With This Kiss (30 page)

Now, for the first time, he realized that the reason for his silence went far deeper. A part of him had hoped that if he never said the words aloud, somehow his silence could help erase the past.

“Elizabeth probably thought there wouldn’t be anyone home for hours. I didn’t find them actually having sex.”

“Thank god.”

“She was wearing her robe and telling him it was a mistake. That they couldn’t tell anyone what had happened. That she hadn’t been thinking straight. She told him to put his clothes on and leave. That was when she walked into the hall and saw me.”

He’d never forget the look on her face. She’d already been crying; he could see that, and he could see the self-hatred, the guilt already ravaging her face at what she’d just done.

In a split second all of that was replaced by fear.

“She stood in the hallway, her hand over her mouth,
her face white. That was when he walked in.” Rebecca hadn’t asked who the man was, but he didn’t want to tell her only half the story. “He was the architect my father worked with. It was pretty much a joke in town that he’d screw anything in a skirt. He still lives in town. He’s married now. Has a couple of kids.” Sean had to clear his throat before continuing. “She told him to go. To get the hell out, and then she came to me, begging me, pleading me not to tell my father what I’d seen.”

“How could she?”

“My father loved her so much. She was everything to him. I don’t know how she could have cheated on my father.”

“How could any mother ask her child to do something like that?”

“She had no other choice.”

“She damn well did!”

He’d never heard Rebecca talk like that. She didn’t swear. And she didn’t yell.

He pulled Rebecca onto his lap, had to have his arms around her, had to try and soothe her by stroking a hand down her back as she asked, “Has she ever tried to talk to you about it?”

“No.”
God no.

It was easier—better—just not to talk at all about anything more than the weather.

Rebecca reached up to touch his face, her skin so soft and cool against his. “Have you ever told anyone before now?”

“No. But everyone had to know something bad happened in our family. I couldn’t listen to her begging anymore. Couldn’t stand to look at her and see that fear. So I
grabbed the car keys to get the hell out of there. I didn’t have my license yet, but I shouldn’t have been driving anyway. I think I hit the tree on purpose, like somehow I could punish her by crashing her car. Instead, the car got put back to normal and I ended up with the scar on my face.”

He moved Rebecca’s fingers over it, made them trace the slightly jagged skin under his cheekbone.

“You’ve never said anything to me about my scar.”

“I never see it.”

Her eyes were big. And so full of love he almost felt as if they were reaching into his soul.

“I see only you, Sean.”

He kissed her again, because he couldn’t not kiss her… and because he was afraid of what she’d see in his eyes.

Against his lips, she said, “I wouldn’t want to love someone again, either, if that had been me. If I had been through what you’ve been through all these years.”

Wait a minute. “Isn’t this where you’re supposed to tell me it’s all in the past? That my relationship with my mother doesn’t have anything to do with my relationship with you?”

“But it does. How could it not?”

“It doesn’t.”

But they both knew that it did.

She leaned closer, pressed a kiss to his scar. “Are you ever going to talk to her about it?”

“No. Never.”

“Never?”

“Rebecca.” He heard the warning in his voice, knew it had no place in a scene where she’d just told him she loved him so sweetly. But none of that could stop him
from saying, “Promise me you’ll never say a word to her about it.”

“Sean…” She licked her lips. “Didn’t you hear what I said? About how I’m in lo—”

He had to cut her off, had to try and stop the panic from chasing through him.

“Promise me. Not a word. Not to her. Not to anyone.”

She stared at him, her eyes big and bleak. Time stretched out between them on the beach, the sun moving down behind the tops of the tall trees.

“I love you.”

His chest squeezed, his throat clogged with emotion. Still, he had to hear her say it. He had to know she wouldn’t ever speak of what had happened to anyone.

“Promise me, sweetheart.”

Her whispered “I promise” floated away from them and out across the lake.

T
hat night, Andi’s arms were around her the moment she stepped into Lake Yarns. “Rebecca!”

She’d been clutching her knitting bag to her chest as if it were armor, but she needed both her arms to hug her friend, so she let it drop to the floor.

“You look so tanned and gorgeous,” she told her friend when they pulled apart. “And happy.”

Andi’s grin could have lit up the yarn shop all by itself. “I am,” she said softly. “So happy.” She picked up Rebecca’s bag and leaned in close to whisper, “So… is Sean as good of a kisser as it looks like he’d be?”

Rebecca had been so wrapped up in her thoughts—going over and over what Sean had told her, and the promise she’d made—that it took her a long moment to even process her friend’s words.

A flush came first. “He—” She licked her lips. “I—”

“Well, that’s a yes if I’ve ever heard one. Come over here, I’ve staked out a quiet corner so that you can tell me everything.”

A good fifteen minutes late to the Monday night
knitting group meeting, Rebecca returned hellos and smiles. She took a glass of wine and silently reeled at how much had changed in one short week.

Finally sitting down beside Andi in the only truly private spot in the crowded group of knitters, who were all thankfully back to their gossip and laughter, Rebecca pulled out her knitting.

“Oooh,” Andi said, reaching out to slide the yarn between her fingers and then hold up the almost finished slip. “This is sexy.”

Rebecca grabbed it back. “Please, I don’t want everyone to see it.”

Andi’s eyebrows went up. “Mom told me you were working on the pattern for the shop.” She took in Rebecca’s flushed face, her bright eyes. “But I think you should keep it.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Hmm.” Andi thought about it for a moment. “Looks like you should be able to finish this tonight.”

With only a couple of rows and a bind-off to do, Rebecca said, “I suppose so.”

She shouldn’t hate the thought of parting with the cashmere slip without ever even trying it on. After all, she’d known all along that she was making it for Carol and Andi and Evelyn to hang in their store as a sample next to the pattern book. Still, she hadn’t forgotten the way Sean had looked at it—and her—when he’d said, “
Will you wear it for me when you’re done with it? No dress. Just the slip.
”

“At least promise me you’ll wear it once.” Andi had a wicked glint in her eyes. “Tonight.”

As Rebecca’s mouth gaped open, Andi picked up her glass of wine from the table and handed it over.

“Here.”

Rebecca didn’t even bother saying thank you. She simply tilted her head back and drank.

“Just to make sure I’ve gotten it all straight, I got married on Saturday and then you and Sean started kissing on…”

Rebecca’s took another drink from her glass, emptying it this time. “Thursday. But we should talk about your honeymoon.”

Andi snorted. “That wasn’t even a good try. So the kiss was Thursday.” She scanned Rebecca’s face for clues. “That night, huh?”

All Rebecca could do was nod. And say, “I love him.”

Andi’s arms were warm as her friend moved closer. “You would have never slept with him if you didn’t.”

Rebecca tried to blink back the rush of moisture at her eyes as Andi said, “Stu is going to be happy for you. For both of you.”

Only a true friend would understand, without being told, just how much hearing that—believing that—meant to Rebecca.

More than anything, she wanted to confide in Andi, to ask for advice on how to help the man she loved heal his heart. Holding Stu’s secret had been hard, too, but at least she knew that Stu would eventually resolve his situation.

Sean, however, would always be broken, as long as he held onto his mother’s secret. As long as he carried the burden of keeping his parents’ marriage together on his strong shoulders.

And he would never really trust a woman, never really let himself love anyone until the day came when he could let go of his mother’s secret.

But she’d promised. He’d made her promise. So instead of saying any of that, she simply said, “He can’t love me back.”

Andi frowned. “Did he say that?”

“Even before that first kiss, he warned me. But I would have loved him anyway.”

She waited for her friend to tell her to run. To get the heck out of a relationship that wasn’t ever going anywhere.

“I know exactly what you mean. Even if Nate couldn’t have loved me back, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from loving him.” Andi instinctively put her hands over her slightly rounded stomach. “I wouldn’t have wanted to.”

From the first moment she’d met Andi in this very knitting group the past fall, Rebecca had felt a kinship with her.

“Thank you for understanding.”

“You don’t owe anyone explanations or thanks,” Andi said, her expression fiercely protective. So much like the way Sean had looked when she’d told him about Mr. Radin’s petition.

Rebecca had always known she was loved by her family, but neither Andi nor Sean was a blood relative. They didn’t have to care for her.

But they did, anyway.

Andi gently put the needles back in Rebecca’s hands. “I really, really think you should finish this tonight.”

“I’m not sure my head is in the right place. I’d hate to mess it up right at the end.”

“How about this, while you work on those final rows I’m going to tell you all about the Bahamas.”

Andi knew how much Rebecca longed to travel,
that she could listen to travel stories all night long, and Rebecca had to ask, “Will Nate be upset if I kiss his new bride?”

Andi answered her with a smacking kiss on her lips.

“Sean is a lucky man,” Andi joked in a soft voice before shooting a pointed glance at the yarn in Rebecca’s lap. “And about to get luckier.”

And as Andi began her delicious tale about sun and sand, Rebecca made one stitch and then another and then another, until she finally realized she was relaxed for the first time in hours.

A while later, Rebecca bound off the last stitch and looked up to find Andi smiling at her.

“It’s beautiful.”

Rebecca had to nod. “It really is.”

A voice called out, “Elizabeth, it’s so nice to see you.”

In an instant, Rebecca felt her entire body go tense. She steeled herself to try and stay calm before she looked over at Sean’s mother.

Andi’s gaze went from her to Sean’s mother. “Rebecca? Are you okay?”

She shook her head, tried to say something, but no words would come out.

“Can you help me with some boxes in the back room?” Andi said in a voice loud enough to carry through the group.

Rebecca was almost too shell-shocked to catch on. Were it not for her friend tugging her to her feet and grabbing the slip and her bag, she might have missed her escape route.

Running. She was still running, she thought, as they quickly made their way to the back of the store.

“Did something happen between you and Elizabeth? Did she say something to you about your dating Sean?”

“No.” Thank god that was the honest answer. “But I need to leave.”

“I meant what I said at the inn on my wedding day. I’m here for you. Anything you need, anything at all, I’ll be here to help you. I don’t need to know the reasons if you don’t feel you can tell me what they are.”

Rebecca hugged her friend. “Welcome back home, Andi. I’m so glad you’re back.”

Seconds later, she left out the back door, into the rain that had just started to come down. Making sure her knitted slip was safe in her bag, she ran across the street. Back to the inn.

Back to Sean.

Elizabeth wasn’t a huge knitter, but she’d come to the Monday night knitting group enough over the years to know that there was usually comfort to be found there.

All day she’d felt like her skin was on too tight, like something inside of her was about to explode. To burst into a thousand little, messy pieces.

It didn’t make sense. Apart from Stu’s continued absence, things were better than they’d been in a while. She and Bill were both making an effort to be kinder to each other, to appreciate each other again. She’d made him dinner the night before and then they’d gone to sit out on the end of their dock to watch the stars. His hand had moved across to hold hers.