Where I Found You (19 page)

‘I think I would like some champagne,’ she said when she could finally speak. ‘We do have something to celebrate. We have each other and I don’t ever want to take that for granted.’

12

Maggie’s mood seemed to follow the seasons and, as the weather began to brighten and bloom, so did she. There was no escaping it: at five months pregnant she had grown out of most of her old clothes and had no choice but to start wearing maternity wear.

There was also no escaping the fact that she would have to give up work. It was difficult to accept, but not as difficult as accepting help from Judith. Fortunately that remained unlikely. James was doing his best, but in a battle of wills with his mum he was always going to come in second. There was nothing for it: she was going to have to tell Kathy that when she went on maternity leave at the end of the summer, she wouldn’t be coming back.

Although she had her regrets, Maggie refused to feel sorry for herself. There were too many other people to worry about. She had spoken to Jenny almost daily since the ill-fated anniversary dinner and talking seemed to ease the pressure her friend imagined piling up on her. It was hardly a solution but James had made it clear that there was nothing else they could do.

She had been to see the Miltons again and here, too, there was very little practical help she could offer. While Ted pottered about the house or in the garden, Maggie sat and listened to Elsie talking about her life in Liverpool – although occasionally she was called upon to fill the silences that fell when Elsie faltered. There were brief snatches of Elsa, too, but an easy chair couldn’t summon up the desperate hours she had spent sitting on the bench by the lake. It would seem that Ted’s determination to keep Elsie away from the park might be enough to put Elsa’s ghost to rest and Maggie had to keep reminding herself that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

On one particular Monday morning in late June there had been a steady flow of customers in the salon but Maggie hadn’t been so busy that she couldn’t find a space in her diary to come to the aid of another friend.

‘I’d all but given up on you,’ Maggie said when she had Alice exactly where she wanted her, lying prone on the treatment table.

At a time of year when the days were at their longest and warmest, Alice still hadn’t shaken the winter blues. A chest infection had left her weak and a rattling cough persisted, day and night.

‘I’m desperate for a good night’s sleep and if I’m being honest, Maggie, it’s starting to get me down.’

‘So you had to wait until you were desperate before you came to see me?’

‘Oh, you know what I mean. But I’m warning you now, if you can stop this cough long enough, I’ll be asleep in no time.’

‘It’s allowed,’ Maggie assured her as she began warming some almond oil in her hands. It was laced with eucalyptus oil and would have set Harvey into a sneezing fit if he hadn’t already been sent out to keep Kathy company.

‘The last time I was in this room all I could smell was shoe leather.’

‘I think you need to explain that one,’ Maggie said with a laugh.

‘Don’t worry; sleep deprivation hasn’t made me lose my senses. I worked here when this place was a shoe shop. Once upon a time this was a storeroom piled high with boxes of shoes. It was quite a nice smell as I recall.’ The memory made her chuckle, which immediately turned into a coughing fit.

‘You really should go back to see your doctor again, Alice.’

‘I will,’ she gasped between suppressed coughs.

Maggie raised an eyebrow. ‘There’s a phone in reception. I’ll help you dial the number.’

Alice was about to answer when Kathy ran into the room. ‘Jenny needs you over at the bank, now, Maggie.’

Sick with dread, Maggie asked, ‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘It’s Mrs Milton. She’s outside the bank and in quite a state by the sounds of it. They can’t find Ted and Jenny’s asked if you could try to calm her down.’

Maggie was already reaching for a cloth to wipe her hands. ‘I’m so sorry Alice, do you mind?’

‘No, not at all! I know what they’re going through. Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘Thanks, but I should be able to manage,’ she said as she helped Alice manoeuvre herself up and off the treatment table. She held on to Alice’s hand but it was unclear who was steadying whom.

‘Your hands are shaking,’ Alice said.

‘I’ll be fine once I know Elsie’s OK,’ she said, turning her attention to Kathy. Her frown deepened along with her anxiety. ‘Where’s Harvey?’ She didn’t like the pause Kathy left before answering.

‘Sorry, one of the girls has taken him for a walk.’

‘But I need to get to the bank.’

‘I’ll take you,’ Alice and Kathy said in unison.

‘You need to get dressed first,’ Kathy reminded Alice.

‘Then I’ll follow you over,’ Alice promised, still intent on offering her services.

Grateful for Kathy’s calming presence as much as her guiding arm, Maggie hurried out of the salon. It was a hot summer’s day and the air was thick with car fumes. The bank was on the opposite side of the High Street and the seemingly endless stream of traffic frustrated their progress. Maggie was ready to take a chance and dart across but Kathy insisted they use a pedestrian crossing. Waiting for the lights to change was excruciating.

When they arrived outside the bank, there were plenty of passers-by but no suggestion of the commotion Jenny had described to Kathy.

Maggie tried to catch her breath but the fumes were acrid and her lungs strained for fresh air. ‘They must be inside,’ she said. ‘Can you see any sign of Ted? He’s bound to be looking for her.’

‘Maybe he’s already here. Let’s go in.’

Despite being heavily pregnant and tired, Elsa wouldn’t go back to Aunt Flo’s where she would have nothing to do but watch the hours drag towards the conclusion of another day. Mrs Jackson meant well by telling her not to build up her hopes, but the constant suggestion that Freddie might not fulfil his promises had started to grate on her nerves. Aunt Flo didn’t know Freddie and she hadn’t seen his letters, which were full of love and plans for their future as a family. Elsa wanted to believe that Mrs Jackson’s heart was in the right place, but blood was thicker than water.

Thankfully, Anne was keeping away but only because Elsa had warned her that if she didn’t stop needling her, then even if she was forced to give up her baby, she wouldn’t let Anne have it just to spite her. It was a hollow threat because there was no doubt in Elsa’s mind that Freddie would turn up. Eventually.

But now, as she walked up and down the High Street, she was starting to fear that it could be Anne’s wishes coming true and not her own. She wrapped her arms tightly around her as if Anne’s hands were already reaching out to snatch her baby. It was still her child and always would be. Only the other day she had been lying in bed, marvelling at the unfathomable rise and fall of her exposed stomach, probing the intriguing lumps and bumps, when all of a sudden a tiny foot had pushed upward. It was a tantalising glimpse of the baby growing inside her and made her more determined than ever to hold onto her dreams.

But where was Freddie?
she asked herself. He had told her he would go straight to Aunt Flo’s when he arrived in Sedgefield and she had been afraid to step over the doorstep for two whole days. On the third day she had started to suspect something had happened, imagining all kinds of dirty tricks that Anne might be up to with Aunt Flo’s help. She couldn’t wait any longer and thought there might be a chance that Freddie would track her down to the greengrocer’s but as she looked up and down the High Street, she couldn’t make head nor tail of the myriad of gaudy signs and walls of glass that lined the busy road. Flo’s Fruit and Veg was nowhere in sight and she was starting to think she had somehow managed to wander into another town when she had seen the unmistakeable red sandstone façade of the bank on the corner.

The bank wasn’t air-conditioned but with its high ceilings and shuttered windows, it was insulated from the outside world and the cool contrast made Maggie’s skin prickle with goose bumps. She didn’t need to ask Kathy what was happening because she could hear Elsa’s plaintive demands for someone to give her directions to the greengrocer’s. Her voice rasped with age but it was the familiar youthful lilt that echoed off the walls.

Jenny hurried over to meet them. ‘She’s been rushing up and down the High Street looking for Flo’s Fruit and Veg,’ she explained. ‘She kept coming back to the bank to try to get her bearings, sobbing her heart out, and we eventually persuaded her to come in here but I don’t think she’ll stay put for long.’

‘I have their home phone number in my mobile,’ Maggie said reaching into a pocket in the tunic she wore at the salon. ‘Damn, I haven’t got it with me.’

‘No matter, we already had their number,’ Jenny said. ‘There’s no answer.’

‘Why don’t I wait outside and keep looking out for Ted while you try to speak to Mrs Milton?’ Kathy offered.

Maggie agreed and was already moving towards the sound of the familiar voice before Jenny had a chance to guide her. Mrs Milton was sitting in a small waiting area at the far side of the bank. A young cashier had been doing her best to comfort her and was more than happy to give up her seat for Maggie.

‘Who are you?’ Elsa demanded as Maggie sat down. She had reached out a hand but Elsa pushed it away. ‘I don’t know you.’

‘It’s Maggie. Maybe you don’t recognise me because I’m usually with my guide dog,’ she explained. ‘You remember Harvey, don’t you?’

‘Why does everyone keep asking me what I remember? Yes, of course I do,’ Elsa snapped. ‘We met in the park.’

‘That’s right and I’m here to help.’

‘Then tell these people to stop fussing around me.’

Maggie heard tentative shuffles as the crowd of onlookers, staff and customers alike, gave them more space. Somewhere amongst them she recognised Alice’s voice. ‘Come on now, less of the gawping. Give the poor lady some dignity.’

Elsa sighed and the air hissing across her lips sounded pained and desperate.

‘What’s wrong, Elsa?’ Maggie asked. She tried again to reach out and this time Elsa took her outstretched hand and squeezed it tightly.

‘Freddie should be here by now,’ she whispered. ‘Anne will have something to do with it, mark my words. She’d do anything to keep the baby.’

Maggie felt her chest tighten as she imagined the raw grief Elsa would have gone through when her sister arrived with news of the accident, an unimaginable pain that her fractured mind was intent on putting her through again unless Maggie could guide her back to the safety of the present. ‘Maybe we should just sit here and rest awhile.’

There was another frantic squeeze of her hand. ‘What if he’s already on his way back to West Germany?’

‘I’m sure Freddie wouldn’t give you up without a fight. He’d be here if he could,’ Maggie told her. ‘I know all of this is very frightening for you, Elsa. Your mind is probably racing and it’s making you confused. I promise you’ll start feeling better soon and I’m going to sit here with you for as long as it takes.’

Maggie was talking slowly and her voice was gentle. In contrast, Mrs Milton’s grip on her hand was fierce and Maggie was getting pins and needles. As she tried to replace one hand with another, Mrs Milton slipped from her grasp.

‘I’m not giving up without a fight. I’m stronger than anyone realises,’ the old lady said with a forced youthfulness that recaptured the past. ‘I’m going to find him!’

Elsa wrenched her hand away and stood up. The woman she had been sitting next to tried to catch hold of her again but Elsa was too fast. She ignored her aching bones and pushed through the crowd. It was as if she was in a nightmare and she recoiled from the countless hands reaching out towards her.

Her heels clicked and scraped across the marble floor but she raised her gaze upwards, seeking out the familiarity of the bank’s vaulted ceiling. She knew where she was. Now all she needed to do was find the greengrocer’s and if she failed this time she would go to the park and if he wasn’t there then she would keep looking. She wouldn’t give up.

‘Elsa, please come back!’ the woman called after her but Elsa ignored the plea. She was already stepping out from the dimly lit bank into the bright light of day.

The glare from the sun was blinding and Elsa raised a hand to shield her eyes. She could see only the silhouette of a woman standing in front of her, blocking her way.

‘Leave me alone,’ Elsa cried. She was trying to look past the woman but the flashes of sun glinting off speeding cars stung her already red and swollen eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t let you go,’ the woman said.

Elsa tried to make out the features of her latest adversary. The woman was tall with short blonde, almost white hair. Through blurred vision she looked into the woman’s eyes and wondered why she hadn’t recognised her immediately.

‘Celia?’

‘Come back into the bank with me, please,’ her sister said.

Despite the cloying heat, a cold shiver ran down Elsa’s spine as she caught a glimpse of the future and her mind recoiled. ‘No, no, you have to help me find Freddie. If I lose him now then I lose the baby too. Do you really want that? You said yourself you couldn’t have given up one of your own babies. Why make me give up mine, Celia? It’s not fair! You have so many and I only want one, one little baby. Don’t do this to me, Celia. Please, don’t do this. Help me!’

Celia was lifting her arm and at first Elsa thought she was trying to stop her from passing but then she knew. Elsa’s eyes opened in horror. Celia was about to give her the letter that would rip out her heart and one day tear the baby from her arms.

‘No!’ she cried in a desperate mewl. ‘He can’t be dead! No, please God, no.’

‘It’s going to be all right,’ Celia pleaded. ‘Please, take my hand.’

‘No, it’s not going to be all right. You know what’s going to happen and I can’t face it. I might as well be dead too. I can’t do this, I can’t go on.’ Elsa practically shoved her sister out of the way and stumbled towards the road.
Am I really that strong?
Elsa asked herself.
Am I brave enough to end it all now?