With This Heart (9 page)

I sighed. “I was in and out of the hospital my whole life until a few months ago, so I slept a lot,” I admitted, instantly thinking of the scar beneath my tank top.

“
Oh, wow,” he answered, still facing the roof of the tent and letting my declaration take hold. I knew it would change things between us, but he would have found out eventually.

“
I don’t think it works the same for you,” he declared, rolling over to face me. His t-shirt stretched over his chest and in the lantern light he looked like a dream.

“
Why not?”

“
I don’t think having a life-threatening illness would take away years of your age. I think you might be wiser than the rest of us.”

Maybe he was right. I knew what it was like to go to sleep at night worrying that everything would be the “last” thing in my life: the last time I ate dinner, the last time I hugged my parents, the last time I opened my eyes, the last time I heard someone say my name. But then I thought of all the things I had yet to experience. I didn’t know what it felt like to be normal. What it felt like to go on a date or attend high school and go to prom. This was my first time traveling anywhere without my parents.

“
Penny for your thoughts,” he asked, pulling me out of my reverie. I’d been staring up at the full moon through the roof of the tent.

“
Beck, could we kiss? I know that this is the first night of a road trip and I have no clue if you’d even want to, but I had congenital heart disease up until two months ago. I had a heart transplant and that’s why I have this big ugly scar on my chest.” I pointed to where the top of the scar peeked out of my tank top. “I promised my friend, Caroline, that I would be brave, but it’s hard when you’re clearly much more experienced than I am. Right? I mean you’re really ho—”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence. Beck leaned forward and closed the gap between us, sealing his lips to mine. It was the most romantic thing I’d ever experienced. He wrapped his hand gently around my neck so that his palm was pressed against my skin, bringing us even closer. Every bit of sense was focused on the feel of his lips on mine. I was in heaven. Until I did the unthinkable— I attempted to french kiss him. What sort of person tries to french kiss someone when they have no clue what they’re doing? I ended up just awkwardly sticking my tongue down his throat and he pulled away laughing.

Yes. Beck ended our first kiss by cracking up.

“
Did you just attempt to use tongue on your first kiss?” he asked, sporting his dimpled grin. I hated that he was laughing at me. Had that kiss not affected him at all? I leaned forward and covered his smile with my hand, but it only made him smile wider. I could feel his warm breath on my palm.

“
I thought that’s where it was heading,” I groaned, wishing a bear would maul our tent in that exact moment. “You can’t make fun of me!”

His features suddenly turned serious and he reached up to peel my hand away from his face.

When his lips were finally free, he replied, “Abby, I don’t see how I could possibly make fun of you for practically sucking my face off.”

I narrowed my eyes and stuck out my tongue at him. His teasing was funny, but it still didn’t change the fact that my ego was lying in a puddle on the ground.

His grin settled into a thoughtful smile. “I’m sorry that you were so sick until a few months ago, but I’m really glad you’re healthier now and on this road trip with me,” he declared so softly that it nearly broke my heart.

I couldn’t do anything other than nod for fear that he would see the emotions written across my face. He said I needed to work on my poker face, and I wondered if he could see that I was royally flushed in that moment.

We laid there for a few minutes, just studying one another, when suddenly we heard a loud snap and then something heavy fell onto the tent, making it cave inward. I squealed and jumped toward Beck. I curled into him with my face buried in his neck. My heart was beating like a hummingbird and it took me a moment to realize that Beck was running his hand down my back…while laughing.

“
Hey, Abby. I think it was just a branch of a tree breaking off and landing on our tent.”

“
Nope,” I protested, not willing to pull my face out of the warmth of his neck just yet. “Please make sure it’s not a bear or a serial killer.”

“
What should I do if it’s a bear serial killer?” Beck asked, really pleased with how funny he was being at the moment. I could have killed him, if you know, the bear serial killer didn’t get to him first.

I smiled against his skin. “Is that a bear that
is
a serial killer? Or a person that kills bears…serially?” I asked for clarification.

Beck laughed and then finally sat up, which sadly meant that I had to unwrap my body from around him. He didn’t seem to mind me cuddling up to him, but then I thought back to the dreaded
first kiss
and any hope of future cuddles pretty much flew out the window.

He moved forward on his hands and knees and unzipped the tent. Then he poked his head out and peered in both directions before winking back at me.

“
I’m thinking we’re all clear. But we should probably set up night shifts to make sure. We’ll each sleep for five minute intervals,” he teased with a sexy smirk.

“
Alright, alright. We’ll probably be killed any minute now, but who knows,” I paused and lowered my voice to a mere whisper, “
maybe
I overreacted.”

Beck laughed and rezipped the tent. “I didn’t mind the overreaction,” he murmured, looking down at his sleeping bag.

I blushed and then tried to do a fake yawn to cover up my massive grin.

“
I’m ready for bed,” I said, suddenly feeling exhausted from our day.

“
Me too. I’m not trying to be creepy or anything, but I usually sleep in my boxers. I won’t do that to you tonight, but I definitely can’t sleep with my shirt on in this heat. Is that okay?”

Like any man, woman, or child would have said no?
“It’s fine, I usually sleep with my eyes closed anyway, so I won’t see.” I smiled at my attempt at playing off my nerves, and then made a show of rolling onto my back to give him some semblance of privacy. But when he started to tug the shirt off, I couldn’t keep my eyes focused on anything else. I watched the tanned muscles pull taut in his back as he threw his shirt into the corner on top of our backpacks. The second he was done, I flipped over to face away from him. The last thing I saw was his smirk that told me he knew I was watching the whole time.

“
Night, Beck.”

“
Night, Abby.”

…

Sleep was elusive that night. I tossed and turned so much that I’m not sure I slept more than one hour at a time. It was just so damn hot. I thought about stripping off my tank top and sleep shorts, but figured I should at least wait until the
second
night for that. Sometime after sunrise I finally turned over and realized that Beck wasn’t in his sleeping bag. I pushed up into a sitting position and unzipped the tent to find him a few yards in front of me. He’d moved one of the camping chairs to the edge of the lake and was reading in the early morning light. It looked like a nice idea, so I grabbed my kindle, slipped on my sandals, and joined him.

The camping chair dragged in the sandy dirt behind me as I stepped closer. Beck glanced up from his book and I realized that maybe he wanted some private time. I didn’t want to encroach on that, so I placed the chair a few feet away from his. Before I could sit, though, he gave me a silly look and reached out to pull my chair closer.

“
I brushed my teeth already so you don’t have to worry about my morning breath,” he winked.

“
Oh, well I just woke up so you won’t be so lucky,” I grumbled, taking my seat next to him and folding my legs up into a pretzel in the chair.

“
Ah, so no attempts at second kisses should take place this morning.”

My head snapped up to meet his gaze. “Oh, so you think there will be more
attempts
?”

He smirked. “There will definitely be a second kiss in your life. It could even be with me if you play your cards right.”

Confident, goofy, sonofa, jerk.

“
Nah, I tried it that one time and it wasn’t that great. I think I’ll abstain for the rest of my life.”

He laughed and shook his head. “What are you reading?” he asked.

I looked down at my kindle and wondered if I should make something up or if I should tell him the truth.

“
An awesomely cheesy romance.” I told him the truth.

His lip turned up in a half smile. “Nice.”

“
You?”

He held up his book for me to read the title:
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
. The cover even had a die-cut of an upside down dog.

“
What’s the incident?” I asked, adjusting in my seat to get comfortable.

“
I can’t tell you,” he replied.

“
Hmph.”

“
Want to read for a bit?” he asked.

I nodded, but I just ended up staring off at the lake for a while, wondering where the rest of the trip would lead. Quite a lot had happened and we’d been gone for less than twenty-four hours. If the excitement of the trip was modeled on an exponential curve, we’d be having sex by tonight and I’d be pregnant and married by the end of the two weeks.

…

We’d packed our stuff and headed out toward greener pastures before noon, deciding that before setting out for Odessa and Marfa, we wanted to see the coast. Beaches in Texas aren’t the most pristine, but as long as you steer clear of Galveston, the water isn’t too murky. We were heading south and jamming to Ben Kweller when I asked Beck what he wanted to do with his life now that he wasn’t sure about engineering.

“
I don’t know. Maybe release a studio album of guttural noises. It’ll be white noise for hardcore rock fans.”

“
Like Yoko Ono?” I asked, pretending to take him seriously.

“
Not even remotely similar. Mine will be much more guttural. Like, at least four times as guttural, maybe even twice as throaty.”

He didn’t give me any time to expand on that ridiculous topic.

“
What do you plan on doing to make money?” he asked, peering over at me from behind his Wayfarer sunglasses.

“
I have absolutely zero, negative zero idea of what I want to do.” Just the thought of it brought back that immense pressure in my chest.

“
On account of not really having a future before two months ago?” he asked.

“
Exactly.”

He nodded empathetically. “So now the world is your proverbial oyster and you’re finding out that maybe shucking oysters isn’t quite as easy as everyone makes it out to be. Oh, and there are far fewer pearls than you expected.”

I nodded, thinking that I might have been in love with him in that moment.

“
You could be the producer for my album,” he suggested. That was the very first time he suggested a solution to my future-career woes.

“
Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“
Oh my GOD,” he shouted out of the blue, and I jerked back against my seat in fear. Were we about to hit a car or swerve off the road?

“
WHAT?” I yelled, pressing my hand to my heart.

“
A sign back there said to exit in five miles for a Prehistoric Dinosaur Adventure Park.”

Dear God.

There was no point in arguing, Beck had us turning into the nearly abandoned park less than ten minutes later.

“
Abby, I realize you’re containing your excitement because you’re trying to remain mysterious and aloof, but please know that if you want to squeal or cry, I wouldn’t think less of you.”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and kicked the gravel with my Keds. “I can’t believe you’re dragging me here.”

“
I can
feel
the excitement emanating from you. It’s palpable, Abby. Wow. Minty.”

I picked up the pace after that so that I could pay for both of us. Beck kept sneaking his card into every checkout line and I didn’t want him thinking he had to pay for everything during the trip.

A pimply-faced kid was sitting inside of a crumbling kiosk. The remnants of the shack made it clear that at one point it had been painted vibrant colors, but the wood had started chipping ages ago and now it was just depressing.

“
Two tickets please,” I said politely.

The kid looked up from his Nintendo DS. “Two adults or two kids?”

I looked behind me. There was only one other car parked in the lot and there were no kids in sight.

“
Oh. Two adults.”

He took my cash without a second glance and started getting my change.

“
Don’t touch the exhibits. Don’t sit on the dinosaurs. Don’t take profane photographs using the dinosaurs as props,” the kid droned on.

“
People do that?” Beck implored excitedly as he stepped behind me.

The kid shrugged. “The rule is there for a reason.”

Beck thought that was the funniest thing ever. As we walked away, he sidled up to my side and whispered in my ear, “That could be
your
job
.
You could be Ms. Prehistoric Dinosaur Adventure Park. YOU could tell people not to take sexual photos with the dinosaurs.”