Wide Awake (6 page)

"Emma?" he whispered. When I didn't answer, I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting my head to force me to look at him. I stared silently. "Emma…you are a really great girl, but I…"

Girl…

I sighed and closed my eyes for a pause. I knew what else was coming, so I forged on to stop him. "I understand."

"Do you?" he asked softly, not even a hint of snide.

I nodded. "I'm too young, and I come with lots of baggage, right? I get it."

He sat back, taking his hands with him. "That's not what I meant-"

"Emma?" I heard from the door. Mason growled under his breath and stood. Andrew, oblivious to Mason, was all smiles and came forward. He bent and kissed my cheek before I even knew what was happening. "Hey, babykins."

"Hey," I scowled and sighed my words softly.

"Where are your parents?"

"I don't know actually. They haven't been here all day."

Adeline poked her head in the door. "Mason, sweetie, can I see you for a minute?" She smiled intimately.

I couldn't help the glance I threw at him. He and Adeline were involved. He had been about to tell me that I was a stupid kid and even more stupid for looking at him like I had a smidge of a chance with him. I just woke up from a coma! I shook my head at myself and marveled at my naïveté.

"They're getting your sister from the airport," Mason supplied and grabbed his MP3 player. He looked back at me and I could see irritation there. I wondered if it was directed at me. "They'll be here any minute," he said and gave Andrew a look, but he spoke to me. "Are you OK in here alone with him?"

"Hey!" Andrew complained.

I just nodded. He sighed and went out to Adeline, who waited and watched from the door. I wondered if the old me would be as embarrassed as I was right then.

As soon as the door was closed, Andrew was a completely different person. He grinned and leaned down to kiss my lips. I was so startled that I didn't stop him. His lips were soft, too soft, and he smelled like the cologne he was wearing. I pushed him back a little. Oh, no...the first kiss I could remember, stolen. "Oh, come on, babe. No one's in here to see."

"I don't-"

"You can cut the act, now," he said through a smirk. "It's just me."

"What act?"

"You told your parents you couldn’t remember anything so you didn't have to go to school? Genius, babe! Genius!"

"Andrew," I said slowly. "I'm not acting. I don't remember anything."

"How can that be?" He crossed his arms and looked down at me like I was a sullen child. "Babe, look. I know you've got the whole gimmick going, but this is ridiculous. You can trust me. Unless you're angry at me for something. Or scared."

"Andrew," I said slowly, "I don't know you. I don't remember anything about you or us or anyone else. I am not lying or playing around or trying to trick anyone. Someone ran me over with their car," he flinched, but I kept going, "and left me there to die. Why would I ever lie about something that was so close to taking my life away?" I felt my breath hitch. "No, scratch that, they actually
did
take my life away. The only life I knew. Now I'm stuck in a body I don't know with people around me I've never seen before."

I felt out of breath from my speech. I gripped my forehead in my fingers. I could feel my pulse beating under my fingertips. I felt strange.

He was stunned, I could tell, but he came forward and leaned down to see my eyes. "Are you OK, babe? You look green. Do I need to get your man-nurse?"

"No," I said in irritation. "He's not a man-nurse. Mason is my therapist and he's helping me so I can be normal again."

"You are normal," he said with a condescending laugh.

It hit me. This was the chance to send this guy that I no longer had the capacity to care for packing. "Andrew, I'm not normal. Do you understand the extent of my…damage?" I said bitterly.

"You…" he floundered. It made me angrier. "You don't remember anything. I get it-"

"You don't get anything!" I yelled. "I can't walk! I can barely feed myself. I can't hold my hand up for more than seconds at the time. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself, Andrew. I am
not
normal."

He grimaced and even glanced toward the bathroom, but I saw his resolve. There was something there in his face that I just knew wasn't going to be giving up anytime soon. To my surprise, he got down on his knees by my bed and held my hand gently. He looked me straight in the eye and muttered some of the sweetest words I would imagine had ever come from his mouth. "Emma, I know that I've been… I haven't been here. I haven't been what I should have been for you. When I heard what happened to you…" His words choked off as he held back a sob. I stared at him. He was actually fighting tears. "I came to see you every day when it happened, but then they moved you here and wouldn't let me see you except on weekends. They told me you were going to die, that hospice was for people that were going to…die, Emma. I was missing so much school and…" He shook his head. "Anyway, my parents said I needed to find an outlet. So…I started dating as a way to take my mind off." I raised my eyebrow. "I know," he placated. "I know. That's stupid and selfish and childish. And I know it sounds lame, I do, but I loved you, Emma. You don't remember that. I get it now, but I love you just the same. I want to be with you. I want to help you through this. All of it, no matter how embarrassing you think it is or whatever." His thumb rubbed over my knuckle. "I'm not leaving you again. I won't make the same mistake twice. I love you, babe. I always have and I'll make you love me again, too."

I didn't know what to tell him. I wasn't really interested in loving him. I mean, I didn't know him, but Adeline had said I should embrace anything that was a direct line to the
old me
. She seemed to think this guy was a key to my memories. And there he was, pouring his ever-loving guts out all over my hospital bed. It felt wrong to accept this, but it felt even more wrong to spit in his face when he was so open and raw before me. "OK," I whispered.

"OK?" he said with hope.

"OK. Let's try and see how things go."

He smiled. It looked real and nothing like the cocky grin he'd been wearing before. He leaned forward a little and let his fingers touch my chin. "I know you want to take things slow, I get that, but I've missed you so much." He whispered, "Would it be all right if I kissed you?"

I felt my lips part with a rejection, but forced a stop on that. One kiss to appease him while I got used to the idea. I nodded small and looked up at him. He continued to smile as he stood from his kneel and leaned down. He paused before touching my lips to stare into my eyes. I wanted to feel something familiar as I stared back into them. I wanted it like I wanted to walk and run and dance again, but nothing happened.

He let his lips touch mine gently as his hand came to hold my jaw.

Like I mattered.

Like I was important.

Like he really did want to help me.

His lips pressed harder and his hand moved a little in a caress. I sighed as I let my resolve go. I was going to try. My therapist wanted me to, my parents also, and Andrew. Mason…he was seeing my therapist and had made it clear I was a 'great girl'. What was holding me back? So I threaded my fingers through his and let my lips part just a bit in silent invitation. He took it and gripped my fingers tighter as he slipped his tongue through my lips, just barely. Then he pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine. He sighed, "God…I missed you, Emmie."

"I know." I patted his cheek. "Taking things slow, right?"

"Sure," he answered and sat back in the chair, but scooted it all the way to the bed edge. "You say when, where, and how much, OK?"

"Thank you, Andrew."

"Andy," he corrected. He seemed irritated, like he'd had to correct me too many times already. "You always called me Andy."

"Andy," I said softly. It sounded like a kid's name when I said it like that. "I'll try to remember that."

"And you'll try to remember me, too, right?" He smiled. "In no time, we'll be just like we used to be."

"What if I'm not? What if I never remember?"

"Then, like I said, I'll just get you to love me again. Won't be too hard," he said and winked with his joke. I found myself laughing a little.

"OK
. If you say so."

"So, how about I meet you here every day after school and I'll bring your school work. I heard your parents went to the school asking about a tutor for you. I can help. Then I'll take you for a walk. Or a…" he glanced at my legs, "a roll?"

I laughed. "I've never even been out of the bed yet, let alone used a wheelchair."

"I'll help you," he promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

He kissed my fingers, and Mason took that opportunity to come in. Of course. I felt a rip of guilt go through me at the look of anger that flashed across Mason's face, but why? He was probably just angry because he knew Andrew…err Andy…was going to be sticking around. And, granted, he hadn't been even an honorable mention for boyfriend-of-the-year, but he was here now. And he was trying. I felt that I owed it to not only him, but myself, to explore that, even if just for a little while. I owed it to myself to see if I could remember this boy who said he loved me.

Though
he
had moved on to someone else and
I
found my own eyes drifting up to meet the hazel one's who held the fate of my mobility in his strong, capable hands.

Useless Fact Number Five

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
.

The next day, my family came—the whole wide family. My brother and sister, who were as pristine as my parents, were awkward. I tried to talk to them, but they seemed like they didn't know what to say even when I started the conversation.

Rhett and Isabella tried their hardest to perk things up by having them tell me all about college life and what I had to look forward to next year. My sister was majoring in business, but she planned to keep working in the bank where she was a teller once she graduated. Her fiancé was apparently very rich and she said she had no need to do anything else since he would take care of her.

Honestly, studying and working your butt off for a degree that you weren't even going to use…just to say you went? Not for me. College didn't seem at all like something I wanted to partake in.

But they all seemed happy that I was awake, tension or no tension. Finally, I just couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to make them see that just because I broke once, didn't mean I was going to break again.

"You don't have to walk on eggshells," I yelled in the middle of yet another awkward silence. "I'm not going to fall back onto the bed into another coma. I'm fine. I…just don't know who you are."

I laughed a little. It was silly and ridiculous. Mitchell laughed a little, too. I gave him a grateful smile. He was probably the one I got along with more than anyone else in my family. The sister seemed a little too uptight for my taste, but maybe the old me was fine with that.

"Emmie," she started and bunched her brow. "You're just so different and it's a little unnerving."

"How am I different?" I said and sat up as much as I could to hear her better. I was suddenly fascinated by what she was about to say.

"Well, you're…" she shrugged. "I mean the old you would have yelled at us the minute we walked in here for not bringing you something." I scowled at that, but still swallowed that down and listened. "And you wouldn't be watching Judge Judy." She flung her hand at the impossibly small television on the wall. "You don't care about people's problems. You'd be watching MTV because that's
all
you watch when you're home."