When To Let Go (17 page)

Somehow they had ended up with her back to the house. All it took was for Wesley to take a step forward, his body forcing hers against the wall, pinning her there with his palms by her head, lowering his voice in an intimate way, “I don't trust myself not to lose control and do something you’re not ready for.”

“But I'm ready,” she murmured, heating up the way she always seemed to when he was close.

“How do I know it's not because you want to please me?”

She didn't know what to say to convince him, so she decided to show him instead.

Bringing her arms out, she wrapped them around his neck, bringing his head down low enough so her lips could meet his. Then she proceeded to kiss him like she never had before, not holding back and letting all her bottled up emotions come to the surface, hoping he could feel how desperately she wanted him. She was so caught up in the moment she didn't have time to get embarrassed with the way her body was clawing at him, trying to bring them closer.

In one swift movement Wesley unhooked her arms and backed away.

With his hands on his hips he paced a straight line, his chest visibly moving in and out and his head watching his feet.

Ava wiped her mouth, laying both palms against the house, waiting for him to respond verbally or physically. She'd take either one as long as he did something.

She didn't have to wait long. In the blink of an eye he pounced on her, lifting her bottom and pushing up her skirt, enabling her legs to move and wrap around his waist. He ground into her, kissing her with a fervor that was more desperate than her own.

She didn't know how to contain the burning need inside her and neither did Wesley. He had a hand unbuttoning his pants just enough to let himself free. He shoved aside her underwear and pushed inside of her.

Ava cried out from the pain, burying her face in his neck. Wes continued to savagely move in and out. Ava never imagined that this would be how their first time would be, yet despite the pain it was better. It seemed fitting for how out of control her love for him was.

She tightened her hold around his neck, burying more of her face in it, concealing his head with her arms, needing him as close to her as he could be. She concentrated on the noises he was making, which excited her and helped her to forget the burning.

“Oh, god, Ava,” he groaned, his body pausing for a split second right before it shuddered and his grip dug into her flesh.

He stopped altogether, breathing heavily against her skin.

Her head fell back against the wall, her breathing almost as heavy even though he had done all the work.

“Fuck,” he growled, his head snapping up, terror in his eyes that were now wildly searching Ava's face. “I'm so sorry, it wasn't supposed to happen like that.”

Ava winced when he gently pulled out.

Guilt washed over his features. He took a few steps backwards, raking his hands through his hair and pulling on the ends, “I didn’t mean to lose control like that, it just happened. I couldn’t stop it.”

It wasn't cold out, yet a chill nipped at her skin. She needed him to hold her, to comfort her. Not because she didn't like what had just happened, but because the intensity of it had her feeling vulnerable and she needed the safety and warmth of his arms.

Wesley was pacing in a way that reminded her of the rest of the Baxters and how they could be like a pack of wolves. She found herself giggling.

“You’re laughing?” He asked with disgust.

Ava tried holding it in, but instead all that happened was a snort escaped.

She slapped a hand over her mouth.

“What the hell?”

She dropped her hand, not concealing her smile very well, “I love you, Wesley Baxter. I wouldn't change a thing about what just happened.”

“How can you say that?”

“It was real. It was in the moment.” She shrugged, “It was
us
.”

His mouth quirked at the side, the furrow in his brow lessening.

“Will you please come back over here and hold me?” She was serious but she had on a goofy grin. She didn't understand why she felt so giddy.

Before she had finished her next breath he was there, embracing her, murmuring words of love into her ear.

He brought his hands up to cup the sides of her face, “Did I hurt you?”

“It was the first time, it was unavoidable.”

“I could have gone slower. I
should
have gone slower.”

She shook her head, “Then it would have made me realize that we were doing it on the side of someone’s house, in their backyard, with a party going on all around us. I liked that it made me forget all that and be caught up in the moment.”

She had never spoken so freely. Maybe sex really did change a person, or maybe it's that the intimacy of it had her feeling more connected to him, in a way that she felt comfortable enough to open up.

His lips smashed roughly down on hers, “Where can we go? I want to be alone with you.”

“I don't know.”

She did know she needed a bathroom. What they had done was about to go down her leg.

She froze.

“What?” Wes asked between another hard kiss.

“We didn't use protection.”

He stiffened, his mouth barely touching hers, his eyes wide open, “Well, shit. I think this can go down in record as the stupidest thing I've ever done.”

That cut deep. To Ava, it was the most amazing. “You regret it?”

His forehead connected to hers, “No, not at all, which is what makes it even stupider.”

“Please don't talk like that. I don't want you to remember it like that. I want it to be a memory that makes you smile.”

“I think you're the only sixteen-year-old that talks like she's thirty.”

“Maybe that's why I can never relate to kids my own age,” she guessed, a never-ending smile firmly in place.

“No, it's because you’re too pure for them. You don't have a self-centered bone in your body, and that's all teenagers have.”

“I'm pretty sure my pureness is getting left behind with that wall,” she teased, pointing a thumb behind her.

He grinned at her and she loved seeing the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, “How much do you think it would take for them to give it to me?”

“The wall?”

“Mm hm. I want it as my first piece of artwork. I'll mount it against our living room wall and tell our kids that's where it all began.”

Ava playfully smacked his arm, laughing, “You'll scar them.”

“Please, I had to grow up watching my parents kiss and grope each other all the time and I'm fine.”

“Yeah, and it still makes you cringe,” she had to point out.

“That's because it's my freaking parents and it's disturbing.”

She laughed, “See? You just made my point.”

They laughed together, turning sober at the same time.

“If anything happened tonight, you know I'm in it with you, right?”

She nodded, never doubting he would be.

She remembered something that could solve all their worries.

“I'm on the pill,” she blurted out, rosy-cheeked in embarrassment.

“Well, shit, Ava,” Wes laughed out his relief. “Why didn't you just start with that?”

Apparently parts of her were still young and every bit sixteen.

“When did that happen?”

“A year ago. My mom took me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she revealed, chuckling from the memory. “It was pretty funny. We were both so awkward the whole time. She felt like she was being a bad parent by taking me, but she knew I'd never ask about it.”

“She's right, you wouldn't have.”

“Of course I wouldn't have! I would have been mortified.” She couldn't even say or think the word sex without turning bright red.

He kissed her forehead, “Let's go find Xavier so I can get his keys. We can go find someplace to be alone until he's ready for me to get him.”

Wes tugged on her arm to take them back inside.

She didn't budge, “I can't go back in there.”

He raised a questioning brow. He watched her eyes travel down her body where she had to keep her legs tightly closed.

She whispered her explanation, “I need a bathroom, but I'm afraid to walk.”

Why did saying something like that embarrass her so much?

Wes grinned in a way she didn't recognize. She wondered how many more smiles he had that she had yet to learn about. This one had her sex clenching.

He unbuttoned his dress shirt. The team’s coach always made them dress up before and after a game. He tugged his undershirt off, tossing it to her and putting back on his button-up.

He turned around, “Wipe what you can and I'll walk you to the bathroom.”

Ava was completely mortified as she used his shirt to wipe between her legs, getting as much as she could.

When she was done she balled up the fabric, the clean area on the outside, “All done.”

“Was there a lot of blood?” He wondered, guilt still evident.

“I couldn't really tell, but it didn't look like much.”

“Good,” he took the balled up shirt from her. “I'll throw this away while you use the bathroom.”

As they walked back inside, hand-in-hand, she squeezed his, “Thanks.”

“It's just a shirt.”

It still meant a lot to her that he always made uncomfortable situations not such a big deal.

On the way to the bathroom they passed a garbage can and he dumped it inside, “Say goodbye to your innocence.”

She rolled her eyes at how amused he seemed to be by his own joke.

The line for the bathroom wasn't very long and went fast, mostly due to the fact that they made out the whole time.

Ava recoiled at the sight of her mascara and liner that had smeared under her eyes.

She got to work washing it all off. She also took her overly-teased hair and put it into a ponytail, stealing a hair tie.

She came out feeling more comfortable in her own skin.

Wes had on a huge smile, bigger than when he normally saw her.

“The makeup was that bad, huh?”

“No, I’m just really happy.”

“Hmm, I wonder why,” she tapped her lips with her index finger, feigning ignorance.

He hooked an arm around her neck, bringing her to him, smashing his lips to hers, “You’re so cute when you’re sarcastic. And I’m not gonna lie, that’s a big part of it.”

“What’s the other part?”

“That I get to keep doing it.”

“Oh wow,” she laughed. “You’re such a romantic. I don’t think I can take much more of your sweet talk.”

He grinned at her and they headed towards the basement.

Ava let Wesley know she would wait over on the couch for him.

Confused, he pulled her up against him, “I want you with me.”

“But I’m not allowed down there.”

He frowned, “Says who?”

“The guy standing guard at the front. He said no freshmen. That’s why I was on the couch. Didn’t Dakota tell you all that?”

He clenched his jaw, “No, she never even told me you were here.”

“Oh, well,” she gave a weak smile, “surprise.”

He kissed her lips, “That’s why you were on the couch?”

“Yes, I was there for over an hour.”

He slapped his palm to his forehead, “I feel like such an ass.”

“Good. You were acting like one.”

He gave her his signature grin, “You’re so sassy after sex. I like it.”

Her eyes darted around the room to find out if anyone had heard. To her relief everyone was distracted with their own conversations. Not like teenagers having sex at a party was something uncommon.

Ava tried to keep her head up and not cast it down when they reached the closed basement door, wanting to come off like she belonged there, which she would if she hadn’t been held back a year.

“Hey, Cal,” Wes spoke, giving him a fist bump. “You remember my girlfriend, Ava.”

With a chin lift, he responded, “What’s up?”

Her shy smile came out, her body naturally leaning into Wesley as a shield.

Wes stepped forward, towering over Cal, who cowered back, “I find out you kept Ava from me again and I’ll make sure Coach benches you the rest of the season.”

Cal stumbled over his words, “I was told no freshmen.”

“I don’t care. Ava’s allowed to go anywhere she wants. If she wants to come into the guys’ locker room while you put on ointment around your balls, she can.”

Cal’s eyes were just as wide as Ava’s.

Wes was normally laid back and casual with everyone, the first to break tension and relieve any fights.

“Won’t happen again,” he promised, opening the door wider and apologizing to Ava.

“I find it happens again, from anyone in this school, I don’t even care if they’re not on the basketball team, I’m holding you responsible.” With that Wesley brushed past him, keeping Ava right next to him.