Which Lie Did I Tell? (45 page)

Read Which Lie Did I Tell? Online

Authors: William Goldman

Tags: #Biography & Autobiography, #Film & Video, #Nonfiction, #Performing Arts, #Retail

BOOK: Which Lie Did I Tell?
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CUT TO
THE CLIMBER’S TABLE.
JIMMY
(shakes his head)
--OK, it’s a risk, but they’re ready.
CLIMBER puts two fingers in his mouth, a loud and very distinctive whistle--on the sound--
CUT TO
PHOEBE, turning with a pained “Now--you want me
now
?” look on her face.
Again the whistling sound. She stops, lets the couple go on past her alone, glances both ways, then dashes across the street to her family as we
CUT TO
A DOWNTOWN KOSHER DELI. A LARGE REAR TABLE--
--
stuffed
with food. Corned beef and pastrami and potato pancakes and salami and chopped liver and turkey and pickles and kraut and schmaltz and seltzer bottles and a couple of beers.
THE CLIMBER AND THE KIDS AND JIMMY sit hunched over, scarfing down. Throughout this, they never stop eating.
SHIRLEY
Want us to bring anything special?
CLIMBER
For?
PHOEBE
For our first case
, Daddy. Speaking for Shirley, may I say we
could not
be more excited.
CLIMBER
Where’d the “may I say” come from?
SHIRLEY
Trip likes it.
JIMMY
Trip?
(SHIRLEY mouths the word “asshole”--PHOEBE mouths the word “language.”)
The new guy, got it.
SHIRLEY
(to JIMMY)
When will you know what it’s going to be?
JIMMY
We were not at that coffeehouse by accident, Shirl.
(THE KIDS look at him)
Remember the crying woman with the sunglasses?
(THEY do)
Her husband hired us.
SHIRLEY
(excited)
Phoebes, we’re
already
detectives.
CUT TO
PHOEBE as she lifts her seltzer bottle into toasting position.
PHOEBE
To the Big A.
SHIRLEY raises his bottle, too. JIMMY AND THE CLIMBER just watch. They put the bottles down.
JIMMY
This ain’t the Big A. It’s just a case--big A’s don’t come along all that often. I only had a couple my whole life.
PHOEBE
But couldn’t it be?
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER. CLOSE UP. Watching his beloveds.
CLIMBER
Life’s
got to be on the line, Phoebes.
Love’s
gotta be there, too. You just know when you’re on the Big Adventure, that if you survive it, nothing’s ever going to be the same…
CUT TO
THE KIDS stop eating. Stare at their dad. Then--
SHIRLEY
How many have you had, Daddy?
CLIMBER
(beat)
Just the one…
(HOLD on the CLIMBER for a moment, then--)
CUT TO
CLIMBER’S PLACE. Night.
Pretty much the same. Still clean, still all the big TV sets.
The main change in decor is that the living room has been turned into two makeshift bedrooms. A sheet hangs from a sagging curtain as a room divider. PHOEBE’S half has dolls piled on the bed, that’s about it.
Bedtime. Both kids are in the sack, the blanket hasn’t been lowered. CLIMBER is finishing telling them a story.
CLIMBER
(with more emotion than you would expect)
“And as he stared at the bloody face of his murdered partner, Sam Spade knew he could not rest until the score was even.”
SHIRLEY
Have you ever had a partner murdered, Poppa?
CLIMBER
Only had my dad.
SHIRLEY
But if you did have one, and he was killed, you couldn’t rest till the score was even, could you?
CLIMBER
(tucking him in)
I’d track the bastard down.
PHOEBE
I don’t like saying “language,” you know.
CLIMBER
My apology.
He lowers the curtain between their beds. SHIRLEY is half asleep already. Now CLIMBER goes to PHOEBE, brings her a bunch of books to read, tilts her bed lamp away from her brother, tucks her in, too. They whisper “Night” and he leaves her.
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER in the little hallway now, watching her.
Troubled.
Then he goes to his little room, slaps in a tape of a Knicks game, hits the mute button and as Sprewell explodes down the court--
CUT TO
THE APARTMENT. Middle of the night. CLIMBER jerks awake, rubs his eyes, get out of bed.
CUT TO
THE OTHER BEDROOM. As before. SHIRLEY is dead to the world, PHOEBE reads. Now she looks up as her father comes in. He sits on the bed and they whisper.
CLIMBER
Phoebes, you’ve gotta sleep sometime.
(he puts the book down, turns out her light)
It’s the one thing we worry about most.
PHOEBE
Who?
CLIMBER
You know who.
PHOEBE
I wonder, how did you and Mommy meet?
(THE CLIMBER says nothing)
I’ve always wondered why you never told me.
(he sighs)
Did someone think you’d like each other and you had bologna sandwiches?
CLIMBER
(here we go)
It was on a case.
PHOEBE
Did you solve it?
CLIMBER
It worked out.
PHOEBE
You probably don’t remember the very very first time you ever saw her.
CLIMBER hesitates. He doesn’t like going back to these great days. But here’s his problem, Doctor: it’s the only way she’ll go to sleep.
CLIMBER
Actually, I do.
FLASHCUT
The moment when he takes the blindfold off ECHO and he sees her perfect face.
BACK TO THE ROOM
PHOEBE
I wonder was she in a ball gown or something that first time?
CLIMBER
Exactly right--a beautiful ball gown. Huge billowing skirt. I was in my tux--
PHOEBE
(staring at him)
You dove through that window in a tuxedo and a ball gown?--I don’t think so.
FLASHCUT
THE JUMP OUT THE WINDOW--only this is in PHOEBE’S mind--CLIMBER, looking magnificent, and ECHO, the same--all but dancing in slow motion toward the window as TWENTY BAD GUYS with machine guns and bazookas blast away in vain.
BACK TO THE ROOM.
CLIMBER
You want the whole deal, don’t you?
(she does)
Close your eyes.
(she does)
Deep breath.
(that too--just a glimmer of sleep now)
PHOEBE
(softer)
Start with climbing up the building.
CLIMBER
Okay.
PHOEBE
(softer)
That was very brave of you, Daddy.
CLIMBER
Or very stupid.
PHOEBE
(almost gone now)
This was the Big A, wasn’t it?
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER, studying her
Edward G. Robinson face.
She’s drifting.
He nods.
HOLD.
CUT TO
A LONG ISLAND COUNTRY LANE. The next afternoon. CLIMBER’S car, motor running, is at the side of the road. He holds his children tightly. They hold him back.
CLIMBER
Okay, Loves.
(they hold him just a second longer, then flop over into the backseat)
Put your rich faces on.
CUT TO
SHIRLEY AND PHOEBE as they change before our eyes, become the spoiled perfect kids we first saw in the mansion.
CLIMBER (CONT’D)
Gimme the damn Bartok.
(as SHIRLEY slips a CD from its case--)
CUT TO
ECHO, standing on the front steps as CLIMBER’S car drives up, stops, waving. The kids, inside the car, wave happily back. Standing alongside ECHO is her fiancé, a very handsome, tanned man of forty--HAMILTON
KEMPNER THE THIRD, universally known as TRIP. A well-educated rich man’s son, if he seems familiar to us at all it might be because, in the photographs we saw during the credit sequence, this is the guy THE CLIMBER punched out.
CUT TO
THE CAR and the instant it stops, the kids are out of there, hurrying to ECHO. They talk quickly, whispered tones.
SHIRLEY
(he holds the wicker basket, which is empty now)
Oh, Mommy, it seems like forever, do thank cook for the wondrous food.
PHOEBE
Mommy, I just know I’m going to be sick next Friday.
ECHO
How was the Bartok?
SHIRLEY
No other word but “thrilling.”
PHOEBE
And we made “him” play it all the way home.
ECHO
Your father hated it, then?
SHIRLEY
Sheer agony.
ECHO
(cannot hide her pleasure)
Well, now you’re learning what I had to put up with.
SHIRLEY
Can we go inside?
ECHO
Don’t you want to say hello to Trip?
CUT TO
TRIP as they run to him, PHOEBE curtsies perfectly, SHIRLEY looks him in the eye, gives him a firm handshake.
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER, watching silently now as they race toward the front door.
CUT TO
ECHO. Calling out to them.
ECHO
Where are our manners?
CUT TO
THE KIDS. They give their mother a pained look, turn toward CLIMBER, speak in unison.
THE KIDS (TOGETHER)
(like pulling teeth)
Thanks, Dad, see you next week, Dad, bye Dad.
(and they are gone)
CUT TO
TRIP, as he goes to CLIMBER. They don’t even bother to hide the fact that they despise each other.
Long pause, then--
TRIP
I wonder what your secret is.
(beat)
To make them so unhappy…
(and as he smiles)
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER. Not smiling back…
HOLD ON THE TWO OF THEM. Then--
CUT TO
SHIRLEY’S ROOM, the following Saturday afternoon. PHOEBE is with him and they are both dressed so perfectly you want to throw up.
ECHO (OVER)
Children--your father’s here.
PHOEBE
(the most amazing whining you ever heard)
But my pneumonia’s just so bad, Mommy--
(a dry cough)
--hear that?--
SHIRLEY
(even more so)
--it’s not fair, it’s just not fair--
As they go on in, one thing is very much clear--
--
their eyes are dancing

CUT TO
OUT FRONT. CLIMBER, smiles nervously as the kids come reluctantly into view. He opens the front door for them.
CLIMBER
Plenty of room up here.
They ignore him, get in the back.
ECHO
(handing over an envelope)
The Joyce Theater, three p.m.
CLIMBER
(hopefully)
Nothing to do with sports, I suppose.
ECHO
It’s their annual Kabuki Marathon.
(his knees start to buckle)
The children are very excited, do not spoil it for them.
(a CD)
Kabuki music for the drive.
CLIMBER
(taking it)
All my prayers are being answered.
ECHO
And in keeping with our educational theme for the weekend, miso soup, bean sprouts salad, squid and octopus sushi, their favorite sashimi, sea urchin, giant clam, and salmon roe.
(hands the basket to him)
Be careful with that.
CLIMBER
Before it attacks me, you mean?
ECHO
(ignoring him)
I meant, refrigerate it at once.
(he nods, takes it, starts around the car as we)
CUT TO
PHOEBE, bursting out of the car, running back to her mother, clinging to ECHO. ECHO escorts her back, puts her in the car. CLIMBER starts to drive as we
CUT TO
INSIDE THE CAR as THE KIDS kneel in the backseat, waving to their disappearing mother.
CUT TO
THE THREE OF THEM IN THE FRONT SEAT NOW, on the side road where they stop. They are finishing their embrace.
PHOEBE
(to the CLIMBER)
Did you like that last bit? Where I rush out and cling to Mommy?
CLIMBER
Over the top, Phoebes.
SHIRLEY
(agreeing)
I told her.
CLIMBER
Where did “bit” come from? Is that another of good old Trip’s favorites?
CUT TO
PHOEBE. She doesn’t answer. An odd look now on her face. She is watching another car that has just driven by. CLIMBER does the same.
PHOEBE
Were they here last week?
CUT TO
THE CAR. Old. Absolutely nondescript--except for the fact that the windows are tinted. Hard to tell who’s inside.
CUT TO
THE CLIMBER. Shrugs, shakes his head, starts to drive--he breaks into horrible Kabuki sounds as we--
CUT TO
THE JOYCE THEATER.
Before the matinee. People mill around out front--a whole lot of them Japanese.
CLIMBER pulls up to the curb--
--standing apart from the others is the family who took his tickets last time--THE GUY sees CLIMBER, starts to him.
CUT TO
INSIDE THE CAR. CLIMBER has the tickets in his hand, is about to hand them over when we suddenly--
CUT TO
PHOEBE, as quick tears cover her face.
PHOEBE

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