When To Let Go (23 page)

“I kissed Parker,” Violet abruptly blurted after trying to force it out for the past hour.

Peter froze halfway through taping a box closed.

He stared at her, unblinking.

“Say something,” she pleaded, the silence only making her more tense.

“When?” His hoarse voice asked.

“Two weeks ago.” She was such a coward for taking this long.

Peter cleared his throat, “Who initiated it?”

She knew he'd believe her if she lied, and a part of her wanted to; it would have been so easy. She told the truth, knowing she would have wanted the same, “I did.”

Peter set the packing tape down, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

He only said one short word, but the tone carried all his sorrow and heartbreak, “Why?”

All she could do was shrug, not knowing how to explain that it had felt
right
at that moment.

Now all she felt was guilt and self-loathing.

“Did he kiss you back?” Peter shook his head, “Of course he did.”

The front door opened and a giggling blonde sucking along Parker's neck stepped in, reinforcing the shame.

Violet tried to not let any emotion show, knowing Peter was watching her and not the groping couple. She especially didn’t want to show the disgust, which soon accompanied the shame, knowing she had a boyfriend who loved her, yet she almost had sex with a guy who would discard her quicker than an empty beer can. And she most definitely made certain hurt never came to the surface, keeping that bottled up; she'd already had years of practice with that one.

Violet turned back to the boxes at the exact same time Peter lunged forward, prying the blonde away from Parker and landing a punch to his face that cracked upon contact, making Violet wince in reflex.

The two men started fighting, exchanging blow for blow, crashing into furniture, knocking over lamps. All Violet could do was back against a wall with a hand covering her mouth, tears welling in her eyes, knowing she was the cause of it. She was the reason two close friends were now destroying everything they owned, bruises already forming on their bodies, skin ripped open on brows and lips.

“Why?” Peter was red-faced in anger, straddled over Parker's hips on the carpet. “Why couldn't you just leave her alone?!” He aimed his fist, ready to land a heavy blow with Parker laying under him, who seemed ready to take it, no longer fighting back. Instead, Peter dropped it, along with his head, “I love her, but what does it matter if she doesn't love me back?”

Violet stepped forward, “Peter?”

He held his hand up, rising off of Parker, “Don't. Whatever you are going to say, don't.” His heartbroken expression was too much for Violet, “Answer me this one question. If he came to you right now, wanting you and only you, what would you do?”

Violet opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Peter searched her eyes, “That's what I thought.”

He headed to his room, stopping at the entrance before locking himself inside, “This is partly my fault. I knew you didn't love me, knew he still owned you, but I fell so hard it had me hoping…” He sighed, “I think it's best if I cut my ties, have a fresh start at my new place.”

Tears finally spilled over. All Violet could manage was a nod.

It was true that she didn't love Peter, but that didn't mean she didn't deeply care about him, to the point that it had the possibility of turning into love.

The door clicked shut and Violet knew that would be the last she ever saw of Peter.

The tears fell down harder. He didn't deserve the pain she had caused him. Selfishly, she would miss him. He was her first, and she would never forget him because of that. He would always have a special place in her heart.

Violet left, not having a reason to stick around, the heartbreak she didn't deserve to feel still consuming her despite it.

“Vi, wait!” Parker hollered from behind her, jogging down the stairs to catch up.

Violet didn't slow down, getting her keys out of her pocket, wanting to be ready to unlock her door.

As the key slid in, Parker took hold of her hand, pulling it out.

His body was pressed against her back, every word he said running down her neck. It had her closing her eyes wanting it to be over, the closeness only cutting deeper into her pain.

“I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.”

“You really make me hate that word,” she said, wiping away her unrelenting tears.

He rested his forehead to the back of her head, “I know. Was he right? If I told you I wanted more, you'd want it too?”

She took in a deep breath, revealing the words she had held close for far too long, “You can't be the man I need you to be, and I'm old enough to stop believing you can.”

She willed the tears away until she was done, trying her hardest to ignore the way his breath tickled her skin, “I'm going to school with Wes. I need some distance, a chance to be me without...”
you
was what she wanted to say but couldn’t manage. Sadly, she didn't yet know who that girl was, hoping it was a woman who was stronger than the one she pretended to be.

“Don't forget me,” he pleaded, finally allowing her to open the car door.

That would be impossible.

“You must be a wreck,” Dakota spoke while reapplying her lip gloss, leaning against a locker next to Ava's. “With Wes going to college in another state, free to roam.”

“I’ll miss him constantly,” she sighed, closing her locker. “I'm trying to be optimistic, thinking about all the fun he'll have and new experiences he'll get.”

“God, you’re like the perfect girlfriend,” Dakota said in a way that was anything but a compliment. “He could cheat on you and you'd brush it off as an
experience.
”

“That's not true,” she defended herself, only able to do so because she knew he never would. She had grown secure in their love and their relationship.

“Well, don't come crying to me when he meets some enigmatic college girl who can actually read a book and socialize with all his friends.” She wiggled her fingers at Ava, “Have fun at tutoring. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Ava watched Dakota leave, begging herself not to cry at her hurtful words.

She made it to tutoring, sitting next to Erick, who was already there.

“What's wrong?” He asked, leaning over to see more of her face.

“Nothing,” she whispered, pulling out her math book.

“It's not nothing. You look like you’re going to cry.”

His sympathetic tone had a tear falling down, beyond her control.

She went to wipe it away, but Erick got to it first.

“I'm just too sensitive, especially about my dyslexia,” she admitted.

“Did something happen in class?”

“No, Dakota just mentioned something about Wes finding a girl who can actually read.”

“That was bitchy of her,” he wiped away another tear. “I TA one of her classes. She has no room to talk, she's not that bright. You have an actual learning disorder that has nothing to do with how smart you are. You work harder than I do on my school work and I'm ranked fourth in my class.”

“Exactly,” Ava let out an exasperated sigh, “you just proved my point. I work harder and have a C-average.”

“That's only grades. They don't really matter in the real world. It’s just society having to fit everyone into a box because they’re too lazy to figure out a better way. I mean really, why the hell does our country insist on keeping things the same way just because it worked decades ago? It's called evolution people! Cavemen did it, so why can't we?”

Ava laughed, “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“So what if I am? It doesn’t mean I'm not still speaking the truth. I'm the opposite of you. Tests, essays, they all come easy for me. It doesn't mean I know the information any better than you. Like right now if I asked you to tell me about some random time in history, I know you could give me dates, names, places, why one side felt it was their right, as well as the opposing sides. More so than the teacher who taught you could.” He tapped her temple. “You have a brilliant memory, it just doesn't register on paper.”

A few new tears fell for a completely different reason. They were from the kind things Erick had said. “Thank you.”

He nudged her with his elbow, “Anytime. Now let’s get to work.”

Ava groaned.

The problem was Dakota had planted a seed, one that had Ava overthinking things. Like how despite what Erick had said, it didn't change things. In a world full of written words and numbers, where would she fit in? Wes had an entire future ahead of him, one that could take him anywhere. He was the type of person that could be anything he set his mind to.

Was she only dragging him down, keeping him from living a better life?

Maggie scooted food around on her plate with a fork while the rest of the table intently listened to Wesley as he talked about college. She didn't like all this college talk. It meant the triplets would begin leading their own lives away from one another. Maggie knew it was inevitable, but that didn't make it any easier.

The Stone family, plus Ryder, were over at the Baxter’s for dinner. Ryder was sitting across from her, ignoring her like he always did. She had given up months ago trying to befriend him or get a response from him. When she had asked Ava about it, her only response was, “he's just weird sometimes, don't take it personal.”

Maggie couldn't help it, she did. She peered at him through her lashes, finding him staring at her. She lifted her head to smile.

To her disappointment he had already changed his focus, a flush creeping up his neck.

Violet sat next to Ryder, Parker on his other side. The former best friends were so awkward towards each other it was painful to watch.

Next, her Aunt Naomi asked Violet about college.

Being the talker of the family, Violet only shrugged, saying she was eager to go.

Maggie knew better. Violet had a fear of separation just like Maggie and would never have chosen another state if Wes wasn’t going also.

It had Maggie rethinking her decision of not attending college.

She peered over at Parker for the first time since they sat down, giving him the once over. She had mixed feeling towards him. The loyal sister in her hated his guts, but the best friend of his little sister only felt sorry for him.

Maggie watched Violet and Parker reach for a bread roll at the same time, hands accidentally touching. They both yanked back like they had been burned.

Parker told Violet to take it while he looked down at his plate.

Maggie had never seen him be passive; it was a bit of a shock.

“What about you, Maggie? What are your plans?” Aunt Stevie asked.

“I'm going to go visit a few tracks around the country. Meet other drifters, race 'em. Hopefully learn some new things, then try and get an agent. My first stop is SoCal.”

“That should be fun. You guys doing a family road trip or something?”

“Nope, just me.”

“
What?
”

Maggie turned her head in surprise at Ryder’s abrupt questioning.

This was the first time he had ever spoken directly to her.

He didn't even look away from her, waiting for an answer.

She cleared her throat, unexpectedly nervous to share a conversation with him, “Uh, yeah, I'm going to drive to each place.”

“By
yourself
?” He seemed angry, which Maggie didn't understand since he avoided her like the plague.

“I'll have it all mapped out, plus I'll have my cell phone,” she explained just like she would if he was a parent needing information on where she'd be on a Saturday night.

“There's nobody to go with you?” The way his eyes bore into hers had her squirming in her seat, not understanding what the big deal was.

“The places will know I'm coming,” she meekly responded.

He held her captive with his soulful eyes long enough to make her pulse quicken, then his attention was on her parents, who sat next to her.

“Is that safe?”

Maggie's dad scratched his scruff, having had this conversation numerous times with her. Eventually, she’d worn him out.

“I'm still working on that. The thing with Maggie is if her mind’s set on something, she's going to do it regardless.”

Her dad was talking to Ryder as if it was just the two of them and they both had a say over her future. The bizarreness of it had her looking to her siblings, who were too focused on the two men to notice.

“If I paid you, would you go with her?”

Panic blazed in Ryder's eyes as the rest of the table’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, including Lily’s. Ryder took a long sip of water, eyes cast downward, fixated on the ice chips, his mood shifting.

“I can't,” he spoke softly, almost like an apology with guilt in the undertone.

“The roof?” Noah inquired, everyone at the table aware of his claustrophobia.

Ryder watched a water droplet travel down his glass, catching it with his thumb.

He nodded. The shame on his features hurt Maggie to see.

“I'll be fine,” she reassured them both. “You've been teaching me self-defense since I could walk.”

“We'd feel a lot better if someone was with you,” her mom piped in.

“What about doing a wanted ad?” Maggie suggested. “I bet we could find some guy dad half-trust–”

Ryder cut her off, “I'll do it.”

Her dad didn’t miss a beat, “You sure?”

“I'll make it work.” He didn't look like it.

“Great. Come to my office when you get off of work Monday and we'll work out the details.”

Holy shit, was she seriously about to spend the fall with Ryder, the boy who pretended she didn't exist? She didn’t see that coming.

What the hell had Ryder just agreed do?

He spent the rest of dinner warding off a panic attack.

“What the hell did you agree to?” Parker asked, jumping over Violet’s car to sit in back with Ryder.

Ryder shook his head that was cradled in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He'd been that way for the last twenty minutes, cursing himself.

“You do realize that you'll have to be around Maggie twenty-four hours a day for however long it lasts, right?” Parker teased, seeming to find amusement in his friend’s predicament. “You'll even have to talk to her and shit.”

“Shut up,” Ryder grumbled into his hands, about ready to go call the whole thing off...or lose his dinner. Both were likely to happen.

“You could always let some strange guy take her. Who knows, maybe they'll end up a perfect match.”

Ryder hated Parker for purposely toying with him, knowing his jealousy had gotten the best of him when he had stupidly accepted.

Parker nudged him, “Seriously though, how are you going to pull this off?”

“Good fucking question.”

“Damn, I feel bad about messing with you now. This is like the third time I've ever heard you swear.”

Ryder could actually hear his guilt.

“Windows rolled down the whole time?” Parker suggested, rattling off ideas, “Follow her on your bike? Brown bag to breathe into? Nah, scratch that. If you ever want a chance with her you can't be breathing into a bag all day.”

Ryder's heart was beating so fast he thought it might be strong enough to jump out, “I don't want anything to do with her. I need the money.”

Parker's foot hit Ryder's.

Ryder lifted his head, expecting Parker to give him shit for his lie.

Parker wasn't looking at him, he was looking at the entrance to the Baxter’s, where Maggie stood with a trash bag in her hand, her lower lip sucked in. Ryder had learned she did that when she didn't want to show she was upset. She scurried past them to empty the trash, both the guys’ heads following her.

Ryder was definitely going to puke now, “How much of that did she hear?”

“Only the last bit when you said you wanted nothing to do with her...”

Ryder groaned, slouching back into the cushioned leather upholstery, hoping it had the power to suck him in and make him disappear.

And of course, Maggie being Maggie, stopped at the hood of the car, dealing with everything head on. A trait he actually admired. Right now he hated it.

“It's for the best that you hate me, for whatever reason,” she dismissed him so easily that Ryder believed she meant it. She tapped her lips, making Ryder even more aware of them than he usually was. “You know, that's probably why my dad offered the idea to you, knowing you'd never try anything on me. You’re in luck, the money's yours.” She sounded bitter, which of course she was. Who wants to hear someone doesn't like them (even if it wasn’t true; even if it was so far from the truth…so very far)?

Still, Ryder found it best if she believed it. A guy who couldn’t handle being touched didn't exactly make the best boyfriend (and let’s not get into his long list of other phobias).

He was a nutcase, but the idea of someone else taking her...

“That went well,” Parker slapped him on the shoulder. “Way to go Romeo.”

He briefly thought about hitting his best friend.