Without a Mother's Love (40 page)

‘I did what I thought was best for her. And I have searched everywhere. Believe me, I have been out of my mind with worry.’

Harriet gave a wry half-laugh. She might have said the same before she had seen what it was like to lose one’s mind. A thought struck her. ‘You do not suppose Hesley was going to lock her up and that was why she left?’

‘That is a possibility. Jessup would have arranged it for him, especially if she was having another man’s child.’

She picked up an empty blackened kettle from the hearth. ‘I’ll fetch water. Make up the fire, would you? I want to know what has been going on since I left.’

He poked at the dying embers and added fresh coal from the bucket. He needed answers too. It had not occurred to him that Olivia would run away from Hesley. Or end up working in her husband’s pit.

Harriet slung the heavy kettle on a hook over the fire and asked, ‘Did Hesley look for her?’

‘He said he did. But who can believe anything he says?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You have not heard about him?’

‘Only what you have told me.’

‘He is manic, and I am told he is getting worse.’

‘Who says he is manic?’ Harriet demanded. Not someone who had seen what ‘manic’ meant, she thought.

‘Adam Harvey. An overheated brain, he said.’

‘I see.’ She respected the apothecary’s opinion. ‘She is worried about something, a secret. She has asked to speak with you.’

For the first time that day he brightened. ‘Really? I’ll go up to her now.’

‘Wait. She is already annoyed with - with me, and that is not good for her recovery. Wait until she is less anxious. I’ll make tea for us all. That will help.’

Jared paced about the kitchen. ‘Sarah has agreed that Olivia can lodge here - she says her father is well enough to travel and she wishes to leave today. Will you stay with her tonight?’

‘Of course. Perhaps you would fetch my things from the town.’

He nodded briefly.
^‘
I
^’
ll go now.’

‘Have some tea first.’ After a short silence, Harriet added, ‘I may not be the person to help her get well.’

‘You know her better than anyone else.’

‘She is not pleased to see me.’

‘Can you blame her?’

Harriet was spooning tea into a brown earthenware teapot. She stopped, remembering her anguish at the time. ‘I believed you would look after her. And also that Hesley would grow, like you, into a mature and responsible gentleman. I suppose it was foolish to expect such a change in him. In any event, I could not stay.’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘
I could not
.’

‘I see that now.’

‘Do you?’

‘Of course.You were trapped by him, once you were there.’ He frowned at her.‘What I do not understand is why you went there in the first place. Old Hesley’s reputation in the Riding was widespread.’

Harriet wished she could tell him, tell anyone, even tell Livvy. But she had kept it to herself for too long to unburden herself of her secret now. It would only add more pain to this unfortunate situation. Over the years she had grown used to its weight on her shoulders.‘I had my reasons,
^’
she answered shortly, and added, ‘Will you tell your mother about Olivia?’

‘Of course. She is as worried as I am.’

‘Please wait a little. Until we know more about her. About the child.’

‘And her lover?’ Harriet saw a look of pain pass across his brow.
^‘
Surely a lover would not have deserted her. Perhaps he did not know about the child.’

‘Even so, where is he? More importantly, who is he?’

‘She may never tell us.’

‘Have patience, Jared. I hope she will. Eventually.’

He took a few coins from his waistcoat pocket and placed them on the table. ‘For anything Olivia might need. I’ll ride into town for your belongings. I cannot sit about drinking tea. Adam Harvey will visit later this morning.’ He stopped at the back door and said, ‘Look after her, Harriet.’

‘I shall.’

‘She is much better. The bleeding has stopped. Mrs Mexton is a sturdy young woman, but keep her in bed for two weeks. Give her butcher’s meat and plenty of porter from the alehouse.’

‘It is a cold morning, sir.You will take a drink yourself before you leave?’ She offered Mr Harvey hot tea laced liberally with Jared’s brandy.

‘Thank you, Miss Trent. I am pleased Jared found you. I always thought you such a sensible young woman. Mrs Mexton did not seem as content after you left.’

‘Do you think her unhappiness was my doing, sir?’

‘Her husband was difficult.’

‘I saw you with him at the funeral.’

‘You were there? I feared for the pit after old Hesley died. His grandson is a weak man and he - he . . .
^’

‘Yes?’

‘We all believed that sending him to the West Indies would have an improving effect on his character, but he came back a dissolute and sickly man.’

‘Sickly?’

‘A tropical fever ruined his health and he will not see sense about his habits. I have said too much, but this pit village is dying when it should be thriving and it is his responsibility.’

‘Does Hesley not care about the profits? They were always foremost in his grandfather’s mind.’

‘It is my belief that Hesley no longer has a mind of his own. Others order his life for him now.’

‘Then who runs the mine?’

‘Jessup, his gambling friend and now his lawyer. Hesley signs anything he puts in front of him. And Jessup makes sure that one of the servants is there to witness it. He’s even asked me on the occasions I have been present.’

‘Do you know Jessup?’

‘He dresses and behaves like a gentleman. And he is clever with all these new laws. Rich, too, they say. But over-fond of the horses and the card table, which is how he came to meet Hesley.
^’
Mr Harvey drank again and seemed to relax in Harriet’s company.‘He’s cunning. He hangs about Hill Top House, eating and drinking until Hesley has a more lucid moment. Then he talks about horses and bloodstock, and persuades him to bet huge amounts on the races.’

‘Does he ever win?’

‘Jessup tells him he does, even if it’s not true, so that he will wager more. I believe Jessup pockets the money. Or feeds his own gambling habit with it.’

‘Can nothing be done about him?’

‘Have you any suggestions, madam?’

Harriet chose her words carefully. ‘Is it Hesley’s sickness that affects his mind?’

‘Do you know of these things?’

‘I have worked in an asylum for the insane and often talked with the doctor there.’

‘You have courage, madam. That is difficult nursing.’

‘I helped with the ladies who were showing signs of getting better.’

‘Really? We must talk again. I should like to know more of your experiences there.’ He stood up and swayed.

‘Are you well, sir? Shall I fetch your horse?’

‘No, thank you. I am quite all right. It is simply that I am not as young as I was. Tend your patient. She is in need of cheering.’

Harriet thought that she was the last person who could raise Olivia’s spirits. ‘You will not tell Hesley that she is here?’

‘No, madam, I shall not. Mrs Mexton has begged me not to.’

‘Nor Mr Jessup?’

‘Hesley’s money may be his business, but his wife is not.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

She watched him straighten his back and mount his horse, then settle in the saddle with a sigh. He ought to be using a trap at his age, she thought, but he must be too proud to give up his horse.

 

‘I do not need a nurse,’ Olivia muttered.

‘Mr Harvey has said you do.’

‘What would he know? But, then, I suppose that because he is a
gentleman
he thinks he knows best what is good for the ladies.’

Harriet was surprised at this. ‘He’s an apothecary. You are distressed.You will feel differently when you have rested.’

‘I have rested all night and most of the day.’

‘If I may say so, Livvy, you are a difficult patient.’

‘I was a difficult pupil, wasn’t I?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘And you were always very kind to me.’ She sighed. ‘Firm, but kind. You put up with such cruelty for my sake. I wonder you stayed as long as you did. I do not forget what you did for me, Miss Trent. You were so devoted to me.’

‘I am still devoted to you.’

‘Are you? I have not been very nice to you.’

‘I understand you, perhaps better than you do yourself. Can you forgive me?’

‘Of course I do! Jared, too. But I fear you both wish to persuade me to return to my dutiful place as Hesley’s wife. Well, I shall not go. I shall throw myself into the cut first.’

Harriet stopped tidying the bed. So that was it. They had both encouraged her to make the best of her marriage and Olivia thought that was their motive now. She said calmly, ‘I have heated some porter for you. The doctor says you must drink it.’ She held out the tankard, but Olivia did not take it. ‘Mr Harvey is a good apothecary, in spite of being a gentleman. It is his bidding, not mine.’

Olivia shuffled up the bed, took the warm drink with both hands and sipped. Harriet supported her back and plumped up the pillows. After a few more sips, Olivia said, ‘That’s nice.’

‘Honey and cinnamon. I found it in Mrs Wilton’s cupboard. It is well stocked, for a collier’s household.’

‘She treated many of the villagers. They all miss her.’

Harriet watched her finish the porter and yawn. She took the empty tankard from her and said, ‘Try to sleep. I have to walk into town for food. You must eat well, too.’

‘I’m not going back.’

‘Where?’

^‘
Hill Top House. Not while Hesley is there.You can’t make me.’

‘No,’ Harriet agreed quietly. But she couldn’t stay here for ever, either. ‘We’ll talk about that later.’

Olivia yawned again and slid down the bed.‘There is nothing to talk about.’

Harriet raised her eyebrows but did not respond. She remembered how determined Olivia had been as a child. And how, when she had left her to mull over her choices, she often came to a reasonable solution. But she could not think of a sensible way forward for her, except to return to her husband and her home. It would be difficult to keep her presence here secret now. And Hesley, no doubt, was like his grandfather, a vindictive man, even in the throes of ill-health, and a gentleman with powerful friends.

She had seen what could happen to wayward girls and women at Blackstone and in the asylum. Running away and working in the pit were enough for Hesley to commit her, if he so wished. His grandfather had done it to Hesley’s mother. It was the Mexton way. To have carried a child that was not her husband’s would seal her fate. Harriet racked her brain for answers as she found a basket in the scullery of the Wiltons’ tiny cottage and set off for the market.

 

‘Who’s there?’ Livvy raised her head from the pillow and called as loudly as she could.

A gentleman’s voice came up to her: ‘Do not fear. It’s Jared, with your supplies.’

She heard him moving about downstairs, then the tread of his boots on the stairs.

‘May I come in?’ he said softly.

She wondered if Miss Trent had sent him to change her mind about returning to Hill Top House.

He pushed open the door and filled the space with his tall frame. ‘How are you?’ he asked gently.

She felt fragile and hardly dared to move, but her heart leaped in her breast at the sight of him.Yet she was wary of his concern for her: she remembered why he had left her. ‘Have you seen Miss Trent?’ she asked.

‘I passed her on the towpath. She has been to market and was struggling with her purchases.’ He tried to lighten his tone. ‘She wouldn’t ride with me. She preferred to walk, so she’ll be here later.’

‘She’ll tell Hesley where I am. Or you will. Or Mr Harvey.’

‘No, we shan’t.’

He sounded indignant and she peered more closely at his face. He looked old and haggard, worn beyond his years, and she wondered if he, too, had been working down the pit when he had found her. ‘Would you fetch me a drink, please?’

He jumped smartly to attention. ‘Yes. Something warm?’

‘I’m to have porter.’

He had gone before she could say more. She heard him raking the fire and shovelling coal. Then she heard the pump creaking and squeaking in the yard. She wondered if any of the neighbours had seen him and covered her face with her hands. He didn’t have to tell anyone about her for them to find out. Folk around here were not stupid. She was the talk of the village.They would put two and two together and work out who she was. She had thought she would be well away from prying eyes down the pit but she had only drawn attention to herself. She should have gone away with Toby.

Toby. Dearest Toby, who had been so kind to her and whose love she had shunned. How could she tell him the truth? He was devoted to her and it was his child she had lost. Her child, too. Tears pricked her eyes as she remembered. She had not wanted Toby’s child, but she now that she had lost it she knew that she
had
wanted her child, her own flesh and blood, to look after and cherish. And she had lost that child through her own foolishness.

She should have paid more attention to her body. She should have known she was with child. But other women toiled in the mines and the manufactories with huge bellies, so why couldn’t she? She was strong and worked as hard as they did. Indeed, she had prided herself on that since she had come to this village. And through that silly pride she had lost a child, her child, a child she would have welcomed and adored as her own mother had loved her.

She had lost a part of herself with her child. She tried to stem the tears and could not. They spilled out of her eyes, down her cheeks and over her lips until she was choking with sobs. Her shoulders heaved under the blanket and her whole body shook with grief. She could not stop. The room became a blur and in the mist she saw Jared, but she could not still the shuddering in her breast.