Wilson's Hard Lesson (27 page)

“So, I’ve got something to tell you,” Shannon said.

“You’re pregnant,” Brendan replied, almost instantly.

“How did you know?”

Brendan laughed. “Because every single conversation that
begins, “So, I’ve got something to tell you” involves a pregnancy announcement
at some point. It’s a rule.”

Shannon let out a deep sigh. “Are you pissed?”

“Pissed?” Brendan shook his head. “Why would I be pissed?” 
He reached out and took Shannon’s hand. “It’s not like you did this on
purpose.”

“Or all by myself,” Shannon said, remembering Chloe’s words
of the evening before.

Brendan nodded. “I should have worn a condom. I figured that
since you were a virgin, it didn’t matter.” His gaze fell on Shannon’s stomach,
which was still flat beneath her t-shirt. “Obviously, I was wrong about that.”

“You didn’t know virgins could get pregnant?” Shannon
blinked. “Come on. You’re smarter than that.” A sour taste started in the back
of her mouth; she could feel her stomach flip-flopping. “My god, I sound like
my mother.”

“So she knows?”

Shannon nodded. “I couldn’t not tell her.”

Brendan sighed. “Maybe you could have not.”

“Yeah. We live in the same house, Brendan. It’s not like I
could hide the fact I’m puking my guts out twelve times a day.”

Brendan’s expression immediately softened. “Oh, babe. Is it
like that?”

“Morning sickness, it turns out, is a real thing,” Shannon
replied. “A thing that sucks.” She didn’t add in any details about the panic
attacks she’d been having in the middle of the night, worrying about what she
was going to do.

“I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I never meant for this
to happen.”

“But it did.”  A school bus slowly rumbled by, stopping in
front of houses for the briefest of moments before driving off. A new driver
was obviously learning the route in advance of classes, which started in just a
few days. “And now I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“It’s your decision.”

Shannon looked at Brendan sharply. “What?”

He shrugged. “I’m not some kind of asshole, Shannon. I’m not
going to force you to have a baby if you don’t want to. I understand that it’s
your body, your choice.”

Shannon shuddered. “Do you want me to have an abortion?”

“No!”  Brendan almost shouted the syllable, and then stopped
himself, shocked at his volume. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Well, that’s what those words mean, Brendan.” Shannon spoke
calmly and carefully. “I either have the baby or I don’t.  Those are the only
two options here.”

“I know that.” Brendan’s voice broke. She looked over,
shocked to see there were tears in his eyes. “I just…I don’t know. I can’t
imagine you doing that. Killing our child.”

Shannon took a deep breath. “Well. Can you imagine being
here, helping me raise this baby?” She laid her hand on her stomach. “Because
I’ve got to tell you. I watched my Mom do this all on her own, and I’m not
willing to do that.”

Brendan said nothing, for a very long minute.

“Besides,” Shannon said. “I’m not sure I will be able to do
that. Mom’s going to be selling the store.” It was her turn for her voice to
break. “The store and then after that, the house. She’s sick of Claremont. She
wants to go where there are more opportunities.”

“What does that mean?” Brendan said.

“For Mom? She’s talking about Florida. My aunt Zoe is down
there. She has a t-shirt shop in Orlando. Mom’s going to help her out until she
can find something better.”

“Did she decide all of this before…” Brendan gestured at
Shannon’s stomach. “You know.”

Shannon nodded. “But that doesn’t matter. Mom’s life is
Mom’s life, and mine is mine. I’m not going to have her turn all her plans
upside down just because I got knocked up.”

“You were turning your life upside down for her,” Brendan
said. “If you’d come to college with me when we graduated, none of this ever
would have happened.”

Shannon cocked her head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“The girls up there are all on birth control. The pill or
whatever.” He stood up and walked down the steps, hands jammed in his pockets.
It was the start of a short angry parade he made in front of the house, ten
steps one way and twelve steps back. “They don’t let themselves get in this
situation.”

“Well, goodie for them,” Shannon snapped. “I’m sorry I’m not
one of your college girls. But you can trot your happy ass back down there if
that’s what you want to do. I’m more than capable of managing this on my own.”
Inside, her heart was breaking, but Shannon was determined not to let Brendan
see that. “So much for I’ve always loved you.”

“I have always loved you!” Brendan came up the stairs and
took Shannon’s hands in his own. “And I still do. I always will. I just don’t
know about this.” He shook his head. “What to think. What to do.”

“We’ve got nine months to figure it out.” Shannon made a
decision. “I’m not going to have an abortion, Brendan. I just can’t do that.”

He nodded, clearly grateful. “All right.”

“But beyond that?” Shannon’s determination to keep her
emotions in check dissolved in a flood of tears. “I don’t know what’s going to
happen. I just don’t.” She hiccupped through her sobs. “I can’t imagine having
a baby just to give it up after.”

Brendan nodded. “Did they give you a due date?”

“May 8
^th
,” Shannon replied. “But the baby can
come sooner than that. I was a preemie.”

“I was late,” Brendan said. “Mom’s told me that a million
times. Maybe we can balance each other out and the baby will get here exactly
when he’s supposed to.”

“Oh,” Shannon laughed. “We know it’s a boy?”

“I’m sure of it,” Brendan replied. He cocked his head.
“Unless it’s a girl. Definitely one of those two.”  His expression became more
serious. “Classes won’t be done by May 8
^th
,” he said. “Graduation’s
usually not until the middle of June.”

“Well,” Shannon said. “There’s not much I can do about that.
The baby will come when the baby will come.”

“Hopefully I can be back here for the delivery,” Brendan
said. “I’d really like to see that.”

Shannon felt her heart sinking. “So you’re going to go back
to school and leave me here to deal with everything on my own?”

“What do you want me to do?” There was an edge to Brendan’s
voice. “I’m one year away from graduating. It’d be stupid to drop out now.”

“Brendan, I’m having your baby.”

He nodded. “And that’ll be true whether I’m here or not.”

“Wow.” Shannon said. “I cannot believe you just said that.”
She stood up and turned toward the front door. “This isn’t something I’m
supposed to go through alone. This is my life. You can’t just drop in and out
of it when it works for your schedule.”

“That’s not what I’m saying I’m going to do. Don’t put words
in my mouth, Shannon.”

“I don’t have to put words in your mouth!” Shannon shouted.
“You’re the one who said you’re going back to school. You’re the one who said
maybe you’ll be back to see the baby being born.”  She threw her hands up in
the air. “Childbirth isn’t easy, Brendan. It’s not like a vending machine,
where you put your money in and a baby comes out. Anything could happen. Things
go wrong. I could die.”

“No,” Brendan said. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Maybe that’d be better for everyone,” Shannon said. “The
baby and I could just poof, disappear!” Tears were streaming down Shannon’s
face. She knew she wasn’t making any sense, but she didn’t care. Her entire
life had turned upside down, and everyone was fine going on without her. “You
just go on and get your fancy pants finance degree. Mom can finally have a life
of her own. No one has to worry. No one has to be inconvenienced.”

She yanked open the front door. “My life was going along
just fine until you came home, Brendan. Why’d you have to come back and screw
everything up?”

“I didn’t mean to,” he replied. It was barely above a
whisper. “I swear to God, Shannon, things were never supposed to turn out like
this.”

“Yeah. Well, they did.” Shannon went through the door and
slammed it hard behind her. A framed picture, featuring Shannon and her mother
meeting one of their favorite authors, fell off the wall and hit the floor. The
glass shattered in a million pieces. “Oh, Jesus Christ,” Shannon muttered.
“That’s just perfect.”

“Are you okay, honey?” Chloe called from upstairs.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Shannon replied. “Everything’s fine. It’s
absolutely perfect.” She stomped into the kitchen to retrieve the broom. “I
broke some glass by accident, that’s all. Don’t come down here barefooted. I
don’t want you to cut yourself.”

“All right,” Chloe answered. She sounded distracted.
Probably busy deciding what she needed to pack for Florida, Shannon thought,
and what she can leave behind. Besides me.

It’s very hard to sweep up glass effectively when you’re
angry. Long shards had fallen into the carpeting, sticking out every which way
like so many sharp edged diamonds. Shannon bent over and started picking them
up, dropping them one by one onto the dust pan. Before long, she’d stuck
herself with a razor-sharp piece. Bright red blood welled up at the end of her
fingertips even before she felt any pain.

“Man,” Shannon whimpered. “This just keeps getting better
and better.” She stuck her finger in her mouth, grimacing at the flinty taste. 
She thought about going to get a Band-Aid from the bathroom cupboard, but
decided against it. “Odds are I’m just going to stick myself again,” she said.
“Might as well finish this up.”

Brendan chose that moment to knock on the door. “Shannon!”
he called. “I’ve got to talk to you.”

“Go away,” she said. “I’m busy.”

“Shannon, please.” There was a plaintive tone to his voice;
it almost sounded as if Brendan had been crying.

At that exact moment, a sharp piece of glass sliced
Shannon’s finger when she picked it up. “Son of a bitch!” she yelped. “I can’t
deal with you right now,” she shouted at the door. “Come back tomorrow.”

“You’ll talk to me tomorrow?”

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

“Promise me.” Brendan was directly outside the door; she
could see the shadow of his sneakers through the crack at the floor. “Promise
me you’ll talk to me tomorrow and I’ll leave now.”

“I promise. I want to, Brendan,” Shannon said. It was hard to
talk; her fingers hurt and she couldn’t stop crying. “I just can’t right now.”

“All right,” he said. “I’m leaving. But I’ll be back
tomorrow.” There was a long moment’s pause. “Try to not be so upset. It’s bad
for the baby.”

“Yeah?” Shannon snarled, looking at her cut fingers. Blood
had dripped onto the carpet, probably staining it permanently. “It’s no picnic
for me either.”

Brendan didn’t answer. She heard his footsteps falling one
after the other, across the porch and down the steps. After a moment, Shannon
crept to the window beside the front door. Peering around the curtain, she
looked to see if Brendan was still around. But there was no trace of him
anywhere.

“All right.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s time
to get your act together.” She went to the bathroom and bandaged up her
fingers. Then, moving very cautiously, she finished cleaning up the glass and
picked the photograph up. She set that on a nearby bookshelf, collapsed into
her favorite armchair, pulled a fuzzy throw over herself and burst into tears.

At this point, Chloe came downstairs. “So,” she said.
“What’s going on?” Her eyes widened when she saw Shannon’s bandaged fingers.
“Did you hurt yourself? Did something happen with Brendan?”

“Yes. No. It’s not what you think, Mom,” Shannon said.
“Brendan’s being a dick.”

“Does he,” Chloe asked slowly, “want you to get rid of the
baby?”

“He wants to go back to school,” Shannon wailed. “Maybe
he’ll be able to come back when it’s born.”

Chloe sat down on the couch closest to Shannon and sighed. “Typical
male.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, honey.”

“I can’t believe he wants to go back to Albany and leave me
here,” Shannon said. “Who cares about a degree?”

“Lots of employers do,” Chloe said. “That part doesn’t
bother me. It sounds like he’s being sensible. Lots of couples wind up apart
during a pregnancy. Anyone who’s married to a soldier, when they get deployed…”

“Mother.” Shannon cut Chloe off. “That’s completely
different. Nobody chooses to be deployed. Brendan is choosing to go back to school.”

Chloe smiled. “And you can choose to drive to Albany and see
Brendan, if that’s important to you. Pregnant women can drive.” She leaned
forward and patted Shannon on the knee. “You just may need to make more pit
stops than you’re used to.”

“You know I hate driving, especially that far,” Shannon
said.

“Welcome to motherhood, darling.” Chloe said. “You wind up
doing lots of things you hate doing. But don’t worry. It’s all worth it in the
end.”

Shannon carefully put the finishing touches on a sales
flyer, announcing deep discount prices on all of the store’s hardcover books.
These expensive items were slow sellers at the best of times. People always
told her they preferred the hard covers, but when push came to shove, they’d
save their pennies and purchase the softcover instead.

“Let’s see if this helps,” she said. “Fifty percent off is a
pretty good deal.” The door chimes rang, and she jumped. All morning, she’d
been expecting Brendan to come by and see her, but he hadn’t. This latest
arrival wasn’t Brendan either; surprisingly, it was Tawni.

“Hey,” the tiny blonde drawled. She was chewing gum. “I
heard you guys were having a sale over here.”

Shannon nodded. “We are. All hard covers are fifty percent
off. Tarot decks are 25% off, and the crystals are going to be up to half off,
once I get done marking them down.”

“You guys are going out of business?”  Tawni walked over to
a case full of crystals. “These are really pretty.”

“Thanks. Yeah. My Mom is selling. She’s moving to Florida,”
Shannon said. “She’s decided to become a beach bunny.” She meant it as a joke,
but Tawni didn’t laugh.

“What about you?” Tawni asked. “Are you going to Florida
too?”

Shannon shook her head, carefully. “I’m thinking about going
to Albany.”

“That’s where Brendan goes to school.”

“Yeah.”

Tawni’s eyes rose to meet Shannon’s gaze. “What’s going on
with you guys? Are you a couple or what?”  The energy in the shop changed.
Normally a pleasant enough space, it now crackled with tension and hostility.

“Why do you ask?” Shannon asked.

“I’ve had a crush on Brendan since I was in middle school,”
Tawni said. “He’s smart. And he’s funny. And he’s always been cute.” She
shrugged. “When I was a kid, of course he never noticed me. But I’m not a kid
anymore.”

Shannon looked Tawni up and down, slowly. “No, you’re really
not.”

Tawni laughed. “Don’t hate me for what my Mama gave me,” she
said. “But I’m not going to interfere if you and him have a thing going on. I
know you two were always together in school. But are you guys just buddies now,
or is it something more?”

“I want it to be something more,” Shannon said. “I want it
to be a lot more. But I’ll be honest with you, Tawni. I’m not going to know the
answer to your question until probably this time tomorrow.”

Tawni cocked her head. “You’ll tell me how it goes, either
way?”

Shannon nodded.

A bright smile covered Tawni’s face. “I’ve waited this long.
One more day’s not going to kill me.” She let her long, brightly manicured
nails rest against a double terminated amethyst quartz. “This is super pretty.
How much is it?”

Shannon sighed. “Go ahead and take it. It’s my gift to you.”

Tawni squealed. “Really?” She looked at Shannon in
disbelief. “I’m sure something like this is real expensive.”

“To the right person, yeah,” Shannon said. “But that person
hasn’t showed up yet, and sometimes…” she paused, searching for the right
words. “A stone will let you know who it’s supposed to go home with.”

Tawni clutched the amethyst tightly. “That is so nice of
you. Nobody’s ever given me anything like this.”

“Well, I’m glad you like it.” Shannon smiled. “Tell everyone
to come in and check out our sale, all right? We’ve got lots of good books that
need to find their forever homes.”

“I will,” Tawni said. “And I’ll come see you tomorrow.” She
blushed. “As much as I’d like to go out with Brendan, if he’s got to be with
someone, I’m glad it’s you.”

Shannon smiled. “Thanks. That’s sweet of you to say.”

“Course, if you guys aren’t working out, I’m not going to
let the grass grow under my feet, you know what I mean?” In that moment, Tawni
looked very young; Shannon had a sudden flash of memory, recalling what the
younger woman had looked like laughing with her friends in the cafeteria.

“Nobody can blame you,” Shannon said. “I wouldn’t either, if
I were you.” She cocked her head. “But no offense, I hope you don’t get the
chance.”

Surprisingly, Tawni smiled. “No offense taken.” She strolled
over to the door. “Have a good day. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“People are absolutely amazing.” An older man approached the
checkout counter and laid a stack of books on the counter. A quick glance at
the titles let Shannon know that this particular customer had a great interest
in ceremonial magic. “Was that young woman trying to stake a claim to your
paramour?”

“Something like that,” Shannon said.

“And you’re with child,” the customer stated.

Shannon stepped back from the counter, shocked. “How did you
know?”

The customer laughed. “There’s a particular aura of
exhaustion that only comes in the first few weeks of a woman’s first pregnancy.
The body is shocked to find itself host to another spirit. Impossible to hide,
especially from those of us who have seen it before.”

Shannon laid her hands on the books the customer had
selected. “You learned how to do this through your tradition?”

“Oh, no,” the customer said, with a hearty laugh. “My wife
and I have four daughters, and ten grandchildren. When you bear witness to that
many pregnancies, you get to know what things look like.”

“Do I look like I’ll have a healthy baby?” Shannon asked.

The customer shrugged. “That’s not a matter of looks. That’s
a matter of the choices you make.” He raised a fat finger and shook it at her.
“Don’t let people fill your heads up with all kinds of fear and misinformation.
Women have been having babies since the dawn of time. You know what you need to
do to have a healthy child. Be sensible. Make smart choices, and trust
yourself.” He lowered his finger and smiled. “You’ll be fine.”

Shannon felt strangely better. “Thank you,” she said. “This
whole thing is very new to me. I’m not sure what to expect.”

“Get used to that,” the customer replied. “Kids will keep
you on your toes. It makes life an adventure.”

 “That’s a nice way to think about it,” Shannon replied. She
rang up his order, and gave him an extra discount. “Thank you for your advice.
I’ll make sure to remember it.”

“If that young man lets you go, he’s a fool,” the customer
said, as he took his bag and departed. “Don’t you let that girl get her claws
into him. She’s not the type to let loose without a fight.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Shannon said with a smile. “I’m
not either.”

The store was empty for a prolonged period after that.
Shannon tried to keep herself busy, hanging sales flyers and discounting
crystals, but the afternoon dragged. She couldn’t help but wonder where Brendan
was.

He’d told her the summer job at Stevens’ Insurance was
pretty laid back. The bosses didn’t care how much time Brendan spent in the
office, as long as the work – mostly filing and data entry – got done.  Surely
if he was planning to see her, he’d have slipped out of the office by now.

Maybe he bailed. Shannon’s Mom was convinced that Brendan
was what she called “one of the good ones” but Shannon wasn’t so sure. Brendan
had plans and dreams of his own. Maybe the thought of being tied down with a
baby scared him so much he packed up and left town, never to return.  Stranger
things had happened. Shannon’s own father was never around; why should she
expect things to be any different for her child.

“Stop it,” Shannon told herself. The words echoed strangely
in the empty shop. “You know Brendan’s not like that.” Her heart sank. “I
should have opened the door when he wanted me to.”

The computer chimed “You’ve Got Mail!” signaling that an
email had arrived. Shannon rushed to the screen, hoping against hope that it
was from Brendan. It wasn’t. It was just a customer order – only a few titles,
but every bit of inventory sold meant less that Shannon and Chloe had to deal
with getting rid of.

Gathering up the books for that order took a little while,
and then Shannon had to package them for shipping. At the last minute, she
decided to enclose a flyer letting the customer know about their going out of
business sale. They didn’t have anything like that ready, so she created one
and printed off a few dozen copies.

“What’s that?” her mother asked. She’d spent the morning
running errands. Selling the building was turning out to be more complicated
than Shannon realized; Chloe had to arrange for lead testing and sewer inspection
and all kinds of things before the sale could go through.

Shannon showed her the flyer. “I figure anything we can do
to get this stuff moving will help,” she said.

Chloe nodded. “We don’t want to wind up having to give this
stuff away.”

Shannon felt guilty. “Um. About that. This morning, well.”
She cocked her head. “Do you remember Tawni? She went to school with me.
Younger though.”

“The little blonde girl who works at Mickey’s?” Chloe 
nodded. “Of course I know her.”

“She came in this morning. I wound up giving her one of the
stones from the case,” Shannon said. “I thought maybe it would encourage her to
send some business our way.”

“It can’t hurt,” Chloe said. “And I gave up any hopes of
making our money back on those a long time ago.” She laughed. “You remember
Ricky the Rockhound?”

Shannon laughed. “That’s a blast from the past.” Ricky the
Rockhound had been a gemstone salesman who’d frequented the store back when
Shannon was in elementary school. “I always thought he was sweet on you.”

“He was sweet on my money,” Chloe said. “And he thought he
could dump a lot of crappy stones on me and I wouldn’t know any better.” She
shook her head. “You should have seen the stuff he tried to sell me.  Beach
glass – only $50 a pound.”

“A bargain at twice the price,” Shannon declared. “How could
you possibly pass up this amazing deal?”

“He got me a few times,” Chloe admitted. “But I didn’t fall
for that one.” She cocked her head. “I don’t think Ricky would have ever got
one over on you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”

The praise made Shannon feel warm and loved. “Well, I don’t
know about that.”

“I mean it,” Chloe said. “You’ve got it in you to be a
really good business woman. I don’t mean a bookstore – nobody with any lick of
sense is getting into book selling right now – but maybe you want to think
about setting up some kind of shop of your own.”

Shannon cocked her head. “I never really thought about it.”

“It doesn’t have to be here in Claremont,” Chloe said.
“Probably you’re better off if it’s not. They keep saying downtown is coming
back, but they’ve been saying that for twenty years.”

“You need money to start a business,” Shannon said. “A lot
of money.”

Chloe nodded. “There’s going to be some money after this
sale goes through,” she said. “And some more after the house sells.”

“You need that money,” Shannon said. “You don’t have
anything saved up for retirement, you told me that. And it’s not like you have
a ton of time to save money up.”

Chloe laughed. “Thanks a lot, sweetheart. I’ll have you know
I’m only 46 years old. I still have a few good years on me.”

“That’s not what I meant, Mom. But I am not going to take
your money.”

“Yes, you are. You’re going to have to,” Chloe said. She
glanced around the shop to make sure there were no customers there before
continuing. “I’ve had a baby and no money at all, and I’ve had a baby with a
little bit of money, and I can tell you one hundred percent that having money
is much better than not having it. This child is coming, and you’re going to
need to have some kind of plan of how you’ll provide for the two of you.”

“Brendan…” Shannon began.

“Brendan is going to be fresh out of college. I’m sure he’ll
get a job, but that can take a while for things to really get going. And a baby
can’t wait. They need formula now. They need diapers now. They can’t just go
without until the money starts flowing.” Chloe paused.

Shannon sighed. “This is all so hard.”

Chloe pulled her daughter into her arms for a hug. “It’s
hard because you don’t know what you’re doing yet. Give it a little time. Once
you have your feet under you, you’ll find that you can handle anything.” She
smiled. “And if your baby is half as cool as my baby is, you’re going to be so
happy.”

Shannon smiled. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, honey. Things are going to be all right.
You’ll see.”