Wrestling With Desire (24 page)

Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

half-nelson hold. He fought the grip for about forty-five seconds, but ultimately wasn't able to keep from being rolled onto his back and pinned. Allistaire now led twenty-one to eighteen.

Power, true to his name, overtook his opponent, almost causing a penalty when he lifted him straight off the ground and dropped him to the mat. If he hadn't lowered to his knees before his opponent touched the mat, the move would have been considered a slam, an illegal move in high school wrestling. Using his tremendous weight, Power flattened his opponent, pinning him within seconds.

The Brampton spectators and wrestlers went wild, screaming and hollering. It was a pitiful display compared to the gloomy hush that overtook three-quarters of the auditorium from the Allistaire spectators, but no one seemed to notice or care. Brampton had won. The only person who couldn't enjoy the celebratory madness was Josh who sulked off to a water cooler along the wall.

After the match, most of the team took rides home with their parents. Derek's parents and Shannon had suggested that they go to Uno's in Harvard Square to celebrate the victory against Allistaire. During dinner, Derek and Scott meticulously reviewed each match, move by move, planning to keep solid track of the players and their weaknesses so that their team would be better prepared for the next time they competed against them, which would be at the division championship tournament. When it was time to leave, Scott asked if he could accompany Derek, who had to get his car from the school parking lot. Shannon agreed and Derek's 211

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parents drove them. Before leaving they congratulated both boys once more and suggested that they not stay out too late since it was a school night.

Sitting in the car in the darkened parking lot, Derek turned on the radio. He leaned towards Scott. When Scott turned his head, Derek clamped their mouths together, grabbing him to pull them even closer together. After minutes of bruising kisses which left both of their mouths red and swollen, Derek broke away and shook his head to clear his mind. "Scott.

I'm...I...You..."

Scott sat there gazing at Derek with an amused look on his face. "Full sentences please."

Derek held up his hand. "No, I have something I need to say, and am determined to use my words tonight." Scott became silent and waited for Derek to continue. Derek's heart began to race and a tingling sensation ran up and down his back. Words had never been easy for him, but he was going to say this. His whole life, he had carefully shielded himself from taking risks and making himself vulnerable to ridicule and gossip. It wasn't until he had met Scott that he realized the price he had paid for his lifetime of maintaining his guard.

He had never allowed himself to feel the kinds of things he now felt with Scott.

As much as he knew Scott cared for him, and knew that Scott had opened him up to new feelings, he was scared. He knew that his fear was simply a residual effect from years of keeping everything in and he owed it to Scott and to himself to take a step forward and allow them to become closer.

Derek took a deep breath and looked at Scott. Scott's eyes 212

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were locked on Derek as he patiently waited. Derek felt his reservations melt under Scott's compassionate and understanding regard. He took both of Scott's hands. "I love you, Scott. I am totally, head over heels, in love with you."

Derek let out a huge sigh of relief once he had gotten the words out.

Scott stared at him, stunned. He hadn't expected Derek to proclaim that he loved him, but as soon as he heard Derek say the words, he knew that he felt them too. "I love you, too. So much."

The kiss that followed their declaration to one another was soft, slow, and sweet. As far as they knew or cared, they were the only people in the world.

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The school was an explosion of activity the next day.

Students and teachers congratulated the wrestling team.

Signs appeared on the walls, prophetically predicting a sure championship for them. At the same time, teachers were churning out study guides for midterms that would be taking place the next week.

Derek, Beck, and Scott used study hall to prepare for their English midterm together, quizzing each other on vocabulary, literary terms, and details about the books they had read.

Each felt confident that they were well prepared. After practices, Derek and Scott continued their studying in the attic, particularly focusing on history, which was the other class they both shared. Overall, they felt confident that they would do well.

Scott was sprawled on the floor, reviewing his calculus notes and doing the practice problems his teacher had assigned when he suddenly slammed his book shut and let out an exasperated growl. Derek, who had been lying on the couch diligently answering his science study-guide questions, looked up. "Problems?"

Scott jumped to his feet and walked over to the window, peering out at the heavy flakes of snow that, as the meteorologist had predicted, had begun that evening. It was estimated that six inches would accumulate by morning. "It's my dad. He came home last night and gave me a
talking to.
"

Scott punctuated the last words with finger quotes.

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Placing his science book face down on his lap, Derek sat up and turned his attention to Scott.

"He started like always. You know, like at dinner that night, saying how academics come first and everything else is a distraction. But this time he actually added an ultimatum.

He said that if I didn't pull straight A's like I had in Iowa that he would pull me from the wrestling team." Scott was gripping the window sill and Derek could see the bones of his knuckles pressing tightly against his skin.

"Do you really think he would do that? I mean, you have been doing great in school. Does he really expect straight A's?" Derek wasn't as concerned about Scott not being on the team as he was about how Scott would feel if he couldn't be on the team. He was beginning to really dislike Scott's father.

Scott turned to face Derek. "Honestly, yeah, I do. It's not the first time he's restricted me when I've disappointed him.

In the past, if I pulled a B on a paper or a test, he would make me come directly home from school for a week and redouble my efforts in that subject area. He even made me ask the teachers if I could do extra credit work to make up for the grade." Walking over to Derek, Scott motioned for him to scoot over on the couch. When Derek complied, Scott sat on the couch, swiveled his hips so that his feet were dangling over the couch arm, and laid his head onto Derek's lap, smacking it against the spine of the science book. "Ouch!

Shit
!"

Derek gently lifted Scott's head, pushed his book to the floor, and replaced it with one of the couch pillows. "Close your eyes." He began rubbing Scott's temples using a circular 215

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motion with his index and middle fingers. "Have you talked to your mom about this? What does she say?"

Scott let out a contented sigh, allowing himself to be pampered by Derek. "She was there when he said it. She didn't agree with him, but she never disagrees with him either. It's like when he's around, she and I become completely different people than when it's just us. I'm sure if he says I have to stop wrestling, she won't fight it."

Derek stopped massaging Scott's temples and placed one arm under his neck, urging him to sit up a bit so he could wrap his arms around him. Scott scooted into a seated position and allowed himself to be cradled. Derek had no idea what to say. He couldn't solve Scott's problems with his dad, nor could he ensure that Scott would get all A's. He could suggest that Scott talk to his mom when his dad wasn't around, but now that his dad had returned from his latest business trip, he was going to be around until they returned from their trip to Iowa over winter break. He could even tell him that it wouldn't be the end of the world if he couldn't be on the team, but that wouldn't make Scott feel better.

Instead, he opted to just hold Scott tight, running a hand up and down his back and pulling him closer.

* * * *

They were given Monday through Wednesday and teachers had to enter their term grades into the school's computer by Thursday night. Friday was the last day before winter break.

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Students would be receiving their midyear report cards from their last period teacher.

On Thursday, after practice, Derek and Scott decided to drive around aimlessly. Listening to music, they rode down Mt. Auburn Street into Watertown and then Newton, hopping on the Mass Pike and heading west towards Natick. Scott had been restless and moody all week, stressing about his exams.

Derek's midterms had gone well. All except for science. He didn't know what it was about science that eluded him, but it was the only subject that ever gave him trouble. It wasn't
his
midterms that were worrying him at the moment. Watching Scott stare out the passenger side window, he wondered whether he should break the silence or not. "How do you think you did on your midterms?"

Scott started fidgeting with the radio controls, playing with the bass, treble and balance. "I don't know. Guess I'll find out tomorrow. English and history were easy. So was French.

Science wasn't so bad. The one I'm worried about is calculus."

Releasing the radio dials, he leaned back in his seat and resumed staring out the passenger-side window.

It didn't bother Derek that Scott didn't seem to want to talk, but he could tell his mind was spinning with worry. "Do you really think that your dad is going to flip if you don't get all A's? I mean, what if you got one B." Scott's shoulders tensed.
Wrong question to ask.

"Yes, I do." Scott's voice was solemn and sure.

Derek briefly glanced at Scott's sulking figure, slouched in the seat next to him. He was leaving for Iowa the following evening and Derek didn't want their last night before being 217

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separated for ten days to be tense and troubled. "You know what I think we need to do? We need to go to Dave & Buster's at the Natick Mall. We can abuse the pinball machines and slam an air hockey puck around." They were only ten minutes from the mall and Derek wanted to create a shift in mood as quickly as possible.

Scott shrugged. "Sure, if you want to."

It wasn't the level of enthusiasm Derek was hoping for, but he would work with it. Pulling into the Natick Mall parking lot, he drove past the section with all of the department stores to the side lot where the arcade and movie theater were located.

Once they had purchased tokens, Derek beelined for the air hockey table, which was empty. Depositing the required number of tokens, he heard the mechanical whir as the air began to push through the tiny holes on the surface and the clink as the puck landed in the receptacle at the side of the table. They messed around for a while, getting used to each other's styles. And finally they began playing in earnest.

Derek loved to play air hockey, but sucked at it. He had good dexterity and hand-eye coordination when he did things with his body, but when he had to use things like the air hockey pushers or tennis racquets, he was hopelessly inept.

Scott, on the other hand, proved to be a very good player and his mood had lightened significantly. Capitalizing on the moment, Derek decided to become comical. "Ok, tough guy, let's play for real. I've been going easy on you so far."

Scott smirked, "Bring it on."

Derek hit the puck and Scott slammed it back, deflecting it against the side of the table. It flew into Derek's goal.

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Scott laughed. "I see what you mean. You're gonna kick my ass. I can tell." The corner of his mouth began to creep up the side of his face and he bit his lower lip. Whenever Scott bit his lip, the lip Derek found so sensual and kissable, he became distracted and aroused. "Hey, tell you what. I'll play one handed." Hitting the puck, Scott knocked it directly towards Derek's goal. It slipped in easily.

"Just you shut up." Derek laughed, feeling his ears burn at the jab, but he was pleased that Scott's mood was lightening up. To his utter horror, Scott continued to trample him even with one arm behind his back. When they finished the game, Derek had lost, eleven to zero, but Scott was back in his usual upbeat mood. Trying to salvage the whipping he had just taken, Derek raised his hands in the air in mock victory.

"See, I told you I'd whip your ass."

Scott tilted his head back and uttered a single
Ha
. "Right, you put me to shame."

They spent another hour playing different games, and then headed into the mall to grab an ice cream. Finally, they decided to head back home. In the car, Scott's mood remained cheerful. "That was fun. I needed to blow off some steam."

As they drove down Route Nine, heading back east towards Cambridge, Derek felt a warm sense of satisfaction in his chest. He reached over and took Scott's hand in his. Scott twined their fingers together, lifted Derek's hand to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss, then lowered it into his lap, holding it there. They drove, contentedly in silence, listening to music.

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The next day, when they got their grades in history class, Derek's heart fell. He had received three A's and two B's. It wasn't his grades that bothered him. He knew that his parents would be happy. It was Scott's grades that concerned him. He had received all A's except for calculus. He received a B- in that class. As they left the school saying their goodbyes to their friends, Scott's mood dampened, becoming as cold as the weather outside. Sitting in his car outside Scott's house, he wished there was something he could do to brighten the moment. He wouldn't be seeing Scott for ten days and didn't want his last moment with him to be like this.