Winter Chill (7 page)

Dan gave a bitter laugh. Marian was so innocent. She’d never guess that Drew had designs on her. Hadn’t she heard the stories about Drew and his female conquests? It was the favorite topic of discussion in the faculty lounge.

 

 

The tension built with every moment that passed. Marian was a nervous wreck by the time she stacked the dishes in the sink. Dan hadn’t said a word all through their meal. Now it was bedtime, and Marian could stand the silence no longer. It would only be worse if she didn’t get things straightened out.

“I’m sorry I came out to the hockey rink, Dan.” Marian’s voice was shaking. “I never meant to embarrass you.”

Before she realized what was happening, tears fell down her cheeks. Then Dan held out his arms, and she rushed to him, sobbing openly.

“It’s my fault, Marian. Don’t cry. I acted like a real bastard today. I can blame it on the fact that I was afraid, but that doesn’t excuse anything. I never should have taken it out on you.”

“You were afraid?” Marian raised her head to look at him. There was a pained expression on Dan’s face.

“When I saw you at hockey practice, I was afraid of losing you. I saw you standing there with Drew, and it was like someone stabbed a knife through my heart. You and Drew look good together, Marian. I saw the two of you walking through the snow. Then I thought of us, you and me, and how we’d look. You’d have to push me in the wheelchair, Marian. We’d look like some kind of freak couple. Everyone would pity you because you were stuck with a cripple!”

“No! That’s not right, Dan! No one would . . .”

Dan put a finger to her lips. “There’s more, Marian. I probably won’t have the nerve to say this again. Let me finish . . . please?

“You’re beautiful, Marian. No one knows that better than I do. And you deserve a man to love you. I can’t do any more than hug you at night. That’s why I’m afraid of Drew. He can give you what I can’t. Don’t you know the kind of reputation he has?”

“Oh, Dan!” Anguish was in Marian’s voice. “All I want is you, darling! I don’t want Drew. You should know that. I think you’re being unfair to him. Drew’s always been your good friend, and nothing’s changed. Just because he’s been nice doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with me.”

“He’d be a fool not to want you.” Dan gave a sad little smile. “I trust you, honey. And I believe you’d turn him down. But how will you feel a year from now? There’s no guarantee I’ll ever walk again.”

“Dan, I love you.” Marian took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m not looking for anyone else. I’ll never look for anyone else. Drew means absolutely nothing to me, and I won’t even talk to him again if it bothers you. I want you, Dan. You’re my husband. The vows we made mean something to me, and I intend to obey them.”

He reached out to hold her then, and Marian cuddled up against his chest. She stroked his cheek with her fingers and kissed him softly. His body was tense, and she rubbed his neck, fingers working lovingly to ease the tension.

Dan’s breathing deepened with sleep. She could feel his tense muscles relax. Poor Dan. All this was her fault. She had been so busy thinking about her own problems, she’d failed to see the terrible burden he was carrying.

Marian turned off the light and stared up at the darkness. Was Dan right, after all? She
did
miss the physical closeness they had shared. No, Dan was wrong. She was his wife. She didn’t want another man. She would never want another man.

 

 

She could see the moonlight sparkle on the surface of the water. She was . . . yes . . . in a bedroom, walls lined with pine, giving off a faint scent of freshness in the still night air. There was a light burning in another room, the hiss of a lantern, the soft thudding of summer bugs against the screens. It was hot, but there was a breeze gently cooling her body. She was naked, lying comfortably on crisp, white sheets.

A sound came from the other room, the pop of a cork, the smooth gurgle of something poured from a bottle. And now he was standing in the doorway, blocking out the light so she could not see his features. She recognized his hard, muscled body. She knew it well.

There was the tingle of fine champagne on her tongue, the muted laughter they shared over a toast, the soft gasp she gave as his lips claimed hers. The rock-solid feeling of his body as they slipped together, sweaty and not caring, on the cool sheets.

And then there was rapture, the feel of his lips touching her, exploring her body, the sweet saltiness of his skin against her tongue, the probing, heady hunger that made her wild, crying out for more, welcoming the fantasies of a thousand dreams.

She was more than ready, craving his love, eager to taste all the familiar pleasures that had been denied her lately. She opened her eyes and looked up, loving the lean, long look of him. Her fingers played along his cheekbone, tracing the fine lines at the corners of his mouth. Laugh lines, as her grandmother had called them. The tips of her fingers brushed against his skin, stroking, loving. They were lost in an eternity of passion.

Now the room was growing brighter, the morning sun was peeping over the edge of the pines. She could smell the clean, fresh air and feel the exhilaration of being awake, together, before another living soul. The stereo was on. She knew it was her favorite song, but she couldn’t quite make out the melody. And now it was playing the same note over and over, stuck on a groove, the same note again and again and again....

“Oh, God!” Marian sat up and turned off the electronic alarm. The sun was vainly trying to enter the cracks in the venetian blinds, and morning was here. She had to hurry, or they’d be late.

She slipped out of bed silently. Dan was still asleep. She’d get ready and then wake him. He needed his rest. She just hoped that today would be easier than yesterday.

She was dressing when she thought of it. Laura was getting behind on her classwork. She’d bring home some books tonight and a copy of the assignments.

“Would you like that, baby?” Marian whispered the words. “I could help you right here at home.”

She stood still for a moment, and then she smiled. Yes. Laura was here. She could feel her baby’s presence. And she was right. Laura wanted to keep up with the rest of her class.

CHAPTER 8

“I got the call last night, and I still can’t believe it. I went in to interview over three years ago!”

Drew sat facing them in the teachers’ lunchroom. His tray was barely touched, and he was obviously too excited to eat.

“The Knicks?” Dan’s tone was awed. “Go for it, Drew. That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?”

Drew nodded. “Harvey said there’d be no trouble getting out of my contract. Butch Johnson’s just waiting for the chance to take over the team.”

“When are you leaving?” Marian managed a smile. Of course, she was happy for Drew, but she would miss him. He’d been a good friend.

“I’ll wind up everything this week and give Butch a head start. Then I’ll move during Christmas vacation. I feel kind of bad, leaving the basketball team right before the play-offs, but Butch’ll do a good job. I’d be a fool to pass up a chance like this.”

Marian stared at him across the cluttered table. Assistant coach of the New York Knickerbockers! Most high school coaches dreamed of a chance like this. It meant more money than a high school teacher could ever hope of earning and the chance to step up into the big spot someday. Drew would be a fool to stay here in Nisswa when the big leagues wanted him.

“We’ll hit you up for a couple of tickets if we ever get to New York.” Dan’s grin was friendly. “I’m really happy for you, Drew. You deserve a break like this.”

Of course Dan was happy, Marian thought. Now he didn’t have to worry about Drew anymore.

Dan glanced at the clock and set down his coffee cup. “Well . . . I’ve got to get back. How about a push from the most famous member of the faculty?”

Marian stared after them as the door closed. First Laura had left them and now their friend Drew was leaving, too. She felt as if her whole life were unraveling, thread by thread.

The elementary wing was silent as she walked down the hall to her classroom. There were papers to correct before her class came in from lunch. She’d just have time for math class, and then there was a practice for the Christmas program. Perhaps the busy schedule would keep her from thinking.

The room seemed empty without the children. Marian switched on the lights and sat down at her desk. She needed something to cheer her up. She had never felt so all alone.

“Are you there, Laura?” She closed her eyes and tried to picture her daughter’s smiling face. “I need you, baby!”

“Hi, Marian.” Sally stood in the doorway. “Were you talking to me?”

“Oh, no . . .” Marian opened her eyes with a start, and her face grew hot. Had Sally heard her talking to Laura? “I guess I was just mumbling to myself. Are your kids coming to the practice, Sally?”

“You bet!” Sally grinned cheerfully. “We’ve been rehearsing all morning. My kids are singing ‘Silent Night.’ I just hope Margie Kujawa’s got the words right this time!”

Marian looked puzzled, and Sally laughed. “I had the kids color a Nativity scene today. You know . . . Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus in the manger? Margie said there was someone missing. She wanted to color Round John Virgin!”

 

 

Dan was in a good mood. He chatted and laughed as they drove home. He didn’t even complain when she stopped at the post office for stamps. Marian couldn’t believe what a difference Drew’s news had made. Now Dan was happy again. Today he was Drew’s best buddy. But only because Drew was leaving town.

The line at the post office was long. The lady ahead of her was mailing Christmas packages, and Marian waited impatiently for the clerk to weigh each one. She had to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. If she didn’t get them out this week, there would be no sense in sending them at all.

She was going to miss Drew. Marian stared at the large sign on the wall, reading it over and over without comprehension.
THE POSTAL SERVICE WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT PACKAGES TIED WITH STRING. MAIL EARLY FOR DELIVERY BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
Drew was a good friend. He’d certainly never been improper with her.

Marian gave a quick, impatient sigh and shifted from foot to foot. Her main concern now was being a good wife to Dan, and she’d make him her only male friend. Marian moved up to the head of the line and reached in her purse for her money. Dan was working now, and he appeared to be coping with his infirmity. She should be grateful that he was pulling out of his depression, taking an active interest in his classes and the hockey team.

At last it was her turn. Marian picked up her stamps and headed back to the van. She should be happy, but she wasn’t. The only time she was happy was when Laura was with her.

 

 

There was a knock on the door as they were finishing supper. Marian left the room, and in a minute she was back with Ronnie Powell in tow.

“Ronnie needs to see you, Dan. I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Hey, Dan.” Ronnie looked uncomfortable. “I’ve got some bad news, and Sally roped me into telling you.”

A wry expression flickered across Dan’s face. More bad news? This had certainly been the year for it. One more catastrophe couldn’t hurt. Pile them on.... He could take it. What could be worse than losing Laura and turning into a cripple?

“Well, spit it out.” Dan gave Ronnie an encouraging nod. The poor guy really looked uncomfortable.

“It’s Muffy.” Ronnie shook his head. “She’s a lot worse, Dan. Sally thinks she’s starving to death. We tried to get her to eat, but she won’t touch anything. It’s like Muffy doesn’t want to live anymore. Do you know what I mean?”

Dan nodded. Poor Muffy. He had been afraid of this.

“We’re taking her down to the clinic right now. Roy’s waiting for us. I just thought I should tell you, that’s all.”

“We’ll meet you down there.” Dan gave a weary sigh. “Marian will want to hear what Roy has to say. She’s going to be pretty broken up over this.”

 

 

Marian’s hands were trembling as she loaded Dan’s wheelchair in the back of the van and drove through town to Roy McHenry’s clinic. Ronnie’s station wagon was parked in front. Roy’s small clinic was immaculate, but she could still smell a blend of antiseptic and animal sickness as she pushed Dan through the door. Ronnie and Sally were waiting, sitting uneasily on the plastic-covered furniture.

“We dropped Jenny off at the Fischers’,” Ronnie explained. “She’s spending the night with Becky. Sally thought it would get her mind off Muffy.”

Sally dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. “Roy’s got Muffy in the back.”

They heard footsteps, and Roy opened the waiting room door. “Marian? Dan?” He nodded a greeting.

“How is she?” Marian was the first to speak.

“Not good.” Roy shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Marian. I really thought a visit with Jenny would do the trick, but Muffy’s much worse. She’s literally starving to death, and there’s nothing I can do.”

“We tried every kind of dog food on the market.” Sally was perched on the edge of her chair. “Jenny gave her scraps off her own plate, but Muffy wouldn’t touch them. Ronnie even brought home liver from the butcher shop, but we still couldn’t get her to eat. I feel so bad about this!”

Sally’s voice was shaking. Marian reached out and patted her friend’s hand.

“She wouldn’t eat for us, either,” Dan said softly. “You did everything you could, Sally.”

Roy nodded. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. It was plain to see he didn’t like what he was about to say.

“I ran some blood work, and it doesn’t look good. Muffy’s body heat is at a dangerous low, and her muscles are beginning to cramp. I’m afraid she’s terminal. She might live for another week or so, but it’ll be very painful for her.” Roy swallowed hard. “If Muffy were mine, I’d put her to sleep. She’s suffering, and she’s not going to recover.”

“Oh, no!” Sally was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry! Are you sure you can’t do something, Roy?”

The young vet shook his head. “You know me, Sally. I love animals. I certainly wouldn’t advise it if there were any other way.”

Dan reached out for Marian’s hand. “I think Roy’s right, honey, but you decide. I know you want to do what’s best for Muffy.”

Marian stared into his earnest eyes and dipped her head in a nod. Her mind was whirling, and she couldn’t seem to think clearly. She had been so sure Laura’s puppy would recover. But Roy was a good vet. If he couldn’t save Muffy, no one could.

“Will . . . will it hurt?” Marian’s voice was almost inaudible. “I don’t want her to suffer, Roy.”

“No. She’ll go to sleep, a nice peaceful sleep. And there won’t be any more pain.”

Roy walked over and patted Marian on the shoulder. “I know it’s hard, Marian, but you’re doing the right thing for poor Muffy.”

 

 

Now it was past midnight, and Marian was still awake. Dan had gone to sleep hours ago. She was tired, but she couldn’t sleep. All she could think about was Muffy. She should have had the courage to sit with her, to pet her before she died.

“Oh, God!” Marian sat up with a sob. She had to find some comfort somewhere. She’d never felt so lonely and frightened. Dan had held her close when they got home. There had been comfort and love in his arms. But now he was sleeping, and she was alone again.

Marian slipped out of bed and walked through the silent house. Her mind was in turmoil. What should she do?

She climbed the stairs and opened the door to Laura’s room. Yes, it was much better in here. A faint smell of roses still hung in the air. Laura was very fond of roses. Her dresser drawers were filled with rose sachets.

Marian curled up on Laura’s bed. She would just close her eyes for a minute. The feeling of Laura was strong in this room.

“You’re so close, baby. You’re so close, I can almost touch you.”

Marian’s whispered words were comforting. There was a small, secret smile on her face as sleep came at last. Laura was here. And she could hear her baby talking, just to her.

 

 

Laura was laughing, her long, blond hair shining like a halo. They were outside in the backyard, making a snowman. Muffy was dashing and chasing at Laura’s heels, frolicking in the snow. The little dog slid comically as she tried to go through a snowdrift, and Laura rescued her with a happy squeal. Muffy was licking her face now as Laura picked her up and held her close.

She was looking through a window at the happy scene outside. Marian tried to open the door to join them in their play.

“Come on, Mommy!” Laura called out. “Come out and play with us!”

But the door was stuck fast. Marian stared at it in horror. She couldn‘t go outside.

Laura called to her again, and tears ran down Marian’s face. She tugged at the door with all her strength, but it would not open. She could see them through the window, but she couldn’t get to Laura.

 

 

Marian sat up, tears running down her cheeks. It had been so real! This was the first time she had dreamed about Laura. And she couldn’t join her, not even in a dream!

The minute she turned on the light, she saw it, Laura’s diary, open to today’s date. The blue-lined page was filled with childish printing.

Was she still dreaming? Marian shut her eyes tightly and opened them again. The words were still there. She had to show Dan right away!

“Dan! Oh, God . . . Dan!” Marian rushed into the den and switched on the light. It was two in the morning, but Dan had to wake up. She wanted him to be happy, too.

“Oh, Dan, just look at this! It’s another note from Laura!”

 

 

Dan’s eyes snapped open, his sleep shattered. The room was filled with light, and Marian was shaking him. What was she saying? Another note from Laura?

“But that’s impossible! I didn’t . . .” Dan stopped, dismayed. He couldn’t admit he’d written the last note. It would destroy Marian’s happiness.

There was a tense moment as he struggled to think. Another note from Laura. And he hadn’t written it. How was that possible?

He was puzzled for a moment, but then it was clear. Marian wrote it herself. Of course. She used to write things in her sleep all the time. He remembered how she kept a notepad by the bed. In the morning there would be lines of poetry or items for her grocery list. They used to laugh about it then. Should he remind her?

“Read it, Dan!” Marian thrust Laura’s diary into his hands. “I’m so happy!”

As his eyes scanned the lines, Dan was sure he was right. Marian’s subconscious was at work here. She was rationalizing Muffy’s death. And she needed to believe that Laura was still with her in spirit.

He looked up into Marian’s ecstatic face. There was just a small seed of worry as he stared at her. Hadn’t Marian’s delusion gone a little far?

No. She was happy now. He couldn’t destroy that. All this would pass in time. Dan held out his arms, and she came to him, warm and loving and happy.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Her voice was a whisper as she snuggled up close. “Aren’t you happy, darling?”

“Yes, I’m happy.” As he spoke the words, he knew they were true. He was happy that Marian trusted him, confided in him. There was no reason to get upset over a harmless delusion. It really couldn’t hurt her at all.