Wrong Kind of Love (16 page)

Here’s
the run down. I lived with Aiden in a pretty nice two-bedroom apartment out in Tuscon, Arizona. For two long years I sat around thinking about Caden Harper. And maybe a little about Jaden Harper. Aiden tried very hard to get me to date someone down there but my brain and heart wouldn’t let the twins go. Aiden finally got tired of it and shipped me back. He figured after two years, Daniel wouldn’t be here looking for us.

I made sure to stop by my dads to check. Aiden was right, Daniel hadn’t been spotted in the two years since we left. Aiden stayed in Arizona and is dating a very nice young man. I’m going to miss him but I wish him the best. I just couldn’t stay away any longer.

My life there was empty and boring. Nothing could make me forget the twins and while I shouldn’t base my life around a guy or two, I just couldn’t let go. So here I am sitting outside Declan’s house and wondering why in the hell I even came here.

Caden is seriously pissed off. I don’t blame him. I’m pretty sure I fucked up our entire relationship. I wish I could say I didn’t want to sleep with Jaden, but unlike the first time with Caden, I was completely sober. I knew what I was doing.
I’ve hurt him with doing that and I don’t know what to do to forgive myself. Or for him to forgive me.

I start to feel weird about sitting outside
, so I walk back into Declan’s house. I haven’t been in here since the party I meet Caden at. So I have no idea what room is his. I slowly walk up the stairs, my hand trailing on the rail. My shoes don’t make any noise as I walk along the carpeted floor.

I start opening doors until I find the one I know is Caden’s.
It’s not hard to figure out. There is paint all on the blue carpet. Plus there is an easel with a half painted canvas sitting in the middle of the floor.

The bed is pushed up against the left wall and there is a huge
TV and entertainment center on the right wall. When I see the PlayStation 3 I think I nearly faint. Losing myself in a game right now is exactly what I need.

I don’t even fight it as I find myself turn
ing on the console and picking up the controller sitting on top. I go through his games and I’m pleasantly surprised to find he has amazing tastes. Fallout 3, Borderlands, all three God of War’s, Bioshock, and something I haven’t even gotten to play yet. Borderlands 2!

I quickly pop in Borderlands 2 and go sit on the bed,
Indian style. When Short Change Hero by The Heavy starts playing I feel excitement course through my body. Borderlands had an awesome opening and Borderlands 2 is even better.

When I pick my character and start playing I get lost in what I’m doing.
Killing bandits and bullymongs has a way of making me feel at peace. I love gaming that much. To be someone else for a little while, mostly someone who has bigger problems then I do. Like an evil dictator with a mask for a face. Or having to move an entire town with my special siren abilities.

I’ve never been able to explain it to anyone else the way playing games makes me feel. If I had a choice I would do this for the rest of my life. I’ve heard of gamers who get to test out the games before they are released. I would love to do that. It has always been my dream job.

I don’t know how much time has passed before Caden drags his tired body in his bedroom. He does a double take when he sees me sitting on his bed playing video games. “I would never have guessed you were a gamer.” He says walking over to sit beside me.

I give him an impish grin and pause the game. “I have always been a gamer. Life got way to
o hard for a while so I escaped to another world. My problems couldn’t reach me when I was playing. Hell they can’t reach me right now.”

He smiles softly at me. “I know what you mean. That’s painting for me. Except I could make whatever I want to. The canvas is a new world and I can paint anything I want. It
’s freeing and relaxing.” He lays back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. “I also like to nerd it up on the PS3 whenever I have the chance.”

I nod my head. I get what he is saying. We have that much in common. “You have an amazing collection. I haven’t gotten to play Borderlands 2 before. Borderlands is my favorite game ever.”

He smirks looking over at me. “Borderlands is pretty sick. I’m more of a God of War guy though. Marcus likes two player games so I picked up Borderlands to play with him.”

“I’ve never played two players on it.” I pause looking away from him.

The tension from earlier is still between us, but I can tell he doesn’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore either. It seems pointless. I don’t know what I want from either twin but I do know it makes me feel amazing to even be spending time with Caden.

He sits up and uses his left hand to bring my face towards his. “Never had someone to play with before?” he asks softly.

I shake my head. “Aiden played with me when I was younger but he out grew games.” I shrug trying to turn my head but Caden doesn’t let me.

“Why don’t you play with me? It
’s more fun with two players…I promise.” And suddenly I don’t think he is talking about the video game.

“Okay.” I tell him quickly getting out of reach and picking up the second controller. I hand it to him and sit on the floor. Caden surprises me when he grabs me under the arms and pulls me up on the bed. I let out a squeak and smack him on the chest.

“You gotta stay up here. I need you close to me.” He says right next to my ear. My body shivers making me feel awful. That’s Caden for you though; he could never go five seconds without touching me. Even when he’s mad at me, he has to have me in touch range. Though I think he’s more then mad. I think he is beyond pissed with a butt load of angry.

“Okay. But you have to stay on that side of the bed.” I point at the other side, trying to get him away from my body.
I want to spend time with him and enjoy what I can. I don’t want to end up sleeping with him, which will happen if we touch for too long. I have so much shit to clear up before I can let myself do that.

“Why?” he whispers not moving an inch.

“Because everyone still thinks I’m with your brother.” I state and it’s like a cold bucket of water has been poured over him. He blinks and then moves away from me. When he is sitting at the other end of the bed I let go of the breath I didn’t know I had been holding. Cassidy is the first person I saw when I got back. I was shocked to find out I went off to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader AND I was in a long distance relationship with Jaden. Yeah I have a few choice words for Jaden.

We talk but mostly about the game. We say what part
s we like and what parts we don’t like. We laugh and I find I don’t laugh much anymore. I don’t think I ever really laughed much before I came to hide away in Arkansas. Caden seems to bring the laughter out of me.

When my eyes start to get heavy I lay on my side with my feet propped up in
Caden’s lap. It’s not long before I’m passed out cold.

The next morning when I wake up, it
’s because my phone is going off. The ringing just goes on and on. I groan before reaching over to my nightstand to answer the stupid thing. My hand hits wall and I shoot straight up in bed. My movements knock off Caden’s arm, which was around my waist. I hold in my screech.

Why does it seem like I
can’t get far enough away from him? Why do I always end right back here? Is life telling me something? I can’t be here. Damn it why do I keep doing this to myself? I spent two years away from him and now he’s right back where he started. The center of my attention.

“Turn it off and stay in bed with me all day.” Caden says sleep clouding his voice.

I groan again jumping up from the bed and reaching my phone. Jaden’s name flashes across the screen but I ignore him and turn it off. There will be a time and place for Jaden Harper to get his. And that will not be over the phone. You cant smack the stupid off of someone over the phone. “You know I can’t, Caden.”

“Yes you can. You want to be here with me. And I
don’t want you to ever leave.” He is sitting up now looking all sleepy and messy. His blond hair is tossed all over the place giving him a roguish look. His clothes are wrinkled and he doesn’t have on any socks.

I close my eyes. Those are words I didn’t know I
longed to hear. Those are words I never wanted to hear. Why does he keep doing this to me? I spent years and months forgetting him because we don’t belong together. It’s wrong what we have. “Just shut up. Okay? Please.” I say barely above a whisper.

He gets up off the bed and is in my face before I can say sex appeal. “Why? Because you want me but don’t want to? How is that my problem? I think about you all day long. I dream about you at night. You are
everything to me and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t see you with my brother and I can’t move on.” His hands land on his hips and he eyes narrow at me. “I have tried so hard to move on, Kayla. You can’t even imagine. Life seemed to move in slow motion without you. I’ve spent the past two years wishing I didn’t fucking know you, yet wishing you were with me. Not Jaden. It fucking kills me every time I saw you together. Kills. Me.” He says his anger rising up in his voice.

“We
tried to work out! But I can’t fucking handle you. You are too much for me, Caden. You are so wrong for me it’s not even funny.” I spit out turning on my heel.

He doesn’t let me get far before he pulls me against his chest. “You
can take that and shove it up your ass. We are fucking perfect for each other. The way you fit me when we fuck, is unfucking real. You aren’t really Grace, so therefore you are exactly what I want, need.” His nose trails down my jaw and my hands fist into the sides of his t-shirt. “I’m done watching you from afar. I’m done letting you pretend to be happy with Jaden. I will fuck up my entire life to be with you, Kayla. You are mine. I’ve told you this before but this time I’m reinforcing it. You walked away two years ago, I get that I really do. You were scared for your life, but you’re here now. I’m not going to just let you walk out that door. I have to fight for you.”

When his lips connect with mine I don’t think
, I open my mouth and let him in. His taste is so familiar yet not. His body is something I know from front to back, yet it’s not. “I love you, Kayla. I love you so much it hurts. You hurt me when you left. You hurt me when you fucked my brother. But you’re back now, this is our second chance. Be with me. Please. If I have to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I can take care of you, I will. You are my whole world, you have been since that first night.” He wraps his arms around my waist as tight as possible without pain. His face is buried in my neck and I just start crying. Crying for everything I want and can’t have. I can’t keep doing this to him, to myself, to Jaden. “I felt something that night. It changed me, it made me different. You are it for me, the end, the beginning. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”

My hands fist into his hair and I feel my entire body shake from my tears. “We can
’t, Caden. It’s not right. You make me someone I don’t want to be. It’s bad for my health. I’ve told you this all before! I can’t keep doing this. I’ll scream it at the top of my lungs until the day I die! Stay away from me please. Please Caden just let me be.” I yell at him and step out of his arms.

His
chest is heaving up and down and I know he’s pissed off. “You aren’t happy! Why would you give up your life and happiness? I understand wanting to protect your brother and yourself, but it’s not that bad. Being with me won’t bring your step-dad back here. And I would protect you anyway. If you think I would let anyone hurt you then you are fucking stupid.” He quickly kisses me on the cheek and heads for the door. “You think on that, Kayla. You think hard and long about what you really want because I’m not going to let you win. You don’t want Jaden and the life he can offer you. And if I thought for one second that’s what you really wanted then I would let you have it. But you don’t.” he stops before looking up and meeting my eyes. His light blue eyes pierce me with their intensity. “You want me.”

I’m that guy. The one who falls in love with the w
rong girl who also happens to have been with my twin brother. And I can’t help but wonder what happened with said brother. We used to be close once. Like really close and it has me all in knots. I miss the Jaden I knew when we were kids. The one who would do anything to protect Teagan and me. That kid doesn’t exist anymore. Now all Jaden is worried about is saving face and getting into the NFL.

There are more important things in life. I know
he’s a good football player, but it’s gotten to the point over the last couple of years, he doesn’t care about anything but football. I realize what happened with Ava was fucked, but he didn’t have to drown in football. I would have been there for him. I would have saved him from himself.

I know we are both messed up over this girl,
but I can’t fucking help it. Kayla’s spit fire attitude, the angelic face, the way she carries herself with such confidence, I want it. I want to surround myself with her. I want to be everything for her, with her. It’s hard to just sit back and watch her be with my brother. I know she wants me and I’m sick of letting her slip by me. I’m going to do the one thing I never thought I would do. I’m going to disregard everyone else’s feelings and go after her.

I have spent my life
doing everything I could for everyone else. Hell, I did so much for Jaden and have never been thanked for it.

She was gone for two fucking years and the second she showed back up, my love for her was even stronger. I don’t know why and I don’t honestly care. Yeah don’t get me
wrong; I’m still so unbelievably pissed. She did some messed up things to me and everyone who cares about her here. But who would I be to say I loved her and then never forgive her? That’s what love is, to be able to forgive them anything. Well maybe not anything, but she didn’t do anything that was that unforgivable.

It might take me months or years to actually forgive her but I plan working on it. My entire body just wants to be with her. My heart just wants to be with her. She was gone for two years and I still wanted to be with her, each and every day. I wanted to find her but I didn’t know how.
I longed for her, wished for her. Then like a ghost she just appeared. There she was and it was like my entire life was complete again. Yeah we have a lot of shit to work through, but that’s also what love is, getting through all the crap.

If you had asked me three years ago if Ava was everything I wanted, I would have told you yes. Today though, today my answer would be no. I thought I wanted my entire life to be devoted to football and Ava. Then a certain Grace Breadfield walked into my life.

I’ll admit she threw me for a loop. The sweet naïve girl I thought she was, wouldn’t have been with Caden. This had me intrigued. I thought she was one person but she sometimes acted like someone else. She was this huge mystery and well, I love mysteries.

So I did what I do best, I got into her business. Maybe it was wrong and maybe I knew I didn’t deserve her, but I did it anyways. She just looked so much like Ava I had to have her. Ava will always be the love of my life, but Grace, she comes pretty damn close.

It wasn’t hard to get Aiden/David drunk. It wasn’t hard to start asking him questions and then getting him to answer them. He is gay, and I’m a good-looking guy. I knew he had a crush and I used that against him. I feel bad about it, but the one thing about me that saves me and destroys me is my drive. I get what I want, even if I have to play dirty.

So that is how I find myself opening the door for Grace. I knew she would come to me. I knew she would end up here before long. Whether to punch me, or kiss me, I don’t know. “What a surprise.” I say the second her dark blues meet mine.

“Yeah I’m sure it is.” She replies starkly. She shoulders past me and enters my apartment. In true Grace fashion, she makes herself comfortable on the couch and glares at me. I can only chuckle before joining her on the couch.

“What brings you here?” I ask. I want it to be me. I want it to be her feelings for me that bring her here. I’m a selfish man and I’m very used to getting what I want. And I want Grace.

“I think we need to talk. I don’t really want to talk to you, but I feel as if it’s something that needs to happen.” She rambles looking down at her hands. Sometimes she appears so strong and amazing and other times she appears weak and nervous.

“
I want to know where the hell you’ve been for two years. And I want to know why you left me lying on this very couch naked and alone.” Her entire face flushes and she turns her head away from me. She won’t be able to hide for long.

“Look, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean to lead you on. Everything in my life was falling apart around me. I just wanted to feel close to someone for a little while. I shouldn’t have used you like that.” She pauses and turns her head back towards me. Her eyes meet mine with fire burning through them. “Honestly I shouldn’t have ever been with you. I shouldn’t have been in that relationship because I wasn’t solely with you. My head was all in, my heart wasn’t. I hate to say it to you, but you know. You know how Caden feels about me. And I don’t like what it says about you, that you did something to hurt your brother like that. I get you have to have whatever you want, but
he’s your fucking twin. You pretty much ripped his heart out of his chest. I know I had a bigger rip, but still.”

My heart breaks a little bit more. If I sit and pretend that it doesn’t matter, then I can make myself believe it doesn’t matter. But it does. When you spend your whole life connected at the hip with someone, they deserve better respect then I have shown my brother. But I’m a horrible bastard. “
Caden doesn’t know what he wants. He doesn’t even know how to be in a relationship. You wouldn’t be able to handle him anyway. I’m the easy one. I won’t give you any trouble. And I can take care of you for the rest of your life.”

Grace rolls her eyes before standing. “Look, I don’t know i
f I even want to be with Caden. I do know, I don’t want to be with you.” I feel my face flinch without my permission. Grace doesn’t miss it either. “Look, two years ago, you were what I wanted, what I needed. Now not so much. I’m not a scared seventeen year old anymore. Even if my step-dad found me, he can’t force me to go back. I’m not a minor anymore.

“I’m sorry that I used you to hide behind. I’m sorry I messed with your life like that. But it was either that or live in fear that I would be discovered. Those six months were wonderful. You made
me feel wonderful and cherished. But you never made me feel the way that Caden did. Still does. It’s just not meant to be between us. If I don’t know anything else, I do know that.” She paces back and forth in front of me the whole time.

I feel my hands clinch the side of the couch. I want to go over to Caden’s place and punch him in the face. This is a common emotion when it comes to my brother. We haven’t fought over anything in years, and right now
it’s tearing our family apart. Not that it was ever really together. “Does it not matter what I feel? Does it not matter what you would be doing? You would be tearing apart two brothers. Two twins. Could you live with yourself after that?”

I see her eyes cloud over with fire. And that’s when her index finger gets rammed into my chest. Hard. “You look here
, Jaden Vincent Harper, if anyone came between you and your twin, it was you. You’re the one who said you’d stay away from me. He agreed and he actually did what he said he would, until you went back on your word. Then I was fair game. I might have a made few mistake along the way, but I damn sure know it was you who started it. You and me, we have done some fucked up shit to Caden. I’m going to live with it for the rest of my life, but you will sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. That’s how you work.”

Her words cut me like knives. Mak
ing me feel ashamed of myself. Ever since Ava was no longer in my life, everything around me fell apart. I was a mess and I didn’t care who I hurt. “Yeah but you’re the one who fucked his twin brother after he confessed his love.”

Her hand comes out and slaps the shit out of me. Then her damn finger is poking me in the chest again. “I want you to understand something
, Jaden. I understand that you are hurting. You think you let it go, you think you’re over it. But you aren’t. You are so fucked up on the inside, you don’t even know what you’re doing. You are going to ruin every single relationship that you have. And your twin brother should be the one you cling to the most. Quit hurting him.”

“You wouldn’t know the first thing about my pain. About how much I hurt. You don’t know anything!” I scream right in her face.

“I don’t know your brand of pain, you’re right on that. I do know what its like to long for that someone. That someone you love with all your heart. That someone who makes you get up in the morning. I understand why you lash out. I understand why you go do what you do. But I’m here to tell you that you need to stop. Either you get over it, or you go and get her to remember you. I don’t care. I only care about you leaving me alone. We will never be together. We will never have anything. My heart belongs to someone else. And I’m sorry I drug you through this.”

“Leave.” I say barely above a whisper.