When To Let Go (3 page)

Seven-year-old Ava clutched a brown paper bag tightly in both fists in front of her.

“You ready?” Her social worker, Mrs. Turner, asked.

She wasn't, but not wanting to be any trouble she breathed out a faint, “yes,” crinkling the bag further in her grip.

Mrs. Turner smoothed out the top of Ava's hair, showing kindness in her smile, “Don't forget to smile.”

Ava tried to lift her mouth, but it twitched from the effort, her nerves making it impossible.

Mrs. Turner opened the door, holding it for Ava to enter first.

Ava kept her eyes to the ground, too afraid to glance up.

“Hello, it's nice to finally meet you both in person after our many phone conversations,” Mrs. Turner spoke in a welcoming manner. She placed her hand between Ava's shoulder blades, giving her a slight nudge towards a chair, “Ava, I want you to meet the two women who are interested in adopting you.”

Ava lifted her eyes, keeping her head down.

The woman that caught her attention first had the most beautiful hair Ava had ever seen. It looked like a mermaid’s the way it fell down past her shoulders in long waves, the color on top an aqua green that faded into a dark blue that colored the ends. The woman had black-framed glasses on and wore a big smile on her face.

“Hi, Ava. I'm Stevie, and this is my partner, Naomi,” the woman with the mermaid hair said, gesturing to the woman next to her.

The other woman's face wasn't as soft or delicate; it had a stiffness to it that matched her tightly curled hair. Ava did love her eyes. They were as blue as the sky, her second favorite color after yellow.

This woman had a close-lipped smile, yet it was friendly, “Hello, Ava. I'm Naomi. I've been looking forward to meeting you.”

“It's nice to meet you both,” Ava spoke softly.

“You have beautiful hair,” Stevie commented. “I've never seen coloring like that before.”

Ava's hand naturally went to it. It had gotten longer over the years and the blond in it had lightened over summer, making the red seem brighter.

“Thank you,” she remembered to say, even though she didn't like people bringing up her hair. She had wanted to cut it, the length reminding her of how her mother's boyfriend loved to play with it, but Parker wouldn't let her. He said it gave the guy too much power. Ava didn't understand what that meant, but she didn't want to disappoint her brother so she kept it long. She had learned how to french braid it herself, hoping to conceal it, yet it never worked. People always noticed its unique coloring.

“I love
your
color,” Ava couldn't help but gush. “Are you related to mermaids?”

“No,” Stevie laughed, her smile getting wider, “but wouldn't that be fun?”

Ava vigorously shook her head up and down in agreement, having always wanted to be a mermaid.

“Do you like to swim?”

“I don't know how,” she admitted, hating that she didn't know how to do anything.

“That's okay. We can teach you. We have a pool in our backyard.”

Ava liked that so much she perked up in her seat, thinking that Mrs. Turner had to be her fairy godmother for finding her a couple who had a pool.

The bag crinkled from the movement, reminding her it was still clutched in both hands, resting on her lap.

She leaned over the table, placing the bag in the middle, “I made you cupcakes.”

“You did?” Naomi happily asked, grabbing the bag and looking inside. “Chocolate. My favorite.”

“The frosting has peanut butter mixed into it,” Ava informed her. She had just started experimenting with mixing flavors. So far this one was her favorite.

“Did you make them all by yourself?”

Ava nodded proudly.

“Wow, that's impressive.”

Ava beamed at the compliment.

Naomi pointed inside the bag, “Can I eat it now?”

She nodded that it was okay, even though she didn't want her to. She held her breath while Naomi bit into it, afraid she wouldn't like it and realize what a waste of time this was.

Ava wanted these women to like her so badly it made her tummy and throat hurt.

“This is amazing,” Naomi raved. “You seriously made this all by yourself?”

“Yes, I memorized the recipe when I was four,” Ava explained, wishing she hadn't, not wanting them to know she’d only memorized it because she couldn't understand the recipe book (not realizing that no four-year-old could have). It also didn't help that numbers and letters still looked jumbled on paper to Ava, making her truly believe every nasty word her mother had ever said.

Naomi's chocolate-cake-filled mouth dropped open, pieces stuck between her teeth. It made Ava want to giggle. “This is from scratch?”

Ava didn't know what that meant and was relieved she didn't have to respond. Naomi was shoving the bag towards Stevie, declaring that she had to try the best cupcake she'd ever had.

Stevie's eyes bugged out after the first bite, “Holy shit, this is
really
good!” She covered her mouth, embarrassed, darting a fearful glance at Mrs. Turner.

Ava wondered if she was worried about getting into trouble for saying the s-word. She liked to believe that it was. It made her more comfortable to know Mrs. Turner made others uneasy too.

Ava noticed Stevie had tattoos. They had been hidden under the table until she brought them up to eat. They covered both her arms in an array of colors. She tried not to stare, knowing that was impolite, but she was fascinated by them. Luckily the two women didn’t notice, too absorbed in their treats.

Her favorite one was a tree with violet-colored flowers. It had a sword carved into its trunk, taking up the length of it.

“I'm a tattoo artist,” Stevie explained, noticing the way Ava stared.

Ava flushed with embarrassment at being caught.

“It's okay. I don't mind.” She extended her arms out and laid them on the table so Ava could get a better view, “It's a way to express myself.”

Ava kept her hands on her lap, even though she wanted to reach out and touch them, “They're very pretty.”

“Thank you. Every one of them means something to me. They represent parts of myself.” She pointed to the one Ava had liked the most, “This one is my favorite.”

Ave agreed, “Mine too.”

“I got it to represent my best friend's kids. I think you'd really like them. They're around your age.”

Ava got excited at the idea. She'd never had any friends.

“Can I get one?”

Naomi's laugh startled her, “When you're eighteen.”

“I'm going to get one to represent my brother, Parker.”

The two women exchanged a look that had Ava cowering back in her seat, thinking she had done something wrong.

Frowning, Naomi looked to Mrs. Turner, “She has a brother?”

“Er, well, yes, but–”

Ava didn't mean to cut Mrs. Turner off, but the mention of her brother had the words tumbling out, “Yes, the best brother in the whole wide world!”

“Ava!” Mrs. Turner scolded, “I was talking.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, hanging her head down in shame.

“Why was there no mention of this?” Naomi inquired.

“We've had difficulties with him. Ava is an angel. Parker, however, has some serious anger issues that one would need a great deal of patience for.”

Ava clamped her mouth shut, tears burning her eyes, wanting to defend her brother.

“Did we not mention in our application that we were interested in siblings?” Naomi berated, talking down to Mrs. Turner the way adults did to Ava.

“Yes, but–”

“No buts,” Naomi interrupted, her voice rising.

“Honey,” Stevie gently spoke, resting a hand on Naomi's arm. “You're scaring Ava.”

The room fell quiet and Ava sunk her head down even more. This was why she’d been so nervous for today. She just knew she'd find a way to disappoint them.

“Ava, sweetie,” Naomi's voice had lowered to an almost soothing sound. “I'm sorry if I frightened you. I just get protective over those I care about.”

Ava shook her head, still keeping it down, “You didn't. I just knew I would mess up. I'm not the kind of kid a mom can love.”

A chair scraped against the floor and footsteps echoed through the tiny room.

Stevie bent down next to Ava, a hand rubbing her back, “Don't you dare believe that for a second. The minute we saw your picture we fell in love, and now having met you we love you even more.”

Ava wanted to believe her more than anything; she'd dreamed about having a mom to love her back. The idea of two moms was more wonderful than she could have ever imagined.

Stevie tucked away a strand of loose hair from Ava's face, “When I was a kid my mom left. I used to believe it was my fault. It's wasn't. Grownups can be more self-centered and immature than toddlers. Now we'd like the chance to be your parents and take care of you.”

“Your brother, too,” Naomi piped in.

Ava shot her head up, “Really?”

Naomi gave Mrs. Turner a look similar to the one Parker would give to Ava when he didn't like something she had done, “Yes, we'd like to get that started immediately.”

“It's not that simple–” Mrs. Turner started to explain.

“I'm sure it's not,” Naomi spoke over Mrs. Turner. “I won't allow them to be split up.”

“She's very bossy, isn’t she?” Stevie whispered in Ava's ear, loud enough for the room to hear.

Ava giggled and Naomi grinned at them.

“She'll get your brother, though, don't worry. She can intimidate a lion.”

Ava giggled again at the same time her body warmed with a feeling she had only experienced from Parker. The one that made her feel loved and safe.

“Do you think you and Parker would like to be a family with us?” Stevie asked, tears in her eyes that Ava didn't understand.

“Yes, please,” she’d never wanted anything so bad in her life.

Eight-year-old Violet Baxter shuffled down the stairs, taking her sweet time, prolonging the day for as long as possible. She caught her dad's eye on the last step down. He gave a quick, sympathetic frown, understanding her misery. He didn't enjoy socializing any more than she did, which always made her wonder how he ended up married to a woman who seemed to make it her life's mission to be everybody’s friend.

Noah Baxter opened the front door for his daughter, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and giving it a squeeze, “Humor your mom. This day is important to her. She gets to meet her two best friends' children.”

Violet nodded glumly.

“As soon as lunch is over I'm sure you'll be able to slip away unnoticed.”

She sure hoped so. Luckily, everybody was used to her only hanging around until it had been an acceptable amount of time to escape.

Violet loved her family and would do anything for them; regardless, for some reason she missed the part of her DNA that enjoyed being around others, just like her dad. Her mom and siblings, on the other hand, loved to be around people.

Violet's dad led her by the shoulders out the front door, where they were assaulted by the Arizona desert heat. As they walked further down her family's property, the welcoming party came into view.

She cringed at the amount of people there. Not only was it her grandparents, aunts, and uncles, but it included her Aunt Naomi's side too, and she had a large family. A large and very
loud
family.

Violet sighed.

Her dad silently chuckled, giving her shoulder a shake, “You're just like me kid, except you have it easy. Your mom would kick my ass if I didn't stay for the whole thing.”

Violet giggled, picturing it in her head. Noah Baxter was huge and not just to an eight-year-old. He towered over everybody in both height and size. Her mom was tiny, even more so when contrasted by her husband standing next to her. She was also the only one that could boss her husband around and get away with it.

“Does it ever get easier?” Violet asked, a part of her wishing she could enjoy it more.

“No.”

That's one of a billion things Violet loved about her dad: he was always straightforward, never trying to sugarcoat things or tell you what he thought you wanted to hear.

“Then why do you keep letting Mom force you to these things?” She complained, hoping to convince him not to go and make it okay for her to skip too.

“See that?” He lifted his chin over to where his wife was happily talking with her mom. “She'll be smiling like that all day. I start getting irritated, all I have to do is look over at her and see that smile and how happy she is. It helps put things into perspective.”

Violet nodded, not really understanding. Her mom had a pretty smile but it didn't help her want to be there.

When they reached the group, Lily Baxter paused mid-conversation to smile and wave at them.

Violet's dad gave his wife a small side-smile back. Then the two of them did what they always did and stared for a few long seconds before Noah let go of Violet to meet his wife, their eyes locked together. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up for a kiss. They were always kissing. Violet thought it was gross.

Violet traveled over to the guardrail to watch who was on the go-karts. The Baxters lived on a race track, their home set in the back for privacy. Noah and Lily Baxter had bought it before Violet was born. Their specialty (and what they were known for) was drifting. They offered lessons and a safe environment to compete. They also offered other classes and last year had bought go-karts, which was now one of the most popular attractions, as families loved to be able to come and do it together.

Violet's sister, Magnolia, and brother, Wesley, were on the track, as well as their parents’ business partner, Malik King, and his three boys, Dalton, Xavier, and Brice.

Violet was about to join them when she recognized her aunts' car coming down the long stretch of driveway that led to the track’s parking lot.

Everybody stopped what they were doing to greet the guests of honor.

They stared at the Stone family getting out of their Jeep.

Violet felt sympathy for the two recently adopted kids. Growing up with no family and now having a mob of people ready to embrace and love you as though they'd known you your whole life sounded like a nightmare.

The first one to get out was the seven-year-old girl, Ava. Her hands remained clasped in front of her and she kept her head down, her long hair curtaining her face.

Aunt Stevie went over to Ava, whispering something into her ear that had Ava giggling and looking up to smile at her. Aunt Stevie smiled back, tucking her hair behind her ears.

A door slammed shut, capturing Violet's attention. The other kid they had adopted, twelve-year-old Parker, stood next to the Jeep, looking even more annoyed to be there than Violet.

Violet had already decided she didn't like him. She and her siblings had eavesdropped one night, finding out about all the trouble Parker was causing her aunts, defying them at every chance he found.

He stayed leaning against the Jeep with his arms crossed, refusing to look at anyone, staring off into the distance. When his new moms tried to get him to join everyone he ignored them as though they hadn't spoken.

Aunt Stevie and Aunt Naomi introduced Ava to everyone, who shyly smiled at them all. When they informed her that Wesley, Magnolia, and Violet were triplets her eyes bugged out. They got that a lot, especially since they all looked so different. People seemed to expect them to be identical.

Wes was the first born and extremely tall for his age, by far the tallest in their class and those a few grades higher. Violet had been born next, was average height, and the only one to receive what her mom called “Northern Light” eyes because of the blue coloring that had a mingling of aqua and yellow-gold, inheriting them from her dad. She was also the only one to have her mom's golden-brown hair color. Maggie came last, scrawny and little, the runt of the litter. She and Wes had their dad's dark blond hair, Maggie's more on the lighter side, and their mom's honey-colored eyes.

Next Ava was introduced to Noah. Upon seeing him, she hid behind Aunt Naomi's legs. Most kids had that reaction to him (most adults too). It wasn’t only his massive size, but also the scars that covered his face and arms. It didn't help that he rarely smiled, making his features seem darker. All three of his kids idolized him, Violet being at the top of the list.

Noah was used to people reacting like Ava and never tried to rectify it. It didn’t bother him in the slightest, so it surprised Violet when he squatted down to be more eye level with Ava.

“Hey, Ava.” Noah gave her one of his rare smiles that he usually reserved for his kids and wife (and on the rare occasion Malik's kids). “I'm Noah. You don't need to be frightened by me.” He pointed to the three scars on his eye, “I got these slaying a three-headed dragon. I always make sure my family is kept safe. You're family now. I'm here to make sure nothing bad gets to you.”

Ava slowly slid half of her body from behind Aunt Naomi to peek around her arm, “Like a knight?”

He chuckled, amused at being called that, “For family, yes. I'm here to protec–”

“She doesn't need your protection,” Parker interrupted, wrapping an arm around his sister and pulling her into him. “She has
me.
I'm
the one who's been there for her and kept her safe. You think you can just make up some bullshit and we can all be one big happy family?”

Ava cast her eyes downward at Parker's infuriated words.

Violet wanted to punch him in all the ways her dad had showed her how. She'd always been very protective of those she loved, for as long as she could remember.

Her fists balled up as she took a step forward, ready to tell Parker how awesome her dad was and how he should feel lucky to be allowed to even come there.

“Parker, that's enough,” Aunt Naomi spoke up first. “He's only trying to help her be more comfortable. Would you prefer Ava be afraid all day?”

Parker wouldn't look at her, turning his head to the track, examining it. Boredom was on his expression, as though nobody had spoken to him.

“I didn't think so,” Aunt Naomi continued, unfazed by being ignored. “Nobody will ever be able to protect her better than you…” Parker’s grip tightened around his sister as he continued pretending to not be listening “…but wouldn't it be nice for her to know she has places to go where she's safe and nothing bad will happen to her? That she has people who care about her?”

“We don't need anybody to care about us,” Parker seethed, glaring first at her, followed by Noah. “Especially some horror-film freak!”

“Hey!” Violet shouted, “Nobody is saying they care about
you.
” She tried to ignore the way for a brief moment Parker slightly flinched, as though what she had said actually affected him. She carried on, “You're probably unlovable. Why else would nobody have adopted you by now?!” As soon as the words left her mouth she wanted to take them back. She always seemed to lash out in anger, saying things she'd regret.

“Violet!” Lily scolded under her breath at the same time Aunt Naomi shouted at Violet not to yell at her son that way, and that he wasn't adopted sooner because he was meant to be their son, causing Parker to snap his head in her direction in surprise. It was that moment that would stop him from running away with Ava that night. He’d never had someone stick up for him before and liked the way it felt.

Violet curled in her lips, ashamed at her outburst but too proud and stubborn to apologize.

Maggie pushed past Violet with a shove, forcing her to feel her anger. That had always been a blessing and a curse with the triplets – they knew one another’s thoughts and emotions without having to see or hear them.

Maggie walked right up to Ava, who was still tucked next to her brother looking like she wanted to cry. Maggie put on a big welcoming smile, “Come on, Ava. Let me show you around.”

Ava gave her a shy smile, taking Maggie's extended hand. Maggie led the way to the track to show her the go-karts, excitedly telling her all about them.

“Hey, wait up!” Wes hollered, running to join them. The two spent the next hour – really the rest of the day – trying to outdo each other with who could impress Ava the most. Xavier also joined them. He was Wes’s best friend, and loved to tease Maggie, always pulling on her ponytail and finding ways to irritate her.

Violet decided to join her mom's younger brothers. They always had the funniest stories to tell and acted like big kids.

The second Violet found an opportunity to slip away unnoticed she seized it, swiping a cupcake as she went. She got lost in the cupcake. It was
so
yummy, maybe the best thing she'd ever eaten. She didn't even notice the person bent over, peering into the hood of her baby, a nineteen-fifties Plymouth Deluxe convertible that she had picked up from a junkyard on a trip with Malik, costing her several months’ allowance.

Violet had become so engrossed with licking the frosting off her fingers that she didn’t notice the intruder until she was almost to the entrance of the five car garage her family's home was built around.

She stormed right over to Parker, “This garage is off limits!”

He didn't budge, continuing his inspection of her baby, “Whoever is working on this doesn't know shit about cars.”

His insult infuriated Violet, not caring that he was right. This was her private place and he was ruining it with his presence. As she opened her mouth to yell at him to get lost, he began explaining what should have been done. She quickly snapped her lips shut and leaned over to get a look at what he was pointing to.

“Wow, where did you learn all that?” She marveled after he had finished, impressed by his knowledge (which was limited but far greater than her own).

“The last foster home I lived at was near an auto shop. The guys there let me hang around and watch them work. They taught me a few things.”

Parker took initiative, grabbing some tools, trying to fix her mistakes.

Even though it irritated Violet, she remained silent, more curious to watch what he was going to do. She spent the rest of the day absorbing as much as she could.

Neither one of them spoke, but neither one minded either.

When it was time for Parker to leave, Violet appreciated that he put the tools back exactly where he had found them.

The next time the Stones visited the tracks, Parker worked some more on Violet's car while she continued to watch. This became their tradition. Over time, she’d learned enough from watching that they'd work on it together or on separate parts, never talking or really acknowledging the other.

Violet still didn't like Parker, more so as she heard the hell he was putting her aunts through, but inside the garage she tolerated him. She began to expect his company, so if he ever wasn't there with her she felt his absence and unexpectedly missed it.