Where Love Finds You (The Unspoken Series) (17 page)

He stared at me. Curiosity lingering in his gaze. I felt like we were swimming around, looking at each other through different glass bowls. Just breathing and waiting.

“You look so familiar,” he said.

I came up for air. “You do, too.”

“Oh, I know what it is.”

My heart dropped.

“You are in those photographs hanging in Chances, aren’t you?”

My heart dropped again. Not exactly the romantic twist I longed for. “That’s me. My friend Sarah is a photographer.”

“Sarah?”

I followed him to the bench. “Yeah, she’s my roommate. Best friends for a long time.”

“I think she knows my roommate. Gavin. He’s a painter. He’s been friends with this girl for a long time. She does photography and they’ve been teaching each other a thing or two. I think he has a secret crush on her, but he has never said anything. He holds his feelings inside a lot and I’m not strong enough to yank them out of him.”

“I think they are friends. One of the paintings he sent to Chances was a beautiful one of her. I completely forgot about that now.”

We sat down. On complete opposite sides of the bench. 

I smiled.

“What’s the smile for?” he said.

“I just think it’s funny that we’re sitting so far from each other. This isn’t the climactic day I thought it would be.”

He inched closer. “How’s this?”

I laughed. 

“What kind of climactic day were you hoping for? I’m sorry to disappoint you. I have a way of doing that with the ladies.”

“No, no. It’s not you. I guess I’ve just been living a fantasy life for so long, hoping one day I’d fall in love with Jane Austen passion. I think all this daydreaming is starting to make me feel like a five-year-old twirling around in a fluffy dress.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I loathe blind dates like this. How can two people really fall in love with all this pressure? It’s just awkward to me. I always wanted to find my love across a coffee shop or on a street corner. Ours eyes would meet and we’d know and the rest would be history.”

I looked down and pulled at a loose string in the hem of my shirt. Inside my mind went crazy. This seemed like the him I’ve been waiting for all of these years. But this definitely didn’t play out like I thought it would. In fact, I couldn’t even bring myself to ask him if that really was him all those years ago, because obviously he didn’t remember or care to remember me all of those years. How could I tell him that I fell in love with him across a coffee shop, but he didn’t fall in love with me? He would think I was nuts if I told him I waited for him.

I wanted to go home.

“Have I offended you?” he said. “I can inch even closer if you want.”

I smiled. “You are quite the charmer, huh?”

“Indeed, I try.”

“Tell me about yourself. Why are you single and why are you sitting here with me?”

“Wow. Loaded questions right off the bat.”

“I’m sorry. I tend to do that. Please don’t feel pressured to answer them.”

“Well, I don’t know. We’re on a date. Are we supposed to talk about why we are single?”

“If I told you why I was single you would think I’m crazy. Your story can’t be nearly as odd.”

“Now that’s got me intrigued.” He stood. “Let’s walk this way for a little.”

I stood and followed. “Were you in a serious relationship before? There has to be a reason your friends want you to go on blind dates. Dee told me your friend has been trying to set you up with different women for the last few months.”

“Yes. It’s true.”

“And you didn’t like them? How many?”

Hands in his pockets, he smiled. “Will this interview be documented?”

“Am I asking too much? Just tell me.”

“It’s fine. Just funny, that’s all. I only went on two dates. The first one was enough to make me never want to do it again and probably sent her to the psych ward. The second was beautiful, but a little too beautiful if you know what I mean. And there’s this other girl, but she’s a young pregnant widow, and, well, I don’t see that working out.”

“Sounds like you might want it to?”

“Honestly, I’ve thought about it. She’s pretty, sweet, and funny. But the main reason she stood out to me is the main reason I can’t be with her even if I wanted to.”

“And what’s that?”

“She’s been faithful and plans to be faithful to her late husband for the rest of her life. She said no man will ever be worth taking off her ring. It’s endearing to see someone so devoted, willing to sacrifice the rest of her life for him. It’s amazing to me because most women spend their lives planning their wedding day and living happily ever after with their husband, but her happily ever after died and she has no desire to continue writing the story without him.”

“Wow.”

We kept walking. Our strides in sync. Our eyes ahead. We left the park and ended up on a street corner. I kept walking and his hand grabbed my arm. A car whipped around the corner, music blaring. 

I liked his hand on my arm, but everything about this felt so strange. What kind of bizarre movie did I jump into?

“You want to get something to drink?” he said.

“Sure.” I followed his lead. “Just not from my place.”

“So, tell me your odd story of singleness.”

“Let’s just say it’s strikingly similar to your friend, except my husband isn’t dead.”

“You are married?”

“Never been married. Never really had a serious relationship. What about you? What sparked this blind date adventure?”

“I’ve had two serious relationships. One would’ve never worked, but it broke my heart nonetheless when she left. The second ended not too long ago.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m stupid. Maybe my head is in the clouds.”

“I’ve heard that one too many times myself.”

“So you’re a wee idealistic too, huh?”

“Maybe.”

He opened the door to a little coffee house. I slipped inside. He followed and motioned for me to sit by the window.

“I’ll go get us something to drink. You save us a spot here.”

“Sure.” 

I sat and waited for him, watching him as he paid. Kindness emanated from him. Physically, no matter how many times I eyed the guy up and down, I couldn’t tell for sure if it was the guy I’d been waiting my life to see or not. I needed to ask.

He walked to the table with two iced teas and a plate of snacks. 

“So your friend that likes Sarah.” I squeezed some lemon into my tea. “How did you two meet?”

“Gavin? Him and I were friends since high school. Both ditched by our dates at a dance and been inseparable ever since. We worked at a coffee shop for a little bit right after high school, then lived in. . . .” 

He kept talking, but I didn’t hear a thing. My heart stopped and I knew it had to be him, but sadly, I didn’t want it to be. This isn’t how I wanted the story of my life to be written.

“What about you?” he said.

“What about me?”

“You and Sarah? How did you meet? Is she single, by the way?”

“She’s with someone. Unfortunately. Or we could play Cupid ourselves. We met forever ago. Same school, same dreams. Complete opposite in every other way though.”

“Sounds like me and Gavin. If he has any trace of idealism in him it’s hidden. Sometimes I just want him to spill his heart so I feel a little less crazy, but he rarely does and when he does it always sounds so calm. I can’t imagine being so stable.”

I laughed. “I know what you mean.”

“So you’ve never been in a serious relationship?”

“I know it sounds unbelievable. I just never gave my heart away. Wanted to save it for the right person.”

“How will you know when it’s the right person?”

“I am beginning to wonder that myself.” 

People walked by the window. So many couples. And then me. Sitting with the man I waited my entire life to sit with. The man I passed up many other opportunities for. The man I created
Chances
for, with the hope of finding him and falling in love. I’m sitting here wishing I weren’t sitting here with him. Wishing I never missed that flight, never ended up at that coffee shop instead, never got into that car accident, never broke my arm, and never stopped playing my violin.

My choices left me without any choices. At the end of a long road that just got lonelier. Every rational thing someone has said to me over the years crashed into my heart like a tsunami of the reality I never wanted to face. Now I was drowning in it.

They were right.

“Tell me about the relationship you recently ended. What happened? Why did it end?”

“It’s a long story. And I honestly don’t know if I understand it myself. I guess I wanted to find someone different, experience something else.”

“Do you love her?”

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know if you love someone?”

“I guess that’s just it. I don’t know, so maybe I don’t.”

“How often have you thought of her since you broke up?”

“Constantly.”

My heart could handle this. I let him go. The idea of him died when the real him stepped into my life. I could handle this, I kept telling myself.

“Like right now. The way you are twirling your hair around your ring finger. She did that. Everything reminds me of her. You didn’t put sugar in your tea. She put two of the little pink packets in hers. I compare every detail of every woman I meet to her, and somehow everyone pales in comparison.”

“It sounds to me like you love her. Why aren’t you willing to accept that yourself?”

“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to fall in love again. Or feel that newness again. Just experience someone different. Someone more like myself.”

I laughed. “Like yourself?”

“She loves music, but I play music. She spends hours on her hair, I don’t. She works with kids with disabilities, they are so fragile that I clam up around them. We’re so different.”

“And why is that a bad thing?”

“I guess it’s not.”

“Can I give you a little bit of advice?”

“Well, I guess that’s what blind dates are for, right?”

I smiled. “We’re friends now and that’s all we’ll ever be, because you are going to march right up to this girl and profess your love to her.”

“I am?”

“Look, you are so enamored by your friend who stayed faithful to her deceased husband. I can almost guarantee you that this girl of yours—what’s her name?”

“Lydia.”

“I can almost guarantee you that Lydia is waiting for you right now, the love of her life who is practically dead to her. You, by choice, wanted to die to her. You wanted to try to let her go and find someone else. Fact is, you can’t. You’re still in love with her. And I will bet you money that if you went to her right now and proposed to her she would whisper yes with tears in her eyes.”

“She’s probably moved on. I kept her waiting around for too long. I hurt her so many times. There’s no way she’d want me now.”

“Would you like to bet money on it?”

He laughed and stood. “Let’s head back.”

“Actually, there’s a nice jewelry store on the corner of this block. Let’s head there.”

“Are you kidding me?” He opened the door for me. “This is about the strangest date I’ve ever been on.”

I laughed. “You love her, Matt. You love her. You love her. You love her.”

“I guess I do.”

We walked down the street and I caught our reflections in a glass building. Never imagined I’d meet him and send him off to marry someone else. Never imagined my life to end up like this at all. But things were about to change in my life too.

The time had come.

 It felt like an eternity as I waited for Gavin to come home from Lancaster. I couldn’t wait to tell him about my day. When he finally walked through the door I practically jumped on top of him. Okay, not really, but I paced the living room waiting for the door handle to turn.

“Hey. What are you doing?” Gavin said with tired eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Pacing the living room at two in the morning? I’ve seen more interesting things I suppose.”

“I have something to tell you.”

“Oh boy. Blind date with the owner turned into a love story in the amount of time it took me to go to Lancaster and back?”

“Yes, but not what you think.” I pointed to the dining room table. 

Gavin inched closer. “What’s this?”

“Open it.”

“Is this an engagement ring?” 

“You won’t believe this. Seriously, you will not believe what I’m about to tell you.”

“Should I be sitting down for this? Are you getting engaged to her already?”

“No, no. Not at all. She was beautiful and smart and cute, but we were instantaneous friends. Nothing more. We ended up talking about Lydia and everything. By the end of it we were in front of a jewelry store. She made me realize my love for Lydia. She told me to buy a ring and when I propose it will be like falling in love all over again, like the newness I was looking for in someone else. Then I hesitated and what she said really struck me.”

“Yes?”

“She said, ‘Look, think of it like this. The old you is about to die and the new, better you is about to fall in love with the girl of your dreams. It wasn’t the girl who needed to change, it was you all along. You were the one with the issues, not her. You were the one who needed to die, so that your relationship could live. No marriage can ever thrive without two people who are willing to die. Two selfish people make a miserable love story. One selfless person and one selfish person make an okay love story that may or may not continue depending on how selfless the one person is. But when two people are selfless . . . you will have the most beautiful love story in the world and it will only get better with time.’”

“Wow.” Gavin’s eyes lit up. “Well, I have a confession.”

“What?”

“The letter you sent to Lydia. The one you gave me and I put in the mailbox. Remember?”

“Yes.”

“I never gave it to her. I wanted you to think you had the closure you needed. And I intentionally set you up on horrible dates so that you would be forced to realize what a beautiful woman you already had. I didn’t have anything to do with this last one, but I’m thankful she came into your life too. It was almost like you needed to meet her and hear those words from her to finally see the truth. Not sure I could ever put something quite as eloquently as she did.”