Where I Found You (23 page)

‘That’s what I like to see,’ Kathy said.

‘And what would that be?’

‘The old you.’

Maggie knew exactly what Kathy meant and she had James to thank more than anyone. By giving him permission to take care of her, she now felt secure enough to take care of other people, including someone else’s baby.

‘And since you’re in the mood for accepting invitations, I’d like to invite you to a bit of a do I’m having next week. It’s my birthday,’ Kathy said.

Kathy’s voice had given nothing away but Maggie’s instinct told her there was something afoot. ‘I thought you didn’t celebrate birthdays? Are you planning something special?’

‘Yes.’

‘So why am I starting to suspect I won’t like it?’

‘I can’t imagine,’ sniffed Kathy. ‘I was wondering if you could be persuaded to forego your usual lunch in the park and come over to my place for a bit of a girlie afternoon.’

‘Just the two of us or were you planning on inviting more girlies?’ Maggie barely suppressed a smile as her mind made huge leaps and bounds. Kathy knew how desperate she was to catch up with Elsie, perhaps …

‘You, me and Judith.’

Somewhere in the salon, a tray clattered to the floor but it could easily have been the sound of Maggie’s jaw hitting the counter.

16

As Maggie knocked on the heavy wooden door, she breathed in the scent of lilacs. As always it evoked thoughts of Elsa but on this occasion the fragrance was completely natural and had floated across from the garden. She had forgotten Kathy had lilac trees and as she waited for the door to be answered, she wondered if it was too late in the season to extract some oils from the flowers in the same way Mrs Jackson once had to make her soap.

Kathy swung the door open wide. ‘I hope you’re hungry,’ she said.

Harvey sniffed the air in anticipation. ‘She didn’t mean you,’ Maggie warned as they were ushered into the house. She was hoping to be the first to arrive to give her a little extra time to get her bearings. She knew the house well enough but even a subtle change in the layout of furniture could lead to jarred limbs and stubbed toes and she would rather make those painful mistakes without Judith’s pitying gaze.

Carefully wiping her feet on the thick bristles of the welcome mat, Maggie stepped into the cavernous entrance hall. Then her heels clicked against porcelain tiles and echoed through the house. Her first visit had been eight years earlier and while her initial impression had been that of a substantial home, it would be James’s later descriptions that had given it the grandeur it deserved. It was a large Georgian villa, three storeys high, four if you included the basement. Many of the features were original, including the black-and-white tiled floor she was now standing on. James was called upon now and again to keep the place from falling into disrepair and it was as much a labour of love for him as it was for Kathy and Joe. It had been the couple’s family home for the last thirty years or so, but now their children had families of their own, it had become what Kathy lovingly termed ‘a money pit’.

‘I can’t believe you’re finally giving it up,’ Maggie said as she breathed in her surroundings. Beneath the pungent aroma of garlic and herbs wafting through from the kitchen there was a distinctive old house smell. She picked up the scent of dried-out wallpaper sealing in decades of history.

‘There are some rooms I don’t go in from one month to the next,’ Kathy explained, ‘and when I do it’s only to air them or check that the ceiling hasn’t caved in. It was an easy enough decision to take, in the end, and we’ve already had a few enquiries about renting it out.’

‘Another addition to the family portfolio?’ Maggie remarked without a hint of envy. She had no idea how many properties Kathy’s dad had acquired over the years but she’d gathered that it had given his wife quite a headache when she had been forced to take over the business when he died. At close to ninety, Kathy’s mum was a wily businesswoman, by all accounts, but had finally accepted that she couldn’t go on forever. It was her daughter who would be picking up the slack now and although it was clear who Kathy had inherited her work ethic from, she was going to need more hours in the day to cope with it all.

‘This house always was part of Dad’s portfolio, as was the salon, but if I had my way the only other property I’d keep is the farmhouse in France. You’ll know why when you go over there,’ Kathy said as she led Maggie and Harvey into the living room.

The smell of an astringent perfume stung the back of Maggie’s sinuses and gave her the advance warning she needed to paint on a smile as Judith spoke.

‘James said you were going to France. The boys will be so excited. They’ve had some lovely summers there – Ken and I went along with them one year.’

While Judith was reminiscing about the good old days, Maggie worked her way around to the far side of the living room. By the time she took a seat opposite her mother-in-law, her smile had become more of a grimace.

‘As I recall, you complained that the house was a bit too rough-and-ready for your high standards,’ Kathy said. ‘It’s worse than ever now. Just in case you were dropping hints about going too.’

The tightness of the false smile on Judith’s face made her reply sound all the more clipped. ‘I wasn’t thinking any such thing,’ she said but then clasped her hands as a thought struck her. ‘Why don’t you invite Carolyn and her husband along, Maggie? I know it sounds a bit unconventional but stranger things happen these days. She could help out with some of the practicalities and the children would love it, I’m sure.’

Maggie’s mouth opened and closed like a stranded fish as she struggled to find an appropriate response that didn’t involve expletives.

‘I’m toasting up some paninis for lunch, nothing special,’ Kathy interrupted. ‘And I know it’s early but how about a glass of wine, Judith? Imagine you’re a teenager again, sagging school and drinking in the middle of the day.’

Judith’s reluctant refusal was left hanging in the air but Kathy wouldn’t be deterred. ‘I’ve got some pretend wine for you too, Maggie. I’ll be two minutes.’

Silence filled the space that Kathy left behind her. Maggie still didn’t trust herself to speak.

‘So what do you think?’ Judith asked, oblivious to the tension building around them. ‘Shall I ask her or would it be better coming from James?’

Maggie wasn’t known for her patience and the little she possessed had been stretched to its limits. She could almost hear it snap. ‘I don’t think
anyone
should be suggesting it, Judith,’ she said firmly. ‘Carolyn has her life and we have ours. The boys are used to the arrangements and I don’t think going on holiday together would be at all helpful, especially when there are going to be so many changes for them. I’d rather we took Liam and Sam on our own so we can reinforce their security, not threaten it.’ A flush rose to Maggie’s cheeks. She had only just stopped herself from telling Judith about Carolyn’s pregnancy because she knew it wasn’t her place to say anything.

‘It was only a suggestion. I thought it might help, given how we’ve ended up where we are.’

‘And where exactly is that?’

Judith bristled at the sharp tone of Maggie’s voice. ‘Truthfully? I can’t help thinking that bringing a new baby into the family right now will do more harm than good. I know James tries to please everyone but he should have talked you out of it, for the sake of the boys.’

‘I’m not denying that it will take time for them to adjust but I think with enough support and reassurance they’ll come to love their new siblings.’

‘Plural? Oh, don’t tell me you’re planning more?’

‘Not me,’ Maggie said, now that she had been backed into a corner – or at least that was how she would explain it to James later.

‘Sorry?’

‘I’m not the only one fulfilling my maternal needs. You do know Carolyn’s pregnant too, don’t you?’ Maggie didn’t wait for the answer. ‘We’re all moving on with our lives, Judith, and maybe it’s time you did too.’

‘I can’t believe it! What on earth is she thinking of?’

‘As I recall, you asked the same thing of me and James,’ Maggie replied. ‘And I’d say Carolyn thinks the same as I do, that having a child with the man you love couldn’t be more natural.’

‘But things have been so strained between them.’

‘Clearly not any more,’ Maggie said, only just stopping herself from suggesting that any strain that Judith had observed in Carolyn’s relationship with her husband might have had something to do with the proximity of her ex-mother-in-law.

‘Having a baby doesn’t mend a marriage, it adds to the pressure,’ Judith countered.

‘It can also cement relationships that are strong enough to take that extra pressure.’

‘And you think you have that kind of relationship?’ It was framed as a question but Judith was challenging what she saw as Maggie’s misplaced confidence in her marriage.

‘Why don’t you tell me what kind of relationship James and I have,’ she answered, deftly avoiding the trap of extolling the virtues of her marriage only to have Judith dismiss them one by one.

With her heart hammering against her chest, Maggie realised the time had come for an uncensored exchange of views. She was absolutely terrified but also felt such a sense of exhilaration that it stopped her from holding back or worrying about the consequences: she only wished she’d had the courage to do it sooner.

‘Maggie, you’re a strong-minded woman and I don’t blame you for wanting the security of a marriage—’

‘You mean you don’t blame me for trapping James?’ interjected Maggie.

‘I’m only thinking of my own family!’ Judith said, by way of an explanation. ‘My grandchildren have been through enough and all I want is for them to be happy and secure.’

‘And you think the only way that can happen is for James and Carolyn to get back together, don’t you? You’re willing both marriages to fail so that they can be one big happy family again.’

‘I should never have stopped James from moving down to Portsmouth. He loved Carolyn and he didn’t want to let her go. I tried to convince him to move on with his life but when he turned to you on the rebound I realised what a mistake I’d made. I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve been dragged into this, Maggie. Really I am.’

‘I don’t want your pity, Judith. All I want is for you to give me a chance.’

Judith didn’t even acknowledge Maggie’s heartfelt plea. ‘It’s my fault entirely – I know that. I’m just trying to put things right.’

‘If this is your way of putting things right, Judith, then God help us all.’ Kathy was standing at the door where she had been listening for some time. Maggie had heard her return and was wondering when she would re-join the conversation. Although her tone was forthright, her voice crackled with emotion. ‘Apart from Liam and Sam, Maggie is the best thing that ever happened to James. He was never this happy or content with Carolyn and it amazes me that you can’t see that. What you’re trying to do now is unforgiveable and I won’t keep quiet any more. Maggie’s carrying your grandchild and he or she has as much right to your protection as the boys! Do you want another grandchild dragged into the middle of a divorce? Shouldn’t you be doing your damnedest to make sure this marriage works instead of trying to sabotage it? I thought you were better than that.’

Judith sniffed the air. ‘Is this why you invited me here? To gang up on me?’

‘Get over yourself, Judith. I brought you here because you are my oldest friend and I brought Maggie here because she’s one of my dearest friends. I respect you both immensely but I’m officially too old now to put up with any more nonsense. Judith,’ Kathy said, her tone assuming that of a lawyer about to present the case for the prosecution, ‘Maggie is the first to accept that there are things that she can’t do but she
more
than makes up for it with the things that she can do because she does them better than most.
You
on the other hand have only been willing to see her limitations and how they might limit your son’s life. It’s time to give up on this stupid idea that James is toying with Maggie’s affections while he waits for Carolyn to come back to him. That idea is so flawed, it’s laughable – and as much as I love laughing at you, Judith, this is breaking my heart.’ As if to make the point, Kathy’s voice broke at the last.

Judith sounded as if she was about to respond but Kathy hadn’t finished. Harvey whined and tried to squeeze himself into the gap between the chair and Maggie’s legs, as if he knew the battle was far from over.

‘Maggie,’ Kathy said, beginning her case for the defence, ‘as hard as it is to believe right now, your mother-in-law is actually a very nice person when you get to know her. She can be manipulative but it’s usually to someone else’s advantage, or at least that’s how she justifies it to herself. But you can be manipulative too – you had Alice eating out of the palm of your hand the other day, remember?’ She didn’t wait for a response. ‘Judith is also tenacious, especially when she thinks she’s protecting her family, but once she’s willing to consider the possibility that you and James are meant to be together, when she realises that you’re her family too, then I promise you she is going to be one serious ally in your life. I had hoped that once you told her you were pregnant she would have worked it all out for herself but don’t give up. When she sets eyes on her newest grandchild, her heart will melt. If it hasn’t already withered and died, that is.’

Judith snorted and Maggie prepared herself for another derisive comment but when Judith spoke, Maggie caught a glimpse of the woman that Kathy clearly admired. ‘I still have a heart,’ she said. It wasn’t a challenge, but rather a promise.

Maggie felt Judith’s gaze on her and had to fight the urge to run. She didn’t want to be judged and she certainly didn’t want to face rejection again. Was it too much to hope that her mother-in-law was looking at her with new eyes, seeing past her prejudices? Maggie sensed her acceptance was within touching distance. She was surprised by how much she wanted it and her pulse raced as she said, ‘I know I’m not the wife you had in mind for James and it’s clear you don’t like me but I swear I didn’t trap him. I fell in love with your son and he fell in love with me. And our marriage is going to work because I love him too much to see him go through another break-up. It would destroy him – and that would destroy me too.’ Maggie ran out of breath and gasped for air, determined to carry on as if her life depended on it. ‘If I’m being brutally honest, then the biggest strain on our marriage so far hasn’t been my disability but your inability to accept me. You called me strong-minded but that isn’t how I’ve felt recently, far from it,’ she confessed and her next words were laced with the kind of emotion she hadn’t been prepared to reveal to anyone, least of all her mother-in-law. ‘Your opinion matters to me, Judith, because it matters to James, and your rejection of me, my baby, and everything my marriage stands for has pushed me to the brink of despair. So much so that I would have gladly jumped into the lake in Victoria Park and let it swallow me up whole!’ When Maggie spoke again it was in the barest of whispers. ‘That’s how worthless I felt. That’s how you made me feel.’