Without a Mother's Love (42 page)

‘You would have sent me back.’

Anna stroked Olivia forehead with her soft fingers and murmured, ‘What shall we do with you now?’

Olivia had no idea. But the magistrate would send her to gaol when he found out about her marriage to Toby. She didn’t want that. She wanted to stay here with - with . . . Not with Toby, to be sure. She wanted to be with Jared. But how could she say so to Anna? Anna was the most saintly woman she had ever met and she had deceived her and her beloved brother most cruelly.

She answered, in a small voice, ‘I’m sorry. You were both so kind to me. I - I just wanted to stay.’

‘Of course. You must look to getting strong again and not worry.’

But Olivia did worry. She worried greatly. ‘Does Toby know about the baby?’

‘He is very distressed and has gone back to the farmhouse.’

Olivia’s guilt for deceiving him ran deep. An apology was not enough. She could think of nothing to say and the silence lengthened. Eventually she said, ‘I thought the farmhouse was closed up.’

‘We have raised money to renew the lease.That is why I am here.’

Olivia brightened. ‘Oh, some good news at last. We need you.You know about Mrs Wilton? And Mr Wilton’s accident?’

The door opened and a sleepy Harriet Trent came in with a candle. ‘I heard you talking.’

Anna looked over her shoulder. ‘All is well, Harriet. Go back to bed.’

Olivia yawned. ‘Do you know each other?’ She saw them exchange a smile.

Anna said,‘We’ll talk more tomorrow. Go back to sleep now.’

The next morning she felt stronger. The magistrate was not yet aware of her bigamy, but she guessed that someone would inform him.Then the constable would be looking for her.Toby came to see her in the afternoon. He tried to smile but his face showed his disappointment in her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. It seemed she had to say that to them all, but to Toby more than anyone else. He and Anna had welcomed her into their home without question, and they had trusted her. She had betrayed their confidence for her own selfish reasons. ‘I do not expect your forgiveness,’ she added.

‘Why did you do it?’ he pleaded. ‘Why did you agree to marry me?’

‘I did not want to, but you were so insistent.’

‘I loved you.’

‘Loved?’

His chin dropped and he shook his head. ‘It is difficult to keep loving someone who deceives you.You never truly returned my love, did you?’

‘I tried.’ Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered his kindness and patience.

‘You pushed me away. Constantly.’

‘I’m sorry.’ She did not know what else to say. Or do.

‘I don’t think you ever wanted me as a husband, did you?’

She remembered Hesley making similar comments in the early days of their marriage. She must be honest with Toby now. She had always been compliant but had not known what else he had expected of her. Sadly, she shook her head.

He seemed to calm himself and continued, ‘I am truly sorry you lost our child. I thought you would grow to love me eventually. But it was not to be. I see that now.’

‘Do you know what will happen to me?’

‘You will have to go abroad.’

Olivia felt panic rise in her breast. She did not want to leave the Riding and her friends, no matter what they thought of her actions.

‘Jared has offered to take you,’ he went on.

‘He has?’ she responded hopefully.

‘But he cannot. He has the coal mine to run now. Harriet will explain it to you.Your - your husband is very ill.’

‘I want to stay here.’

‘Do not be stubborn about this, Livvy.The word is out in the village as to who you are. If you don’t leave soon it is only a matter of time before the magistrate hears and sends the constable to arrest you. Jared is asking Mr Withers’s advice about this on the pretence of it being for one of the hurriers at the pit.’

‘But it wasn’t a proper wedding,’ she protested, ‘in the parish church.The minister who performed our chapel ceremony has gone to Africa, hasn’t he? Only you and I are left.’ When she saw how much these words hurt him, she covered her eyes with her hands and fell back into her pillows. How thoughtless she was! She had not meant to be so unkind.

His frown deepened. ‘We cannot deny that a ceremony took place. Chapel marriages are legal now and recorded in a special book kept for the purpose.’

‘A book?’ She did not remember there having been a book at their wedding.

‘It’s in the law that allows our chapels to celebrate marriages. They have to be recorded.’

‘Who keeps the book?’

‘That new lawyer, Jessup. He deals with all the legislation for the parish.’

Jessup. The name triggered memories and she went quiet. If he had behaved like a gentleman that night and not insisted on his winnings, she might never have left, might never have met Toby and never have been in this situation.

Jessup owed her, she thought, and she wanted revenge. Before she went to gaol. She wanted to expose him for what he was. She did not know how, but she would think of something. She wondered where he kept his precious book.

‘Did you hear what I said, Livvy?’

‘I was drifting a little.’

‘We must part for ever now.’

Although she did not love him, she felt a slight constriction in her heart.Toby had treated her with tenderness and respect. She met his eyes and said, ‘I am very sorry I betrayed your trust and hurt you so much. I was - I was quite desperate at the time.’

He nodded. ‘I do understand. I shall not visit you again. If you decide not to go abroad I shall speak up for you at your trial.’

‘Thank you, Toby.
^’

‘Stay here with Harriet until you are strong enough to travel. She will care for you and keep me informed. Jared will be at the pit every day if you need anything.’ As he left the room he half turned and spoke over his shoulder. ‘Do think again about leaving England.’

But Olivia’s thoughts were elsewhere, with Jared. She knew with certainty now that she did not want to be apart from him. Just seeing him again had told her so. When he had held her in his arms, for those short, sweet moments, he had confirmed what she had known all those years ago. She loved him and she wanted to be with him for ever.

She wondered if he felt the same. She had thought he did until Toby had interrupted their embrace, and now she fretted about her past behaviour.What would Jared think of her? Would he still want her now that she had lived with Toby as his wife? She could not bear it if he spurned her.

She had made it so easy for him to reject her. She was a bigamist who would soon be tried and gaoled for her crime. Why should he even speak to her? She almost began to sob, then tried to pull herself together. She could not run away from her life any more, and did not wish to. Her conversation with Toby had given her an idea. She didn’t know if she was brave enough to see it through, but she did not want to be parted from Jared. Or from Mexton Pit. It had been expanded and run on an inheritance that was rightfully hers. But her plan meant confronting Jessup and she wasn’t sure she could do that.Yet she had to. If it meant winning her freedom, she had to.

Jared, also, tried to persuade her to run away. She was still in bed and regaining her stength quickly when he came to talk about her future. He bowed formally as he entered her chamber. She yearned for him to touch her, to hold and kiss her, but he sat in a chair several feet from the bed.

‘I know your marriage to Toby took place in the chapel,’ he argued patiently,‘but it was lawful.The chapel is registered with York and the recorder was there to witness the ceremony.’

‘Recorder? What recorder?’

‘The lawyer who keeps the register. Jessup.’

‘He wasn’t there.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course.’

‘But did you not sign your names in his book after the ceremony? ’

‘There was no book.’

‘He should have been there with his register.That is the law now.’

‘Well, he was not.’

‘How can you be sure?’ Jared persisted.‘Do you know Jessup?’

She wished she didn’t, but replied, ‘Oh, yes. I know him. No one else was there.’

‘I do not think it will make any difference. He probably wrote the record afterwards, and who will argue with him?’

‘I will. And Toby said he would. He did not sign any book either.’

He smiled at her sympathetically. ‘The book is evidence that the ceremony took place. It will be at your trial. You cannot do anything about it, Olivia.’

There was an uneasy silence.

‘I don’t want to go to gaol,’ she said eventually.

‘You could live in France. English people have settled there, soldiers and camp-followers who stayed on after Napoleon’s defeat.’

‘I won’t go without you, and you cannot leave the pit. It needs you. Mexton folk need you. I shall not run away.’

‘But what will you do?’ Jared pleaded.

Olivia gazed out of the window and wondered.

Chapter 32

It was the end of the day, cold, dark and damp. The glow of lamplight in windows was as welcoming as the smell of soup or stew wafting across the street. Jessup’s offices were in a new stone building close to the town centre. The upstairs chamber was used as a courtroom.

Olivia had been on edge all day. She was frightened of Jessup, but she had to do this. And she could not ask for help. She could not involve her friends in such a risky venture. She had waited until after dinner, until Harriet had gone to have tea with Anna in the farmhouse, before she left.

Now, her heart thumping, she approached Jessup’s office cautiously, her face hidden by her cloak hood. She stayed in the shadows and watched his clerks leave one by one.Through the window she saw him move from his desk to close the shutters. She slipped inside, giving a saucy wink to the youth who was letting himself out to go home, and turned the key in the lock behind her.

‘Who’s there?’ The door to his office opened and a shaft of light fell across the passage.

‘Mr Jessup?’ She kept her voice light.‘I must speak with you, sir.’

‘Who are you? What do you want?’

‘May we speak, sir?’

‘Where is my clerk?’

‘He has just left, sir.’

He held the door wide open. ‘Come into the light where I can see you.’

When she saw him she wavered. The memory returned of his brutality and her humiliation, raw and real. She breathed in deeply to quell her fear, and as she did so, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set firm. When faced with difficulties she had always done what she’d had to to get through and now was no different. Somehow, she found the strength to step forward.

When her hood fell back he was astounded. ‘You? So the rumour is true. You did not leave the Riding.’ His tone was disrespectful and mocking. ‘You know that the constable will be after you before long.’

‘That is why I am here.’

‘I cannot help you. I represent the law, madam, not the law-breaker. ’

‘I am told you keep the register of marriages that take place in the chapel.’

‘So?’

‘May I see it?’

‘Certainly not.’

‘But I wish to inspect the entry you made for my marriage,’ she continued firmly,‘and the date when you attended the chapel.’

‘That won’t help you.You went through the ceremony, which makes you guilty.’

‘But you were not present, were you? And you should have been. Where were you? There was a race meeting at Doncaster that day. Were you there with Hesley?’

‘And if I was?’

‘You will not want the magistrate to know that, will you? If you show me the book I shall know that you were present in the chapel. Otherwise I did not see you there, sir.’

She smiled sweetly and let her cloak slip from her shoulders. She had chosen her gown carefully. It was the day gown she had worn when she had escaped from Hill Top House and kept for Sunday best. It was made of good cloth. It covered her well with extra lace at the neckline - but it fitted her closely, too, and he noticed.

‘Show me the record, and I need not say that to the magistrate, ’ she repeated, undoing the ribbons of her bonnet.

‘Why would you not tell him?’

‘I have little to gain, whatever the outcome. I prefer to have you as my friend rather than as my enemy.’ She leaned forward and lengthened her neck to show the swell of her breasts. Jessup had been greedy for her body once and she hoped he would remember. ‘You have influence, sir, with the magistrate.’

He gave a short laugh. ‘You are offering me your body? You were a cold fish last time.’

‘It was a shock, sir. I did not know you and was not willing. Not at first . . .’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘But now I am sure I shall be different.’ She pulled at the lace covering the swell of her breasts. It came away in her hand.

He walked around the desk. ‘Here?’ he asked. ‘Now?’

She straightened. ‘Show me the book first.’

He laughed again and went to a cupboard, selected a heavy ledger and laid it open on his desk. ‘There. Recorded, signed and -’ he sneered again ‘- legal.’

Her signature certainly looked like her own. And Toby’s. She supposed Jessup must have copied them. It would have been easy enough for him to get hold of originals. There were few other entries. Most couples, even chapelgoers, still celebrated their marriage in the parish church where the vicar kept his own register.

As she examined the damning evidence of her crime, he took hold of her neck and bent to search under her skirts.

She stepped away from him. ‘A kiss, sir, is all that I meant. I need a little more in return for - for what you want.’

‘You are in no position to bargain.’

‘There is the matter of your wager with Hesley. It was not the behaviour of a gentleman with responsibility for keeping parish documents.’