When To Let Go (31 page)

“I’ll stay with her,” Tylor announced to the room on the day of Xavier’s funeral, which was the exact same day the hospital arranged for Maggie and Violet to share a room. They had finally agreed, thanks to the sizable donation the Baxters made. Who needed retirement anyway?

Noah and Lily were having a hard time wanting to leave, worried they’d be gone when Maggie woke. They knew, however, that they needed to be there for the Kings and the chance to say their goodbyes to the boy who had been an important part of their lives.

Lily gratefully accepted Tyler’s offer, placing a kiss on both of her girls’ foreheads before leaving.

On his way out, Noah patted Ryder’s shoulder. The two didn’t talk much, even during the hours they were in the same room together, yet it had never been the awkward kind of silence. The two had found comfort in the fact that there was no expectation to talk, share, or bond, and because of that they had grown closer in their silence.

Ryder was in his usual seat by Maggie’s side, holding her hand. He had made the decision to stay. He had never been close to the Kings and felt Maggie needed him more.

Violet was talking nonstop, hoping it might get through to Maggie.

Parker had wanted to stay and be with Violet, but Ryder had convinced him that he needed to be there for their sister who, without a doubt, would need the extra body to hold on to.

Parker reluctantly left with his family, following behind the Baxter’s car.

The funeral was hard to be at. Sorrow and grief capsized the room.

Ava held his hand, leading him to where the Baxters sat. She had already informed him she wanted to sit in between he and Wes.

Parker almost tripped over Ava when she unexpectedly halted a few pews behind the Baxters.

There was already somebody sitting next to Wes, and it was clear that person was holding his hand on her lap.

“Why is Dakota here with Wes?”

Ava put on a fake smile, the one he hated because it didn’t fool anyone, “It’s fine. It’s good he has someone to comfort him today.”

“I didn’t even know they were close.”

Ava shrugged, still not moving forward, “He’s grateful to her for coming up with the idea for Maggie and Vi to share a room.”

Parker frowned, “Wasn’t that
your
idea?”

Ava avoided the question, turning back down the row, “Let’s sit in the back.”

Their moms joined them. The four compacted their bodies together, seeking comfort.

Parker held it together until Wes delivered a speech that transgressed from their childhood all the way until Xavier’s last moments.

He may not have been close to Xavier, but the man had had his life cut far too short.

Parker, like so many who witness death, contemplated how short life was. He didn’t want to have regrets. No matter when his time was up, he wanted to ensure that he never held himself back, and that every day he made decisions from not only his mind but his heart.

Wes sat back down after his eulogy in a bit of a fog, not fully able to absorb that he had just spoken at Xavier’s funeral. He still expected his best friend to be there with him. Would it ever sink in that that day would never come?

After the service was over Carol hugged Wes, crying into his shoulder, thanking him for his beautiful words. Wes consoled her, knowing her heartbreak was immeasurable.

Next, Malik did the same, thanking him over and over for being such a great friend to his son.

Wes felt he should be thanking them for being the type of parents to raise such an amazing person.

Still holding on, Malik spoke, “Any news on Maggie?”

“Not yet.”

“You let us know when you do, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Malik gave him a pat before ending the embrace and going to his wife.

Their lack of blame was a testament to the kind of people they were. No resentment or anger were felt towards Maggie, only concern.

“You doing okay?” Dakota took his hand in hers, running the other up and down his arm.

He was grateful she was there offering him her support. Ava would have been his first choice, but he had yet to see her. It confirmed that he was no longer an important part of her life. If she didn’t care enough to be there next to him during Xavier’s funeral, didn’t that speak volumes about how she felt about him?

He tried to let his anger go, allowing Dakota to fuss over him during the reception, although near the end it started to get on his nerves.

Violet couldn’t believe this was happening. On the day of her friend’s funeral nonetheless.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“I’m sorry. This is just too hard,” Tylor pathetically admitted.

Bitterness seeped into her veins, sarcasm spilling out of her, “I’m sorry my almost dying has been so rough on you.”

He pointed to his head, to the area her scar was on, “I’m still so young, it’s too real life for me.”

What an asshole
.

“There’s no need for name calling,” he remarked, as if she was the one acting immature.

Violet hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She didn’t regret that she had.

“Well, I’m sorry–”no she wasn’t“–I can’t relate to the young part. After all, I
am
a few months older than you, so it’s hard to truly understand your desire to want to be without burdens.” She couldn’t stop the callousness. It wasn’t even that she cared all that much, she just couldn’t believe she had fallen for such a jerk.

“I’m going to leave now.”

“Please do.”

He left, brushing past Parker on his way out.

Parker pointed a thumb behind him, “What was up with him? He looked like his family’s dog just died.”

“He broke up with me,” Violet divulged in disbelief.

“You’re shitting me?”

“Nope.” She gently touched her stitches, “Apparently this is all too ‘real’ for him.”

“Want me to go kick his ass? Believe me, it would be my pleasure.”

Violet laughed, regretting it from the instant pounding of her head.

Concerned, Parker took the chair next to the bed, “Seriously, though. Are you okay?”

“Honestly? Yeah, I am. I think what hurts the most is knowing that he was more concerned with how I’d heal, that I’d have this massive scar disfiguring my scalp and part of my face. He didn’t want to have to look at it.”

The doctors had predicted that if she let her hair grow long enough it would fall over the scar, minimizing its appearance. However, it would most likely show if she ever pulled it back, and nothing could hide the part that extended to her temple and cheek bone.

“What an idiot,” Parker grumbled under his breath. “Even in a hospital bed with bandages you’re still breathtaking. Far more than he could ever hope to find.”

Her damn monitors spiked. They both pretended they hadn’t.

“This is going to sound pathetic,” Violet had to focus on the wall behind Parker in order to finish. “I’m scared that’s all people will see when they look at me.”

Parker enveloped her hand between his, “Whether it be friends or future boyfriends, you’ll know they deserve your love when they can truly see all of you.”

What if nobody could? She needed to change the topic, and although it wasn’t a better one, she still needed to ask, “Hey, why aren’t you still at the funeral?”

“I left the reception early. Took a taxi over.”

“I wish I could have been there for the Kings.”

“They know. I made sure of it.”

Her throat constricted; she hadn’t even asked him to do that, “Thank you.”

They both stared down at their combined hands, letting the silence relax them.

“Vi?” Parker asked, looking up from watching his thumb stroke her skin.

“Hm?”

“You’ll be beautiful no matter how the scar heals. You’ll be beautiful when you’re ninety with gray hair and wrinkles. Hell,” he grinned, “you’d be beautiful fat with a triple chin and uni-brows. You have the kind of beauty that shines through.” He placed a palm on her chest, over her heart. Once again her monitors did a dance, “It comes from here, and that kind of beauty never changes or fades, it only grows more powerful.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Parker leaned forward, lightly brushing them away with his lips, “Promise me you won’t allow the scar to make you feel like less of a person. Don’t allow it to define you.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Do better than that,” he demanded. “I swear Vi, it will only destroy you if you don’t.”

“For you Parker, I promise.”

“No, not for me. Promise yourself. Believe it for yourself.”

Violet met his eyes, “Do you? Do you believe it for yourself?”

“I’m getting there.”

“I’ll only promise if you do the same.”

He looked deep into her eyes, connecting them on a deeper level, his soul reaching out to hers, “I promise.”

“I promise.”

The first thing Maggie felt was the ache in her body and her inability to move. Her lids slowly opened, immediately shutting when she recognized the hospital room. A barrage of memories consumed her. She remembered the thirst to win, the necessity to prove herself, the urgent way she took the turn too tight at a speed that couldn’t handle it. The rest was a blur, followed by nothing.

Once again she opened her eyes, more cautious this time, roaming them around the room. First she noticed what was in front of her: a mounted TV and a whiteboard with notes. Next, her legs that were in casts, as well as her left arm, and the brace on her back and neck. She glanced to the right to find a window with the blinds open, the sun shining through, haloing the man whose head was laying on her bed, sleeping, both his hands holding her one. It took her a moment to realize it was Ryder. She hadn’t expected it to be him.

Maggie heard voices, the same voices that had drawn her from her sleep. Her eyes moved to the left to find Violet and Parker softly conversing in what appeared to be an important conversation.

Relief washed over her to find her sister was fine. That’s when she noticed the shaved head and stitches that ran along the side of her skull, trailing past her temple at an angle, passing just past her eye and stopping at the cheekbone.

Maggie closed her eyes tightly. That was her fault.

She thought of Xavier, awakening her monitors.

Ryder’s head snapped up, wide-eyed and alert. Parker and Violet stopped talking. Parker came over to inspect what had happened.

“Maggie, oh my god,” Ryder rushed to his feet. “I’ll go get a nurse.”

Her hand felt empty without his.

It hurt to move her head, but she needed a better view of her sister. She needed answers, answers she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to hear.

Thanks to the brace, her head barely moved. Luckily, it was enough so that Violet knew she wanted her. Call it intuition, instinct, common sense, or her ability to often read her sister’s mind, but Maggie knew the answer without Violet having to tell her.

Violet shook her head yes to Maggie’s silent question, tearing up.

Maggie wanted to go back to sleep, to hide away from herself and the world.

Dear God, what had she done?

The weeks that followed, Maggie became closed off, refusing to talk to anyone. She remained aloof, staring out her window.

She tried shutting off her emotions to digest everything that had happened. She didn’t even care that she hardly had feeling in her left leg and foot, or that the fingers on her left hand were broken so horribly that they were healing like a witch’s in a fairy tale. It seemed fitting. Evil witches killed people too.

Ryder and her parents were always there. She wanted them gone. She didn’t deserve to be looked after or cared for. She didn’t warrant rehabilitation. Everything that had happened to her body was justified. In her opinion she’d gotten off easy.

Wes was currently saying his goodbyes. Another year of college was about to begin.

Maggie ignored him, her perpetual gazing out the window never wavering.

“I wish I didn’t have to go,” Wes said, knowing his sister heard him even if she was ignoring him. “You’ll call if you need me right? I’ll take the first flight out if I have to.”

He didn’t wait for a reply; he was used to not getting one.

He kissed her forehead, “Love you.”

On his way out Maggie almost called to him, his absence squeezing her heart. Instead, she focused on the landscape down below.

Wes came up quietly behind Ava, who was laying on the hammock in her backyard, “Do you come here often?”

Ava jumped, almost causing herself to tip over. She sat up, straightening out the front of her dress, “Pretty much every day.”

He sat down next to her. It was surreal for him to be back at their spot, seeming a lifetime ago that they had spent hours upon hours here together, “I wanted to say goodbye before I headed back to school.”

Ava laid back, her legs dangling over the edge. Wes did the same.

Her soft voice would have been hard to hear if her head wasn’t inches away, “Are you happy?”

He thought about her question, contemplating what the hell happy actually meant, “I’m not sure.”

“What do you think it would take?”

Once, he would have said her. Now, he didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything anymore. “I’m trying to figure that out. What about you?”

“To see those I love be happy.”

“You can’t base your happiness on others.” Not even their mere presence was enough. Before one knew it, they could be gone. Then what? Find it in another person? It seemed far too exhausting.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own heads.

“Thanks for helping me get through it all.” Wes truly meant it. He wouldn’t have survived the days in the hospital proceeding the crash without her. It had been nice to have the escape. They hadn’t touched since Xavier’s funeral, and oddly, Wes found he had lost the desperate urgency for her. In a weird way it was calming to not always obsess over her, to not think about her every second, wondering what she was doing, who she was talking to.

Ava sighed, “I wish I could have helped more.”

“There’s nothing more you could have done.”

She shrugged, not believing him.

He turned his head to hers, “Can I ask a favor?”

She did the same, “Of course.”

“Let me know if Maggie’s mood gets worse.” He was the most worried for her. She wasn’t trying to get better, hardly making an effort in physical therapy. She didn’t seem to care if her body ever functioned again.

“I’ll send you emails.”

“Thanks,” he got up, giving her one last smile. “I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.”

Her saddened frown almost had him turning back. He forced himself to leave her, to leave their place.

The summer had taught him that he may never stop loving Ava. Regardless, it was time to figure out what life meant without her, what an Ava-less future entailed. It terrified and excited him.

Violet and Parker were lounging on her bed when Wes arrived back home to say his goodbyes.

He held her a little too tight, making her promise to call him every day.

In return, she tried to not become a blubbering mess as she hugged him back, completely losing it when his car left down the long driveway.

Upon her surgeon’s request, Violet was taking the semester off to fully recover at home.

Parker was there every day after work to keep her company, crashing on her couch most nights. On the weekends they’d have movie marathons. They were growing closer, reconnecting in a way that uplifted both their spirits. There was still a part of herself that distanced her feelings from him, still not trusting he wouldn’t trample them.

Her hair was slowly growing back except for on the scar. Violet had come to terms that it wouldn’t. She had her life, and that was far more important. Despite trying to remain on the bright side, she still had her hard days when she couldn’t stomach her own reflection. On those days she allowed herself to succumb to the melancholy. She didn’t plan on letting it affect her forever; however, she did feel she was permitted to have some bad days.

All this lying around had given her plenty of time to think and dream. She had some ideas that she couldn’t wait to get started on and begin a new chapter of her life.