Wholehearted (21 page)

Of course, he had no idea what Lucas’s thoughts on the subject would be, but he just couldn’t put it off any longer.

T
HEY
FINALLY
arrived home after a long day, and they were both exhausted. They had found the Dairy Joy. Declan had never been, but he’d heard Scott talking about taking his wife there on their second date. Janet had loved it. What was there not to love, though? An adorable little stand on the side of the road that sells ice cream. Lucas ordered triple chocolate, and Declan ordered rocky road. Declan watched Lucas eating his ice cream, his pink tongue slipping out to lick at the drips along the side of the cone. It was borderline pornographic, and so distracting that Declan didn’t notice his own ice cream melting, until he was wearing half of it.

He’d cursed and dabbed helplessly at it with the half-ply napkins supplied by the scooper. Lucas just laughed at him, the sound deep and easy. It was the laugh of someone who was finally feeling good. Declan loved the sound of it.

After their dessert for an appetizer, they had stopped at a little restaurant on the outskirts of Ellsworth and had supper together on the patio. It had been just a little too cold, but likely the last chance to eat outdoors until after winter. They snuggled close and ordered hot soup and were happy for the privacy when Lucas slipped his freezing-cold fingers under Declan’s shirt to stroke at the spot where his pants dipped down just enough at the back to provide a little presupper entertainment.

The touches had made Declan crazy, and he couldn’t wait until they got home. He promptly asked for the check before deciding he didn’t want to wait that long, threw money down on the table, and steered Lucas out of the restaurant.

Now that they were home, they stumbled through the door, kissing, and slammed it behind them. There was no time to get to the bedroom. Declan tore at Lucas’s clothing and had Lucas stripped down and bared for him in seconds flat. He was still fully clothed when he dropped to his knees to give Lucas his second blowjob of the day.

Lucas was in the middle of making some smartass remark when Declan’s mouth descended on him, cutting the sentence short as Lucas’s head fell back, and his words became a long groan.

Declan licked up and down the length, paying close attention to the vein that ran along the underside. He cupped Lucas’s balls in the palm of his hand, loving the weight of them as he rolled them gently against each other. Sucking up and down, hollowing his cheeks and burying his nose into Lucas’s abdomen. Declan loved the taste of this man, the feeling of him against his tongue, and more than anything, the way he smelled. He could live off that scent forever and be happy. No one smelled as good as Lucas.

Declan took a deep breath in, memorizing it before sliding Lucas’s cock all the way to the back of his throat and swallowing around it. Lucas cried out and bucked forward, but there was nowhere for him to go as he spilled down Declan’s throat.

He was panting and shaking as Declan stood, pulling Lucas into his arms and lifting him so he could wrap his legs around Declan’s waist. Lucas’s mouth came down on his, kissing him frantically, licking into his mouth, thrusting their tongues together.

It seemed as though the orgasm had ignited something inside Lucas rather than quelling it. He was ravenous and taking Declan to places he didn’t know he could get to.

Declan kissed him back, aggressively and with fervor, wanting to show Lucas with his actions how badly he was wanted. Needed. He kept at it, humping up against him as he laid him on the bed, pinned against the soft mattress.

“Love this,” he whispered against Lucas’s mouth.

Lucas’s reply was simple.

“Love you.”

Declan pulled back to look at Lucas, wanting to be sure. He couldn’t let himself hope until he saw that it wasn’t just the passion talking. Was it real? What he saw in Lucas’s eyes told him everything. He looked scared. His eyes were glassy, his pupils wide from the dim light, but behind that, Declan saw the love. It wasn’t a heat-of-the-moment confession. Lucas meant it.

His heart pounded against his sternum. He felt like it might thump right from his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t let Lucas look at him with that hurt look in his eyes any longer.

Declan crashed his mouth down on Lucas’s, taking him and possessing him with everything he had. He wanted to say the words, wanted to repeat those little words that could change his life forever, but first he wanted to show Lucas. Declan wanted Lucas to feel how much he cared about him, how afraid he had been on that dock, and how upside-down his life had become in the days since. He wanted Lucas to know that although their meeting had begun with pain, he was glad that he had been there to pick up the pieces and then fall apart, right into Lucas’s arms.

Breaking the kiss, he panted for breath, holding Lucas so tight he knew there would be new bruises that covered the old ones, but he was glad. He wanted his mark on the man. Wanted everyone to know Lucas was his.

“I love you too,” he said at last. “So fucking much, I ache with
it.”

Lucas buried his face in the crook of Declan’s neck, inhaling deep and breathing out, the hot air tickling the little hairs.

“Stay with me?” Declan asked. Despite their declarations, he was afraid of the answer. So much rested on what came next, and he almost couldn’t bear to hear it.

“You want me to move in with you?” Lucas asked, incredulously.

“Yes. I want you to stay with me. Forever.”

“Forever?” Lucas squeaked.

“Yeah….” Declan let his voice fade out. It wasn’t exactly the excited outburst of “yes!” that he had been hoping for.

Lucas pulled back, holding Declan’s face awkwardly in his hands, the new cast rough against his cheek.

“Do you know what you’re asking me?”

“I’m asking you to be mine. Forever. I love you. I don’t want you to go. I know it’s a lot, and I know it’s quick, but there have been a handful of things in my life I have known with absolute certainty. I knew I wanted to be a cop, to protect people and uphold the law. I knew the instant I drove into town that this would be my forever place, and I knew as soon as I saw you lying helpless on that dock, that you were my forever person.”

Lucas didn’t say anything, but he didn’t break eye contact.

“Please say something,” Declan whispered. He felt like time had slowed down and his life depended on the next words that left Lucas’s mouth.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he repeated, unable to believe that what he had heard wasn’t wishful hallucinations.

“Yes. I love you too. This could be my forever place.”

“It is. You’re never leaving. I won’t let you,” he said as he tackled Lucas to the bed. He was careful, but so overcome by the emotion and excitement of what had just happened that he couldn’t help but wrap himself around the other man. He was bursting with warmth and he needed an outlet for it. He wanted to scream and cry and jump on the mattress. Instead, he pressed Lucas into the bed with his hips, pinning him still beneath him.

“I am so happy,” Declan said, completely needlessly. His cheeks
hurt.

“There are still some things to figure out,” Lucas reminded him.

“None of that shit matters. Everything else is just small stuff. We’ll worry about it in the morning. Right now, I have plans for you,” he said, winking.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup. I told you you’re mine, now I’m going to show you.”

“Bring it on, old man.”

“I’m like, four fucking years older than you.”

“Exactly.
Older
,” Lucas said, and angled himself up, biting a mark into Declan’s collarbone.

“Ouch! That fucking hurt,” Declan whined.

“Y
OU
KNOW
shift started seventeen minutes ago, deputy,” called Scott.

“What the fuck ever, Lerner,” he retorted, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He’d been smiling like that all morning.

“Whoa, what’s with you?” Scott asked. “You look like you won the fucking lottery.”

“Had a good day off, is all.”

“Oh yeah? What happened?”

“Lucas is moving in with me.”

Scott clapped him on the back. “Congratulations, man. I haven’t met him yet, but if he makes you as happy as you look right now, I hope things work out for you guys.”

“I think they will. I’ve never felt like this about someone before. You know how you get that warm feeling when you use the seat warmers in the car?”

Scott laughed. “Yeah.”

“It’s like that, but everywhere. I just can’t turn it off. I know I look like a jackass, but I can’t help it. I’m so fucking happy.”

“I’m happy for you, man. I remember when I met Janet. Besides being a walking hard-on, I wanted to write sonnets and make fucking daisy chains.”

Declan laughed. “That about sums it up, yeah.”

“Who’s making daisy chains?” Mack asked as he walked into the station with a cardboard tray of coffees.

“Grant. He’s in looooove,” Scott said, stretching out the O for way too long.

“Is that so?” Mack asked, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

“Uh.” Declan looked down. He wasn’t sure why he felt embarrassed to tell Mack about him and Lucas. He had been one of the reasons Mack and Oliver had ended up together. He had been there when Mack had made his public declaration. He’d been there when Mack had his grand realization. It was only fitting that Mack was there for his too. “Yeah. Lucas and I… well, we decided to move in together. He’s moving in with me, I mean. He’s staying.”

Mack didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look surprised. “That’s really great, Dec. I hope things work out for the two of you. Can I see you in my office, though?”

“Uh, sure,” he said, and followed his boss into the side office like a sixth grader who had been called to the principal’s office.

He fidgeted with the snap on the side pocket of his pants while he waited for Mack to speak.

“I’m happy for you that you’ve found someone you want to be with, Dec. You know I am. I know how lonely you’ve been, and after all the shit that went down in Austin, it must be nice to have found someone you can trust.”

Declan just nodded, waiting for Mack to continue.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop investigating. I know you were doing it off the record, but the case is getting too close to prosecution to have any mistakes made that might compromise our chances in court. It was a conflict of interest when Lucas was staying with you, but now…. I just can’t have you investigating and testifying when the victim is your boyfriend.”

Declan was puzzled. He hadn’t been investigating on his own, at least not that Mack had known about. “I realize it’s an open investigation, but without victim testimony, we don’t have any leads to follow, and there likely won’t be any trial without being able to identify the assailants.”

“I’m not sure I follow you, Declan. The paperwork was pushed through yesterday. Arrest warrants issued. We picked up Peter Corddry, Victor Matvey, Greg Petrok, Jamie Gooding, Isaac Garey, and Benjamin Jarvis. We still haven’t located Eric Lancaster, but there is a warrant out on him. The suspects are being detained in Bangor until forensics can match DNA.”

Declan was floored. “What the fuck, Mack? There were no leads! How the fuck did you figure out who did it in one day?”

“I’m confused, Declan. The file was in your desk. All the information on the suspects was there, printed out and organized. Lisa was pissed you hadn’t filed it electronically, and I was a bit surprised that you hadn’t handed off the information for us to seek the warrants, but I assumed you ran out of time and had to get home. You seem to have been in quite a hurry to get out of here these days.”

“I… but… I…,” Declan sputtered.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“That wasn’t an official file. No one was supposed to see it. Lucas didn’t want that information found.”

“You know that’s not up to him. The assault was severe enough that it is a case for the state to prosecute now. We don’t need his cooperation to file charges.”

“I know that, but the information he gave to me was told in confidence.”

“That doesn’t fucking matter, and you know it,” Mack said, his voice growing louder as his anger spiked.

“Fuck, I know, but I can’t do that to him. I can’t break his trust like that.”

“You already did, and when you did, you were doing your job.”

“I know that, but this is going to break him. He was so adamant about not pressing charges. I just wanted to give him more time… just a little longer to come around to the idea of it.” Declan was beside himself. He knew he had done the right thing, even if he hadn’t meant to, but he also knew it was going to break Lucas’s heart. The thought of betraying him like that was more than he could stand. He let his head sink into his hands, and thought for a moment.

“Is there any way we can prosecute this without Lucas finding
out?”

“You want to lie to him?”

“I wouldn’t be lying. It would be sheltering him from unpleasantness.”

“It’s a fucking lie and you know it, Declan. Man the fuck up. You know that even with the forensic evidence, the DA is going to want Lucas’s testimony. He’ll be served with a subpoena for sure. You’re going to have to tell him.”