then they named the things as they were distributed in Corazón’s will. She had nine warehouses of goods, and just one of these would be enough to care for a person for an entire lifetime. She had willed seven of them between her husband and any children they had. Two of the warehouses she had willed to me.

This was not necessary, what she did. As I told you, Matthew’s family was wealthy. And my little business of giving voice lessons was prospering. I had many clients. I refused her gift. I told them they must redistribute it back to her husband and child. They said she had anticipated this, and in her will she had
stipulated that if I were not to accept, the property would be given to her biggest competitor. Better that I accept, I decided, and give all the proceeds to Jamie and baby Feliciano. But when I tried to do that, Jamie was insulted. “Will you not even grant her one wish, Anna? Are you that selfish? She wanted these things for you.”