With or Without You (7 page)

“No, I didn’t give you the full truth, but I didn’t lie.”

“That’s fucking semantics. I want to meet him.” Brianna stood and paced the deck. “Not a passing hello. I want to know how he could stand there and look at me and not acknowledge…anything. He looked right at me.” She shook her head. “How could he do it? I want to know why he wasn’t around. I want him to look me in the face and explain.” She spun around and glared at Tessa. The pain in her eyes knifed through Tessa’s heart.

“He didn’t know.”

“How does a—what?” Tears streaked down Brianna’s face. “You never told him either?”

“I’m so sorry, Brianna. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what? That you lied or that the truth is out?”

“I realize now that I should have told you…that I should have told Matt.” Tessa raked her nails through her hair. “I was a stupid eighteen-year-old girl. I’d slept with him prom night, but I didn’t figure out I was pregnant until summer. I was four months along and Matt had left for college.” She threw her arms wide. “I’d had a one-night stand with a guy that had left on a four-year scholarship to an Ivy League university.”

The memories from those lonely days after she’d discovered she was pregnant came rushing back with a flood of emotion. The fear, the anger, the hopelessness. But she’d weathered the storm and raised her daughter. Yes, she saw the flaws in her thinking now…now that it was too late. “I didn’t tell him. We weren’t in love. We barely knew each other.” She crossed the deck and took hold of Brianna’s wrists. “I loved and wanted you from the moment I found out about you, but I was not going to have Matt hate the both of us for the rest of our lives.”

“How do you know he’d hate us?” Brianna’s eyes narrowed and her gaze cut through Tessa. “Maybe you, but I deserved a father. Damn you.” She shook Tessa loose and ran back into the house. “You should have told me,” she called over her shoulder.

The door slammed and Tessa startled.

Yeah, in hindsight Tessa agreed, but the decision hadn’t been Brianna’s. Tessa had decided. Now she had to live with the choices she’d made. She sighed and went into the house. Brianna’s purse was gone. Tessa went to the window and peeked through the curtain. Brianna’s car was gone too. She hadn’t said goodbye, and Tessa couldn’t really blame her.

Emotionally drained, she went to her room. After stripping down to a bra and panties, she burrowed beneath her comforter. The cotton sheets were cool against her heated flesh. Closing her eyes, she let her body relax into the comfortable bed and she cried. Somehow she’d make amends. Tomorrow she’d talk to Brianna and hopefully her daughter would see how a workable solution twenty years ago could become so screwed up.

The phone rang. Tessa glanced at the caller ID. “I’m sorry,” she said by way of greeting.

“I want to meet him, Mom.”

“I know.”

“You said he was coming to the reunion.”

“He’ll be here Thursday night.”

“I know it’ll be hard for you, but I think it’s my turn to be selfish.”

“I wasn’t selfish. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing.” She still wasn’t convinced she hadn’t made the best and smartest choice. Who knew what would’ve happened had she told Matt? Maybe he would’ve stuck around, but second guessing wouldn’t change anything.

“I want you to tell him on Thursday, because I want as much time as possible to get to know him before he has to leave.”

The phone line was quiet but Tessa heard Brianna’s tears. “I’ll tell him.”

“Thank you.” Brianna hiccupped.

“I love you.”

“I gotta go.”

Chapter Six

Tessa studied her reflection in the mirror. In the past few days she’d lost a few pounds. Instead of hugging her curves, the jeans she wore rode low on her hips, stylish for someone in their twenties.

She glanced at her watch and groaned. If she left now she’d still be late meeting Matt considering she was supposed to be at the restaurant five minutes ago. His flight had arrived earlier in the day, but he’d wanted time to freshen up before going to dinner.

She’d been torn. A public venue wasn’t exactly the appropriate place to tell a man he had an adult daughter. Yet, going to his hotel room was absolutely out of the question. One room with one large bed and a man she couldn’t stop thinking about equated to a recipe for disaster. Running through all the possible scenarios, she figured she’d tell him in the car after they had a bite to eat. They weren’t going anywhere fancy, but sharing life-changing information over hamburgers at Applebee’s seemed exceedingly tacky. So she’d tell him in the car, in the parking lot.
Slightly less public.

Grabbing her keys off the counter, she headed out the door. The drive only took a few minutes and it went far too fast. She needed to settle her nerves. Brianna’s reaction had been bad, but her daughter loved her. Granted, they hadn’t talked much in the last few days. All conversations revolved around whether Tessa had spoken to Matt. And then Brianna wanted details. Well, Tessa didn’t have details. At least not the kind she could share with her daughter. Up until this point Tessa’s knowledge of the man had mostly to do with his prowess in bed!

Tessa turned into the parking lot. Good, not too busy, but enough cars that there would be witnesses if his reaction was really bad. Okay now her thoughts were ridiculous. He might hate her…
would
hate her after she told him. But he couldn’t kill her and dispose of her body, because he needed Tessa to meet Brianna. Then they both could kill her.

Matt had told her he’d rented a blue SUV. There was an empty space next to one. Not sure if it was his, she pulled in and parked beside it. Once she told Matt, she assumed there’d be some yelling. At least parked next to him she could make a quick getaway.

Her hands shook as she held the steering wheel. She could put this car in reverse and drive away. Drive until she ran out of gas or road. No, she couldn’t avoid the inevitable. Brianna wanted to meet her father. Tessa got out of the car and crossed the parking lot.

The restaurant was noisy.

“How many?” the hostess asked, grabbing a menu from her stack.

“I’m meeting someone.” She wondered if Matt would recognize her without her Hollywood makeover. Gone were the high heels and glamour-girl clothes. She wore jeans, a top and Crocs. She’d pulled her hair into a ponytail and hadn’t bothered with make-up. What would be the point? By the end of the evening she’d be in tears anyway.

She weaved her way through tables. Her heart hammered in her chest. Anxiety laced her blood and made her nerves raw with tension. She made her way to the back of the restaurant. Maybe the rental in the parking lot wasn’t his.

And then she saw him.

Damn, he looked good. He wore black Dockers and a white shirt that clung to his broad shoulders. Business casual meets masculine precision. Memories of their recent night together flashed through her mind. She bit her tongue to keep from moaning his name.

Matt glanced up from the menu. Tessa stood a few feet from the booth clutching her purse in her hands. Their eyes locked. Damn, she looked young. He stood and she approached.

He cupped her cheek with his hand, bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. She whimpered and her lips parted. He dipped his tongue into her mouth for a taste and then pulled back.

His heart pounded and a slight tremor chased up his spine. He’d envisioned this moment since the last time he’d seen her. She took his breath, yet filled him with anticipation. Not just because he was attracted to her, but Tessa made life interesting again.

He escorted her to the booth. After sitting across from her, he took her hand over the table and laced their fingers.

“I’m glad you called.” He’d been surprised. She’d seemed adamant about not getting together before the reunion.

She pulled her hand back and picked up the menu.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little.” She opened the menu.

“I think I’ll get the steak fajitas.”

She mumbled something.

He put his finger on top of the menu and pulled it down so he could hear her. “I think you said, ‘That sounds good’.”

She smiled. “Sorry, I did say that.”

“Well, they have fajitas for two if you want to share.”

She closed her menu and set it to the side. “So how was your flight?”

They exchanged pleasantries while waiting for their meal. Tessa seemed hesitant to take the conversation anywhere personal. Since he was just damn happy to see her again, he could care less what they talked about. He loved the sound of her voice, the way her lips formed words. But unlike a week ago, her eyes didn’t sparkle. She looked tired.

The waitress arrived with a sizzling pan and set it on the table between them. The aromatic meat popped and smoked. Next to it, the waitress set a platter of peppers, sour cream, tomatoes, guacamole and cheese.

Rather than reach across the table to share, Matt slid out of his side of the booth. “Do you mind if we sit beside each other?”

Tessa scooted in and Matt sat close to her, their thighs touching. He opened the container of tortillas and put one on each of their plates. Pausing before filling his tortilla, he turned his body toward her. With her hair pulled back he could see the rapid beats of her pulse in her long, graceful neck. He gazed into her face and intense emotions clenched his gut. How was it possible that he’d missed her? He barely knew her.

Tessa fidgeted with her silverware. “Matt, tell me about your daughter. What’s her name?”

Matt turned his attention back to the food. He scooped up a few pieces of steak and put them on her tortilla. “Rebecca. She’s a cheerleader at the high school. Runs track. And collects boys like she used to collect butterflies.” He chuckled. “I have a picture.” He reached into his back pocket for his wallet. He flipped past her baby picture, kindergarten and a dance recital. He had his picture taken with her on her last birthday. He handed his wallet to Tessa. “She leaves for England in a few weeks for an exchange student program. It’ll be lonely without her.”

Tessa held the wallet with shaking fingers. She sucked in a breath. “She’s beautiful.” Tessa snapped the wallet closed and handed it back. “Your kids take after you. She has your eyes.”

“Kid, just one.”

“Of course, that’s what I meant.” Tessa forked up some peppers and tossed them on her tortilla. “Did you want more kids?” She took a bite.

“Pam didn’t think she could pursue her career and motherhood. I think Rebecca was a conciliatory gift for me.” He took a drink of soda. “I wish I had more time with her, but her school and cheer schedule take up most of it.” He built his fajita. “Once she grew older, Pam liked having her around. I suppose I should be grateful, but I can’t help feeling a little bitter. When Rebecca was growing up we spent a lot of time together, doing all the daddy-daughter activities.”

Tessa choked on a sip of iced tea.

He gave her a pat on the back. Then the pat turned to a caress of her shoulder. Heat from her body warmed his hand. “And now she’ll be gone for the school year. And listening to her mother talk, she’ll be doing the same program next year.”

“Then you’ll have her for summers.”

He shrugged. “At least part of them.” He paused, his gaze lingering on her mouth while she chewed and swallowed.

Tessa met his stare and smiled.

“I’m glad you changed your mind about meeting me.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

“Before this goes any further we need to talk.”

“I agree,” he whispered.

He would’ve tried to kiss her, but she turned away and took a big bite of her fajita. He was hungry too. And they had the rest of the night to talk…hopefully more than the rest of the night. He wanted to spend the weekend with her. Go to the reunion, enjoy the nights in each other’s arms, and talk about what the future might hold for them.

They both ate with purpose and it wasn’t long before the waitress brought the bill. He took care of it and they left the restaurant. Matt stood in the parking lot next to Tessa. “Would you like to come to my hotel room for a nightcap?”

“No,” she snapped. “I mean…” She glanced up and down the parking lot. “Maybe we can go to my house for a cup of coffee.” She crossed her arms. “We need to talk.” She sounded breathless.

He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “No pressure, Tessa.” He tipped her face to his. “Coffee and conversation sound good.”

She sighed and nodded her head. “Just follow me home.”

She practically ran to her vehicle. He could have walked with her. They were parked next to each other. He slid behind the wheel of the SUV. Once Tessa drove her sedan out of the parking lot, he followed.

The drive took less than five minutes. She pulled into the garage and Matt parked on the street in front of the house.

She waited for him by the walk to the front door.

Tessa lived in a nice house, not too big, and well-kept. She preceded him inside and turned on a light.

The walls were painted taupe. Soft lighting, lots of plants. Not a house, but a home. Pictures of Brianna hung on the wall and a giant clock hung above the fireplace. Leather living room furniture was situated for conversations rather than to watch television. He glanced around. She didn’t have a television.

The living room, dining room and kitchen were basically one large room. She crossed to the kitchen area and set her purse on the table.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, but not yet,” she said.

She glanced at him over her shoulder.

In the restaurant he hadn’t much choice but to keep his hands to himself. Now they were alone…he assumed they were alone.

“Is Brianna here?”

She spun around. “No. Why?”

He stalked closer. “Because I want to do this.” He bent his head and sealed their mouths. She tasted good, better than he remembered. Her lips parted and he plundered her mouth. Then he sipped her lips. She softened in his arms. Matt groaned, shifted his head and ate at her mouth with the hunger of a starving man.

He trailed kisses along her jaw. Tessa’s fingers sifted through his hair and she pulled him closer. Blood filled his cock. Pleasure infused his thoughts. She felt good in his arms. She felt right.