Winter Chill (3 page)

“I’ll think about it,” Marian agreed. “It all depends on Dan. I don’t like to leave him alone for long. And I know he won’t go with me.”

“Got the perfect solution for you.” Sally wiped her hands on a towel. “Ronnie doesn’t like to stay home alone, either, and Jenny’s spending the night at her cousin’s house. Why don’t we lay in a supply of beer at your house and set the guys up playing cards? Then we can go and enjoy ourselves.”

“Well . . . maybe.” Marian took a sip of coffee and tried to look pleased. She didn’t think she was up to any party, but she didn’t want to say so.

Sally crossed to the table and sat down facing her. “I get the feeling there’s something you’re holding back.”

There was no way Marian could resist the sympathetic look on Sally’s face. She had to take a chance and ask Sally. Sally wouldn’t betray her.

“Sally . . .” Marian cleared her throat. “Do you . . . I know this is personal, but . . . do you believe in life after death?”

“Yes.” Sally nodded emphatically. “I didn’t believe before, but I do now. Do you want to know what changed my mind, Marian?”

Marian felt a lump in her throat, and she swallowed hard. She was too anxious to speak, so she nodded.

“My mom died right after Ronnie and I were married. I still remember how I felt, Marian. It was awful. I loved her so much, I almost wanted to die myself. First I felt terrified. I was numb all over. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I’d go to the phone to dial her number, and remember, and then I’d cry all over again. Ronnie tried to help, but that was when he was in the service. He was only home on leave for two weeks. Then he had to go back, and I was alone, really alone, for the first time in my life.”

“Sally . . . don’t!” Marian felt the tears gather in her eyes. “You don’t have to talk about it, Sally, really you don’t.”

“No, I want to. I want to because it was all right after awhile. I remember one morning I was sitting in the kitchen, staring out the window, wondering what to give my dad for his birthday, and I heard Mom say,
Handkerchiefs, honey. Your father always wanted monogrammed handkerchiefs, and I never got around to buying them.
That was when I started believing, Marian, and I’ve believed ever since. Even now, when I’ve got a problem, I talk to Mom. And she’s always there, right inside my head, giving me advice and loving me.”

“Thanks, Sally.” Marian spoke past the lump in her throat. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Well . . .” Sally cleared her throat and got up. “More coffee, Marian? I have a feeling the guys’ll be tied up for quite a while. Ronnie’s got a captive audience, and he’s going to take full advantage of it.”

 

 

Ronnie had gone to start the van, and then he would come back to wheel him out. Dan sat stiff and straight in his chair. Ronnie was being nice, but Dan couldn’t help but resent this whole evening. Ronnie had wheeled him around like an invalid, and that had made him feel even more helpless. Now Ronnie was starting the van. What kind of man was he if he couldn’t even start his own damn car?

There was a sound from the living room, and Dan turned his head to see. Jenny was stretched out in front of the TV, Muffy beside her. She was laughing at some program, stroking Muffy’s head absently with her hand. It made him sick to see Muffy and Jenny together. Muffy was Laura’s dog! Laura should have been there petting Muffy, and instead it was Jenny. Jenny was the lucky one. Jenny was still alive. If he had the power, he would have changed things. Jenny would be gone, and Laura would be here, happy, alive, laughing at the program on television.

Shame made him wince. It wasn’t right to think this way. Jenny was a nice little girl. He liked Jenny. But Laura was his.

“All right, let’s go!” Ronnie came in the front door with a bang and took his place behind Dan’s chair. “Marian’ll be out in a second. Sally’s wrapping up a couple of fruitcakes for her.”

The cold was chilling as Ronnie pushed him down the shoveled walk and out to the driveway. Dan felt cold all over, now that he knew the truth. He wasn’t fit to socialize with anyone. He resented Sally and Ronnie, their closeness as a family. Watching them hurt too much. If this kept up, he’d hate all the happy people, and that was sick. He was much better off staying by himself with only his painful thoughts for company.

 

 

Muffy was stretched out on the rug when Marian walked through the living room. The little dog turned to stare at her with sorrowful eyes.

“It’ll be all right, Muffy.” Marian reached down to pat her soft golden hair. “You be a good girl now and play with Jenny.”

Muffy’s pink tongue came out to lick Marian’s hand. There were tears in Marian’s eyes as she let herself out the front door and hurried to the van. She felt as if she’d left a part of Laura here at the Powells’. But soon things would be better. Sally had helped. Now she had new hope. It was all just a matter of time.

Sally watched the van pull down the driveway until it turned at the road. She was worried about Marian. There was something wrong, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Marian had changed, and it frightened her. Of course, she had expected that Marian would be subdued and sad. That was normal. But now there was something about Marian that made Sally desperately uneasy.

Sally stood at the kitchen window and looked out over the snowbanks. Jenny’s snowman was near the edge of the driveway, looking comically disreputable. How would she feel if Jenny were dead? The very thought was so painful that Sally winced.

How about Ronnie? What if he were paralyzed? Sally shivered in the warm kitchen. What would she do? How would she cope, knowing that her husband was confined to a wheelchair?

There was no answer for that. Even though she tried, it was impossible to put herself in Marian’s place. She was sure she’d go crazy without Jenny. And if Ronnie were an invalid, she’d break down for sure. She wouldn’t even have the strength to pretend. She’d curl up in a ball and hide from reality.

Maybe that’s what’s happening to Marian.
Sally gasped as it hit her. Marian could be having a nervous breakdown, and no one would know. There were people who went quietly crazy, and no one knew about it for years, until they did something horrible.

“Did Marian have a good time?”

Sally whirled to see Ronnie standing in the doorway. Without a word she ran across the kitchen and flung herself into his arms.

“Hey!” Ronnie hugged her and stepped back to look at her face. “What got into you?”

“I . . . I’m just glad I’m me.” Sally’s lower lip trembled. “And I’m glad I have you and Jenny to love.”

“Well, good.” Ronnie placed a kiss on her lips. “Hey, Sal . . . are you going to let me go back to work?”

“No.” Sally hung on fiercely “I think you’re all through for the night. Let’s go to bed.”

“I think I like this.” Ronnie grinned at her and flicked off the kitchen light. “Maybe you ought to bake fruitcakes more often.”

CHAPTER 4

Both of them were glad to get home. Marian took care of Dan first. When he was comfortable and settled in bed, she took her shower and got into her robe and slippers. They could have French toast for breakfast. That was easy. Marian opened the refrigerator door to make sure they had eggs and milk.

The sight of a ham bone, carefully wrapped in plastic, made tears roll down Marian’s cheeks. Muffy was gone.

She didn’t want Dan to know she’d been crying. Marian turned off the light before she got into bed. She tried to sound cheerful as she said good night.

There was a quaver in Marian’s voice, and Dan pulled her close. He knew what was wrong. He missed Muffy, too.

“Don’t feel bad, honey. Muffy’s better off at the farm.”

“I know.” Marian drew a deep breath. “But, Dan . . . it’s almost like losing Laura all over again.”

“Don’t look at it that way, honey. Muffy’s happy now. And that’s the way we have to feel about Laura. We miss her, but we’ve got to believe she’s happier and better off in another place.”

“Yes . . . I suppose so.” Marian’s voice was sad. “I think I’ll go out to the living room and read for a while. I’m too wound up to sleep.”

Dan knew she shouldn’t be alone. He pulled himself up in bed and switched on the light.

“Stay here, Marian. I’ll read too. Find me a good book, and we’ll keep each other company.”

“How about that mystery I read last month?” Marian got out of bed and pulled a book off the bookshelf. “I’m through with it.”

“That’s fine. Do we have any snacks, honey? I’m a little hungry.”

“Just the fruitcake Sally sent, but that has to age until Christmas.” Marian frowned. “I’m sorry, Dan. I meant to go to the store this morning, and I forgot.”

“It doesn’t matter, honey. I’m really not that hungry.” Dan could have kicked himself for saying anything. He could tell that Marian was feeling guilty for not doing the shopping.

He took the book Marian handed him and flipped through it. A piece of ruled notepaper fluttered to the bed.

“Hey . . . what’s this?” Dan picked up the paper and glanced at it. “How about this, Marian? It’s a note from Laura.”

Without thinking, he handed it to Marian. Another mistake. Laura’s note might make Marian feel even worse.

“It says, ‘Mommy, I love you.’” Marian smiled down at Dan. “She must have put it in my book to surprise me. Isn’t that sweet?”

There was nothing but pleasure on Marian’s face, and Dan sighed in relief.

“It’s funny, but I feel so much better now.” She leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. “It’s almost as if Laura’s alive again. I’m so glad you found it!”

Marian looked positively radiant. Now Dan was glad he’d given her the note.

“I think I’ll bake some cookies.” Marian slipped into her robe and pulled on her slippers. “Now that I think about it, I’m hungry too.”

As she hurried from the room, Dan gave a contented sigh. Marian was back to normal. All traces of her earlier depression were gone.

In a moment she was back, leaning against the doorway, her expression thoughtful. “I just wish Laura could write me a note now. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that she was happy and at peace?”

Dan nodded. What could he say? Then she was gone again, and he heard the dishes rattle as she got out the mixing bowl.

A frown crossed Dan’s face. It was really farfetched to think of Laura writing notes from the grave. He must have misunderstood Marian. Perhaps she was speaking figuratively.

 

 

Marian found a package of chocolate chips in the cupboard and mixed the dough from memory. Chocolate chip cookies were Laura’s favorites. She’d made them so often, she didn’t need a recipe. Marian took down the brown sugar and broke up the lumps with a spoon. Then she reached for the kitchen matches she kept in a box by the sink and knelt down to light the oven.

The stove was old, but Marian loved it. It had come with the house. Dan had been after her to order a new one, but Marian couldn’t bear to give it up. The white enamel finish was wearing off in spots, but it was still serviceable and it was a genuine antique. Hand-painted flowers in yellow and red decorated the door of the large oven. There was a smaller oven next to it, with a broiler beneath. Marian had never seen a stove with six burners before. Of course, it didn’t have a pilot light, but that was a minor inconvenience. She was very cautious about making sure the gas was off when the stove was not in use.

She turned on the gas and struck the match. The stove lit with a whoosh. By the time she finished mixing the dough, the oven would be ready.

In a few minutes the smell of baking cookies filled the air. Marian smiled. She felt so much better now. She really should make an effort to spend more time in the kitchen. It was a cheerful room with bright yellow walls and white curtains at the windows. Their house was the last one on the block, nestled up against the side of the big hill. Folks still called it Heidelberg Hill after the people who had built this house in the twenties.

Marian pulled aside the curtains and looked out toward the wooded hill. The wind had died down, and the moon was almost full. Tall pines dotted the white snow, and the crest of the hill was slick with frozen ice. As soon as Christmas vacation started, children would be sledding on Heidelberg Hill. The far slope was gentle, and there was a small pond at its base. Dan had always gone out to sweep the pond and reglaze the surface for the skaters. Perhaps she would do it this year.

The cookies were ready to come out of the oven. Marian smiled as she put them on the wooden board to cool. She wrapped up the extra cookie dough and put it in the freezer. She wouldn’t be caught unprepared again. By the time she had washed the mixing bowl and spoons, the cookies were cool.

“Honey, here’s some . . . oh!” Marian stopped as she caught sight of Dan. His book had dropped to the floor, and he was sound asleep. He looked peaceful and boyish, snuggled up in the blankets, and Marian didn’t have the heart to wake him.

The Reverend Harris was pontificating on
Ser-monette for Tonight,
and Marian turned off the television with the remote control. She supposed she should let Dan sleep. He must be tired to have fallen asleep with the television blaring and the light on.

She set the plate of cookies on his nightstand and placed the remote control next to it. If Dan woke up to watch a movie in the middle of the night, he could have his snack.

Dan didn’t wake as she turned off the light. Marian climbed into bed beside him and smiled up into the darkness. She was tired, too. They would both get a good night’s sleep tonight, and tomorrow was a new day. For the first time since the accident, Marian found herself looking forward to tomorrow.

 

 

“Marian! Wake up!”

It was seven in the morning, and the winter sun was shining weakly through the window. Marian sat up quickly, fearing the worst.

“Call Dr. Hinkley!” Dan’s voice was urgent. “I walked, Marian. . . . I know I did! I got up in the middle of the night and I walked, but now I can’t move again. Tell Dr. Hinkley to come right away!”

Marian rushed to the phone in a panic. With shaking fingers, she dialed the doctor’s number. Dan was hollering in the background for him to hurry, and Dr. Hinkley promised he’d be right over.

The doctor arrived in less than fifteen minutes. He pulled off his overshoes and handed Marian his coat.

“I’ll go right in.” Dr. Hinkley patted her hand. “Why don’t you make us a pot of coffee? Give me a couple of minutes, and then join us.”

Marian hurried to the kitchen and put on the coffee. Then she ran upstairs and dressed. She was just running a comb through her hair when the doctor called her.

Dan was sitting up in bed, alert and hopeful. His face was flushed, and his eyes were bright. It had to be true! Marian’s heart pounded in her chest. Dr. Hinkley had to tell them that Dan was recovering!

“It’s possible you walked, Dan.” Dr. Hinkley closed his bag and snapped it shut. “There’s no evidence of any change in your condition, but that really doesn’t prove anything. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive, but there’s no way I can tell whether you actually walked or whether it was a very real dream. I won’t even hazard a guess. We’ll just have to wait and see if it happens again.”

“It was so real!” Dan’s voice was eager. “I just don’t see how it could have been a dream.”

“Dreams can be very real. But even if it
was
a dream, it’s a good sign.” Dr. Hinkley patted Dan’s shoulder. “Subconsciously, your body wants to walk. And the subconscious is very powerful. You may have several of these dreams before your body actually responds. Keep your hopes up, Dan. And try to relax. You’ll walk again when your body’s ready.”

Marian could see the disappointment on Dan’s face. He had been so sure. Dr. Hinkley was being kind, but it was clear he didn’t believe Dan had walked.

“Is that coffee ready, Marian? I could use a cup before I make my rounds at the hospital.”

The doctor followed Marian into the kitchen. She turned to him just inside the kitchen door.

“What do you think, Dr. Hinkley?” she said softly so Dan wouldn’t hear. “Did Dan walk?”

“I can’t say, Marian. Hysterical paralysis is a tricky thing. Let’s assume that Dan
did
walk. It’s symptomatic that it happened in his sleep. Remember, everything hinges on his guilt about the accident. Dan’s an active man. His body is too restless not to walk, but his guilt won’t let him walk when he’s awake. It’s entirely possible the incident happened, but it’s much more likely it was only a dream.”

Marian sighed. “Dan was so happy this morning, and now he’s crushed. What can I do to help him?”

“The best thing you can do is to keep him calm and hopeful. And don’t let him get too anxious if he has these episodes again. I think we’re better off assuming they’re dreams. It’ll be easier for Dan to cope with them. If he thinks he’s sleepwalking, it might frighten him.”

Dr. Hinkley stayed for an hour, visiting with both of them. They talked about the hockey team and Nisswa’s chances for the championship. Marian could tell that Dan wasn’t really listening. Finally, the doctor left to go to the hospital.

“You’re disappointed, aren’t you, honey?” Marian sat on the side of the bed and held Dan’s hand.

“Yeah.” Dan didn’t look at her. He looked down at his legs and sighed. “I guess it was only a dream, Marian. The doctor’s right. I’m sorry I got you all excited for nothing.”

“But you didn’t! It’s a good sign, Dan. You heard the doctor. I think this dream of yours was a rehearsal. You have to go over hockey plays in your head before you get out on the ice, don’t you? Your mind’s rehearsing how to walk, and pretty soon your body will do it. All you need is patience, darling. And you shouldn’t push yourself. You’ll walk again, Dan. I’m sure of it!”

Dan was relieved when Marian went to the kitchen to make breakfast. He wasn’t hungry, but he wanted to be alone. Had he walked? He still wasn’t sure. If it happened again, he wouldn’t say anything. It wasn’t fair to drag Dr. Hinkley over here for nothing. And he wouldn’t mention it to Marian. There was no sense in disappointing her if it was only a dream.

He reached down and touched his legs. There was no feeling. He made a fist and smacked his thigh, hard. Nothing. It was like hitting a punching bag. He hit his leg again and again until his arm was tired. His leg should hurt like hell, but he didn’t feel a thing. The doctor was right. It must have been a dream.