Wicked Ugly Bad (A Kinda Fairytale) (5 page)

“I’m
an impatient guy.”  He lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug.  “Let’s start digging
a tunnel.”

If
he was sure, she wasn’t about to push her luck.  “No tunnel.  We don’t have the
time.”  She looked over at Esmeralda.  “If we got that spell inhibitor off your
leg, could you blast a hole in the side of this building?”

“No. 
The second I do anything that big, the magic sensors will go off and the whole
place will get shut down with purple gas.”  She gestured towards the vents in
the ceiling.  “They’ll pump it in here and everyone goes to sleep for a decade
or two.”

Rumpelstiltskin
paled.  “Oh God.”  The purple fumes of the sleeping spell could only be broken
by a True Love’s kiss and those were hard to come when you were sealed in a
padded cell.  He glowered at Scarlett.  “You’ve completely fucked us over! 
They’ll
never
believe that you did this on your own!  If we get caught,
all seven of us will be gassed and locked up.”

Scarlett
ignored him, her attention on Esmeralda.  “Could you conjure something smaller
that wouldn’t set off the alarms?  Could you maybe whip up a
tiny
spell
to make yourself look like Ramona?”

Esmeralda
smirked.  “I’m a level six witch.  I could do a simple, undetected glamour that
would fool Ramona’s own mother.  But only if I get this bling off of me.”  She
pointed to the manacle on her ankle.

“You
think no one’s thought of cutting off their restraint?”  Avenant snorted.  “The
second you remove the monitor, the guards will know it.  It’s all hooked up to
the computers.  My first day here, I had that figured that out and you people
still haven’t…”

Scarlett
interrupted him, her mind whirling.  “We
want
the guards to know.”

“We
do?  Are we stupid?”

“Some
of us aren’t.”  Scarlett kept her eyes on Esmeralda.  “If you make yourself
look like Ramona, can you make Ramona look like you?”

“Of
course.”

“Good. 
Benji?”  She turned to the bridge ogre.  “Are you strong enough to break that
ankle cuff off of Ez?”

“Oh,
he’s strong enough.”  Dru volunteered hazily.  “Remember how he shared that he
once lifted the entire Eastlands Bridge to get those bratty goats?”

Benji
winced.  “I’m not supposed to use my strength to do evil, though.  It’s part of
working my steps…”

“This
isn’t evil!”  Scarlett insisted.  “We’re saving the Four Kingdoms by escaping.”

Benji
blinked.  “Saving them from what?”

“From
my wicked stepsister Cinderella, of course!  Trust me, okay?  This is the only
way.”

“It
is?”  Benji hesitated and glanced over at Marrok.  “Are you
sure
Scarlett’s really Good?”

“Oh,
she’s Good enough to eat.”  Golden eyes glowed hot as Marrok watched Scarlett
pace.  All this rule breaking was like a lupine aphrodisiac.  “My journal entry
about today’s meeting is gonna be
epic
, by the way.  I’m feeling a lot
of personal growth in some real interesting areas, Red.”

“Just
sit there and be quiet.”  Scarlett jabbed a finger at him, all her focus
centered on her rapidly developing plan.  “I’m about to make you a hero.”

***

“So
that’s when the witch somehow pulled off her own restraint and flung herself at
me like a beautiful and deadly panther.  I think she’d seen my stupid clipboard
and realized that I’d been writing down sordid lies about her mental state. 
I’m very jealous of her, you see, and use my middle management position…”

“
Dr.
Ramona
.”  Scarlett bit off.  “The guards just want to hear how we stopped
Esmeralda from escaping.  Not about your hard work here in group.”  She shined
a smile at the two security dwarfs who were taking a report on the incident. 
“They’re very busy men.”

“Oh,
right.”  Esmeralda, in her magically created “Ramona” disguise, flipped back
her hair and frowned when the move didn’t come off with her usually flair. 
Ramona’s short blonde pixie cut didn’t swing like the witch’s long curls.  “So
anyway, while the magnificent Esmeralda attacked me --looking
super
glamorous, by the way-- I cowered to the floor, praying for my own quick
death.”

“We
were all praying for that.”  Avenant concurred.

“We’re
all going to be gassed.”  Rumpelstiltskin muttered, rocking back and forth in
his seat.  His gaze stayed fixed on the real Ramona’s unconscious form.

Magic
now had the doctor looking just like Esmeralda
usually
looked, right
down to the red sweat suit.  The broken manacle was strategically arranged next
to her body.  Unless you were a wolf, and could smell the difference in the
woman’s scent, no one would be able to tell who she actually was.

“That’s
when Marrok heroically stopped her rampage.”  Scarlett put in.  “He knocked
Esmeralda unconscious with his Wolfball skills and saved the day.  Didn’t you,
Marrok?”

“Nope.”

Damn
it!  She’d known his brief moment of cooperation wouldn’t last.  Scarlett’s
teeth ground together.  “Yes, you
did
, remember?”

“I
wouldn’t hit a woman.  No wolf would do that.”

“You
would if it meant saving the lives of others.”  She snapped.

“Well,
that would depend on
which
others.”

“It
all happened so fast.”  Esmeralda/Ramona interjected, before Scarlett could
continue the argument.  “I’m just thankful the witch was caught unaware and
stopped in time.  It was pure luck that she didn’t destroy us all.”

“How
did the witch get her magic inhibitor off?”  One of the dwarf guards asked,
taking careful notes of “Ramona’s” eyewitness report.  Since she was supposedly
the only Good folk present, her testimony would be all that mattered to Dr.
White.

Marrok
kept his attention on Scarlett.  “That’s an interesting question.”  He
smirked.  “How
did
she get it off, do you think?”

“I
don’t know.”  Her blue eyes flashed daggers at him.  “I guess it just broke.”

“The
witch is a cunning and brilliant foe.”  Esmeralda/Ramona agreed.  “Who knows
what kind of genius plan she had hatched.  We were all too dazzled by her
athleticism and by the way she outsmarted me at every turn to notice all the
details.”

“Well,
we can check that out later on the video.”  One of the guards assured her.

“The
video?
”  Half the room chorused in horror.

Benji
scrunched his massive body down in his chair.  “Uh-oh.”

Drusilla
winced.  “Letty, maybe we should just…”

“It’ll
be
fine
, Dru.”  Scarlett interrupted with determined cheer.  “Right,
Doctor Ramona?  The camera is
great
news, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” 
Esmeralda/Ramona quickly scanned the ceiling, her eyes falling on a small
security camera.  “Sure… great.”  She swallowed.  “Yeah, a video will clear up
all the questions you have, guard.  Uh… when will you be reviewing that,
again?”

“As
soon as we’re done carting the witch down into the dungeon.”  The head dwarf
closed his notebook with an authoritative snap.  “By then, it’ll have
downloaded onto the main computer and we can watch it frame-by-frame in the
office.  See if any of this bunch tried to help her with her stupid plan.”

Marrok
arched a brow at Scarlett.  “It
was
a stupid plan, wasn’t it?”

The
dwarf guard nodded at Esmeralda/Ramona like she was the one who’d agreed with
him.  Good folk tended to tune out the Bad like the hum of a florescent light. 
“Don’t worry, Doc.  We’ll sort all this out in no time.”

“Super-duper.” 
Esmeralda/Ramona gave a weak thumbs-up as the men hefted the unconscious “witch”
between them and carted her out the door.  “Thanks fellas.  Couldn’t have done
it without you.  I’ll just finish up here and make sure these nut-bags get back
to their cells.”  She slammed the door shut behind them and swore in ancient
language of witches.  “
Now
what do we do?!”

“I
feel violated.”  Benji lamented.  “Group is being videotaped?   What about our
trust bubble?”

“I
told
you that Ramona wasn’t respecting our confidentiality.”  Avenant
reminded them smugly.  “Servants always spy.”

“Nobody
panic.”  Scarlett held up her hands and felt panicked.  “Let’s just think this
through.”

“What’s
there to think about?!”  Rumpelstiltskin shrieked.  “They have a tape!  The gas
will come and put us all to sleep and…”

“Shut-
up!
” 
Scarlett snapped.  “It’s not actually a tape.  You heard him.  It’s a video
file.  We’ll just have to erase it from the computer and everything will be
fine.”

“Oh,
that makes all the difference in the world.”  Avenant scoffed.  “Except the
computer is locked in the security office… with all the
guards and security
.”

“You
are the most whiny prince ever.”  Scarlett declared.  “Charming would never
complain so much.”

Marrok
slanted her an unreadable look.  “Charming also left you here to rot, so he’s
possibly not the best role model.”

She
ignored him.  “Let’s just concentrate on solving the problem.”

“We
should just give up.”  Drusilla murmured, slipping even deeper into her drugged
gloom.  “Charming left us.  Cinderella was right.  Good will always beat us in
the end.”

Marrok
put his hands behind his head like he was lounging back at the beach.  “I have
this fantasy where
I’m
beaten by Good with this saucy leather whip.  She’s
wearing this little school girl uniform and we’re in this thing of vanilla
pudding…”

“Wolf,
I swear to God, I will have Ez turn you into a toad.”  Scarlett turned back to
Esmeralda like a general in command her troops… her doomed, criminally insane
troops.  “Ez, can you do any kind of magic to get rid of the recording?”

“Not
without triggering the magic alarms.  I’ll have to go in and do it the boring
way.”  She smoothed her stolen lab coat over her hips and frowned.  “Hey, do I
look fat in this body?  Be honest.”

Benji
started munching on a throw pillow.  “This whole situation is making me stress
eat.”

“You’re
not going
anywhere
, witch
.
”  Avenant glowered at Esmeralda.  “How
can we be sure you’ll come back?”  He made a “hel
lo
” gesture with one
hand.  “She could just leave us here and make a run for it, all dressed up in
Ramona’s face.  Am I the only one who realizes that?”

Esmeralda
flipped him off.  “I barely even considered that, jackass.”

“Avenant
is right.”  Rumpelstiltskin bobbed his head.  “Esmeralda will escape and let
the rest of us take the blame for this whole mess!  I know it!”

“How
many times must I tell you peasants to address me as
Prince
Avenant? 
And if the witch goes to deal with the computer, then so do I.  At least
I
have some knowledge of how they work.”

“Of
course you do.”  Esmeralda sneered.  “How much did you embezzle from your loyal
citizens, again?”

“Those
slush funds were all setup by that fucking usurper to frame me!”

“We
don’t have time for this bickering.”  Scarlett’s gaze swept the room.  “Our
whole group is escaping. 
All
of us.  No one will be left behind, so
long as we trust each other.”

Six
people stared back at her like she was deranged.

Evildoers
weren’t big on team building.

“Alright,
maybe not
trust
trust, but trust that all of us want to get out of
here.”  Scarlett tried a different tactic.  “Look, it’s simple logic.  If one
of us goes down, we all do.  Whoever gets caught or abandoned will just rat the
others, right?  So, we’re all in this together.”

Marrok
made an “aww” sound.  “That’s beautiful, Red. 
Except
… if we’re a team
and all, why does it seem like you’ve appointed
yourself
captain?”

“Well,
who do
you
think should be captain?  You?”

“Why
not?  I work on a team professionally.  Plus, you said yourself I have the most
experience at being a criminal.”

“You
also have the most experience at being a sociopath!”

Marrok
crossed his arms over his chest.  “But, that was before I met
you
and
learned violence isn’t the way.  You taught me to be peaceable and honest and… Oh
wait
… Thaaat’s right. 
You
just clocked an innocent fairy in the
head, didn’t you?”

Scarlett
stalked over to plant her palms on the arms of his chair, looming over him.  “If
you can’t play nice tell me now.  Because, I need you to be serious and
help
me.  Please.”

His
smirked faded.  “I’ll help you.”  For one brief moment, he actually sounded sincere. 
“You
know
I will.  Baby, if you want to escape, we’ll escape.  But, we
gotta do it smart.”