Wholehearted (20 page)

Despite the calm words, Declan felt as though Lucas was maybe hiding a little of his apprehension. If Declan had been in Lucas’s shoes, he would have been a bit nervous. He doubted the doctor was going to have bad news—up until now, Lucas had been healing well—or so Declan thought.

Lucas confirmed Declan’s suspicions by elaborating on the appointment, “I mean, even if there is some loss of use with my hand, it’s not like I’m a neurosurgeon or something. I fish for a living. All I need to be able to do is throw traps and haul ropes. Even with a fucked-up hand, I should be able to do that.”

Declan kissed the back of his head. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. I doubt she’s going to tell you anything like that, and if she does, then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Declan was rewarded with a small smile.

“Well, should we get up and ready to go?” Declan asked.

Lucas looked confused. “My appointment isn’t until this afternoon and it’s only”—he glanced at the clock—“nine in the morning. We have more than five hours to get there.”

“Yeah, but I want to take you for breakfast at Sylvia’s in Ellsworth. They have the best grilled muffins there. You need to try them.”

Lucas looked at him like he was speaking Swahili. “Grilled muffins? I know I’m practically handicapped in the kitchen, but I’m pretty sure muffins are baked.”

Declan laughed. “They are baked, and then cut in half, and then slathered with butter, and then fried. Yummiest breakfast baked good in three hundred miles.”

“Don’t tell Oliver that.”

“Oliver wouldn’t care. It’s Haydn you have to watch out for.”

“Somehow I think I’d be more likely to be molested than beat up by Haydn.”

“You might be right about that.”

T
HEY
GOT
dressed, loaded themselves into the car, and drove toward Ellsworth.

The ride was quiet, both of them apprehensive about the appointment. After several minutes of strained silence, Lucas finally spoke. “So tell me about being a cop.”

So, it wasn’t the most profound topic of conversation, but it was something, and Declan was glad for the distraction. Although he was sure there would be nothing wrong with Lucas’s hand, the closer they got to Ellsworth, the more anxious he became.

“I love it. There was never any question in my mind about what I wanted to be when I grew up. Most of the other guys in the neighborhood wanted to play cops and robbers, but they got bored with it after a while. I never did. I wanted to be a cop forever.”

“Your parents must be proud of you.”

“Yeah, I guess they are. They’re both pretty great. I wish I could see them more often than I do, but they live as far away as you can get from here without crossing oceans. I usually only go home once a year, or they come to me.”

“You like living in Hope Cove?”

Declan was sure he had answered that question before, but he didn’t hesitate to talk about it again. He felt a bit like a realtor trying way too hard to make his first sale. He wanted Lucas to think about staying and thought if he could make the place seem attractive enough, Lucas would do just that.

“I love it. It’s a lot different from Austin, and the job is definitely much slower, and a bit wackier, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The fact that I know all my neighbors, and if ever I needed anything, there would be a line of people stepping up to help. The idea that I’m way less likely to be shot on the job, or shot at all, because the people in Hope Cove that own guns own them because they hunt, not because they’re worried about someone taking their stash.”

“Wackier?” Lucas asked. “How so?”

“We’ve got some characters that live around here. Most of them are harmless. Samantha Pickler called me last week to report a case of child abuse. She’s thirteen years old and was pissed that her mom grounded her and she couldn’t go to the Halloween dance at school. Six months ago, Mrs. French called me and reported that her mail was being stolen. I got to her house and she told me she knew it was being taken because it was her birthday and there were several cards that had never arrived, so someone must have been pilfering them.”

Lucas burst out laughing. “Wow. That’s hilarious. I don’t know if I could do your job with a straight face.”

“Who said I was doing my job with a straight face? They were being ridiculous, and they knew it. Well, Samantha Pickler knew it. Mrs. French was a little harder to convince. She insisted I launch a formal investigation. I had to get Mack involved. She didn’t trust me because I’m ‘from away.’”

“From away?”

“Not a Maine native.”

“Gotcha.”

“You ever think about doing something other than fishing?”

“Not really. I think I told you I was in construction for a while. I liked it, but there weren’t enough jobs to support that many full-time employees. I was one of the new hires, so they would call me for a job every once in a while. It wasn’t enough. Fishing pays a ton, and it’s only a few months’ work at a time. When the boat docks, you have the choice of taking time off, or hopping another boat.”

“And you liked boat hopping?”

“Most of the time. I would go out with whoever would hire me for a while, and then I met Pete.” Lucas’s voice got quiet. “He was out most of the time, so I spent most of my time working for him. He treated me pretty well, and we got on all right….”

“Until you didn’t,” Declan finished for him.

“Yeah. Didn’t really see that one coming, but I guess you can never really know everything about someone else, especially someone you work with.”

“I don’t know if that is really true. Maybe in business relationships, but in personal ones? I think it’s plausible for you to know someone inside and out.”

“I don’t think so. Maybe bits and pieces, but not the whole person. There are always secrets, always things hidden away that they don’t want you to know.”

“You don’t think that given enough time, you’d be able to know everything about someone?”

“I think it’s a nice thought, but no. I don’t think it’s possible.”

Declan frowned. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted to know every part of Lucas, and for Lucas to know every part of him. He had gotten snippets of the person he thought Lucas had been before the attack, but he wanted to know it all, every detail. He wanted to crawl inside Lucas’s mind and spend an eternity exploring. He was hungry for it. He couldn’t tell Lucas that. The idea of it freaked him out, so who knows what it would do to the younger man.

“We’re almost at Sylvia’s.”

“Good. I’m starving. What kind of muffin are you getting?”

“Blueberry?”

“Boring!” Lucas teased. “I’m getting chocolate chip.”

“What if they don’t have that kind?”

“Then I’ll get blueberry.”

Declan laughed. “You’re a nut job.”

“No, but if you’re lucky, when we get home I’ll give you a nut
job.”

Declan’s head whipped to the side. “What the fuck is a nut job?”

“I have no idea, but I know you’d want one. If it’s me giving it to you, trust me, you want one.”

“All right then. I’ll be real good.”

B
REAKFAST
WAS
delicious. They did in fact have chocolate chip muffins, and Lucas was overjoyed.

Declan loved seeing Lucas happy. It made him happy too, happier than almost anything else.

They arrived at the orthopedic surgeon’s office fifteen minutes before the appointment. They sat in the waiting room together, Declan watching Lucas fidget with the corner of a magazine. “You okay?” Declan asked.

“Yup,” Lucas said, and tried to look brave.

“Lucas Hale?” the receptionist called.

Lucas stood and walked toward the desk. “Is it okay if my… if my friend comes in with me?”

The receptionist shot Lucas a warm smile as she rose from behind the desk. “Of course. Right this way.”

She led them into an examination room and let them know that Dr. Frias would be along shortly. They hadn’t been in the room for two full minutes when a young woman in a lab coat entered carrying a clipboard.

“Lucas Hale?” she asked, looking between them.

“Me,” Lucas said, raising the broken arm so she could see the
cast.

“Oh, right.”

Lucas shot Declan a look like, “Shouldn’t she figure the patient is the one with the arm in the cast?” Declan just gave a little shrug he hoped the doctor hadn’t picked up on, but given her demonstrated powers of perception, it was likely she hadn’t noticed.

“I’m Dr. Frias,” she said, before she had a seat on the rolling stool next to the bed and opened a door, taking out a small rotating saw. She plugged it in and turned it on.

“We’re going to cut off the cast, have a look at how the hand is healing. We’ll do a couple of X-rays and then decide whether or not you’ll need surgery,” she yelled over the loud whine of the saw. Lucas nodded his understanding, and she lowered the saw to his arm, skillfully cutting through the layers of tape and plaster.

The doctor carefully removed the cast and turned his arm over in her hands. The skin was pale. Declan was anxious watching her handle it. Shouldn’t she be more careful? She could reinjure him if she wasn’t gentle. She seemed to know what she was doing, though, and gave him a sling to support the arm until he could get the X-rays done.

She ushered them out of the room and into a long corridor, where she instructed them to take a seat in the chairs lined up against the wall.

“Chad will be with you shortly. He’s our X-ray tech.”

“Thanks,” Declan said and sat patiently next to his guy.

“Thank you for bringing me,” Lucas said, his eyes trained on the ground.

“You’re welcome. I wanted to be here.”

Nothing more was said. They just sat next to each other, offering each other silent reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

A few minutes later, Chad, who turned out to be a large man with a handlebar mustache, showed them into the X-ray room. He had Lucas place his arm on a pedestal of sorts while he took the picture. When they had finished, Chad showed them back to the same examination room they had been in before.

This time, the doctor took a lot longer to return. Declan looked over at Lucas who was fidgeting with the edge of the sling.

Declan felt it too, the closer they were to hearing how well Lucas was healing, the more nervous he became at the prospect of bad news. He felt sorry for people who had to wait weeks for a diagnosis. They were lucky that they were going to get results the same day.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Frias returned. She flipped a switch on the wall that illuminated the white light screens, shoved the X-ray images into the clips at the top and took a step back, looking them up and down with careful consideration.

“Well, so far everything looks good to me.”

Lucas let out an audible sigh of relief. Declan suppressed a giggle. He was so happy. Lucas was going to be fine. He had overcome so many obstacles after his attack. Declan shone with pride at Lucas’s resilience.

“I’m not saying you don’t still need to take it easy. We’re going to re-cast the arm and then in two more weeks you can come back here, or go to your family doctor to have it removed. The bone looks like it’s fusing nicely. You should regain full mobility of your hand and joints. You’re a lucky man. The arm was broken in multiple places, and most people would have needed surgery. You will need to keep in mind, though, that now that the bone has been broken, it will never be as strong as it once was. You won’t need to baby it, but you’ll need to keep in mind the possibility of a refracture if you push it too hard.”

“Got it,” Lucas said. “Anything I should know to do or not to
do?”

“No, just take it easy for two more weeks.”

The doctor pulled out a kit from the cupboard and set about re-casting Lucas’s arm. He winced a little when she lifted it up to wrap around the underside, and Declan felt Lucas’s hand slide along his as he grasped at his fingers. Declan gave him a reassuring squeeze of support.

They thanked the doctor once she finished and left the clinic feeling much happier and much lighter than they had an hour before.

“Wanna get ice cream to celebrate?” Declan asked.

“Fuck yes, I do,” Lucas said adamantly.

“Okay. Keep your eyes peeled for a Dairy Joy.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Ice cream.”

They drove around Ellsworth looking for the ice cream stand, and happy to just be spending worry-free time together.

Declan was feeling so carefree that he thought about telling Lucas how he felt. He was in so deep at this point, he knew if he waited any longer, the heartbreak of rejection would kill him. If he was going to say something, it was going to have to be soon. He resolved to tell him the next day.

He knew he was being a coward, but if Lucas didn’t want him back, he didn’t want the memory of this day tarnished. It had been practically perfect, and it wasn’t over yet.

Tomorrow, he decided. He would tell him tomorrow, as soon as he got home from work. He would pick up dinner from Maggie’s and take it home for Lucas. They could eat supper and watch
Rocky Horror Picture Show
. It was getting closer to Halloween, and Lucas had been trying to get Declan to watch it with him. After dinner, they could have a bath together and Declan would tell him. He felt like telling him in the bath was significant. The bath they had shared the day after Lucas came to stay with him was symbolic for Declan, like they had washed away all the animosity and the anger and started fresh together. He wanted their next bath to mean the same, a new start together.