Whispers of the Heart (5 page)

“Good Lord, man, slow down. Shoot fire, there’s no need to go getting all worked up. It’s not like there was some huge conspiracy going on. You don’t really think she would have dumped your scrawny hide with complete strangers, do you?” Harvey asked, plopping onto the front steps. Dalian was about to go into the house, but stopped. He turned around with a sigh and settled onto the step next to Harvey. His head bent, he sucked in a deep breath, trying desperately to calm his elevated agitation; agitation compounded by his visit with his mom and Marsha’s continued pursuit. Harvey placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, “Obviously, there was a history there before you came along.”

“You weren’t there when my mom dropped me off. I’d have remembered meeting you, so how did you know my mom was sexy?”

“I could have been there, for all the attention you were paying to your surroundings.”

“As I was only twelve at the time, I was hardly thinking about anything but the fact that my mother was kicking me out of my tribe. The whys and wherefores weren’t important to me. I was losing my mother and I didn’t know why; and now, you’re sitting here telling me that the reason she chose your family for me to live with was because you knew her. Why, after all of these years, wouldn’t you tell me? Why would you keep something like that from me?”

“Lord, Dalian, you’ve got a suspicious brain. You make it sound as if your mother and I had some torrid love affair that we were trying to keep hidden from you. Man, did you grill your mom like this?”

“She’s my mom for heaven’s sake. Of course, I didn’t grill her. I went to make amends, not open old wounds.”

“So you wait until you get back and lay into me, is that it?”

“Ah, hell, Harvey, I’m sorry. I just have a feeling there’s something more to my past; something I don’t know and can’t remember. There’s always been this empty void in my childhood – and now that I know you knew my mom as more than just a quick “hello, take my child, goodbye” affair – well, I was hoping you’d be willing to fill in the blanks?”

“Tarnation, Dalian, didn’t your mom mention even once about my family or her life
before
she went to live with the Blackfoot?”

Dalian shook his head, “Her life
before
? What life are you talking about?”

Harvey sighed heavily. “Good Lord above, what exactly did you two spend five months yammering about if not about your past? Sounds to me like she didn’t tell you a damn thing,” Harvey said. “Damn it all to hell, I can’t believe she didn’t tell you.”

“Harvey, I’ve always loved you like a brother, and you may not think I’m capable of killing, but I’ll do just that if you don’t start talking.”

“Okay, Dalian,” Harvey said. “Keep your britches on. I’ll tell you, but I still think it should be your mother doing the telling. Not me. She’s kept your past from you for far too long and it isn’t right that the burden should fall on my shoulders.”

“Had I known that you knew about my past, I’d have pounded the answers out of you decades ago, but I didn’t, and if I could, I’d ask my mom about it all, but I can’t. She’s dead.”

“What did you just say?”

“I said she’s dead. That’s why I was held over,” Dalian said softly. “She was ill when I arrived,” he whispered, running fingers through his shoulder-length, black hair, “and getting worse by the day, so I decided to stay with her until the end. That’s also why I didn’t keep in touch.”

“Damn! I’m so sorry, Dalian. She was one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. I hadn’t seen her in decades, but I’ll never forget her smile.”

Dalian looked at his long-time friend as if seeing him for the first time, “Well, now that we know that she can’t tell me – I’m listening, Harvey,” Dalian said softly.

“Yeah, okay. I guess since your mom can’t tell you, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t.” Harvey propped his elbows on his knees and quietly began recounting what he remembered.

“What I don’t get is why you couldn’t when I first met you.”

“It wasn’t my place and, well . . . let me see if I can’t rectify that now. When I met your mom, she was barely fourteen, and married to a man in his fifties.”

“Wait, so you knew my mom for years before I was even born? And what business does a fourteen year old have marrying a man in his fifties?”

“That’s the reaction I had, except I think my exact thought was, damn, that’s weird. I
thought he was her granddaddy, you know? I do know that back then, some states didn’t have a legal age limit for marriage, like we do now, and as long as the girl had parental consent...”

“But fourteen?”

“I don’t know all about how it happened, man. I just know that when they bought the place next door to us, they did so as man and wife.”

“Why’d she marry him? Why didn’t she ever mention him to me?”

“You are asking a lot of questions that I never got the answers to myself, and I can’t tell you why she never mentioned him to you. Maybe because he was a part of her life she wanted to forget. As for why she married him – her father made her.” Harvey raised his hand to ward off the barrage of questions he saw that Dalian was ready to hurl in his direction, “That’s all she ever told me. Now are you going to let me tell this, or are you going to keep interrupting me?”

“Sorry.”

“That you are. So anyway...”

“How did she know you, though?”

“So much for letting me talk.”

“Sorry.”

“Yep, you said that already. Mind if I continue?

“Yeah, sorry.”

“You keep saying that, and I’ll slug you. Now zip it.”

Dalian struggled to keep his mouth closed as Harvey continued relating those things he never knew.

“Anyway, you could tell she was miserable being married to a man older than her father, but she made the best of it. As for me, I was only ten, but we soon became fast friends. Probably because I was the only person within a fifty mile radius that was close to her in age and fun to be around.”

“But how’d she end up with the Blackfoot?”

Harvey sighed again.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ll answer that one. You don’t have to stretch your imagination too far actually. Our ranches bordered the reservation. She met a young Blackfoot man when she was in town and started seeing him on the sly. Fell in love with him.”

“So she divorced her first husband?”

“Dadblasted, Dalian! I’ll probably get to your questions eventually, so would you just let me talk? All of this happened so long ago that I need to get my thoughts organized, or it’ll all come tumbling out of my mouth in a jumbled, incoherent mess.”

“Then talk faster!”

“Lord!” Harvey huffed. “Okay. No. She didn’t divorce her husband. He died, and don’t ask how, because I don’t know. I only know it was fortuitous timing, since she discovered she was pregnant with you, and her husband wasn’t the father.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, well. As soon as possible, she married Jake Twin Rivers and he moved them to the reservation. Unfortunately, the magic didn’t last. Of course, we both know what living on a reservation is like, especially since the government stopped permitting the building and operation of casinos on Indian land back in 2027. A lot of Natives depended on those casinos for employment. Your dad was one of ‘em. Your mom became severely depressed as Jake bounced from job to job and started drinking more and more. Growing up, you became a source of contention for him. According to your mom, he blamed you for all his woes; and he made you pay for his misery, too. Damned coward!”

“What do you mean?”

“Only a coward beats up on women and children.”

“He abused us?”

“You really
don’t
remember, do you?”

“No, nothing.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to tell you then.”

“I’m not twelve anymore, Harvey. I’m thirty-six. I think I can handle the truth.”

Harvey nodded, “I know. I guess I’ve just kept it to myself for so long – okay, here it goes. The truth of the matter is . . . well . . . if you must know...”

“Blasted, Harvey. What could possibly be so bad?”

“You killed your old man, that’s what.”

“What?”

“Yeah, that’s right. You heard me. You were 10 years old at the time. According to your mother, anyway.”

“I don’t get it. I wouldn’t hurt a fly...”

“You would if that fly was five-foot-ten, drunk, and beating your mother half to death.”

“Damn. Why can’t I remember? I mean, that’s not exactly something you forget.”

“Actually, I read somewhere that traumatic situations can cause amnesia, especially in children.”

“Thank you, Dr. Harvey Psychiatric-know-it-all.”

“Well, you asked, smart-ass.”

“I didn’t go to jail,” Dalian said to himself. “I’m certain I’d have remembered going to jail.”

“Well, you sure shootin’ could have, since they passed that law back in 2033 stating that anyone can be convicted for murder, age notwithstanding. But, in your case, the judge declared it self-defense and dropped the charges. Anyway, after your mother recovered from the beating, she tracked us down and asked if you could come live with us. By then, we owned a nice little parcel of land here in Wyoming, and agreed, but she never showed. We just figured she settled whatever problems she had and moved forward.”

“But eventually she decided to get rid of me? Why? Because she couldn’t live with me knowing that I killed her husband?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way – exactly.”

“How would you put it – exactly?”

“Peter.”

“Who in hell is Peter?”

“Your stepfather.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Harvey knew that the tale was a convoluted one, but did his best to unravel the past without raising too many more questions or confusion, “I said that you had a stepfather, but I didn’t find out about
him
until I was twenty-two, and not until your mom showed up on our doorstep – two years after your dad was killed. I was a student at the University of Wyoming at the time, but home for a visit the day your mom showed up with you in tow. You were a scrawny thing. Looked like a strong wind could pick you up and carry you away. Anyway, your mother wasn’t alone. Peter – her fiancé then – accompanied her. She wanted you to have a life, but she wanted to be happy as well, and Peter was a good man.”

“I don’t recall meeting anyone named Peter at the reservation.”

“He probably died before she did then, because there isn’t a reason why she wouldn’t want you to meet him. Fact is, she loved that man, and he loved her. It was good to see her happy for once in her life.”

“Damn, I not only killed my abusive father, but I was deserted by my mom so that she could find happiness with another man. Nice to know I was wanted.”

“You
were
wanted, but you were also pretty screwed up and your mother felt it was best that you get away from home. Too many bad memories for you there. She was also worried because you were getting older, were already depressed, and the suicide rate for young men confined to reservations is damned high. She didn’t want to see you become a statistic. And since Peter is also Blackfoot, and wanted to remain on the reservation...”

“So, my welfare was her primary concern. Is that it? And why can’t I remember any of this?”

“Well, the fact that you can’t remember probably happened after your mom left you. Whew, were you a handful. A big enough handful that I dropped out of university to help Mom and Dad raise you. One day, you had one of your many major fits, snagged one of the horses, and bolted. The horse threw your bony ass, and you banged your head real good on the fence post on the way to meet the ground. That’s how we figured you lost your memory.”

“Good Lord! I didn’t know. God, Harvey, I’m so sorry. Why would
your folks ever consent to taking me in? Why did they keep me? Why didn’t you kick my ass for making you give up your education? Did I suddenly become my now charming self after nearly cracking my skull open? I thought you said that I lost my memory because of trauma?”

“Smacking your head against a fence post
is
traumatic,” Harvey laughed, and then raised his hand to stop the barrage of questions that Dalian was hurling in his direction. “After your fall, you did change. Maybe losing your memory was a good thing, because you were a lot easier to handle afterward. Downright friendly. Also, I fairly begged Mom and Dad not to dump you at the closest orphanage. You see, I remembered your mom from when we were kids, back when we first met. Remember I told you that she was married to the fifty-year-old grandfather figure? She sure had changed a lot from when she was a kid,” Harvey whispered longingly, and then shook his head to get his thoughts back on track. “Anyway, I owed your momma one from back then. A big one. That’s why I couldn’t kick your butt for being a pain and why I begged my folks to let you stay.”

“How could this possibly get any more complicated?” Dalian shook his head, bemused.

Harvey snorted. “Oh, believe-you-me, it can. You see, I wouldn’t even have been around to help raise you if it wasn’t for your mom. I did something stupid, fell into the river, and would have drowned had a gangly fifteen-year-old girl not jumped in after me.”