Wild: Dark Riders Motorcycle Club (3 page)

On my bookshelf, I spotted my middle school science fair trophies. I got one every year, even though science wasn't my thing. Then, next to them, I saw the yearbooks.

I jumped up and grabbed one, flipping through the pages furiously. I looked through all the little squares of children. People I once knew.

I scanned the names until finally I found him.
Asher Thomas
.

My eyes softened as I looked at the picture. We were so little then. His face was still soft and round, and his hair was in that silly bowl cut. He could only afford to get his hair done at home, but no one was brave enough to make fun of him for it.

Asher smiled at the camera, but he didn't look like the other kids. He was defiant. As if he was challenging the camera man to something. What? A fight?

I looked at that young smile and compared it to the man who picked me up and planted me on his motorcycle. Was that really
him
? I told myself that they were totally different, that they didn't look the same at all.

But then there were those eyes. Even back then, they were the same piercing blue. It
had
to be him.

I rolled over on my back, holding the yearbook to my chest. I closed my eyes. It has been so long since I thought about these things.

He was my first kiss. Asher made me come out behind the elementary school one day. He told me to close my eyes, and I did.

The next thing I felt were his warm, wet lips against mine. It was just for an instant. My eyes shot open and I pushed him away.

"What are you
doing
!" I yelled. "I'm going to tell the teachers!"

Asher pushed me back.

"Go ahead! It was icky anyway!" he yelled. Asher ran away, leaving me behind the school by myself.

I remember touching my finger to my lips, trying to recapture the feeling. Of course, I didn't tell the teachers. And even though he said it was icky, Asher made me meet him there every day from then on.

So we were two elementary kids meeting out back to smooch. Clearly there should have been better security at our school.

Back then, everyone told me Asher was a bad kid.

"Why are you hanging out with him?" they would say. "You have such a bright future ahead of you."

It was easy to ignore them. What do elementary school kids know about the future?

In middle school, Asher started buying me a soda at lunch. I didn't ask him to. I just walked into the lunch room one day and there was a can of ginger ale right in the middle of the space where I would normally sit.

He never said anything about it, but every day it was there. My can of ginger ale. I remember drinking it like it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. While everyone else was busy chugging Mountain Dew or Diet Coke, I had my secret ginger ale.

Everyone thought he was a delinquent, but Asher was smart. They couldn't deny it, because he tested into the gifted program. I'm sure they would've kept him out if they could have.
 

We took the advanced courses together, but teachers would make sure we couldn't sit next to one another. So we spent semesters smiling at each other from opposite sides of the classroom.

I knew when he started puberty. The very first sprouts of his beard scratched my face when he crushed my mouth with his lips. By then, his kisses lasted more than an instant and he didn't say they were icky anymore.

"Have sex with me," he said one day.

I backed away from him. We had only just started having sex ed courses and I wasn't even really sure what it
was
. The teacher only showed us strange pictures of our insides and said it was something for adults. I didn't understand why Asher seemed to know so much about it.

"No" I said.

"Come on," he said. "I'll make you cum."

More strange words. What did that even
mean
?

"No!"

I yelled. Tears were in my eyes. The smiled dropped from Asher's lips and he looked away from me.

"Okay then," he said. "I'll wait for you."

Then we moved.

I watched my whole life shrink in the rear window of my father's car. I never went back. Until now.

There was no social networking back then. We didn't have cell phones, tablets, or any of those things. So Asher just faded into my past like everyone else. His name was just a warm memory. The memory of a young girl's first love.

I turned over and curled with my knees to my chest, trying to ignore the feeling those words brought.
First love.
What do kids know about love anyway?

I was a different person then. I wasn't the type of girl to fall in love with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks anymore. There were tons of rich guys, successful guys at school.

But still, every time they touched me I thought of him. When these rich guys with their nice apartments stripped off my clothes I always ended up saying no. I couldn't go all the way. Because…

I screwed my eyes shut, burying my face in the giant pile of stuffed animals. I knew the answer but I didn't want to think it. Because of
him
.

What had happened to Asher? It didn't make sense to me, for him to grow up like this. What made him this way? So gruff, so big, so…
sexy
.

He was always a little bad, but I assumed that was a phase. I would have never guessed that he would've joined a motorcycle gang. I wasn't even sure what that was. What does it mean? That they like to ride bikes together?

The sky had already started to grow light by the time I stopped flipping through the yearbook. When I closed my eyes and laid my head against the small frilly white pillow, only one word came to my mind.

Asher
.

"W
ELL
,
LOOK
WHO
'
S
AWAKE
," my mom said. "Nice to see you up, sleepy head!"

I grumbled as I came down the old squeaking stairs. My eyes were barely open, but I could smell something wafting towards me. My stomach growled.

"Listen to that! Sounds like there's a bear in the house."

"Ha ha, very funny mom."

When I made it to the breakfast table, I couldn't believe my eyes. Ham, eggs, bacon, oatmeal, pancakes, fruit, coffee! The table was packed with food. She really did make enough food to feed a bear.

I saw my mom busying herself around the kitchen. Her old apron was worn at the edges, and I could see where she had patched it up herself with contrasting thread. She ran the water, cleaning up the bowls and utensils she had used already this morning.

It all felt so familiar that it took me a while to realize what was wrong.

"Mom, you're not supposed to be doing that!" I said. I jumped up and tried to take the scrubbing brush away from her.

"I came here to take care of you," I said. "Not so that you can tire yourself fussing over me!"

She put her hands on her hips and looked straight at me.

"I am your mother," she said. "You will let me fuss over you this time. Just this one time. Like when you were little. And we were a family..."

At the end, her voice trailed off. Tears appeared at the edges of her eyes and she tried to wipe them away. I went to her and held her close.

"Okay mom. This once."

Her tears were hot and soaked my pajama top. It felt like something dark and heavy was sitting on my chest. I kissed her forehead.

"Come on mom, " I said. My own voice was quavering now. "Let's eat, okay?"

We sat down, and at first we ate in silence. But it was hard not to feel a bit happier with all this delicious food to eat.

"Mom, this is great!"
 

I shoved a fork full of eggs into my mouth. She watched me and smiled a bit.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Come on, you know I would have set the kitchen on fire by now if I tried to make this stuff."

She couldn't help but laugh. It felt good to see her, her body shaking and her eyes crinkling at the corner as she let out her old belly laughs. The commotion shook the table.

After a while, she started to eat. We sat there together, happy just to put the food in our mouths. Mom started with her questions first.

"How were your classes?" She asked.

"Good."

"You're still sure you want to be a nurse? You don't have to just because of me, you know."

"Yes,
mom
," I said for the millionth time. "I do."

"And you were eating? Making sure you didn't get sick from cold up there? Made some nice friends?"

"
Yes, mom!
"

I felt bad. I didn't want to be like that, but they were always the same questions no matter when or why we talked. Mom questions. Was it part of the training program, or something?

We kept eating without talking. The only sounds were out forks scraping the plates and the early birds outside chirping in the morning air. I didn't want to bring it up, but there was still a something on my mind.

 
"So you said that guy last night, he was Asher?"

"Yeah."

"And he's part of a biker gang?"

"Yes, the Dark Riders," she said.

Her voice was tense, and her eyes didn't meet mine.

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Hell, I don't know Lilly! Why don't you go ask them?" she snapped. After a moment, Mom took a breath.

"They take care of us around here."

"Huh?" I asked.

"They make sure there's no trouble."

"Trouble?"

My mom didn't answer.

"What trouble, mom?"

She looked down at her plate and kept shoving crispy strips of bacon into her mouth. By the way she was avoiding my questions, I could tell that there was more to be said. But I wasn't going to get answers here.

When we finished eating, I took the dishes. She was about to stand up and do them, but I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Let
me
take care of this, mom."

She sat back down and started to hum a song while I turned on the tap. The only sounds were the water rushing in the basin and her high voice starting to sing at the dining room table.

When I was done I opened the medicine cabinet. Years ago it would only have some Tylenol and Benadryl. Now, there were rows and rows of orange plastic bottles with my mother's name on it.

I took them out and started to organize them. These were for the morning. These were for the evening. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…
 

The colorful little pills looked too much like candy to be what they were really for. Maybe it was better to think about it that way. They were candy. That's it.

I grabbed the pills for that morning and brought them to my mother with a glass of water.

"Thank you," she said. She looked down at the little pile before her. "Like a bunch of jelly beans, huh?"

I took care of a few other things before I got dressed. There were stacks of mail, medical bills, things that she had left uncared for in the house. I threw out an old orchid that must have dried up months ago. I would get a new one later.

Once I was dressed, I headed to the door.

"I'm headed out!" I said. "Be back soon."

The sidewalk outside of my mother's house had gotten worn down since the last time I walked on it. I kicked some rocks out of my path, trying to keep my mind off of everything. It was easier just to think of my shopping list. Eggs. Whipped cream.

But when a rumbling engine came up behind me, I knew I wasn't going to the supermarket. I turned around, and there he was. Asher. He was alone this time, but he looked like he hadn't slept all night.

Asher grabbed me, pulling me on to the bike behind him.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Let go of me!"

I pounded my fists against his back but he barely seemed to feel a thing. Asher just kept riding, never looking back.

It wasn't until I saw the huge panther looming over us that I realized where he was taking me. Our old school mascot was still there, protecting the sports felid that had gone to seed.

Just a little bit down the street was the new school. It made ours seem even sadder in comparison. The old building seemed strange with the paint peeling off the walls. Graffiti covered the front, simple tags saying that people had been there.

Asher didn't stop until he pulled up to a tree.
Our
tree. It was still there and had grown taller since the last time I saw it.

He cut the engine and I jumped off the bike. I backed away from him, my eyes always on his, until I was leaning against the rough tree bark. That only made Asher follow me.

Each of his footsteps was slow, as if he was plotting every inch of his movements. I had time to run. I
could
have. But I didn't.

Asher's body was only inches from mine. He looked down at me, bringing his face close enough that I could feel his breath on my skin. Just a little closer and our lips would touch. We would kiss. We would…

His eyes locked on mine, staring me down. It felt almost like a dare.

"What do you want?" I said. I pushed against Asher, but his body didn't budge.

"Leave."

"What?"

"I want you to leave. Get out of here," Asher said. "We'll take care of your mom, then you can go back to your shiny happy future."

I pushed him again, pressing my whole body against his chest.

"
My
shiny future?" I screamed. "What the hell is
wrong
with you? What happened? You were so smart. So sweet."

I took a breath and continued to shout.

"But now you're in a
gang
? And not only that, but you're vice president? What does that even
mean
? Why are you with these people?"

"These people?" he said. "
These people
?"

Asher's jaw clenched and he took both my wrists in his hands. He pressed them against the tree, holding me down.

"These people are my family!" he yelled. "Not everyone can be like you, Lilly. Not everyone can go up north to whatever fancy prep school your parents put you in."

I struggled in his grip. What did he know about what happened to me? What right did he have to say that?