Wrestling With Desire (5 page)

"Remember I told you I run a lot during the fall season to get in shape for wrestling? Well I was planning on going for a run after school today and was wondering if you wanted to join me." Derek's pulse began to beat in his throat as he waited for Scott's reply.

"Yeah, that would be great." Derek sat up a bit straighter.

"
Wait a minute. I don't have any running clothes with me today." Derek felt his shoulders slump, then began laughing.

Scott looked at him with a hint of concern. "You ok?

Derek looked at Scott and saw the confusion on his face which only goaded him into laughing even harder. Scott, not knowing what to do, nervously joined him, giggling a little but not knowing why. "You know what? I didn't bring my running clothes to school either."
What kind of an idiot devises a plan
that they aren't even prepared to execute?

39

Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

Scott smiled and Derek wasn't sure if he was just being polite. When Scott spoke, Derek released a sigh; Scott's words were exactly what he had wanted to hear. "I don't live far from here. I could go home, get changed, and meet you back at the school if you're up for it."

Scott wants to go running with me.
The heaviness in his chest evaporated, but his heart rate actually increased at Scott's suggestion. "Yeah I'm up for it." His excitement was a bit too exaggerated.
Calm down.
"I don't live far from here either. School gets out at two-forty. How about we meet up at three-thirty in front of the school? I can show you one of my favorite running routes."

"It's a d...plan." Scott briefly looked down, but then lifted his head so that he was looking Derek directly in the eyes.

"You know, I'm glad you were in my first period class, Derek.

You wrestle, you introduced me to one of your friends, and you are being really welcoming and cool. I appreciate it. I was actually pretty nervous about starting a new school as a senior, but this is turning out completely better than I could have hoped for."

You're not kidding,
Derek thought
.
"It's my pleasure. I sure wouldn't want to be a new guy in my senior year. I think you'll find most people here are pretty friendly and welcoming." Just then, history class began and Derek tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on what he was going to be learning this year. When the final bell rang, Derek and Scott walked to their lockers and firmed up their plans to meet in front of the school at three-thirty.

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40

Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

Pacing himself as he walked out of the building, Derek kept repeating one phrase over and over.
Stay cool. Stay cool.
The last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself on the first day of school. But as soon as he hit the parking lot, he ran to his car. Thoughts of Scott crowded his mind as he sped the short five minutes to his home. Once there, his pace became slow and purposeful. Scanning his drawer, he struggled over what to wear. There were his black, spandex shorts, but those wouldn't do for this run with Scott.
Too
revealing.
There were cargo shorts. They were casual, but way too bulky for a run. Settling on a pair of nylon Adidas shorts and a new, crisp white t-shirt, his deliberateness shifted back to haste and he got dressed quickly. Before leaving his room, he checked himself out in the mirror on his closet door.
Nice. You get a hint of ass. My legs look strong.

The shirt hugs me in all the right places. Excellent.

Running back down the stairs, his thoughts centered around Scott once again.
How will he look in his running
clothes? Will he even show up? Will he think I look hot in this
outfit?
Derek was just about out the door when he was stopped short by his mother calling for him from the kitchen.

She was standing by the oven, cutting up onions, carrots, and celery. "Hey honey," she said without turning her attention from her food preparation. "How was your first day of school?"

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Derek trudged back up the stairs and walked into the kitchen. "It was fine. Classes seem pretty straight-forward.

Beck was in rare form today." Although the words were coming out of his mouth, he wasn't paying any attention. All he could focus on was the clock. The minute hand seemed to speeding towards three-thirty.

His mother turned to face him, a hint of a grin on her face.

"Really? And what seems to be the drama of the day?" As soon as she looked at Derek, her tone shifted from curiosity to surprise. "Oh, are you going out for a run?"

"Yeah, I was talking with the guys on the team today and figured I may as well start training to get in shape now."

Derek glanced at the clock once again and felt the muscle in his eye spasm for a few seconds. "Also, there was this new kid who started today. He's from Iowa. I feel pretty bad that he had to transfer in his senior year and all." Derek felt his stomach lurch as he listened to the words come out of his mouth. It was unlike him to take even the slightest chance of revealing his sexuality to anyone. Anyone except for Beck.

Thank God for her.
Watching his mother carefully for any signs of concern or suspicion, he continued with as casual a tone as he could muster. "Turns out he wrestles, so I asked him if he wanted to go for a run with me."

"That was very nice of you, sweetie. Not that it surprises me much. You are always such a good friend to others." She turned back to her chopping. "I'm preparing a pot roast for dinner tonight. Dad will be home around five-thirty so don't take one of your extra-long runs today."

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Wrestling With Desire

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Whatever worry Derek had that his mother would be able to see through him evaporated. She was so trusting, always taking Derek at face value. "Sure thing mom." Walking out to the car, Derek felt a slight pang of guilt. He felt like he had just lied to his mother. Shaking his head, he laughed out loud, talking quietly to himself. "And what exactly did I lie about? That I met a guy who I think is cute and I'm hoping he will like me back?" As cavalier as he tried to sound, Derek knew what the lie really was. But he wasn't ready for that discussion yet. Later. When he knew himself better. When he knew if Scott was someone who could return his feelings.

When there was actually something to tell. But he couldn't talk to his parents yet.

Once in the car, he dug his cell out of his bag and hit the speed-dial for Beck. She picked up on the second ring. "You better have a damn good reason for taking off today without so much as a wave."

His typical reaction of annoyance and humor at Beck's dramatic behavior did not kick in. This was what he was used to and the familiarity of their banter eased his nerves. "Sorry Beck, but I had to get home. I asked Scott to go for that run and he's meeting me at school in 20 minutes."

"And you couldn't tell me this at school,
why
?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Come on, Beck. Don't give me shit right now while I'm all excited and nervous. You know I still love you more than anyone." He counted silently in his head.
One, two, three,
four...

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Wrestling With Desire

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"Well, I'm still mad at you."
It only took a four count. She
isn't really mad at all
. "I guess I can forgive you this once.

But don't leave me hanging in the lurch again or I will cut your balls off and hang them as ornaments on my Christmas tree. Wait, I'm Jewish so I don't have a Christmas tree. I'll hang them from...I'll burn them in my menorah."

"Ok, first of all, EW! That is totally disgusting. And second of all, that's the second time today you have mentioned manhandling my balls. Is there something I should know about that you aren't telling me?"

"Honestly Derek, the things you say to a lady." Derek had to choke back his laughter when he heard the sincerity of Beck's outrage. "Anyhow, you won't believe what happened after you left today. Bryce and George came up to me as I was leaving school and starting bitching about what a total pain in their asses Malinda was at lunch and that it was all they could do to stay seated and not walk away from the table. That new boy of yours sure slammed that nail on the head."

"And now you are talking about boy's slamming and nailing things. You are seriously twisted Beck." Derek didn't bother to hold his laughter back this time, but even so, he could still hear the string of curses Beck was shouting at him as he started the ignition. Beck continued to prattle on about Bryce and George, and Derek listened to the sound of her voice without really hearing her words. When he got to the school parking lot he cut her off. "Beck. I gotta run! I'll see you tomorrow in school. Love you."

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Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

Derek headed towards the front of the school and saw that Scott was already there. He felt all of the nerves and excitement from the day flow through him at once and had to concentrate to suppress the smile that was struggling to break out across his face. When he got close enough to get a good look at Scott, he had to struggle to keep other things from becoming noticeable as well.

Scott was wearing mid-thigh, blue nylon running shorts and a tank-top. Derek noted immediately that Scott's arms and upper body had excellent muscle definition. His shoulders were wide set with rounded muscles which gently curved down over his shoulder blades and created a ridge where they met his biceps. The tank was form-fitting and revealed the strong v-shape of his lateral muscles as they slanted down and inwards towards his hips. His stomach was flat, but there were ridges pushing at the fabric indicating a clearly defined six-pack beneath the surface of the fabric.
Well, I guess that
answers the question about whether he has a smooth or cut
abdomen.
His thigh muscles were solid and undulated as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he stretched.

Derek realized that he was staring and quickly diverted his attention to Scott's face. That didn't help him to calm down since he was immediately greeted by Scott's dazzling sea-blue eyes and his wavy, unkempt blonde hair which hung messily over his forehead. Sexy. Everything about Scott flowed smoothly. His body had a natural line that drew your eye in and held it like a magnet.

Finally, Derek remembered how to speak. "How long have you been here?"

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Wrestling With Desire

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Scott shrugged. "Not long, I just swung by my house, grabbed my stuff and came back. No one was home so there wasn't anything to do so I just came back here to wait."

Scott's tone didn't match the comfort and confidence that he exuded physically. There was something in his body language which suggested that something was bothering him.

Derek watched Scott as he continued to stretch. He was limber, able to bend his entire body so that it lay snugly against his legs. Looking down at him, Derek could see the muscles of Scott's upper back as they flowed into the cut of his shoulder blades. His eyes continued to travel up Scott's body, following the cords of lean muscles in his neck and his perfectly square jaw. Scott was physical perfection. But there was something dark about Scott as well. He was quiet. His words were weighted, as if he had to work to push a pleasant tone out of his mouth. Thinking about it, Devon realized he had been like that all day, his voice sounding pleasant, but undertones of something else going on under the surface.

Funny, I didn't notice that during the day.

Shaking his head, Derek mentally slapped himself. It was Scott's first day in a new school. All of his friends were back in Iowa and here he was starting over. Of course he wasn't going to be in the best mood. Derek shook his head and decided to talk about their run. "So there are several routes we could run. Generally speaking, each bridge along the river is about three-quarters of a mile if you count it as a round trip." Talking about running, distances, routines, this was a safe topic of conversation and Derek felt his nerves ease. "I like to run three bridges, one bridge west of the school and 46

Wrestling With Desire

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then two bridges east of the school. It's about two and a half miles and there's great scenery." Scott had been listening to Derek quietly and seemed content to follow his lead, so they finished stretching and began their run.

Pacing his breathing, Derek started out slow, counting to four on his inhale and to three on his exhale. The rhythmic pattern of his breathing, his feet patting the ground, the wind blowing gently against his face and exposed skin, all of it helped to center him. Within minutes, Derek felt warmth rush through his body. Not heat like he had felt when looking at Scott, but a calming warmth like when he took a shower, and his mind began to see clearly once again.

They ran quietly for about five minutes before Scott broke the silence. "You were right. This really is scenic. We don't have a lot of water where I lived in Iowa. It's weird to be surrounded by so much of it here." Derek noticed that there was a nostalgic tone to Scott's voice in addition to his slightly subdued body language and distant eyes.

"Seeing the sun reflect off the water and listening to the boats and the waves relaxes me. It helps me let my mind wander and to forget my problems." Derek was shocked at how much he was revealing about himself. At the same time, he wondered whether opening up about his feelings might prompt Scott to do the same. "But living by water also makes the winters really cold. With so much open space, there's nothing to block the wind. Even when the temperature isn't too cold, the wind chill can make it feel fifteen or twenty degrees colder. It can get pretty bad in the winter."

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Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

A light began to flicker behind Scott's eyes. He picked up the pace a bit before he began talking again. "Back in Iowa, I liked to run down long roads along the wheat and corn fields.