Written in the Stars (4 page)

I made sure to lock the door behind her before heading back up to my room. This time, I didn’t give myself time to stop and think. I picked up the closest box, and headed for the huge pile of books that covered my entire desk. With one quick swipe, most of the books landed in the box, and I was able to see the top of my desk for the first time in weeks.

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel.” I pulled opened the top drawer. My heart dropped when I saw the journal my mom gave me for my thirteenth birthday. I can still remember how excited I was when I opened it. I couldn’t wait to start documenting my life so I wouldn’t forget anything about being young.  Realizing it was one of the last presents she ever gave me made me wish I could forget. I reluctantly opened my journal and started reading.

The more I read, the more I realized how pathetic I was, especially when it came to Geoff Mann, who just happens to be even more famous today than he was six years ago. I can’t believe I actually thought we were destined to be together and, after reminding myself how I acted when I finally got the chance to meet him, my face flushed with embarrassment. Though I have to admit the fact that our mothers knew each other was pretty cool. Who knows? Maybe there was future for us, but I guess that’s something I’ll never know.

The smile on my face faded the closer I got to the end and the tears I was able to control earlier had found their way back. I closed my journal and held it tightly to my chest. I didn’t need to read what I wrote to remember what I miss the most. I closed my eyes and allowed the memories that hurt the most
to resurface.  It didn’t take long for me to be that little girl again, smiling up at my mom as she tucked my blankets tightly around me and asked me what my favorite thing about the day was. I had a different answer every night, but hers was always the same. My dad and I seemed to always be her favorite thing about her day, her night, and her life. I asked her once why she always said the same thing and her answer was simple: “Because God gave me you.” 

“I love you to the moon and back, my bella.”
The sound of my mom’s voice danced through my memory. “
And I love you to the moon, around it a million times, and back again,”
I would say right before we said,
“One, two, three, sweet dreams”
at the same time. Then she would kiss me on the forehead one last time before turning out my lights.

“I’m so lost without you.” I wept myself to sleep.

* * * * *

“Are you kidding me?” The slamming of my bedroom door jolted me awake. “You better be practicing your meditation.” Erin glared at me.

“What time is it?”

“Almost noon,” She snapped.

“Why are you here so early?”

“Because I felt bad for leaving instead of helping you, so please tell me, my good faith of
leaving shopping for you
effort wasn’t for nothing.”

“You’re good faith effort wasn’t for nothing.” I cracked my neck. 

“But you haven’t done anything?”

“Sure I did. I put all the books that were on top of my desk in the box next to it.”

“Your dad’s going to kill you.”

“He would have killed me, but now I have you to help me.” I grinned.

“Nope, you had your chance to do what you needed to do. Now we do what I want to do.” She pulled me out of bed.

“I thought you came to help me.”

“That was before I found you sleeping our precious time away,” she replied. “Now all I want is to girl you up for Italy.”

“Girl me up? I’m afraid to ask.” I cringed.

“Then don’t. Just go get ready.” She flopped down on my bed and turned on the TV.

“Fine, but just so you know. I’m going to blame you for my room.”

“I figured as much.” She glared at me.

It usually doesn’t take me long to get ready since I still don’t wear makeup, and there’s not much to pulling my hair up into a pony tail. Erin has been trying for years
“to girl me up,” but I’ve never been one to really care what other people thought of me, and my mom always said my face was too beautiful to cover it up with makeup, so I never have.

“I can’t believe I forgot how pitiful you were about Geoff Mann.” Erin opened the door. “Please tell me you’ve never actually kissed any of his posters.”

“That is private.” I grabbed my journal.

“Oh my Lord, you did, didn’t you?” She started laughing.

“I plead the fifth.”

“Oh man, and I thought the part with the push-up bra was bad.” She laughed harder.

“I’m glad my personal and very private journal could entertain you.” I pushed past her.

“Me too; I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.”

“One more comment and I stay home.” I glared at her.

“Sorry, I’m done,” she said, still giggling.

For the remainder of the afternoon, I allowed Erin to somewhat girl me up. Eventually, I had to draw the line somewhere, and it just happened to be when she pleaded for me to try on a bandanna for a shirt. She tried it on just to prove it was a real shirt, but it didn’t matter. A bikini covered up more than it did. Of course, she still bought it in hopes I would have a change of sanity, and since I ended up crushing a small part of her turn-Sophie-into-a-swan dream, I gave in and let someone at the Macy’s makeup department do a small makeover on me.

“Wow, you look amazing!” Erin smiled once my makeover was done.

“Is my face supposed to be this itchy?”

“Don’t touch it.” She grabbed my hand
, before I could scratch my nose. “It will stop once you get used to it.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.”

“You’re my best friend; of course you will.” She smiled. “Let’s take a picture.”

“You know I hate pictures.” I blocked her.

“Sophie, you never know when you’re making your last memory with someone, so you better get used to having your picture taken, because I’m going to start making every moment in my life count.” She moved behind me and I made a horrible face just for this special moment. Sadly, she was right. I just wish I realized that when my mom was alive.

“Nice, Sophie.” she rolled her eyes. “This is going on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…”

“Great, maybe after you’re done cyber-freaking me all over the internet, we can grab something to eat?”

“Yes, and afterwards we’ll stop by my house to grab my clothes, head to your house to finish getting ready, and then off to our farewell party that everyone knows is going to be epic,” she said without looking up from her phone.

“I’m so excited, I can hardly contain myself.”

“Please indulge me and at least pretend you’re a little excited?”

“Yea, PARTY!”  I shouted.

“That’s better.” She smirked.

When we arrived at the party, it was exactly the way I thought it was going to be. The music was so loud I could hardly hear my own thoughts, and drunken teenagers were falling all
over the place. This was exact the reason why I hated parties. I’ve never been into making myself look like an idiot for other people’s entertainment.  I looked around for the perfect place to take up residency for the night. It didn’t take long for me to push my way through the crowd and find a somewhat quiet area in the backyard. I managed to hide for a couple of hours before I saw Chris Stuart making his way towards me. He was definitely the last person I felt like dealing with tonight. The poor guy has been asking me out since seventh grade, and we used to be friends until I figured out that he didn’t have the word
no
in his vocabulary.

“There you are.” He sat next to me.

“Hi, Chris.”

“I brought you a drink.” He handed me a cup.

“I still don’t drink.”

“I know. It’s only soda.” He smiled.

“Well, in that case, thank you.”

“So I hear you and Erin are heading out for the summer.”

“Yeah, we leave in a couple of days.”

“Well, I know at least one person who is going to miss you.”

“I don’t think my dad will miss me that much, since he’s never home.”

“Ouch.” He recoiled, grabbing at his chest.

“Oh, you meant you.” I smiled.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well, you know me—not the brightest one in the bunch.”

“Will you write to me?” he asked.

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“Maybe I’ll send you a postcard.”

“One day, Sophie Watters, you’ll realize we are meant for each other,” he said.

I didn’t respond since I knew this conversation had just turned down a road I still didn’t plan on going down with him.

“I should go find Erin.” I stood up, breaking the awkwardness of the moment.

“Tell her goodbye for me.”

“I will. Have a good summer.” I walked away before he could say anything else.

I spent the next hour searching the entire house for Erin, only to find her bent over in the driver’s seat of her car.

“What happened?”

“Adam broke up with me!” she cried.

“Again. Exactly how many times is that now?”

“A little sympathy, please,” she said with tears rolling down her face.

“Sorry. Why did he break up this time?”

“Sophie!” she shouted.

“Why don’t you tell me all about it while I drive home
?”

I was more than happy when she agreed, since it meant we were leaving and I didn’t feel like sitting in the driveway all night while she told me why she and Adam had broken up for the hundredth time.

“So what happened?” I asked, once we started driving.

“He said that he didn’t want to be tied down to someone who wasn’t going to here,” she started. “Can you believe that? I stuck by him the whole week he was gone for spring break, and now he won’t stay with me because I’m going to be gone just a few weeks longer than he was.”

“Erin, we’re going to be gone for eight weeks,” I reminded her.

“I know that, but he doesn’t.”

“You didn’t tell him how long you were going to be gone?”

“No, I did. I just took off a few weeks.”

“So you lied.”

“I wouldn’t call it lying. I just didn’t tell him the whole truth.”

“That would be lying.”

“Not if he doesn’t know I was lying.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it anyways. You’re probably going to meet someone in Italy.”

“Yeah, I know I will. It’s just the point.”

I listened to her the rest of the way home, trashing Adam and trying to convince both of us that he didn’t deserve her. Something I already knew.

* * * * *

My heart sank when we drove up to my dark and very lonely looking house. Even though I knew my dad wasn’t due home until morning, a little part of me was hoping I would see his car in the driveway, and there would be at least one light on when I got home. This would be my first night alone in the house since my mom died.

My Aunt Jackie had moved in as soon as we got back from our last trip to Italy and never left. It wasn’t like she had much of a choice, given my dad’s decision to take on longer flights, making our time together go from two weeks a month to every other weekend, and that’s if I was lucky. And as my luck keeps going, she went back to New Hampshire early this morning.

“Do you want to stay over?” I asked, praying Erin would say yes.

“I would, but I still have a lot of packing to do.”

“Yeah, so do I.” I tried hiding my disappointment.

“I will if you want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I got out of the car.

“Really, Sophie, I don’t mind staying if you need me.”

“I know, but if you stay, I won’t get my room done.” I gave her an out.

“Okay, but promise to call if you need me.”

“I promise.” I smiled and waved goodbye as she backed out of the driveway.

After making sure the house was safely locked, and all the alarms were on, I headed upstairs to hopefully finish what I started.

“Hopeless.” I rolled my eyes at the mess in my room. Making the decision that sleep was more important than packing a room that would still be here when I returned from Italy; I spent the time scrubbing my face and teeth before heading to bed.

After h
uddling down deep into my covers, I grabbed my journal off the side table and put it under my pillow. As I lay there staring into the darkness of the room, I couldn’t help going back to a time in my life when I was happy, and I found myself wishing I kept up with my journal after losing my mom. No matter how hard I try to remember everything about her, it’s hard to remember the little things I took for granted. Like the sound of her laugh, or the way my name sounded whenever she said it. It’s the simple things I can’t remember that I find myself missing the most.

With the help of my now uncontrollable tears, it didn’t take long for me to fall asleep.